I lay down on what was considered my bed, drenched in the darkness of my room. I was used to the dark and iciness of the room, but tonight it felt entirely different. There was a feeling inside of me that I couldn't explain... loneliness... I felt so lonely... and inside of me there was this burning desire to run away and get away from this castle, even though it had been protecting me all this time.
I turned to my side, trying to wish the queasiness away from me. I had a feeling I knew what was 'wrong' with me, but didn't want to think about it. Everything felt like it was happening too soon... I wasn't ready for any of this.
Oh Ronald... I'm so sorry... I thought. I knew exactly why I didn't want to see him now. I felt so guilty... If it hadn't been for the war, we'd still be together doing who knows what. Everything that we always wanted?
I didn't want to see him, and I knew exactly why. I didn't want him to see me in the state. I didn't want him to feel sorry for me, to feel pained because of me or to feel bad for me. And worse... I had been copulating with some other man, when all this time I had kept myself pure and ready for Ron once the war was over, and I had given the biggest piece and essence of myself that I could give to the love of my life away to some guy as if it were nothing... And right now... could I... was I pregnant?
It was so cold in here. This room. My only nighttime solace. My ragged blankets were useless...
But, Viktor... Viktor... Why did he have to tell Voldemort everything? I honestly thought I knew him. Maybe there were some things I didn't know about him, or anything he had been through to let me understand him at all... Maybe I had misinterpreted my knowledge of him. But how am I supposed to judge him? He had been nice to be all the same, keeping me away from all this trouble.
Suddenly, without another word, I succumbed to sleep. All that thinking had gotten me so tired.
...
"What's the matter, Cho?" I asked when she came down to my room for the first time and woke me up.
I was so shocked because this was the first time she had come down here. Light glowed at the tip of her wand. I suddenly missed my wand. Every prisoner's wand or wands had been confiscated and broken to pieces.
"Get washed up and changed. I have new clothes for you in the first floor bathroom."
I blinked, suddenly feeling hopeless. "Am I doing it with Viktor again?" I asked.
But he had said I didn't need to anymore...
She shook her head. "No. Draco, Luna and Ginny are here."
I was still trying to get used to the sudden brightness of this room. The light blasting in from the entrance was too much for the darkness I was in. After adjusting the light of Cho's wand, I noticed that Cho looked worried and was biting her lip. What had happened?
...
I walked into the living room all washed and changed and saw that Draco, a full looking Ginny and Luna were sat down on the sofas, looking anxious. Cho stood by them, looking the same. Something grave must have happened.
"Guys... Just get straight to the point and tell me what happened." I said.
I didn't want to feel like this for a long time. Whatever it was, it was better to know what happened sooner than later. The emotions that would hit me would leave sooner then.
Ginny suddenly burst into tears and Luna pulled her into her arms to comfort her. Cho comforted her too by placing a hand on her lap. Draco glared daggers into the wall, as if trying to stray away from the emotions of the women and himself.
Having known Ginny all my life, I knew she wasn't one to cry so easily. She was tough and feisty, full of energy and life; only one thing could have broke her down to this state. The last time I had seen her like this was when Harry died... Oh my God. No... it couldn't be... No! No!
"Ron's dead." Ginny cried out.
The knowledge hit me like the Cruciatus Curse straight through the heart. Tears formed in my eyes as my brain finally realised how my heart was feeling. Ron couldn't have died! No!
I crumpled to the floor, trying to take control of my emotions.
"What?"
"He couldn't stand being away from you." Ginny spluttered through her tears and wailing. "And after not hearing a word from you all this time..."
I didn't want to hear her next words but it was too late.
"He begged Snape to finish him off with the Killing Curse."
"Oh Merlin..." I cried out.
I felt so horrible. I couldn't believe that I didn't want to see him... if I had gone yesterday and accepted Viktor's invitation, would Ron have still been alive? My heart told me so, but my mind told me he was long dead inside than he was on the outside. He hadn't wanted to continue living half alive.
This feeling inside of me... Was I feeling so depressed and upset because I had lost someone I loved? Or was it because he was my best friend? Memories of my time with Ron shout through my mind, but all I could see was a blur of the images... I felt so dizzy... and sick...
"All of this emotion isn't going to do good to your... to your kids." Cho suddenly muttered. "If you want a healthy baby we might as well try to pretend that all of this dying doesn't happen at all."
"Don't say a word, Cho!" Ginny cried out. "You always ruin the moment!"
The two women suddenly glared at each other.
"Don't put your negative emotions onto me, using your dead brother and boyfriend as a reason!" Cho argued back. "I'm only trying to be rational here! The Dark Lord isn't going to want depressed little things coming out of you!"
"Shut up you little crying, whiny little bitch!" Ginny hissed out with malice.
"Oh the irony in that." Cho laughed out, haughtily.
"That's enough you two." Draco intervened, before Ginny or Cho could say another word.
Luna looked pleased at Draco's intervention. She probably didn't want an argument to ensue.
I closed my eyes, still wondering if I love... loved Ron. He was so sweet... but my want for him... was it as real as the victory of Lord Voldemort?
...
"I could have handled that siutation perfectly well without Draco's help!" Cho muttered as soon as the three visitors left.
I was still sat on the stone cold floor where I had sat down earlier. I felt so numb.
Cho gave me a look. "Look. I know I may seem crass and apathetic right now, and I know what Ron was to you, but what were you expecting?" She sat down on the sofa where Ginny had sat earlier with a huff. "The people suffering from the result of the Dark Lord's victory should be expecting deaths and hurt and pain and whatnot. If they are going to have the emotional suffering range of a teaspoon, they might as well all just jump off a cliff now before any more news comes."
I nodded, to show her that I understood.
"Hermione, stop crying."
She walked over to be and brought me to my feet before giving me a hug. It seemed so genuine... her kindness.
"I'm sorry I didn't bring you over to Snape's for a visit." She sighed as she parted from me. "Love... I'm never going to understand love. But I understand to a scary extent what it's like to have your heart ripped out when you discover that the love of your life has just been torn away from you by death itself." She suddenly smiled, though it wasn't one of joy. A tear slipped from her eyes. "I guess that's why I'm so heartless sometimes. Cedric took it away with him the moment I saw his blank and lifeless eyes."
Cho then began to make her way to another room, using her hands to muffle the helpless and teary sounds being emitted from her mouth. I wondered if I should tell her about how sick I was suddenly feeling. It had been this way for quite some time.
"Um, Cho?" I squeaked.
"What?" She asked, obviously crying.
"I... I think..."
"I know what you're thinking." She said quickly. "You don't need to worry about a thing."
"Really?"
I knew that she didn't, she was losing her mind and confused again, having the shock of Cedric's death consume her again. But I let her leave the room anyway, deciding that maybe wasn't the tim to tell her. Speaking of Cedric... I was reminded of Ron...
...
One week later, Cho was not amused.
"Well? Why didn't you tell me?" She crossed her arms petulantly.
Cho had just waved her wand in front of my uterus to check to see if I was pregnant or not. Her wand glowed a bright colour to confirm that I was.
"I thought you knew..."
She suddenly smiled. "This is brilliant, Hermione! Oh my God!"
She hugged me in a tight embrace and whispered continuous thanks and ohmygods, kissing my cheek once in the process.
It was good to see her like this after seeing her so glum and depressed after being reminded of Cedric's death for an entire week. It made me wonder if I had actually loved Ron at all. Was true love meant to be like this? Maybe I wasn't as emotional as Cho... Ron and I... I just liked hearing him laugh and see his goofy smile. And I liked talking to him and hearing his jokes... his nice hugs... Was that it? I never actually had the urge to kiss him all the time and have sex with him... but love didn't have to be all about the sex, right? That wasn't, or should I say, isn't love at all...
A thought then came to me. It was one that had bugged be for quite some time ever since Cho asked that I get pregnant for her by shagging her husband. Oh Merlin...
"Cho?"
"Yes?"
"How are you going to look pregnant when I am pregnant?" I asked.
I bit my lip worriedly.
"For now you and I don't need to worry about a thing." She said with a hidden smile in her eyes. "That will only matter after about four months or less."
"Okay..."
I hoped she knew what she was doing. I put a hand to my tummy, wondering what the new life inside of me was doing.
"In the meantime, I'll move you up to your new room. This room you currently live in is not a suitable environment for a pregnant woman to be in."
I blinked, wondering if what Cho was saying was real at all.
"Thanks... Cho. Really."
"Just as long as you don't do anything funny while I'm not around... again." she muttered, giving me a strange look.
What was she going on about? I was reminded of the time when I had spotted Cho watching Viktor and I hug... Was she mad about that?
Cho stood up as if there was nothing worth questioning on her sudden statement.
"In the meantime. I'll have to brew some more love potion and get that dumb introvert to sleep with me."
Was she going on about Viktor? Which reminds me...
"Hey, Cho?"
"Yes?"
"One of the side effects of a love potion is faulty memory... I mean absolute loss of memory of the previous nights activities right?"
She nodded. "That is correct. However, I add a little twist in my love potion. My love potion makes feelings especially strong during any love act as to bring out the optimum pleasure out of either person. I'm not entirely sure on the side effects though, because as far as I can see, there are none- unless you count unrequited love as one, since love potions are usually used on someone who isn't loving you back. But that's got nothing to do with the actual potion right?"
She laughed at her own rhetorical question.
"Right... so they are well aware of the act of... love making... while it's happening right?"
"Well, of course!" Cho said. "Why would you want to have sex with a mindless person?"
"Right..."
Oh my God.
I could feel my cheeks burning. So Viktor remembered everything? He had seen me naked, and being all stupid and flirty in front of him... Oh my God.
Cho suddenly grabbed my hand, ignoring how embarrassed I was feeling, although she hardly knew that I was. How could I blame her for not leaving me to cool down from my embarrassment?
"Want to see your new room now?"
I smiled. "Sure."
A/N
Latest chapter! I'm not sure if the next chapter is going to be everybody's cup of tea but... hopefully, some of you will like it. Thanks for reading!