Spock was almost asleep when his door chimed. He got up curiously and answered. Uhura was outside, dressed in a t-shirt and blue jeans, with her hair down.

"Mind if I come in?" Uhura purred. Spock stepped aside and she sashayed in.

"I apologize for the sparseness of my quarters. I have already packed to leave." Spock went to the replicator and dialed up a soda for her.

"You remembered," she replied, winking at him and accepting the glass. She sat down on the edge of his bed and patted the space beside her. "Come here. We need to talk."

Spock sat delicately beside the officer. "Mr. Sulu has informed you that the captain and I are no longer together."

Uhura's mouth dropped open. "Uh, no! He just said you really needed a friend and that I should come talk to you. You two aren't together anymore?" She took a long drink and then set the glass on the floor. "You want to talk about it sugar?"

Spock's gaze dropped to the floor. "I cannot reveal much. It is Jim's story, not mine. However, we are no longer a couple. He will be leaving tomorrow; I will leave the day after. We will not see each other again."

Uhura reached out and took Spock's hand. "Listen, sweetness, these things happen. Especially when humans are involved. I'll kick his ass if you want me to," she offered.

"That seems to be the solution of the night," Spock remarked bitterly.

Uhura stroked the back of his hand with her thumb. "Just because you're splitting up doesn't mean you're never going to see each other again. Maybe someday – "

"No," Spock corrected her. "Nyota, I plan to complete the Kolinahr discipline. You are aware of the implications that action entails."

Uhura whistled softly. "Are you doing this because of Jim?" Spock shrugged slightly. "Well, can you do me one last favor?" He nodded. She placed a hand on his wrist. "Will you wait a year? Just wait a year. Get a job somewhere; you can be shoveling dirt for all I care. Just don't do anything drastic for a year. If after a year you still want to do it, then you have my blessing. I'll miss you, but I'll understand."

She stood up, picked up her glass, and set it aside again. Then she bent over and wrapped her arms around Spock. "I am so sorry, sugar. I know you must be heartbroken, and it's not fair."

"He was my t'hy'la," Spock whispered into her shoulder.

Uhura leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I know, hon. I'm sorry. All I can tell you is someday the pain will be something you can bear, and you'll move on. I hope that day comes sooner rather than later." She walked to the door. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Nyota," Spock began, intending to ask her to keep his secret. Then he changed his mind. "Never mind."

"Bye," Uhura called out. She pretended to walk down the hall until the door closed, and then doubled back to the captain's quarters. She pressed the button hard.

Jim opened the door and was rewarded with a roundhouse right to the side of the face. He staggered backward, clutching his jaw.

"You son of a bitch," Uhura growled, stalking in his quarters.

"What?" Jim exclaimed painfully.

"You know damn well what. You've broken his heart. I hope you're happy. He thinks his life is over because of you, you little shit. What do you have to say for yourself?!" she hollered.

Jim went in the bathroom and spat out a mouthful of blood. The communications officer had quite the punch on her. He rinsed his mouth out and came back out prepared to defend himself if necessary. "Look, I don't know what Spock told you – "

"He said it's your story. But he told me enough about what this is doing to him. You miserable little rotten son of a bitch. What the hell is your problem? You're tired after three years? You changed your mind?" Uhura shook her hand out from where she had hit him.

Jim put his hands up pleadingly. "Look, before we go to round two, can I get a word in edgewise here?" Uhura put her hands behind her back as a gesture of peace. "Okay, now, first off you're lucky I don't have your ass for insubordination and assaulting a superior officer. Considering you're going to bat for your ex-boyfriend, I'll let it slide this time. But I think you may have loosened a tooth or two."

He went and sat down on the bed. "I know you're pissed about what happened to Spock. I'm not that thrilled about it myself. I know," he interjected as she opened her mouth. "I know; I'm the one doing it. But Spock knows my reason, and he told me he doesn't hold it against me. I'm going to take him at his word, and I think you should too."

Uhura was squeezing her hands together to keep them still. "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

"For gods' sakes, we're not going to formalities at this late date. What?"

Uhura flipped her hair over her shoulder. "You don't really understand what you're doing to that boy. He says you're his t'hy'la."

"I am. Was. Whatever." Jim rubbed his jaw some more.

"I need you to know something," Uhura began, edging closer to the captain. "For Spock to admit you are his t'hy'la means he is very serious about you. This isn't just a marriage. This is a once-in-a-lifetime commitment." She knelt beside the bed. "He will never find another person who means as much to him as you do."

Jim felt his face flushing at the strain of not breaking down and crying. "I know. I know, Uhura. I'm sorry. I can't help this. I can't stop it. It's out of my hands."

The sincerity of his statement struck her and she sat down on the floor beside him. "Jim, are you in trouble? Is someone forcing you to do this?"

Jim froze and didn't answer for a moment. Then he said the first thing he could. "I can't say. Please, don't ask any more questions. You're just going to make it worse."

Uhura reached up and took one of the young man's hands. "If this is why you're doing this, if you think you have no other options, then you haven't come to your crew yet. If someone's blackmailing you to leave Spock then you need help. What can I do, sweetie?"

Jim swallowed. Should he tell her? What if it blew up in his face and Carol took off with David forever? Finally he broke.

"There's this woman," Jim began slowly. "She and I were a couple when I was at the Academy. She got pregnant and left. I didn't know," Jim objected quickly. "She just left. She called me yesterday and started making all these demands. She said David—his name is David—will never know me unless I do what she asks. I have to take a planetary position, and I have to leave Spock. Uhura," he finished quickly, "I never knew my father. I don't want to do that to my boy. But if I could be with him and Spock at the same time you know I would. I love Spock more than life itself."

Uhura pushed herself off the floor and began pacing. "Okay, so you've got a son. How old is he?"

"Five, I think."

"Okay. And this woman, you know her name?" Uhura looked back at him quickly.

"Hell yes. Carol Marcus." Jim said the name with an uncommon distaste.

Uhura gestured to the desk. "May I use your computer?" He nodded and she logged on quickly. She flipped through several pages of information before locating what she was looking for. "Damn."

"What?" Jim leaned to look over her shoulder. She was reading something about child visitation and custody rights. "Damn what?"

"Well, it appears if she can prove you to be an unfit parent she can get exclusive custody rights. But according to the language put in the article in 2018 you can't be declared unfit by homosexuality alone." She flipped her hair back off her shoulder.

"That's good, right?"

"Well, it means she can't keep the boy away from you solely because of Spock. However, your position on a starship may complicate matters." Uhura scrolled down and marked her place with her finger on the screen. "If you live a significantly dangerous lifestyle, you can be declared unfit. It can be anything from police to Starfleet. Anything that risks your life on a daily basis."

"I took a teaching position at the Academy. That's safe enough, right?" Jim was squirming with hope.

"Wait!" Uhura crowed triumphantly. "The 'dangerous lifestyle' rule only applies for sole custody. Not shared." She looked over her shoulder at her friend. "I think if you can prove David is yours, she won't have a snowball's chance in hell of keeping him away from you." She smiled evilly. "You and Spock."

Jim sank to the floor, boneless in his relief. "Oh thank God. Oh, Jesus, you have no idea how much I owe you. I owe you so much. You can hit me anytime!" he declared.

Uhura laughed softly. "I just hope I don't find the occasion to do it that often. Now, isn't there a certain tall dark and handsome you need to be talking to?"

Jim climbed up and dashed to the door. He turned back just long enough to grab Uhura and kiss her square on the lips. "You're the best!" he gasped and ran out the door.

He pressed the button for the door three times. Finally he entered the captain's override he hadn't ever had to use. Lucky for him, it still worked. He crept into the darkened room.

"I see you do not know when to give up," came a dry voice from the bed. Jim called for lights and found Spock lying on the bed in his meditation robe.

"Spock, I've got some great news," Jim began eagerly.

"And this could not wait for morning?"

Jim gaped at the other man. "Uh, no, it couldn't! Spock, we don't have to split up! Uhura figured it all out for me! As long as I'm not on a starship or anything dangerous like that Carol can't keep David from me!" He waited for a reply and when none was forthcoming he continued on in excitement. "She can't keep David from me because I'm with a man! Spock, we don't have to break up!"

Spock rolled over and put his back to Jim. "And what, precisely, makes you think I want to be with you anymore?" His voice was ice.

Jim froze. His heart stuttered and his mouth went dry. For the first time in two days he reached across the bond cautiously. What he found was agony. "Oh, t'hy'la! What's wrong?"

Spock sighed. "What is wrong? I have spent the past twenty-three and a half hours fearing I had lost you. Actually, I was afraid I had lost you for only fifteen hours. The other eight and a half I was convinced you were already gone. And now you expect me to immediately welcome you back into my life?"

Jim sat down at the desk. "Look, babe, I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do. Uhura convinced me to get help from the crew. I may not even have to give up the Enterprise. I just have to prove David's mine and that I'm not unfit." He examined the bond one more time and found it was not much better. "Oh, Spock, I am so sorry. Can you find it in you to forgive me?"

Spock closed his eyes and noted with some surprise that a tear tracked down the side of his face. He wanted him back. He desperately wanted him back. But what would stop him from leaving next time?

"What is to stop you from leaving again at a later date?" Spock pointed out frostily.

Jim barked a harsh laugh. "Well, I don't foresee any other kids popping up anywhere so I think that avenue's covered. And what Uhura said to me was true. If I can't come to my crew, then something is seriously wrong. I'm sorry, Spock. I panicked. You remember I panic sometimes, right?"

Spock rolled over and faced Jim. "I remember you panicking and calling Dr. McCoy the day before we were bonded." His dark eyes regarded the other man. "I remember you panicking and cursing in Farsi at a Klingon raider. I remember you panicking and kissing me to silence me when I almost recounted the story of your secret tattoo fantasy in front of my father." He paused and gave a small smile. "I remember you panicking many times. However, I have never seen you panic in such a way that you have attempted to end us." The last sentence was quieter and more somber.

Jim got up and came to kneel beside the bed. He took his husband's hand in his. "They say there's a first time for everything. Let's see if we can't make it the last." He leaned in and chastely kissed the commander. "Please forgive me. You don't ever have to forget. I wouldn't ask that. But forgive me?"

Spock leaned over and buried his face in Jim's shirt. "Oh, t'hy'la. I was so afraid I would never see you again."

Jim leaned back for a moment. "Hey, what's with all this 'never again' and 'life is over' crap? Spock, you weren't going to…." He trailed off in horror. The idea, however, transmitted across the bond.

"No, ashayam, I would not have ended my life. Not in that manner. No, I was planning to commit myself to Kolinahr. I would not have seen you again, at least not in this fashion."

"Kolinahr?" Jim wrinkled his nose. "What's that?"

Spock scooted over until he was on the far edge of the bed and patted the empty space. Jim climbed on carefully and they wrapped their arms around each other.

"Kolinahr is the purging of all emotion. It is the embrace of nothing but logic. I would not have come out the same Spock you knew. I would have had no ties to anyone or anything. I would have been…." Spock trailed off. "Before, I would have said I would have been free. Now it seems like a prison to me."

Jim's eyes tried unsuccessfully to focus on the face in front of him. "Your dad said what happened after you came home was out of his hands. Uhura said you thought your life was over. And you said you thought you'd never see me again. Jeez, whatever this Kolinahr is I hope you stay the hell away from it, regardless of what happens between you and me."

Spock kissed his love's nose and sighed. "I do not plan to attempt it anytime soon."

Jim ran his hand up and down Spock's side. "So I hear the captain has this huge bed in his quarters, and it fits two people comfortably…."

Spock closed his eyes briefly. "Will he mind us using it?"

"Not tonight," Jim whispered. They got up and went next door. It was the first time since Spock had gotten ill that they shared a bed and simply slept.