TY to IV and FO and everyone!
The next day, Usagi agonized over her manga chapter, agonized outside Mamoru's doorway, took a break from agonizing to get a cheese bun and Pocky from the convenience store next door, and then agonized while eating the bun in the elevator, only to walk right into Mamoru in the hallway when she emerged.
"Oh! Sorry!" She looked at him wide-eyed, shopping bag hanging from her wrist, glad she at least had the foresight to throw on some mascara that morning, and that her flip-flops where nowhere to be seen. "Did you- are you- you, um... going to work?"
He shook his head. "I just got back."
"Oh, okay..."
"I was actually going to, uh," he pushed some hair back from his face, she noticed a tightening around his eyes as he cringed a bit, "knock on your door."
"Oh." Usagi blinked. "Erm, well, come inside then!"
Soon, Usagi had the Pocky box opened on the coffee table in a display of hospitality, and she helped herself to one as she sat sideways on the sofa facing Mamoru, almost apprehensively. He seemed tense, and it was rubbing off on her, even thought at least he wasn't curling himself into a tiny ball this time...
"I'm so sor-"
"I owe you an apol-"
They both spoke and then quieted at the same time.
Usagi swallowed the last of her Pocky and tried again, "I said some really mean things to you and I'm soooo sorry, Mamoru! I didn't mean it! I am so grateful for all the times you've helped me!"
He shook his head. "I acted inappropriately toward you when drunk and the next morning I... I was unforgivably rude," he said, clearing his throat a little. "I am sorry."
Acted inappropriately... She could still feel his lips behind her ear, scorching up her neck. It hurt that it meant so little to him.
She shrugged, focusing on the second part of his apology. "Well, you were hungover, and I'm loud, I can be annoying..." she laughed a little, forced a light-hearted shrug.
"No," he said, almost forcefully and then seemed surprised at his outburst and blinked a few times, shaking his head. Usagi noticed he was opening and closing his hands in his lap. "No, you... it wasn't you I just... I'm sorry."
Without even thinking about it, Usagi reached out and curled her fingers around his, stilling his nervous movements. His fingers were cool to the touch, and stilled upon her comforting squeeze.
"Listen," Usagi said. "There's something you should know." She took a deep breath, and spoke to their entwined hands. Ok, Tsukino, it's now or never. "I never hated you."
He gave an incredulous huff and made her bristle and almost giggle. "Well, at least for most of the time I knew you I didn't actually hate you!" she insisted and he laughed a little, and she let out a puff of air, taking back her hand and crossing her arms with a pout.
Each little action was like a crack in a board covering a window, and finally his laugh broke it open, letting sunlight stream in. Awkwardness broken, and Usagi thought: this is how it is supposed to be.
What was she thinking? Serious talks, apologies, declarations and confessions - that wasn't them. If what it took to keep things between her and Mamoru normal, this comfortable status quo, well, then... Usagi could certainly swallow her feelings. Sure, it wasn't something she was used to doing, but most people did it all the time and honestly, how hard could it be?
Just pretend you aren't in love with the guy. Easy.
"You know it's dinner time," Mamoru said, eyeing Usagi as she chowed down on another Pocky.
"Really?" Wrinkling her nose, Usagi leaned back to glance into the kitchen at the clock on her microwave. "That explains why I was hungry."
"Did you want to go grab something to eat?" he offered, half standing.
"Always!"
She grabbed a few Pocky for the road, even while Mamoru half-rolled his eyes and she giggled at his annoyance (normal, normal, normal) as she followed him to the door.
Passing by, he looked at her 'nest' of blankets and pillows curiously, and Usagi felt heat rush to her face. She'd been planning on confessing her love, and explaining her sleeping against their shared wall with honesty (however weird and creepy it seemed to her now) but since she'd gone to Plan B: Hide Everything, she'd have to do some fast thinking.
"There was a spider," she explained, quickly. "A huuuuge one! All hairy and gross and jumpy and... so... well, the bedroom belongs to the spider now..."
"Ah," he said, with a nod and raised eyebrows.
"And this is the furthest I can sleep from the bedroom and still be in the apartment," she stretched out her arms, "so... in case, you know, it decides to attack in my sleep and attempt to extend its spidery territory..."
"Of course," Mamoru nodded, "as spiders are wont to do."
"Sure, sure, I think I saw it on a nature show," she said, leaning down to pull on her canvas sneakers. The genkan was a bit small for them both to tie their shoes without brushing elbows, and each accidental touch sent a fissure of lightning down Usagi's spine.
In the elevator, she tried and failed not to focus on the soft fringe of hair falling into his too-blue eyes, the slow way his lips pulled into a smirk, the broadness of his shoulders even as he hunched them, hands in his pockets, leaning against the elevator wall as cool as can be. She teased him about work, about the same-ness of his outfits, and he sighed over her eating in the elevator and licking the chocolate off her fingers as the last of the Pocky disappeared into her mouth.
Despite his much longer legs, Usagi noticed they walked in stride with each other (had they always? did she ever notice before?) and every so often their knuckles would brush against each other. The need to grab his hand, to tell him to stop - he either had to touch her for real or never touch her at all! - was so overwhelming Usagi wanted to cry.
"How about here?" Mamoru said, stopping by a diner that specialized in omu-rice and parfait confections. "They have good desserts here, and I know you like that."
Usagi managed to nod around the lump in her throat.
"Dinner can be my treat," Mamoru said, scooting into a booth that the hostess waved them to.
"What? Why?" Usagi argued. "Last I checked, you actually pay rent."
"And last I checked, I actually have a job." That amused sparkle was in his eyes, (how had she ever hated it?) and Usagi had to busy herself with the menu before she launched herself across the table and into his lap, begging him to at least give her a chance to win him over.
The waitress came and took their order, and Usagi shifted to her knees, bouncing a bit, and they chatted about her manga, her apartment, and Mamoru suggested maybe he could see if he could help with the spider.
"What spider?"
"The one that banished you from your bedroom?"
"Oh! Ha ha ha ha right," she laughed nervously, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. "I'm sure it's gone now. I'll just go back in the room tonight..."
He held his fork and knife so gracefully while he ate, Usagi noticed. Meanwhile, she realized she was devouring her omu-rice - shoveling another forkful in her mouth before she even finished the first one, swallowing in giant gulps. It was how she always ate, and she wasn't ashamed, just noticing yet another difference between them. And it was lovely to watch him, long fingers and delicate mouth. He ate like a prince.
"You okay?" he asked and Usagi started up, realizing she'd lowered her spoon in her hand and was looking at him almost slackjawed.
"Fine!" she grinned, scrapping the last of her omu-rice up in her spoon. Just watching you eat. That's a totally normal thing people do, right?
The waitress returned to the table. "Is everything okay here?" she directed her question to Mamoru. "Can I get you anything else?"
He looked at Usagi with that knowing light in his eyes, a half smile on his face. "Dessert, I'm sure, right, Usagi?"
It was probably only the third time in her entire 23 years on the planet that Usagi ever turned down dessert. She couldn't sit across from Mamoru for another second. And was the waitress trying to catch his eye with a flirtatious smile? Kill me nooooowwww, Usagi begged the gods.
"Just the bill, please," Usagi said, her voice ending in a squeak. Mamoru looked her in surprise bordering on shock and she made a face back at him. What? she could have self-control sometimes. Besides, there was ice cream in her fridge back home, she knew.
"Separate checks, I assume?" the waitress said, making a mark in her booklet.
"Together, please," Mamoru said smoothly, and the girl's face dropped just a tiny bit even as she nodded briskly and professionally, leaving a slip of paper in the clear plastic cylinder on the table.
"That was so rude!" Usagi couldn't help bursting out with, as soon as the waitress was out of earshot.
"What was?" Mamoru said, taking the slip of paper and smoothing it between his hand and the table in a movement Usagi thought was entirely unfair.
"Just assuming we weren't together!" she seethed. "I mean," she added quickly, "I know we aren't, but like. For all she knew! We could've been on a date! Or something! Or, like, engaged even!"
"I'm sure it wasn't anything like that," he said dismissively.
"But she was flirting with you," Usagi hissed under her breath as they walked up to the cashier.
Mamoru gave her a 'get real' look and Usagi bristled again. "Uh... she was definitely giving you 'eyes'."
"Eyes?"
"Oh my god, does this happen to you so much you don't even notice!?"
By this time, Mamoru had paid the bill (to another server working the cashier, thank goodness) and walked a agitated Usagi out of the restaurant.
He chuckled. "Okay, show me these 'eyes'."
Usagi rolled her eyes, looked up at him, then batted her lashes in an exaggerated way. He burst out laughing.
"Oh, come on, Usagi."
"Okay, okay," she said, tugging on his sleeve until he came to a stop. "It's like this."
And Usagi did it the real way, the way she did when she was trying to get an extra flavor shot in her cream frapp at Starbucks without paying for it, when she and Minako were trying to flirt their way into a club, when she was trying to get her math tutor in high school to forget quadratic equations for, like, five seconds (turns out he was gay so that was a bit of a no-go). She looked at him, tilted her head a bit, made her eyes a little too wide, her lips a little pouty, and blinked a few times, slowly.
He froze. A hint of color appeared on his cheeks. She figured he was probably realizing all the times girls had done that to him and he had no idea what they were trying to do. Idiot.
"Like that, baka." She punched his arm lightly, and marched ahead of him toward their place, ignoring the tingling in her knuckles where they'd brushed the muscular warmth of this upper arm, beneath the starched coolness of his shirt.
Two long strides and he caught up with her, hands back in his pockets. "Sure, sure, Odango Atama. I didn't notice the waitress doing anything like that."
"Good thing you went into medicine and not detective work," she huffed, pulling open their lobby doors after he punched in the code.
She didn't even know where this newfound annoyance was coming from, all she knew was she'd skipped dessert to get away from the torture of resisting the magnetic pull he had toward her, and somehow it seemed to be multiplying on her and... ugh.
In the elevator, she leaned against the wall and bit at her nail, deep in thought. So, she'd have to do this for the rest of her life?! While he dated around and got married and had little baby-Mamorus who ran around talking about photons or whatever in kindergarten and oh my god. No, no I'll die.
Wait, though, she thought, I only have to do this until I get over him.
Right, people don't stay in unrequited love forever! Soon enough she'd get over Mamoru, find her perfect man, and she'd get married and have little baby-Usagis who ran around eating the last piece of cake out from everyone.
"Usagi? Usagi? Hey, Odango Atama!"
She blinked and snapped out of her thoughts to Mamoru holding the elevator door open on their floor, looking at her with incredulous exasperation.
"Sorry, jeeze," she said.
"It's okay," he said, and as she passed by to leave the elevator he gently put his hand on her back, leading her out, and sensation of his fingertips sent goosebumps rising on her skin.
"Anyway, thanks-for-dinner-it-was-great-I'm-glad-we-worked-everything-out-have-a-good-night-see-you-soon-bye!" she said, rushing to her door as fast as she could before she just, like, jumped him in the hallway.
I've gotta get better at this eventually right? Usagi thought, as she rummaged in her purse for her keys. It's like anything! Practice makes perfect.
The more time she spent burying her feelings, the better she'd get at it. But right now, what she needed more than anything was a break from Mamoru's perfect face because she was about to pop like a damn balloon.
But where the hell were her keys?!
No.
Nooooooo.
"Locked out?"
Did he have to sound so amused and smug about it?
Taking a moment to collect herself, Usagi turned and schooled her face into a self-depreciating smile. "Oops," she said, with a giggle.
And that's how she found herself standing awkwardly in Mamoru's genkan, while he walked to the kitchen to retrieve her spare key.
It wasn't buried in a mess of clutter or in a junk drawer somewhere, or anything like hers would've been, but no, Mr. Organized had it hanging next to his own keys and medical ID, on a hook by his calendar. So he could get it quickly. In case she needed him.
Her eyes filled with tears and it was suddenly very hard to breathe. She curled her toes in her shoes and clutched at the handle of her purse. The edges of the room were starting to close in on her.
"Here you go," he said, holding it out to her easily. His face knitted a bit in concern. "Usagi, are you okay? You look pale."
"I LOVE YOU!" she cried. "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"
And just like that, it was like she could breathe again, tension uncoiling in her shoulders and stomach all at once. "I'm in love with you," she said, softer this time. She nodded, feeling at peace.
Then, "Thanks!" she said, snatching the keys out of his shocked hand and leaving the apartment in a whirl of golden hair.