Listening to: "All Eyez on Me" Full Album by 2Pac

Featured song: "Uptown Girl" by Billy Joel

Warning: panic attack and near death mention

July 6th, 2014

Steve is sitting in his room alone reading (Bucky spent the night again, but Sam stole him away earlier so they could go to a shooting range in Berlin, Maryland to test the other's skills) when Natasha lets herself in to Steve's room, climbing onto the bed and settling next to him. Steve looks over at her with a raised eyebrow, taking note of her pinched expression and slight frown.

Natasha looks down at the blankets and clenches the fabric between her fists. "I really hope these sheets have been changed," she says after a moment.

"Yeah, the housekeepers came in while Bucky and I were having lunch," Steve confirms. He marks his page and sets his book aside, giving his friend his full attention. "Is everything okay?"

Natasha worries her lower lip between her teeth, closing her eyes and resting her head against the wall. "No," she says, voice breaking as though she's going to cry any second.

Steve is immediately on alert for Natasha rarely sounds like this. "Hey, he says gently. "You know you can tell me anything."

"I know," she says. Nat opens her eyes and turns her head so she can look Steve directly in the eye. "Steve . . . I think I'm pregnant."

Steve's eyebrows fly to his hairline in surprise. "Are you sure?"

"Not entirely," she answers. "But my period was supposed to come this week, and before you ask, it's always on time."

"Have you and Sam been using condoms?"

Natasha nods. "I think it might have broken though." She pauses. "There was one day where I thought it seemed lighter than usual when I threw it away, but I dismissed it as my imagination." Natasha lets out a shaky breath and presses the heels of her hands against her eyes.

"Do you have Sam's keys?"

Natasha lowers her hands and looks at Steve in confusion. "Yeah. Why?"

"Because I'm going to take you to the store, we're gonna buy some pregnancy tests, and find out if you are pregnant or not."

Natasha nods slowly. "Okay."

They take Sam's car to the dollar store after Natasha washes up and steals once of Steve's hoodies (she likes wearing oversized clothing when she's stressed out and once joked that she only liked them for their clothes). Steve parks in front of the store and he and Natasha go in, buying three tests, vitamins, and ice cream because Natasha expressed that she's going to need a lot of it. They check out and Steve barely manages to resist the urge to punch the cashier after he spends the entire time giving him and Natasha a knowing look that borderlines creepy. Throughout the whole ordeal, Natasha is silent.

Steve leads Natasha out to the car, and they climb in after placing their bags in the back. They settle into their seats and slide on their belts. Natasha looks small and fragile next to Steve and it breaks his heart to see his friend like this. Internally, he's freaking out, but he knows he needs to be strong for Natasha and even though she can probably see through his front (she's really good at reading people), she either doesn't care enough to call him on it or she doesn't want both of them messed up and unable to do anything before Sam and Bucky get back.

"What if he breaks up with me?" Natasha blurts as soon as Steve puts the key in the ignition.

Steve flinches, not expecting Natasha to speak and especially at such a high volume. "What do you mean?"

"Say I am pregnant and I tell Sam, and he breaks up with me," Natasha says, sounding frightened. "What if he doesn't want me to keep it—I'm not even sure if I would even want to keep it and—"

"Natalia, breathe," Steve says sharply, causing Natasha's head to snap towards him, gaze wild and unfocused while her breaths come out in labored pants. Natasha doesn't like being called by her real name, but it's the only thing that can bring her back from a panic attack (which he first discovered after Clint was wounded overseas and nearly died on the operating table). His expression softens and he says in a gentler tone, "You're hyperventilating. Breathe."

Slowly, Natasha regains control of her breathing, eyes focusing on Steve's face as she comes back to herself. He reaches out for Natasha and she takes his hand within both of hers, squeezing so hard that Steve is surprised his bones aren't breaking.

"Natasha," Steve says, waiting until Natasha's gaze locks with his before continuing. "Sam loves you. He won't abandon you."

"How do you know?" she counters.

"I'm Steve Rogers. I know everything."

Natasha remains silent, her eyes searching Steve's face for answers he probably cannot give.

". . . in love with an uptown girl. You know I've seen in her uptown world. She's getting tired of her high class toys . . ."

"Turn that shit off."

Steve complies and his worry doubles, for Natasha just asked him to turn off one of her favorite songs.

Natasha quietly hops onto the table next to where Steve is sitting, her posture ridged and tensed. She'd been in the bathroom for the past ten minutes while she figured out how to take the first of the three pregnancy tests. Nat blows out a breath and clasps her hands in her lap, appearing as though she's trying her hardest not to start twitching.

Steve lowers his phone from where he's been playing Angry Birds and looks up at his friend. "Good?"

"Good."

Steve sets his phone on the table and places a hand on Natasha's knee, gently stroking her covered skin while she slowly relaxes. "What do we do now?" he asks.

Natasha gives him a tight smile. "We wait."

"It's positive."

Steve stares at Natasha, who is staring at the pregnancy test in silent shock. She's already taken the other two and they both showed the same result.

"It's positive," she repeats in complete disbelief. "Steve, it's . . . I'm gonna have a baby." She sinks down on the mattress next to Steve with the test clutched tightly in her left hand. Nat takes a shaky breath and reaches out blindly, grabbing Steve's hand with her own and lacing their fingers together. She squeezes his hand as she takes another breath, trying to keep herself calm. "I need you to promise me something."

"Anything," Steve says as he squeezes Natasha's hand back.

"Promise me that you won't tell Bucky or Sam—especially not Sam. Don't tell anyone until I'm ready."

"You have my word," Steve vows.

Natasha gulps. She uncurls her left hand and lets the test fall to the floor, the plastic barely making a sound when it hits the carpet. "What am I gonna do, Steve?"

"Research," Steve says after a few quiet moments, despite knowing that the question was rhetorical. "Were going to look up and buy everything you'll need and hide it underneath of my sink. When we go back to New York, I'll hide it in my duffel and we'll keep it in my room."

"What if Sam finds it?" Natasha asks.

"I'll say it was Peggy's and forgot it was down there," Steve says simply.

"Sam would never believe that . . . unless . . ." Natasha turns to Steve for confirmation.

"It was a scare," Steve explains. "She got her period an hour before going to the store."

Natasha snorts. "I wish that would happen to me." She sighs and shifts, curling her arms around Steve's bicep, resting her head against his shoulder.

"I'm scared," she whispers.

Steve rests his cheek against Nat's head. "I know, but you won't be alone. I'm gonna be with you every step of the way."

Natasha nods her head before pressing her face into Steve's shoulder and if Steve feels wetness against his shirt, he doesn't bring attention to it.