He was kneeling in front of her, her hands gripping his collar and she bowed down to him while he already felt her erratic breathing against his face.

"I could fucking kiss you right now!" she nearly screamed into his ears.

He couldn't believe what she had said right now, he was getting so intensely flustered, he thought his heart would explode out of his chest any second. He also had the sudden urge to be near her, to touch her skin, even kiss her, his adrenalin level after the arena fight was equally high as hers. But he felt utterly surprised by her touch and didn't even think about to prevent her from doing so. He looked into her moss-green eyes, seeing tiny flames dancing inside them, faces mere inches away from each other, his gaze seemed to lose focus and slowly wandered away from her eyes down to her lips.

She now kneeled down too in front of him and he felt her knees touching his as she moved her face in his direction, tilting her head a little as her lips were parted slightly.
He put his left hand on her cheek, pulling her closer his other hand brushed her hip carefully and then placed itself there and dug into her flesh. Her whole body started trembling now, getting more nervous at every second. Kylo tried to get a peek into her mind and just when he entered he could feel waves of excitement and pleasure but also anxiety swirl around her head. When their lips nearly touched, he tilted his head down a little avoiding the kiss by pressing their foreheads against each other.
While doing this, he also pulled her closer to him, pressing her body against his chest.
It was an utterly intimate gesture, and she abruptly realized just how close they were in this position. She felt fear crawling up her spine, but also curiosity and the will to break apart his dark facade and to find out who was hiding behind the mask of terror. She knew she shouldn't do this, but for some reason which wasn't just lusting,
her whole body screamed to be near him right now.

"You don't want this. Don't do it. Please." he nearly whimpered into her ear, the last word so faintly she nearly overheard it. Whilst cupping her face with both hands,
he separated their faces a little, so he could look into her eyes again. Her gaze darted back to him and he could see something inside them. Was it fear? Rejection? Compassion? He couldn't make it out, but it his chest stung from the look she gave him.

There was so much energy playing around them, the air felt electric, Reys hair on her neck stood up. He probably was right and it was the dumbest idea in the history of the galaxy, just thinking about kissing him. Of course, she shouldn't do this. But apart from logical thinking, his dark beautiful eyes which bored into her, his thumb lightly caressing her cheek, their bodies radiating of heat and their force aura against each other, quite didn't help her in deciding not to instantly crush her face into his.
But she blinked several times trying to get herself together again and pressed out in a soothing but still agitated voice:

"You don't have to fight everything. Sometimes you can just be yourself."

He followed the trail of his thumb with his eyes, which was now wandering down to her lip. He brushed it gently, but then looked up into her eyes again and said:
"That's the point where you should be afraid of. Being myself means being in an endless spiral of violence and tearing myself and others apart. There is nothing good left."

With this he stood up and left her on the ground, feeling a little shaky from this intense situation, so he turned around to not look at her anymore.
She also came up to her feet again and stomped angrily past him as her shoulder crushed deliberately into his, deeper into the forest.
"You are the worst fucking liar!" she screamed over her shoulder, sounding angry but also...dissapointed?

He stood there perplexed by her reaction, watching her kicking at branches and plants which crossed her way. He wasn't sure what she meant by her last sentence.
He didn't feel like he had lied to her. He opened his mouth slightly, wanting to ask her about it but at this moment she ignited her saber and slashed through the wood, burning a corridor into the plants.
So he instantly decided against it and just picked up his helmet and silently walked some meters behind her, pondering about what she was meaning with her words.

They walked like this for some minutes, he felt her rage dripping away with every meter. Finally she shut off the saber and started walking normally without kicking and smashing around. She slowed down her pace just a little bit and he felt insecurity crawling up to her. He knew what was causing this and caught up with her, a small smirk playing on his lip. As she realized him walking next to her, she stood still and looked at him pissed, crossing her arms over her chest.
"We are walking in the wrong direction. Don't we? You could have said so before if you knew already!" she huffed at him.

"To miss out on the show of you destroying the forest? No, I wouldn't dare to disturb you giving in to your anger." he said in a slightly amused voice.
"You are unbelievable!" she called out to him and closed her eyes to try to find their ship through the force like he showed her just one day ago.
Of course, it was in the complete opposite direction of where they ran when they fleed from the arena. Also, it was pretty far away if they'd go by foot it would take about two days to reach it.
Throwing her arms into the air she exclaimed: "This is some bantha shit! I would love to not get kidnapped again and just reach this goddamn ship now without any interferences nor with walking a hundred kilometres around in the desert! Is this too much to ask for? I am thirsty as hell and you drive me crazy with your smugness!"

He felt even more confirmed by her little outburst but tried not to say something about it to infuriate her any further. He just nodded in the direction she walked before and said in his usual deep voice: "Let's keep going where your gut told you to go first. It was right. There, you will find what you are looking for."
She didn't quite understand what he meant by this cryptical statement and looked at him questioningly. "Go! Trust your instincts!" he ordered her. She wanted to complain, but he already started walking again, so she followed. After what felt like an hour the trees opened up and they reached a clearance with a big pond in the middle. Around it was a bantha herd resting on the ground, sleeping peacefully. Rey gasped at this sight and looked excitedly between Kylo Ren and the pond back and forth. Before he could say something she already started running like crazy to the water, ripping her shoes and parts of her clothes off leaving a trail of her belongings and also the saber on the way to the pond.

The banthas around the pond were startled a bit by her splashing into the water, but didn't mind much and fell back to sleep instantly.
Kylo, bewildered by her action followed her hesitantly and at least picked up her lightsaber on the way. When he reached the water's edge, he kneeled down and put his helmet upside down on the ground and laid their two sabers into it.
He also put away his gloves and started to silently draw circles with his now naked index finger on the water surface.

She paddled over and took a halt about two meters before him. "I bet you never have any fun when you are with the First Order, don't you?"
He looked up a little puzzled and asked: "Why should I have fun there?"
Then she raised her arms and tried to make the biggest wave possible into his direction, trying to splash it all over him. He just put his hand away from the water surface and tipped three fingers up, holding all the water she splashed in his direction frozen in mid-air.
He now had a big wave dangerously close above his head, water dripping down from it, but apart from that, there was no movement in it.
She started to crazily laugh at this and splashed more water in his direction, each one was held up by his force. After the seventh time, he abruptly stood up and bellowed in her direction: "So you want to fight? You'll get a fight!" Her laughter instantly faltered, waiting for what will happen next, not knowing if he was pissed or determined to have a splashing contest with her. With a quick move of his right hand, he let all the water she already splashed in his direction turn around which now flying back in her face.
She could just let out something between a scream and joyful squeaking before the masses of water poured down her head, sending her under the surface.

When she emerged from the water she instantly wanted to boost her splashing with the force too, which she now tried and surprisingly succeeded when a big wave came crashing into Kylo's direction. Of course, he was fast enough to freeze it and sent it right back to her. They continued doing this for some time and she was having this maniac giggling going on as she wasn't believing that she would ever see Kylo Ren having a game of "Who can splash more water on the other one's head."
She thought she also saw a small smile playing on his lips, but couldn't make it out, because of the next wave crashing down on her.
After the last wave, which dipped her head under again, she emerged and screamed a "Time out!" between breaths and swam in his direction.

He just stood there, completely dry, without a drop of water ever reaching him from her splashing and cockily said that she should train her stamina more,
if she ever wants to become a jedi.
She just scoffed at this and walked out of the water, now standing face to face with him. He watched the water trickle down her chin vanishing somewhere between her neckline, her clothes now clinging a little bit transparent to her body, which showed her physique better. She was just beautiful at this moment and he couldn't help but stare at her, taking in every second of this into his memory.
"You know, if you wouldn't be a self-destructive maniac, who leaves a trail of death behind him most of the time, you wouldn't be half so bad to hang out with." she said and squeezed her index finger tauntingly into his chest, laughing whilst doing so. He took her hand away from his body and put it down. "I am bad to hang out with.
So don't bother, trying to find something positive about it." he said in a deep, sinister voice.

"Come on, not this again." she mused at him with a raised eyebrow. He shrugged his shoulders as if he didn't know what she meant by this statement.

First, she wanted to berate him, how he actually wasn't as evil inside as he thought of himself and that he had so much light left, but instead she decided to do something else, so she asked him: "Would you care to join me in the water? I would like to have one moment of peace with you before everything will turn to shit again when we go back to your ship." He took a step backwards and she could see the fight in his eyes, almost looking like he was going to have one of his temper tantrums again, but then he closed his eyes a second and opened them again, his expression had changed to something else like he found his center again and he plainly answered: "Okay."

She nodded and went back into the water, swimming around, waiting for him to join her. He kicked off his boots and took off some of his heavier clothing, which he neatly folded together and laid down next to his helmet. When he stepped into the water, small waved surrounded him. At some point he closed his eyes and just let himself float on his back above the water surface. Rey was totally fascinated by this, as she always felt his aura flowing around him in some kind of angry waves, but now it felt like it wasn't even there and she had never seen him this peaceful. There was the famous Kylo Ren she fought against to near death, who killed others without hesitation, commander of the First Order, silently floating in the water, gazing at the clouds just metres away from her seemingly at peace. This image will burn in her memory forever as this proof enough for her, that he was not an angry maniac as everyone believed he was.
But suddenly a deep sadness overcame her, for which she knew it wasn't her own. As she was paddling around in the pond, through their bond she tried to have a glimpse into his mind to find out what was causing it.

As she reached it, she saw pictures and flashes of the scene where Han Solo died at the hands of Kylo's sword. It repeated again and again, the last moments of his father looking at him, betrayal in his eyes.
"Stop it." he said in an unusual silent way, not opening his eyes, nor looking at her. She knew what he meant and just let herself float on the water too. "I'm sorry." she stated. They pretty much floated next to each other now, she turned her head to him and asked: "Do you feel regret?"

He opened his eyes and now turned his head to her, looking at her in a way she could see his sadness and frustration playing within his expression.
"Do you want to see it?" he asked in a serious but quiet voice. "Yes. Show me." she answered so silent, he barely heard it. As they were floating next to each other, he held out his left arm and brushed his fingers against her temple, giving her visions of everything she needs to see to understand what happened at the day, he killed his father.

At first she felt dizzy, like she was behind a wall of fog. But everything became clearer after some seconds and she found herself in a big hall on a First Order ship.
Kylo Ren was kneeling on the floor, his helmet clutched under his right arm. He looked much younger, maybe about eighteen, his hair a little shorter than it is now.
In front of him, sat a big figure talking to him. There was another person in the room, being thrown on the floor by two stormtroopers. "Supreme Leader Snoke. I brought you the resistance pilot, which infiltrated our station and gave out sensitive information to the rebels." Kylo said, not looking up to his leader.
"Well well. You did good. As a reward, you are allowed to watch him die."
Snoke raised his hand and the pilot started screaming in total agony. Blood seeped out from his ears and mouth, his eyes were ripped wide open like they would fall out any moment. He writhed himself on the floor, rolling around like if he was on fire trying to extinguish it. His screams became more frantic with every second and he started to gurgle because of the blood in his lungs. After what felt like an eternity, his arms dropped to the sides into the puddle of blood right under his body, small drops splashed in the air and landed on Kylo Ren's face, but he didn't even flinch.

The scene was finished and several similar scenes flashed up before Rey's eyes, sometimes Kylo brought in the people who were tortured by Snoke, sometimes Hux.
Sometimes it was just one person, sometimes there was a group of people, bathing in their own blood, pleading for salvation to avoid any more pain. It were the most gruesome scenes she ever witnessed in her life. Never has she seen people suffer like this, even if it was just a vision, she could feel their pain, fear and agony.
She saw about twenty of such scenes in a fast-forwarded way, spiraling around her vision, Kylo looking older every time, until he reached the age like she knows him right now. Again he kneeled in the big hall in front of his leader.
"Kylo Ren. Your training is nearly completed. But you still have this weakness which keeps you from fulfilling your destiny. I want you to find and kill them both."
Snoke said in the most threatening voice, bowing down from his chair to have a better view on Kylo Ren's face.

"My parents are not distracting me from my duties to the First Order. I do not care for them. I can fulfill my destiny anyway."
Kylo said in a steady voice, still not looking in his master's eyes.
"And with you just opposing my order, your weakness shows again. It seems I have to kill them myself." Snoke angrily screamed as he sent a bolt of force lightning at Kylo, who was hit by it and instantly flew backwards some metres. He groaned and pressed himself up, obviously in pain right now but he gritted his teeth together to not show it.

Kylo's head now shot up, there was the slightest bit of panic in his eyes. "No supreme leader Snoke. I will do it myself. There won't be any weakness in me left after their death." "Well. As you wish. Fulfil your task and come back to me, once you've killed them. Show me you are worth your training or you and your dirty rebel scums of parents will bitterly regret it." Snoke dismissed him with a wave of his hand and Kylo put on his helmet, rushing out of the hall. He went into his room, pulled out his saber and slashed everything which came into his vision, totally demolishing the room whilst screaming the whole time.
In the end, when everything was broken, he ripped the helmet off his head and threw it on the floor in such a way it broke into two halves and made a dent in the ground.
He fell down on his knees panting. She couldn't see his face then, just his back. But she heard silent sobs coming from his figure.

The next scene in the vision was something she remembered because she was there herself. It was the scene on Starkiller base, where she stood with Finn on a platform, Han Solo with his son on the bridge. Kylo and Han stood in front of each other, both gripping the lightsaber in their hands. Kylo activated it and mouthed a "Thank you." before Han Solo fell down dead into the black abyss. She felt the stab in Kylo's heart at this moment so strong it felt like he put the lightsaber through his chest and not Han's. Then came Chewbacca's shot and the vision started to fade.

Everything went black and Rey knew, that Kylo just shut off his mind and that he was done showing her, what she needed to know. Rey was in the present again still floating in the pond, tears flowing down her face and she couldn't believe what she just saw. He saved Han Solo from the most gruesome death by Snokes hand, by killing his father himself. He pulled his arm away from her temple and silently looked up into the sky. She could feel his heart ache with regret and pain, his emotions radiating all over the place. She closed the distance between them and squeezed his arm in a reassuring way. He moved into an upright position and looked deeply into her eyes, searching for some kind of forgiveness or release. She put up her hand and cupped his face, much like Han Solo did in his last moments. He leaned into it barely noticeable and closed his eyes, his face looked deeply troubled and in pain. She pulled him closer to her and crashed their bodies together, giving him the longest and heartfelt hug, Kylo Ren ever received in his whole life.