Chapter 9

Alex helped Izzie walk into the house. She told him that her legs still felt like Jell-o. He walked her into the living room and helped her sit on the sofa.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, running a hand through her messy hair.

"Like I want to go back," Izzie said.

"To the hospital?" Alex questioned.

"No," Izzie said, tiredly. "I want to go back to the days we were interns. I want to go back to our first date, to when we had Doc, to when George was my best friend, to when Meredith wasn't dying, and to when she hadn't drowned, and to when she nearly got killed by that bomb and we had to hold her in the shower to rinse the blood off of her because she was in shock from that guy blowing up right in front of her and nearly killing her and-

"I get it Izzie," Alex stopped her babbling. He put a hand on her shoulder and looked into her eyes. "When's the last time you showered?" he questioned.

"A few days ago before you called me with the news that Mer was dying," she whispered.

"Well I'm thinking you should shower."

"Do I smell?" Izzie asked.

Alex chuckled before answering. "Yeah sort of."

Izzie tried not to smile and stuck her tongue out at him. "I hate you," she joked, pushing his arm.

"You love me," Alex joked back.

For a moment it felt as if nothing had changed. But then Alex remembered and sighed. So much had changed. Yet it was so easy to forget.

Izzie's eyes were downcast, facing the floor. She bit her lip and slowly looked up at Alex again.

"Alex," Izzie whispered. "Do you still love me?"

Meredith was frozen in place and she couldn't speak.

There stood the man who had raised Cristina, her person, and yet she couldn't even say a word to him.

It was all so surprising to her. And it broke her heart to know that Cristina had gone all the way to Beverly Hills to ask her father to save Meredith.

Meredith opened her mouth but quickly shut it again. She could only think of one thing she wanted to say. But she couldn't find the word.

Mr. Yang opened his mouth to speak again but Mer found the words just in time to beat him to it.

"Where is George?" she questioned.

Mr. Yang cleared his throat and George stepped out from behind him and walked over to Meredith.

She immediately felt herself calm down a little and sucked in a deep breath and shook her head, trying to get the blood to flow through it more easily.

"So you're Cristina's dad?" Meredith asked.

Mr. Yang smiled and winked. "Yes I am," he said. "Now although I already know, why don't you tell me how you wound up here."

"But if you already know-

"Meredith just do it," George encouraged from next to Mr. Yang.

"Fine," Meredith gave in.

"Wait," Mr. Yang said. "Close your eyes and picture it."

Meredith closed her eyes and thought back to the unexpected scene.

"I was in a car," she started, remembering the car. "I was with my husband Derek. It was raining. I kept questioning him. I kept asking him where we were going. But he kept saying it was a surprise. He refused to tell me. So I kept bothering him about it. He finally gave in… he was just about… to tell me when…

Meredith could feel her mind drifting away.

"Derek," Meredith whined. "Where are we going?"…

"Come on, where are you taking me?" Meredith asked, shooting him sad eyes.

"Fine," he groaned. "I'm taking you to-

Derek was cut off, mid- sentence as the car slid over black ice and spun out of control.

Meredith's breathing quickened as she remembered even more of it.

She screamed and Derek shouted when the car had spun. All at once she began to fear for her life. But even more, she began to fear for Derek's life.

As the car spun Meredith felt her head flop into a window and the last thing she remembered was feeling her screaming stop, unable to go on as a loud, sickening cracking noise sounded through her ears. She felt cloudiness cover over her head as Derek's voice seemed so far away. His screaming stopped as Meredith heard a sound of metal splitting from a far distance. There were other sounds too. She heard Derek say her name as she felt herself drift away. The noises became further and further away until she awoke in a bed in the one place she dreaded being in.

Meredith's eyes flashed open. "No!" she screamed, hearing her broken voice grow louder in her ears. Tears rushed down her face. "It's all my fault! If I hadn't been bugging Derek… he would have been concentrating on the road. His attention would not have been on me! I brought this on us! I should have just let him surprise me! This is all my fault!"

"Ah," Mr. Yang sighed. "It looks like we have figure out why you cannot return to your body.

"What?" Meredith whispered, struck with confusion.

"You tell me," Mr. Yang said. "It looks like you clearly know better than I do. I mean you were there."

Meredith took a deep breath in and slowly let it flow out.

"Alright," she finally said. "Is it because I blamed this on myself?"

"You're getting there," Mr. Yang said, nodding for Meredith to go on.

"Is it because… I don't know. I guess-

"Don't guess," Mr. Yang commanded. "You have to know."

"Well this is so hard!" Meredith complained. "It's not fair. Look, I get what you want me to do, but I just can't do it. I mean… I want to go back to my body. Isn't that enough?"

"But do you?" Mr. Yang asked.

"What?" Meredith questioned.

"Do you really want to go back to earth?"

"Of course I do! What kind of question is that?" Meredith demanded.

"You tell me," Mr. Yang said.

"Stop doing that! Of course I want to go back to earth! I have to see Derek, and Cristina, and Izzie, and Alex, and Lexie, and I have to make sure Alex and Lexie quit sleeping together!"

"That is a bad couple right there," George laughed, but when he found that nobody was laughing with him his laughing turned into slow chuckling and then he became quiet.

"Sorry," he murmured.

Mr. Yang nodded and went on. "Meredith what would be your reasoning that you wouldn't go back to earth?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"You tell-

"Don't even say it!" Meredith yelled. "Look, I have to get back to earth and see Derek." Meredith paused as she felt something inside of her seem to fall apart.

"Think back to the accident again," Mr. Yang said.

Meredith's lip quivered but she did as she was told. For some reason the same words kept flashing through her mind.

"Derek, where are we going... Come on where are you taking me?

And suddenly the sound the splitting medal cut through her mind.

"Derek!" Meredith screamed. "No! I shouldn't have bothered him! That's all I ever do! If I go back I could hurt him…" Meredith froze for a second as realization hit and she gasped before whispering the last word. "Again."

"So you don't want to go back to earth?" Mr. Yang questioned.

"What if he gets hurt again?" Meredith murmured. "I don't want to go back if I can make him wind up in the hospital again. He had a collapsed lung! I did that to him! I kept bugging him! It was me! And I don't want to hurt him again! I love him more than my own safety."

"Bingo," Mr. Yang snapped his fingers. "Now take care of my Cristina for me. Make sure she knows that I love her. O'Malley, why don't you take it from here."

"What?" Meredith was so confused as Mr. Yang vanished in thin air. "So that's why I can't go back?" she turned to George. "That's why I couldn't go back? Because part of me was too afraid?"

"You'd rather him be safe then be alive," George said. "But think about it Meredith. It wasn't your fault. It was a freak accident. They happen!"

Meredith slowly walked over to George and he wrapped his arms around her.

"And I don't want to leave you again," Meredith cried.

"I know," George said.

"But I have to get back. I know it wasn't entirely my fault. Now why can't I get back? Is it too late?"

"I don't know," George said, pulling away and looking at his friend sadly.

Derek was tired of waiting. He couldn't do it any longer. "Richard!" Derek called. "Dr. Webber!"

He sighed after waiting a minute and hit the button to call a nurse in.

One was in there within the next minute and Derek smiled. "I want to see my wife," he said calmly.

"You should get some rest."

"I have been in a hospital bed for the past few days. Now I want to see my wife."

The nurse sighed and walked out and came back in with a wheel chair. She helped Derek into it and pushed it to Meredith's room.

Derek looked away sadly when he saw her. "She looks even worse than before."

"You should prepare yourself," the nurse said, pushing him to Meredith's bedside.

Derek took Meredith's hand into his own and realized how pale and weak she looked. Her hand felt so fragile.

"Please don't die on me," Derek whispered and felt a lump form in his throat. "Please," he whispered as a tear rushed down his cheek. "Pl- please don't die. I can't live without you. I'll become all dark and twisty without you."

He sucked in a shaky breath and leaned over to put his head against Meredith's chest. "I love you so much," Derek cried. "Please don't l-leave me. I'll be broken. How can I be the chief without my wife? I can't do anything without you Meredith."

He cried into her chest for a long time before finally pulling away and looking at her face. He stroked her hair for a moment and brushed it away from her face with his fingers.

"I love you Meredith grey," he whispered. "I always have and I always will."

Derek leaned over and kissed her for a moment before pulling away.

Cristina walked up to where Meredith's room with Owen by her side and her lip quivered at what she saw.

Derek was being wheeled out of the room and noticed Cristina on his way out.

He was crying and she knew that that wasn't a very good sign.

Cristina looked up at Owen and said, "Could you wait here please? I have to do this on my own."

Owen nodded, looking upset at how sad Cristina was. She had cried on the plane ride home after they stopped at the hospital and she had gotten stitches in her forehead.

Cristina slowly walked in and froze at once as she saw all of the bandages and cuts. Meredith looked like a broken patient, not herself. She reminded Cristina of one of those patients where they tell the families that they need to be ready for what's coming. She looked like a patient that was going to die.

"Oh my God," Cristina whispered through tears. She took a step forwards and sat down in the chair next to Meredith's bed. "Oh Mer," she cried. "Oh God… don't die please!"

Meredith was standing with George as her breathing slowly went back to normal again and she stopped crying almost altogether. It was then that she heard voiced picking up through the air.

"Please don't die on me."

"Derek?" Meredith gasped.

"Please. Pl- please don't die. I can't live without you. I'll become all dark and twisty without you. I love you so much. Please don't l-leave me. I'll be broken. How can I be the chief without my wife? I can't do anything without you Meredith. I love you Meredith grey. I always have and I always will."

Meredith began crying again. She couldn't help it. That was her Derek speaking to her.

Suddenly she heard another voice.

"Oh my God. Oh Mer," the voice cried. "Oh God… don't die please!"

"Cristina?" Meredith's breathing quickened and the tears came even faster. "I have to get back!" she cried. "They need me! They said it! Derek said he can't live without me! I can't do this to him! I just c-can't!"

Out of nowhere Meredith noticed a strange light from somewhere far away. Did that mean she would live or die?

"George?" she gasped. But when she turned he was gone. "George!"

Alex walked past the bathroom that Izzie was showering in.

He hadn't known how to answer her question before. He had just told her that she should go and shower.

As he walked past the bathroom he heard a loud cry. He knocked on the door.

"Izzie?" he called. "Izzie!"

After she didn't answer Alex threw the door open and found Izzie sitting on the floor of the shower with her face buried into her knees and her arms wrapped around her knees. She wasn't wearing any cloths but he didn't care and he knew Izzie didn't either.

The state Izzie was in reminded him of when Rebecca was on the floor of the shower crying.

Alex slowly opened the door of the shower and put a hand on Izzie's shoulder.

"Iz," he whispered. "Are you okay?"

Izzie just cried harder and Alex stepped into the shower and bent down next to her and took her into his arms. His cloths became soaked through but he didn't care.

"Shh," he whispered into her ear.

Her crying slowly became less and less until she was just gasping in his arms.

"I ruined everything," she whispered.

"No you didn't," Alex assured her.

"But I lost you! I left and now you'll never want me back! And then I go ruining it again at the hospital! And Meredith's dying and-

"Shh," Alex cut her off. "You haven't lost me. You'll never lose me."

"But-

"No buts. Izzie you will never lose me. You know why?" Izzie shook her head against Alex's chest. "Because I love you," Alex murmured.

A/N: So I'm sure you are wondering if Meredith is living or dying. Here is a spoiler for the next chapter. Derek is going to have a very big choice to make. If you want o find out what the choice is then review and I'll update! And I wanted to thank the people who have been reading my story so far. It means a lot to me that people are reading it.

Review, review, review.