Edward didn't like surprises. He didn't like not knowing what was happening, and he didn't like not knowing what to do or how to react.

And that went double for waking up with an erection. Triple when he wasn't alone.

Unable to help it, Ed yelped automatically, falling off the bed in an effort to get the hell away from Roy. The man jerked awake in response to the shout, as well as the thump, looking around and scrunching his forehead up when he saw Edward on the floor.

Honestly, could life get any more difficult?

"What. The actual. Fuck?" Ed hissed, flushing horribly and trying to will his hard on away. "What did you do?"

Groggily, Roy shook his head. "The hell are you talking about?"

"You, molesting me in my sleep!" Edward snapped back. Okay, so he wasn't that stupid, he knew full well this was just a freak accident type of thing, and that Roy would never have done something like that…but being angry helped distract him from some of the embarrassment.

The man raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth to respond, when his gaze dropped just slightly. Too late, Ed noticed his position: sprawled out on the floor, weight on his elbows and legs spread. Sure, there was a blanket covering him—more or less—but that lovely little tent gave Edward away. He gaped wordlessly, pushing himself upward and clamping his legs together to try to hide himself.

Roy rolled his eyes. "I wasn't molesting you, jeez, you're paranoid. In case you haven't noticed, I have the same problem—you probably just rubbed up against me wrong in your sleep."

Powerless to stop his eyes from glancing, Ed swallowed hard, trying not to stare at Roy's crotch…nope, he wasn't doing that. Face burning, Edward retorted, "Me rubbing against you? I'm pretty sure it was the other way around." To be fair, Ed didn't know that, but the thought of him grinding against Roy in his sleep made him never want to shut his eyes again, not if his body was going to betray him like that.

Letting out a tiny sound of derision, the man stretched and started to get up. "Does it really matter? Just—"

"Stay put!" Ed interrupted.

With one leg slung over the side of the bed, Roy paused. "Why for?"

"You—you—" Edward stuttered, unable to complete his thought. "You've got a boner!" he finally managed. "It's bad enough having to look at naked people all day long, don't go showing that kind of thing off!"

Roy sighed heavily. "I'm not showing it off, I'm going to go fix it. Close your eyes if you're that bothered, I'll be back in a minute."

"What do you mean going to fix it?" Ed huffed. The man couldn't mean what he thought he meant. Nope. Not with Edward around, no way.

A snort. "Look I know you're not that innocent, so don't even try to pretend—you know full well what I'm doing." Roy held up a hand as Ed opened his mouth to object. "Before you say anything, I'll go outside, okay? Behind the house so no one walks by, and when I'm done you can go too."

Stubborn as ever, Edward shook his head. "No way am I…jerking off here. It'll go away."

"Betting it won't," Roy muttered, walking out the door before Ed could stop him.

Now what the hell was he supposed to do? Edward took a deep breath. Okay. Calm down, he could do that. Maybe getting out from under the blanket would help…it was pretty cold, after all. Checking to make sure Roy hadn't walked back in, Ed stood up, letting the blanket fall to the floor. He shivered; yes, it was cold, but that wasn't actually solving anything.

A sudden groan made him jump. It took Ed a moment to realize what he had just heard, and once he understood, he gasped, eyes zeroing in on the window.

Really!? Roy had to know he was standing right outside the window, right? The man wasn't that oblivious, what was he playing at? Also: why the hell weren't those things sound proofed? Stupid, fucking, do-it-yourself nudist colony!

Blushing harder than ever, Edward walked over to a corner, out of view from and unable to look out the window, trying to rewind the last ten minutes or so in his mind and erase them, which was quite the task…especially when Roy couldn't seem to shut up. A particularly loud moan had Ed clamping his hands over his ears.

Twenty seconds later, Roy walked back in, and Edward thought he was going to die. The man was panting and noticeably relieved. Ed could have a pretty twisted imagination sometimes, but he would have been hard pressed to come up with a more awkward situation than this; Roy coming back from jerking off and telling Ed it was his turn.

"Fixed it yet?" the man asked.

"No," Edward hissed, looking at everything and anything but Roy. "Could you have been any louder? No, scratch that, could you have picked any better place than right outside the fucking window!?"

Roy shrugged unabashedly. "One, yes, I could have." Ed shook his head at that, trying not to think about—well, anything. Especially the idea of the man moaning any louder.

This wasn't helping his problem. If anything, Edward's rampant thoughts were making the situation worse, which was an issue all on its own.

"Two," Roy continued. "I was trying to keep out of sight from anyone else. That's the back of the house, which faces out away from everything else anyway, and in case you haven't noticed, there's a very conveniently placed bush right there. I thought it would be the best place to hide."

The worst part was that Ed couldn't argue with that logic. However, he could slap Roy for what he said next. "Why were you looking, anyway?"

"It's not like that!" Edward snapped. "I heard you and I just looked around automatically, ugh, I'm not some kind of—of pervert!"

"Yeah, well, your turn; you're obviously not doing any better and I refuse to let you walk around with a hard on."

Though he was throwing an internal fit, Ed had to accept that. He wasn't about to go eat breakfast like this. "Fine. Close your eyes."

Edward waited until Roy shut his eyes tight before walking over. He waved his hand in front of the man's face experimentally.

"No, Ed, I can't see you, but I can feel the air moving."

Okay, maybe that was stupid. In a hurry now, Edward walked out the door—another reason he couldn't just stay like this, it was a little uncomfortable to try to move about normally—and around back as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately, he could see what Roy meant; other than right by the window, he was a little more exposed than he might like. Steadfastly refusing to let himself look at the mess clinging to some of the branches of the bush, Ed stole a quick glance inside to see that Roy had his back turned, and got to work.

Unlike Roy, Edward was determined to be quiet about this—the last thing he wanted was for someone, even and especially Roy, to hear him. So he bit his lip and toughed it out, managing to contain all but the smallest noises…until, two minutes later, when Ed couldn't help but cry out as he finished.

How embarrassing.

Still mortified but at least feeling satisfied, Edward walked back around the house and leaned in the doorway, only to be met with a cheeky grin from Roy.

Ed truly didn't want to know what that was all about. "C'mon," he muttered. "Let's go get some breakfast."