Chapter 10

Perfect… fucking perfect.

What had started out as an almost perfect day had somehow managed to turn into a cheap imitation of a depressing one. Even the fucking sun had gone out and hid like a freaking coward behind those black clouds.

My head pounded badly, my body ached and I was frustrated as hell. I started to believe that's what depression felt like. Like shit. I didn't want to go ahead and admit I was depresed. Let me be clear I wasn't sad Sasuke had left, I wasn't going to miss him, this whole issue wasn't not about HIM, it was about me. It was about the fact that I had spent year doing something that went by completely unappreciated. I felt betrayed, all my effort was worth nothing, if anything I felt even more betrayed by Gaara than Tsunade. He took my mission away with him and to be honest yes, Sasuke was proof of my mission, or at least what was left of it.

Anyway, I made my way to the old training grounds; good place to be alone, blow off some steam, practice and get my mind out of stupid pointless thoughts. I didn't like the idea of running into someone and beating them up just because, I had already too much shit on me to handle the complaints that would come with it, so there was no better place than here… Alone.

These areas weren't used for training as much anymore, they had been slowly replaced over the years with more modern facilities, or at least that's what they claimed to be. Only a couple of training grounds were left as they once were, but time had taken a toll and these areas began to look abandoned. People usually only came here for sparring (if all the other ones were all being used), to have sex and sometimes even picnics. Except for training ground 44, that one no one dared to touch.

My destination was the third training ground though. Back to the place where it all started. Heh seeking comfort in the past, how pathetic, but then again I wasn't hurt, right? Right.

Getting there was a real experience. How can I explain this? It was sort of like finding one of your most treasured childhood books behind a old dresser, although ripped, dirty and halfway gone, it still held countless memories and a bit of comfort. Embarrassing as it may sound I stopped for a moment to recover my breath and sanity.

The grass was tall now, making the ground barely visible, some trees looked seriously damaged and if I somehow believed in the supernatural I could've sworn there were uneasy spirits haunting this place, but then again I didn't, and those uneasy spirits were just probably my troubled thoughts and old memories… or so I hoped.

Those old days seemed lost now, like a dream one barely remembers. I couldn't understand though… Why can't things go back to how they were before? Why the fuck did everyone keep messing stuff up? Everything had been perfect a few months ago, nothing was going wrong, but one stupid decision made by that stupid son of a bitch ruined everything for me. Is it really so fucking hard to just fucking like everybody else? Why is it so hard for him to be fucking normal? At least HE WAS born with the opportunity to be fucking normal, and what does he do? He fucks it up, of course.

What had been bothering me for days now was that Sasuke never thought of the consequences of his actions, not when he fled the village with Orochimaru, not when he killed Itachi, not when he joined the Akatsuki, not when he tried to kill Sakura, not any fucking time. He never thought that his actions hurt those who actually worried about him and if he did, he probably didn't care, he never cared for anyone. Especially not now, he never thought about how his decision would affect us… or me. He wasn't thinking of anyone more than himself and that pissed me off more than anything. I was his friend, I was the one who gets the collateral damage and yet, he didn't give a shit when he took that decision.

Well fuck him. I didn't need him.

As more thoughts came racing through my mind, my heart began pumping violently and blood boiled in my veins; my vision became blurred from rage and I started to move between the trees, punching everything that stood in my way, throwing kunai at anything that moved, screaming at the top of my lungs… just letting go. Blowing off steam.

I don't know for how long I kept that up, but when I finally stopped to catch my breath, the moon shined in the pitch black sky and every part of my body ached. My hands were shaking uncontrollably and sweat dripped nonstop from my face. I tried wiping it off, but it keep falling and falling and I couldn't stop it… that's when I realized it was coming from my eyes, and it wasn't sweat.

Tears? Perfect, just fucking perfect.

I didn't remember the last time I cried… I think it was when Ero-sennin passed away. I wondered if this was a way of my brain telling me that Sasuke was considered to be dead now. I couldn't find any other explanation to that empty feeling in my chest.

"It's sometimes hard to realize that some things are actually more important than what we give them credit to be." There on top of the tree I leaned onto was Kakashi sitting on a branch, face hidden between the pages of his dirty book.