Chapter 9: Lost and Found Love

*Hastings Residence- three days later*

Toby's POV

I watched the girl I love as she sat beside me, well not right next to me, Spencer was on the other end of the couch but that was as close as she would get to me without hyper ventilating.

We used to be inseparable, we'd tell each other everything when the time was right but now I feel like there's this dark cloud hanging over our relationship, that my Spencer was in danger and it was up to me to save her but I didn't know how.

I needed this evil to be someone I could hurt, someone I could hunt down and kill for harming Spencer but even though I knew that Charles Dilaurentis was the demon I sought, it became apparent that the demons troubling Spencer were all trapped in her mind. That ironic realisation caused a perpetual state of ineptness to cloud over me as I failed to thrive in my reason for becoming a police officer.

Usually when Spencer was this tense I'd suggest a nice soak in her family's Jacuzzi or for us to frolic around in her family's pool but she refused to go near any large bodies of water since she returned from the dollhouse.

Now that Mona had clued me in on Spencer's new found phobia, I replayed the last few weeks in my head and mentally cringed when I had suggested either of those activities in an attempt to soothe my girlfriend. One incident in particular stood out, and I mentally slapped myself as the scene unfolded before my eyes

*Flash Back- a week ago*

Spencer had been home for close to three days but she still acted like she was in captivity. She refused to look anyone, especially me, in the eye, she cringed every time someone got too close to her...This particular quirk disturbed her parents and Melissa to no end. The Hastings family had kept Spencer at arm's length for years but now when all they wanted was to hold her close, least she vanish once again, Spencer remained distant and aloof.

I was most troubled by the fact that I couldn't hold Spencer in my arms and comfort her, when I touched her she'd move away..terrified of the feeling of another being against her...terrified of her surroundings and if I wasn't aware of the dollhouse incident I would have believed that she was terrified of me, but my love for her had reassured me otherwise.

I walked to my beloved who was curled up in Melissa's bed, scruffily dressed in some pyjamas that I had seen her dress into a few days before. Deciding to soothe her, and at the time unaware of her phobias, I decided to draw her a soothing bath which I would then join in on thinking that I could help her in a tried and trusted way.

Before the dollhouse, Spencer and I had no qualms about taking baths together, we found it relaxing...she would read a book and I would read it over her shoulders while I massaged her tension away, but now standing behind her as we approached the Hastings' ivory cast regal bathtub I could tell that it was a horrible idea.

I had set quite the romantic scene, lit a few candles, scattered a few rose petals and water filled the tub was tinged with Spencer's favourite lavender scented bath oils. But where Spencer would have sighed in anticipation filled relief, Spencer was visibly shaking. She turned to me in panic, her eyes never meeting mine since it never moved from the cleft of my chin. My heart broke as I watched the mightiest person I know flinch and quake with fear. I pulled her into my embrace, an act which caused her to struggle momentarily but she immediately relaxed when she inhaled the woody scent of my cologne.

I held her tight against me as I ran my hand through her chocolate tresses, attempting to soothe her as she shook in my arms

Toby: "Spencer...baby...it's okay...I'll be with you...It'll be like old times...it's just a bath..."

My words caused her to burrow further into my arms and had I known then what Spencer had gone through I would have never suggested it. Feeling her panicked breath and terrified embrace deepen, I had sighed before I lifted her off her feet and carried her away from the tub. Soon we found ourselves standing in the Hastings' steam shower as I slowly undressed myself and then Spencer. Once the water cascaded down our bodies, I tenderly kissed every inch of skin I could find, hoping to heal her scars and wounds with my love and lips. I caught quick glances at her and my heart leapt as I watched her aroused expression. Usually I'd hear her moan in pleasure about now but Spencer had yet to make a sound since she was rescued.

I was painfully aroused but knowing my girlfriend's fragile state, I controlled myself as she pushed closer to me. She kissed my neck gingerly, ran her hands through my hair as she gyrated against me. Naturally my body responded to her and lust filled my voice when I breathily let out

Toby: "Spencer..."

One word, her very name was enough to cause a hysterical panic to overcome her in seconds I felt her roughly shove me away from her. While I struggled to maintain my balance on the slippery tiles of shower floor Spencer had managed to crawl into the corner of the shower, where she curled up, knees against her chest, arms hugging her body as she rocked herself back and forth. I called her name once more and my heart sank when I saw her flinch

'She's terrified of her own name...what did he do? What did Charles do to you baby? What could that sick monster of done that was horrifying enough to break you? I need you Spencer... I need to see you smile again, to hear your voice... I need to help you, I need to protect you...I need...I need...you...I need my Spencer...just as you need me...'

Realising that she wasn't about to respond positively to my presence, I shut the water off and hurriedly dried and dressed myself. I rushed out of the shower in search of Melissa or Mrs Hastings hoping that a feminine presence would help pull Spencer out of whatever nightmare she was currently trapped in. I bumped into Melissa and my desperate expression caused her to silently follow me as I lead her to her trembling sister. Had Spencer been well or in the right frame of mind, I'd cherish the sight of the love Melissa had for her younger sibling but my heart broke when I realised that in this moment, Spencer couldn't appreciate how much her sister loved her, Melissa had waited too long to show her love for her sibling and now Spencer might never be able to reciprocate it.

I watched Melissa coax Spencer out of the corner, I watched as Melissa dried her off and dressed her, an action I'm sure Melissa never performed before since Spencer was stubbornly independent. Melissa's soft gasps and cries at the sight of Spencer's bruises caused a lump to form in my throat and I vowed in that moment to never allow Spencer to be hurt again.

*End Flash Back*

I felt like such an idiot then, but slowly I learnt how to handle Spencer's episodes. When she became trapped in her own mind everyone quickly learnt never to call her by her name, that it was better to keep talking to her as you slowly approached her to acclimate her to your presence before you took her into your arms and that if she fights against you after all that simply let go of her and allow her to cry as she tires herself out. It wasn't an efficient system, but Spencer refused to see a therapist or counsellor so for now, it would have to do.

But during her lucid moments, Spencer was ever the protector of her friends and family.

*No One's POV- Two days ago*

It was nine in the evening and Melissa was making dinner when the lights tripped. Spencer was seated on the couch in front of the fire place, the warm glowing embers giving her enough light to enjoy the book she was engrossed in but the moment she heard Melissa swear angrily she noticed that the house was plunged into darkness. Soon Spencer was by Melissa's side with her phone flashlight switched on. The two sisters had made their way down to the basement were the circuit breaker was located. Melissa had found the fuse box and began fiddling with the levers and switches, hoping that something would turn the lights back on. She missed the sound of an electric hum filling the soft air since she was too focused on trying to bring the power back but Spencer had heard it. She dropped her phone as she hurried to protect her sister

She heard the sound on loop for a year whenever Hanna was bad, the electric hum was engrained into her subconscious and the moment she realised what was about to happen, she pulled Melissa's hand away from the box. Just as she got Melissa's hand free the box sparked as the power surged through it and Spencer's skin made contact with an exposed breaker. Melissa watched in horror as Spencer jerked slightly when the jolt of electricity moved through her but the younger Hastings made no sound. Spencer simply pulled her hand away and acted like nothing had happened. She then stared at the box for a few moments, pulled the main lever off, waited a few seconds and then looked around. Silently she picked up her phone, switched the flashlight app on and began searching for something in the various boxes of the Hastings' basement. Melissa watched enthralled, as Spencer found and installed a brand new fuse before she switched the main back on.

Once the house flickered into light, Melissa had snapped out of her trance and rushed over to her sister. Spencer had wordlessly reassured the older girl she was okay, they duo returned to the Hastings' kitchen and had their meal.

*End Flash Back*

When Melissa had told me this story and hour after it had happened she had broken down into inconsolable tears as Spencer slept soundly in their now shared bedroom. The older Hastings' child wept against me as she voiced her anguish. Not knowing how to comfort Melissa, I took her into my arms and I cried with her. I cried over the amount of pain Spencer had gone through during her captivity and I cried when I realised that my Spencer would never fully return to me.

I was lost in my own mind but was slowly pulled out of my thoughts with a small tug of my sleeve. Spencer has turned to look at me and grinned. Before the doll house, I could know and understand her every thought and action without realising it but now I was at a loss. Spencer was happy for some reason and I for one was not about to question it. Soon the loud ding of the kitchen timer filled our ears and I realised why she was blissfully happy.

Toby: "Dinner's ready...and here I thought you were happy cause I'm here..."

Spencer mischievously rolled her eyes and pointed to Pam Fields and Caleb, both of whom were currently fussing about in the Hastings kitchen.

Toby: "So...you love Mrs Fields' lasagne more than me?"

Spencer shook her head "no" just as Caleb caught sight of the bubbling lasagne and shouted out an ecstatic "yes". The situation caused everyone to chuckle happily as Pam Fields gestured for the three teenagers to sit at the Hastings' make-shift dinner table in the Great Room. Veronica, Peter and Melissa Hastings were not joining them this evening so Pam Fields took it upon herself to make dinner for Spencer. Luckily her shift coincided with Toby's that evening so it was decided that once dinner was over Toby and Pam would leave for Rosewood PD's offices while Caleb stayed behind with Spencer until the Hastings came home.

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Caleb's POV

The three teenagers bustled around as they helped Pam Fields carry their dinner to the Table. Toby was wearing the world's ugliest oven mitts while he carried the trivet with the Lasagne out of the oven, Pam Fields was pulling a pitcher of water out of the refrigerator and Caleb was reheating the garlic bread on the stove.

It all happened in tragically slow succession. Just as Toby put down the lasagne, Pam Fields had bumped into Caleb causing the techie to lose his balance and knock aside the pan heating up the garlic bread. Caleb's hand was inches away from making contact with the scalding hot stove plate when Spencer intervened.

She caught Caleb's hand before it hit the plate causing her own to rest against the heated stove top. In a trace-like state of shock, Caleb watched Spencer, expecting the girl to flinch or tear up in pain but nothing of the sort happened. Pam Fields had cried out in shock and Toby had yelled Spencer's name in panic but Caleb and Spencer remained silent as Caleb processed what was happening.

'she's used to it...the heat...Mona said Charles burned her as 'punishment'...she knows how it feels that's why she stopped my hand...she didn't want me to feel that kind of pain...'

Caleb pulled his and Spencer's hands away from the stove as Toby rushed to get a first aid kit, Pam had grabbed Spencer's hand and ran it under some cool water while Toby fished out the antiseptic burn cream. Caleb had stepped back slowly, his eyes never leaving Spencer. The girl hadn't reacted and this caused an anger to stir within Caleb...an anger directed at Charles...at Alison and the entire Dilaurentis family

'Damn you Charles! You better hope I don't kill you for putting Spencer through something like this...she's Hanna's friend and I owe her everything because without her...without her I might've lost Hanna... Spencer needs me, she needs her friends but they don't want to help her because of you! Because of your family! Because of Alison!'

Caleb watched as Pam and Toby tended to Spencer. Once they were satisfied that the injury was properly treated, the group resumed dinner

*Hastings Manor- Later that evening*

Toby and Pam had left an hour ago for Rosewood PD and after a hearty meal, Spencer and Caleb found themselves sitting in front of the Hastings' state of the art television set as Mario Kart loaded on the screen.

The earlier incident in the kitchen was the furthest thing from their minds as both teenagers grabbed their wii remotes, which were embedded in the wii wheel, and they began to play. Caleb played as Luigi while Spencer played as the title character Mario. Soon the two of them were engrossed in an epic video game battle of which Spencer emerged victorious. Caleb couldn't find himself to be sad over his loss when he caught sight of the victorious Cheshire grin adorning Spencer's face. He bumped her playfully, like how he would have done to his sister as she cried out for a rematch.

Spencer, in turn and like any little sister would act towards their elder brother, stuck her tongue out at him playfully as she soundlessly goaded him over his defeat. Their wordless sibling banter continued as they resumed their games and Caleb soon realised that ever since he came back from Ravenswood, Spencer had tried to help him. Whether it was with his relationship with Hanna or when she sided with him against Toby to hide the knife that could implicate them, Spencer had his back, she treated him like family and their platonic relationship caused Caleb to view Spencer as a sister.

As Spencer smirked over her latest victory, Caleb watched her carefully. He could see the darkness that still tinged her gaze, the slight tremor in her movements and the ghosts of various scars that littered her body. Words from Spencer's medical reports like "scorched skin", "Lacerations", "fluid build up" and "fractures" filled his vision as his new found brotherly instincts kicked in.

He clenched his fists in anger, but was pulled out of his daze when he felt Spencer's eyes on him.

Caleb smiled at her when he saw her concerned expression. He sighed deeply before he spoke

Caleb: "How...how do you do it?"

Spencer stared at him confused, to which he continued

Caleb: "Care...you've been through so much...how can you be so concerned about everyone else?"

Spencer shrugged at this

Caleb: "I should be comforting you...I should be concerned about your feelings and here you are making sure I'm okay..."

Caleb felt hot tears spring to his eyes and he sniffed loudly as he quickly attempted to hide his tears.

Caleb: "I could've los-"

He sniffed once again and swallowed thickly before he resumed

Caleb: "lost...I could've lost Hanna..after Ravenswood...in the dollhouse...but you...you made sure she was okay...you kept her safe...without you, I wouldn't have Hanna with me and for that I will never be able to repay you..."

Caleb felt Spencer awkwardly pat his shoulder and he gave her a teary smile. Knowing how hard physical contact with other people was for the lanky brunette after she was rescued from the doll house, Caleb welcomed the awkward pat like a prized achievement.

He looked deep into Spencer's eyes and basked in the reassuring gaze of the youngest Hastings as he continued to speak

Caleb: "...you saved her...when I couldn't...thank you..."

Spencer smiled at him and mouthed 'it's okay', an action that caused Caleb to want nothing more than to hug the broken Hastings' girl and put the pieces of her shattered soul back together again. He was about to act on his impulse when the front door opened and in walked the rest of the Hastings' family. He wiped his eyes quickly and said his goodbyes before he made his way over to the Marin's home. After the evening he had with Spencer, after being reminded of what could have happened to Hanna in his absence, Caleb needed to hold his girlfriend to remind him that she had really returned

'At least I can hold Hanna...I know she came back to me...a part of Spencer will always remain in that place...she will never truly be free of it...'

With that sobering thought he had left the house of Hastings and made his way towards the home of his beloved girlfriend. It took him half an hour to reach the Marin's, not because of traffic but because he needed some time to clear his head.

Mentally exhausted and physically drained, Caleb Rivers made his way into the Marin Household, he wanted nothing more than to hold onto Hanna and never let her go but when he was greeted with the furious cerulean eyes of his blonde girlfriend his heart stopped. He knew he was in trouble merely by Hanna's furious expression, but why he was in trouble was a complete mystery to him.

Hanna cleared her throat and spoke

Hanna: "Where...where were you?"

Seeing Hanna's worry behind her anger, Caleb immediately softened. He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly as she trembled against him.

Caleb placed a chaste kiss to her temple before he responded

Caleb: "I...I was with Spencer..."

The sound of her former friend's name caused a fury to stir within Hanna, she pushed herself out of Caleb's embrace and growled at her boyfriend

Hanna: "WHAT?"

Caleb held his arms up in an attempt to coax Hanna out of her anger but the blonde was terribly upset.

Hanna: "I've been here worrying myself sick for hours...HOURS! I thought 'A' kidnapped you or something! And you were with HER!"

Caleb approached Hanna sceptically, ever since the dollhouse her temper was erratic, her anger was quick and her sense of reasoning was difficult to find but he knew his girlfriend was in there...he knew that Hanna was a kind hearted person, he knew that Hanna could see Spencer suffering and that all he needed was to break her out of Alison's spell.

Caleb: "Spencer...Spencer needed me...she needs you..."

Hanna scoffed and fired back

Hanna: "She's got to you...Spencer got to you...Caleb. Caleb don't you understand! Spencer is working with A! She turned against me! Against us! She doesn't need our help...how can you side with her!"

Caleb: "Hanna...Baby...Spencer's not working with A...she needs you...she needs you girls..."

Hanna huffed indignantly at his words

Hanna: "I refuse to help 'A' Caleb..."

Caleb: "She's NOT A! Just because Alison said..."

Hanna: "at least Alison cares about our safety!"

Caleb growled lowly as he spat

Caleb: "Alison wasn't keeping you safe in there! Spencer was!"

Hanna scoffed at this before she sarcastically quipped

Hanna: "Yeah...then afterwards she and Mona helped 'A' hurt us!"
Caleb: "were you hurt Hanna? tell me did 'A' physically hurt you? No right? Han, Baby...I know that deep down you don't believe Alison's story...I know that on some level you can see the truth...Hanna... please..."

Hanna: "NO! No Caleb! I need you...I need you here! Spencer can go to hell for all I care! I don't give a damn about the truth right now! All I need is you to be there for me and tonight...tonight when I needed you, you were off comforting Spencer!"

Caleb sighed at this and caught the sight of Ashley Marin standing at the top of the stairs. He looked at the woman pleadingly, both of them knowing how stubborn Hanna was and how badly Spencer needed her friends and family so they nonverbally came up with a solution. Ashley came down the stairs and addressed her daughter

Ashley: "Han...sweety, it's late and you need to take your medication..."

Caleb watched as Hanna huffed and angrily walked away from their incomplete argument, but he was grateful to the older Marin for distracting Hanna before he said something he would regret.

Ashley turned to Caleb and said

Ashley: "Caleb...I know that Spencer needs us...that she needs Hanna, but right now, Hanna's in this place where I feel like if we push her too hard she'll react negatively and lash out at Spencer... and I don't want to make Spencer's condition worse... I may be Hanna's mother and you may be her boyfriend but we can both agree that in this situation, Hanna is not priority...Spencer is...so for Spencer's sake, you stay with Hanna, try and convince Hanna of Spencer's innocence slowly...she'll listen to you eventually Caleb, she always does...I'll...I'll be there for Spencer...Hanna keeps pushing me away when I'm with her anyway..."

Caleb: "No...Hanna needs her mother...you can't leave her..."

Suddenly Ashley Marin broke down into painful sobs. The sight of his girlfriend's mother crying caused Caleb to rush to her side and comfort her. Both of them were completely unaware of Hanna's presence at the top of the stairs, the blonde watching her boyfriend and mother converse.

Ashley sobbed loudly against Caleb's shoulder as she spoke

Ashley: "She's my daughter...I couldn't protect her...I failed her...when she needed me I failed her!"

Caleb began rubbing Ashley's arm soothingly in an attempt to calm the woman but to no avail

Ashley: "I failed her...but Spencer didn't...Spencer saved Hanna and for that I am grateful...I can never repay Spencer for what she did...Ella, Pam and I...we all know that we owe Spencer everything...I spoke with Leona Vanderwall last night...she told me that she's never felt so helpless or guilty before, all of us decided that we need to be there to support Veronica but I can't abandon Spencer...none of us can leave Spencer alone..."

Ashley began sobbing heavily as she continued

Ashley: "I'm torn Caleb...I need to comfort my Hanna but I also need to repay my debt to Spencer..."

Caleb sighed in defeat as Ashley spoke, he understood her dilemma very well and could offer no proper words of comfort or solution

Ashley: "Ella, Pam and I tried to talk to the girls...but they won't listen...has Alison warped their minds so much that she's taken our girls away from us? How can Hanna not see that her friend is suffering? How can she not care?"

As the scene continued below, Hanna Marin wiped away a stray tear staining her cheek. The truth was before her eyes but it was easier to believe the lie. Guilt, anger and hatred clouded her vision as she walked to her room, leaving her mother and Caleb to speak alone. Her mind swimming with one paralysing thought

'Am I wrong?"