Lelouch was unpredictable. I wasn't sure that he was at home; and if he was, whether he'd let me in. I knocked on the door and heard the shuffle of slippers on wooden floors. Lelouch appeared at the door in pajama bottoms and a black t-shirt. His hair was scruffy and in the hand that didn't hold the door open; he held a mug. He smelled strongly of alcohol and I began to feel light headed the longer I stood there.
"C2?!" he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.
I touched my hand to my cheek and it came away covered in blood. I saw Lelouch's terrified face and then I saw the ground fall away from beneath me.
When I opened my eyes, Lelouch was hovering above me holding a cloth, soaked in what must have been antiseptic, on my cheek.
"Lulu," I whispered, my head spinning too much to realize what I'd just said.
He stopped holding the cloth long enough to lean down and kiss me. The back of my head throbbed as my hand reached up to cup the back of his neck, lifting myself slightly off of the sofa. I could taste alcohol on his lips and tongue as my fingers curled around his hair. Tears began to fall from my eyes; the fight with my parents resurfacing in my mind.
He pulled away from me slowly, his face expressionless.
"What happened?" he whispered kissing my scarred cheek.
I pulled him down towards me, kissing his lips softly.
"It doesn't matter anymore," I said as he cradled my face.
"C2!" he mumbled his lips ghosting over mine as he closed his eyes.
"You can tell me, you can trust me," he whispered, resting his forehead on mine.
"How can I trust you?!" I began, choking slightly as tears continued to roll down my cheeks. "You said you wouldn't go away again but you did!"
"I'm sorry," he said but he didn't give a reason.
"Is that it," I sighed, sniffling.
He pulled away from me slightly. He knew that as long as he didn't tell me the reasons for his regular disappearances there would always be distance between us. He knew that yet he refused to tell me.
I sat up on the sofa and he came to sit beside me. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. I sniffled again, chuckling as I dried my eyes yet again.
"Suzaku's mum called off the wedding," I laughed. "I told Suzaku I didn't want to marry him. When my parents found out they hit me, across my face three times. Mum was wearing her rings that's why there was blood."
"How could they do this to you?!" he said his voice tight, and his fists balled in his lap.
"My parents don't love me Lelouch," I said laughing at the thought. "So they don't think I'll have a good future without money. Suzaku had money; I told him I wanted out and this is what they did to me."
Lelouch's fingers brushed over my cheek and he pulled me into him. I didn't think I could cry anymore than I already had but I did. And I cried and cried while Lelouch held me in his arms.
"I should get going," I said standing up off the sofa and wiping my tear stained cheeks.
"And where are you going to go?! You can't go back home!?" he asked.
"It doesn't concern you where I go," I said coldly.
"C2!" he said standing up.
"Don't," I said closing my eyes. "Don't say something like I'm special to you or that you care about me. Just don't lie to my face."
"Bullshit!" he yelled. "C2 you are special to me!"
"If you care about me so much why do you keep running off without telling anyone, without telling me?!" I asked turning to face him.
"It's important," he said sounding frustrated.
"What is it Lelouch?! What is it that's so important that you keep leaving?!" I yelled.
He frowned as if debating something in his mind before saying it.
"I don't want to talk about it," he mumbled, looking away.
"This, Lelouch!" I said continuing to yell. "Is why we will never be the way we were back then; because neither of us trusts one another! You won't let me in Lelouch; yet you expect for me to open up to you with every problem I have! It doesn't work like that!"
Lelouch took a seat back down on the sofa.
"I'm done. I'm done with trying to reach out to you," I said my voice softening. "Goodbye Lelouch."
I walked out of his flat refusing to look back.
I wandered around the neighboring streets before settling for the docks. However, Lelouch was already there. I was ready to turn back when he began to speak.
"Rolo died," he said his head facing towards the horizon.
"He became sick three years ago. As you know my parents aren't around anymore, so I chose to go look after him. It happened so suddenly and I didn't know how soon I'd be back, if at all so I quit the company and left town. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you C2."
I couldn't say anything.
"It wasn't that I didn't trust you but that I was scared. I was scared that if I said it out loud the fact that he was sick would become all the more real. Where Rolo lived I would have a constant reminder of his condition, the neighbors were all concerned as was anyone who knew him. But here," he sighed. "No one but you and Suzaku knew about Rolo and nobody knew about his illness so there was nothing to ask. It was nice to just forget that he was sick for some time."
"Lulu," I breathed.
"The last time I left I attended his funeral. It was strange and scary to see just how few people actually knew my brother. And then when I came back, you were here... But I couldn't bring myself to tell you because it would only make me remember."
I didn't know Rolo so I couldn't say that he was a good kid or that he had a good life because I'd only be making assumptions. So I left. I walked away because I couldn't say goodbye again.
I didn't see anyone for a few days. I didn't sleep either; I just wondered around the streets. I had at least thirty voice mails from various people.
I didn't check them before deleting them.
I sat on the mixture of sand and pebbles that the town called a beach. My reactions were slow and my vision rather hazy. There was a constant throbbing at the back of my head. I didn't know why I was out here. Alone. Afraid. I just knew that I couldn't bear to see anyone; not my parents, not Suzaku, not Lelouch.
My fingertips regularly brushed against my cheek, just to remind me of what my parents had done, as I looked out to the sea. I could feel the need for sleep dragging me down like a wave dragging down everything; but I refused it. I needed to stay awake. If I closed my eyes for more than a second I might forget, and I didn't want to forget.
Then I felt it, warm tears making their way down my cheeks, seeping their way into my scarring flesh. Lelouch had been in pain the whole time since he returned but I hadn't seen it. Instead, I had ridiculed him and made him feel guilty.
There was a soft thud as someone sat beside me on the sand.
"He'll forgive you," Kallen whispered before her arms wrapped around me.
I snuggled my head into her shoulder, desperately rubbing away my tears. I had been fine with Lelouch seeing my weak side... But that was it... No one else could.
It was only a few days later that I had enough courage to go and see Lelouch. It took all my strength to raise my hand to knock on his door. When Lelouch opened the door he looked nothing like he had the last time. Our eyes met as he pulled the door open but he quickly looked at the floor.
"How's the cheek?!" he asked.
I brushed my hand against my cheek, "Fine. Thanks to you."
He looked up briefly, smiling before his gaze returned to the ground.
"I want to apologize for the way I acted. I didn't know what was going on in your life. I was selfish," I said.
He chuckled.
"C2, you couldn't be selfish if you tried," he looked up and didn't look down again. "You gave up your entire life after your sister's accident to take care of her. You broke off your engagement with Suzaku because you didn't want to marry him; and I'm sure it was in his interest."
I shook my head, "That was the selfish thing I did."
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"When I told him about what we'd done together he wanted me to forget about you. I couldn't do that... I couldn't forget about the one person I love," I looked at him, my eyes full of tears.
He stepped forward and pulled me into him. He kissed my forehead.
"Do you really mean it C2?!" he asked.
"Yes, I love you," I said.
But I'll never say it to anyone else.
Never
~The End
And so the story ends... I had so much fun writing this I hope you guys had at least half as much fun reading it. Thank you to all those who stuck with the story until the end (however strange it was).
Luliyah X