HOW NOT TO LEARN HOBBIES

Chapter Ten

"Spring Carnival Part Three"

"The first race will be starting in one minute!" the judge called over the loud speaker. It was a different judge, since the first was still recuperating from the eating contests.

"Okay, Cream, ready?" Amy asked. Cream was sitting on Amy's shoulders. The little bunny was half asleep now.

"Huh?" Cream said. "Somebody talking to me?"

"Wake up!" Amy said. "Honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm living in a loony bin!"

"We've got this all sewn up!" Vector bragged. He had Charmy on his shoulders.

"Right," Charmy said. "If it looks like we're falling behind, I flap my wings and we take off!"

"Right!" Vector said. "Wait a minute! Wouldn't that get us disqualified?"

"Probably," Espio said, relieved that he just had to watch.

"And I doubt I could carry such a big, fat, heavy load very far anyway!" Charmy said.

"Yeah, probably," Vector said. "Hey, wait a minute! Are you calling me fat?"

"Oh no," Charmy assured him. "I'm calling you big, fat, and heavy!"

"Well, that's more…Shut up!"

"Hahahahahah!" Charmy laughed. "Whoa!" He fell off, and landed on his head. "Owie!"

"Are you okay, Charmy?" Espio asked.

"Charmy?" Charmy said. "What's a Charmy?"

"Ut oh," Vector said. "He's coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs!"

"Well, I guess you're out of the race, Vector," Espio said.

"What? No way!" Vector cried. "You take his place, Espio!"

"No, really, that's okay," Espio said, backing away from the crocodile. "I think I left the tv on at home anyway, and…"

"Get over here now!" Vector said.

"I don't think this is a good idea!" Tails said. Somehow, he'd been partnered with Big.

"Duh, this sounds like fun," Big said. "Um…what do I do again?"

Tails sighed. "When you hear the gun shot, you start running," Tails said. Big's brain only had room for two things, fishing and Froggy.

"Ribbit! Ribbit!"

"No, Froggy," Big said. "You can't go swimming now. We're running a race!"

Sonic and Cosmo were sitting this one out. Cosmo was watching Tails. "How did he get partnered with Big again?" she asked.

"Well," Sonic said, "I'm disqualified from the races because I'm the fastest thing alive, and it wouldn't be fair to compete with mere mortals."

"What other sorts of mortals are there?" Cosmo asked.

"Skip it," Sonic said. "Anyhoo, Amy signed everybody she knew up for at least three races."

"Yes, I'm supposed to be in the relay race, the wheel barrel race, and the big swim meet," Cosmo said.

"Better you than me," Sonic said, kicking back. "I hate water!"

"Well, maybe sometime I'll give you some swimming lessons!" Cosmo offered.

"Uh…yeah," Sonic said.

BANG! "GO!" And the race was on.

"Cream!" Amy yelled. "Do something about those floppy ears of yours!"

"That's not nice, Amy!" Cream cried. "You shouldn't make fun of my ears, just because they're long and floppy!"

"No, I mean they're getting in my face!" Amy explained. "I can't see where I'm…"

"Watch out for that tree!" Cream yelled.
Amy swerved, and ran into Vector and Espio. Crash! They went down in a tangle of arms and legs.

"Duh, should we help them?" Big asked Tails.

"Big, watch where you're going!" Tails cried. Big ran right into the lake. Splash!

"Get off me!" Amy shrieked, waving her pico-pico hammer around. "Get off of me! Cream! Jump on! We're going!"

"But we're too far behind!" Cream said.

"I said jump on!" Amy yelled. Cream was afraid not to obey. Amy started running again.

"Duh, where's Froggy?" Big asked.

"Big! We're gonna lose!" Tails cried.

"But I gotta get Froggy!" Big insisted, splashing after his pet.

"Argh!" Vector cried as he tried to get up. "I got a charley horse!"

"Well then, that's it for the Chaotix!" Espio said, shrugging. "Oh well!" He started to walk away. Vector grabbed him.

"Oh no!" Vector insisted. "You carry me!"

Espio sputtered. "You're…joking!" he said. But Vector was serious.

It appeared that Silver and Blaze would win the race. Silver was able to run in a perfectly straight line, since he could levitate any obstacles out of his way.

"We're winning, Silver!" Blaze cried. "We're winning!" She was so excited, she didn't notice her hands starting to get hot.

"Ow!" Silver cried. "Blaze, watch it! Ow! Turn down the heat, girl!"

"What?" Blaze gasped. "Are you flirting with me?!? You're a good friend, but…" She sniffed the air. "What's cooking?"

"My quills!" Silver said. "You're gonna set me on fire!"

"Oh no!" Blaze cried. "Quick! Go jump in the lake!" Then she remembered where she was. "Wait! First let me…" But it was too late. Silver ran to the lake and jumped in, taking Blaze with him. Splash!

"Ahhh! I hate water!" Blaze cried. "Get out! Get out!" She was so shook up, the water started to bubble.

"Blaze, stop! You'll boil us like lobsters!" Silver cried.

"I want out!" Blaze cried, ignoring him.

"Okay, Cream," Amy said, "make me run faster!"

"Huh?" Cream said. "How do I do that, Amy?"

"Tell me you see Sonic ahead of us!"

"Huh?" Cream said. She shrugged. "There goes Sonic!"

"Try harder," Amy said. "I'm not believing it!"

"Sonic's just ahead!" Cream said. "He's…he's asking Princess Sally out for a date!"

"What?!?" Amy roared. "I'll teach him!" And suddenly she had her pico-pico hammer in her hands.

Espio moaned as he carried Vector on his shoulders. "I should have my head examined!" he said.

Watch where you're going!" Vector cried. Espio stepped in a hole in the ground and fell. Vector landed on him.

"Bleaghh!" Espio cried. "Get off! You weigh a ton!"

"Hey, no fat jokes!" Vector said. "My leg feels better now, and you're gonna kill me! So let's switch back again!"

"I want to go home," Espio moaned.

"Big!" Tails yelled. "I've had it. This is ridiculous!" He walked away, out of the race. It wouldn't be until well after the race was over before Big even noticed he was gone.

Blaze was chasing Silver. "Dunk me in the water, will you?"

"Ow!" Silver cried, as she hit him with a fireball. "You told me to jump in the lake!"

"Hey!" Tails yelled. "I already told that joke in Crazy In Love Or Just Plain Crazy! Okay, writer, that's the last plug you get from me until you stop treating me so lousy in After the Metarex: Tails' Story!"

"But, Tails," Blaze pointed out. "You just gave another plug!"

"D'oh!" Tails moaned.

"Okay!" Amy said, hitting the last racers ahead of them. "We're gonna win!"

"You cheated, Amy!" Cream said, furious with her.

"I don't care!" Amy yelled. "As long as I win the…hey!"

Vector raced past her. "I won!" he cried, breaking the tape just a second before Amy did. "I won!"

"You're disqualified!" the judge said.

"What?!?" Vector demanded. "How can I be disqualified?"
"You have to have a partner on your shoulders!" the judge pointed out.

"But I do have a…" Then he realized Espio was invisible! "Hey! What's the big idea?"

"Sorry," Espio said, appearing. "I sometimes do that when I get nervous, and…"

"I remember you two guys now!" the judge cried. "You cut ahead of me in the Little Planet ride at Twinkle Park with your invisibility trick!"

"They cut in front of me at the roller coaster!" somebody yelled.

"I wondered where the purple guy came from on the submarine ride!" somebody else said.

"Uh oh!" Vector said.

"Vector?" Espio said.

"Yeah?" Vector asked.

"Run!" They ran.

"Well then, I won!" Amy said.

"Actually, we have footage of you hitting people to win," the judge said. "The winners are Blaze and Silver!" Blaze took the blue ribbon and curtseyed. Silver, burned to a crisp, bumped into her and they both fell on the judge.

As the judge chased Blaze and Silver, Amy looked at Cream. "We just have to win the next race!" she said. "Are you ready, Cream?"

"I'm ready for a nap," Cream said. "Anyway, I think the judge is busy right now."

The judge, with his hat smoking, came back and announced, "The three-legged race will begin in five minutes!"

Big had finally caught Froggy. "Duh, look, Tails! I caught Froggy! Tails?"

Big came back just in time for Amy to force him into the three-legged race. Since Tails had gone back to the crowd to stand with Cosmo, Amy grabbed, Charmy, who was just coming to his senses.

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Amy!" Cream said as Amy tied Big and Charmy together.

"That just makes it easier for us to win!" Amy said.

"That's not nice!" Cream said.

"You may as well get on home now, mates!" came a voice. It was Marine the Raccoon. "Me mate here and me have this race in the bag." She pointed to Ray the Flying Squirrel. "Isn't that right, mate?"

"My name's Ray, not Mate," Ray said. He was sort of like a dumber Tails.

"Hey!" Knuckles yelled, stepping forward. "I can't believe you guys didn't wait for me to race!" He was tied to Shade.

"Can you believe he picked her?" Rouge demanded.

"He'll be sorry!" Julie-Su said. Then she realized who she was talking to. "I still don't like you either, of course!"

"Right back at you!" Rouge said. They looked daggers at each other.

"What's going on here?" a voice asked Sonic.

"Shadow!" Sonic said. "You just now found out about the spring carnival?"

"A carnival?" Shadow said. "Sounds pretty stupid!"

"Come on, Shadow!" Sonic said. "People have been asking for us to race each other!"

"Not for people to gawk at us," Shadow said. "Besides, it wouldn't be fair to anybody else. I'm the fastest thing alive, but to even come close to me, you'll leave everybody else in the dust."

"Let's see how you do together!" Amy said, suddenly tying them together.

"Hey!" Shadow cried. "What do you think you're doing?"

"It wouldn't be fair!" Sonic said.

"We just want to see how you two do working together," Amy said. She grinned. "I'll bet you two couldn't win anyway!"

"That is ludicrous!" Shadow said.

"Then you'll race!" Amy said.

"Amy!" Cream cried as they walked away to the starting line together. "We won't stand a chance against those two!"

"Don't worry!" Amy said. "If I know those two egomaniacs, and I do, we shouldn't need to worry!"

The judge fired the opening shot. BANG! And the three-legged race was on!

"Let's get this over with!" Shadow said. He started to run slightly to the left. But Sonic wanted to run slightly to the right. They both fell.

"Hey! Get your act together!" Shadow demanded.

"Right back at you!" Sonic said.

Marine and Ray were having the same problem. "I'm the captain, you're the mate!" Marine insisted, practically dragging Ray along. "You follow me directions, bloke!"

"Ow!" Ray cried as he fell on his face. Marine, in a hurry, proceeded to drag him. "Ow! Mighty! Save me! Ow!"

"Oh, hush, ya big baby!" Marine said.

"You're doing great, Ray!" Mighty called from the audience. He turned to Cosmo and Tails. "He doesn't know what he's doing in there, does he?"

"Don't look at me," Cosmo said. " I don't even know why I came here today."

"So, Knuckles," Shade said. "Why did you pick me instead of Rouge or Julie-Su? Is it because you think I'm beautiful? Or do you think I'm the best runner of the three?"

"Well, actually," Knuckles admitted. "Rouge is fast in the air, but she looks kind of dumpy running. And Julie-Su has this attitude she's always giving me. I just figured you were the most aerodynamical."

"You picked me because I'm skinny?" Shade said. "What if I'd worn my armor?"

"I hadn't thought of that," Knuckles said. "Guess I would have picked Julie-Su. She's skinnier than Rouge."

"So you really are an idiot!" Shade said.

Since the two of them were arguing, neither was watching where they were going. They ran into a picnic table and fell across it. At the speed they were going, they flipped right over the table, and landed on their backs on the grass, the air knocked out of them.

"Ow!" Cream cried. "Amy, my ears keep flapping in my face when I run!"

"You should have asked me to tie them down before the race," Amy said. "Now just deal with it!"

"You're not nice these days," Cream said, pouting. She stumbled and Amy dragged her sideways.

"Get up!" Amy yelled. "You're making me look bad!"

"Duh, I think we've got a problem here, little guy!" Big said. He had to bend well over to walk with Charmy. "I'm getting a sore back!"

"Well, straighten up once in awhile!" Charmy said.

"Duh, okay!" Big said. He straightened up. "Hey, yeah! I can run a lot better now!" he said. Of course, Charmy's feet were no where near the ground now.

"Wow!" Charmy said. "I don't have to do any work at all!" He started humming a song.

"I know that song!" Big said. He hummed along. Right into the community center. "Ow!" He staggered back a couple of steps. There was now a cat-shaped impression in the building. "Wow!" he said. "I feel famous! Pretty cool, huh, Froggy?"

Froggy decided to take this moment to make a break for it. "Ribbit! Ribbit!"

"Duh, come back, Froggy!" Big cried, running out of another race.

"Wait!" Charmy cried. "Untie me! I wanna go home now!"

"Ribbit!"

"Froggy!"

"Help!"

Sonic and Shadow, as Amy had predicted, argued constantly. They couldn't decide which way to go around a family eating a picnic, so they ran across their picnic basket. Sonic now had a watermelon on his left foot, and Shadow's right foot was covered in jello and potato salad. His right foot slid out from under him and they went down into a rose bush.

"Ow!" Sonic yelled. "Watch where you're going, faker!"

"Ow!" Shadow cried. "There's a rose up my nose!"

"Hey, you're a poet, only you don't know it!" Sonic cried, laughing.

"How'd you like a chaos spear up your nose?!" Shadow demanded.

"Try it, buddy!" Sonic cried. And the fight was on.

"We're gonna win!" Amy cried. "Hang on, Cream!"

"To what?" Cream asked, as Amy continued to drag her sideways.

Ray had fallen down. "Get up, you great silly thing!" Marine cried. "We're gonna lose this race! Obey your captain!"

"You're out of your gourd, lady!" Ray cried. "Mighty! Save me!"

"Isn't that sad?" Mighty said. "Ray's having so much trouble with girls, and I'm hardly the one to give him pointers."

"Um, yeah," Tails said. "How do you like the race so far, Cosmo?"

"I'm just nervous because I'm going to be in the next three," Cosmo said. "I just know I'll do something stupid and Amy will get onto me about it!"

Knuckles and Shade had finally stopped arguing and were closing in on Amy and Cream.

"Okay," Shade said. "We can win this if you do exactly what I say!"

"Hey!" Knuckles cried. "I'm the guy! Girls don't tell guys what to do!"

"Remind me to teach you a few things about Women's Liberation after the race!" Shade said.

"Oh, Knuckles!" Rouge purred. She wasn't happy that Knuckles hadn't chosen her. She was flying alongside them.

"What do you want?" Knuckles demanded.

"I think I'm going to give myself a consolation prize for not getting to be your partner!"

"A consolation prize?" Knuckles repeated. "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, I don't know," she said. "Maybe something big and green! Bye bye!" She flew off.

"Big and green?!?" Knuckles cried. "The Master Emerald! What a fool I am!"

"You won't get any arguments from me!" Shade said.

"I have to protect the Master Emerald!" Knuckles yelled. He started to run in the opposite direction. They both fell on their faces.

"You idiot!" Shade cried.

Sonic and Shadow were trying to get back into the race again. But as luck would have it, there was a tree right in their path.

"Swerve left!" Shadow yelled.

"No, right!" Sonic insisted.

Since neither would budge an inch, they ended up going right down the middle…into the tree.

Crunch!

"My nose!" Shadow cried. "I think you broke my nose!"

"I think you knocked a tooth loose!" Sonic cried. They started fighting again.

"We're gonna win!" Amy cried. "Still with me, Cream?"

"Barely!" Cream cried. Then Amy saw Sonic and Shadow fighting.

"Losers!" Amy yelled, sticking her tongue out at them. "Losers! Nyah nyah nyah!"

"Amy, stop that!" Cream cried. "It isn't nice!"

But Amy kept it up, which is why she ran into the lake. Splash! This was a deep part of the lake, so the two of them ended up completely underwater. They had to run to a shallower part of the lake to get out.

Amy came out, spitting up water. "You still with me there, Cream?" she asked.

"How'd I get here?" Silver asked. The rope to tie Amy and Cream together had come loose in the water, and snagged Silver, who Blaze had tossed in the lake before storming into the crowd. He'd made the mistake of telling her that wearing the ribbon made her look fat.

Cream staggered out of the lake. "Hey, Amy! You forgot something! Me!"

"Disqualified!" the judge yelled as Amy reached the finish line. "You're not with your original partner!"

Sonic and Shadow continued to fight.

"Duh, come back here, Froggy!" Big cried, crashing into Sonic and Shadow. He fell on them.

"ARGHHH!" they both yelled. Big weighed over six hundred pounds, after all.

Dragging Ray so that he was facing backwards, Marine took the finish line. "Told y'all I was the captain!" she said. "Good on ya, Ray!"

"Well, I…what did you just call me?!?" Ray said.

"Great job, you two!" Mighty cried, lifting them both off the ground.

"Get back here, Silver!" Amy yelled, chasing him across the park. "Make me lose, will you?"

"But…but I don't even know what I…ow!…what I did!"

"Simple!" Amy yelled. "You made me lose!" She tossed a hammer at him.

"Ow!"

"The relay races will begin in five minutes!" the judge called over the loud speaker.

"Ready, Cosmo?" Cream asked.

Cosmo sobbed. "No," she admitted. "I got a break this chapter, so I just know I'm in for trouble next time!"

Next time: Relay race, sack race, and wheel barrel race. See you then!