Warnings: Language. Fluff, sap, and all sorts of bullshit.

Learning To Let Go

Chapter 10

In the end, Grimmjow had left the Kurosaki family at around 3 am, only because Ichigo insisted he leave and that he could take care of things himself. He wanted to argue, but he had to get to the garage early the next day (or was it later on today? All nighters messed up his time perception) and he didn't think Hallibel would be too pleased if he asked to come in late again.

He pressed a roll of cash into Ichigo's hand, firmly insisting that Ichigo keep it for the cab fare home. Ichigo protested, but in the end, he gave in. Probably still feeling guilty for 'the incident', but for once, Grimmjow didn't feel bad about it. After making sure that his number was in Ichigo's phone and that the man would call him if he needed anything, Grimmjow left, waving goodbye and smirking at Karin when Ichigo wasn't looking. She returned with a smirk and a wink.

Grimmjow grinned to himself, their earlier conversation flashing in his mind.

He had an inside man now. Two of them, in fact. Yesss.

He was feeling buoyant all the way home, and the feeling followed him into his dreams.

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The next day (the real next day, as in a whole twenty four plus hours later) found him eagerly walking to Katen's Pet Emporium, only to be disappointed to find a petite, severe looking woman behind the counter. She regarded him with an expression that was walking a fine line between hostile and disinterested.

Grimmjow was reminded of a particularly stern librarian or schoolmarm.

"Can I help you?" She deadpanned, not looking like she would help him at all, despite her question.

"Uh, I'm looking for Ichigo," he said, and the look on her face grew more concentrated. Grimmjow was impressed because he hadn't thought that was humanly possible.

"He's not here." The woman's tone was clipped and she looked at him with a hint of distaste, even, once she recognised he wasn't going to buy anything. He still persevered though. He frowned back.

"When will he come back then?"

"I can't say."

It was the ultimate staredown, irritated blue versus arctic gray. Grimmjow would have stepped it up a notch if the door hadn't opened at that moment.

"Ah, if it isn't Jaegerjaquez," A pleasant baritone interrupted their stare-off, the owner of the voice entering the shop clad in a teal blue yukata with a pinwheel design. His grin was wide and easygoing. "It's nice to see you again."

Grimmjow smiled at the man, extending his hand in greeting. "Hello Shunsui. Nice to see you too." As they shook hands, he let his most sincere expression take over his face. "I just came to visit Ichigo. Where is he?"

"Ichigo? He took the time off to stay at home with his dad. I thought you knew?"

Grimmjow wasn't above shooting a smug, victorious smirk at the woman. She glared back with open hatred. Shunsui seemed oblivious to the exchange. "Oh, no. I knew he took yesterday off, but I he didn't tell me anything else. His old man is recovering well, I heard."

Shunsui hummed, rubbing his scruffy beard in consideration. "Yeah. It'll take more than a heart attack to down that stubborn old fool," he grinned, "sure did give everyone a scare though. I visited him yesterday and he seemed like he was never ill at all. It drives his kids insane."

Grimmjow smiled politely, though he couldn't actively participate in the conversation since he didn't know the Kurosakis that well. The girls were okay, but he wasn't in too much of a hurry to meet their dad.

"Oh, I guess I should head back now, it's almost the end of my break. See ya, Shunsui."

He waved jauntily and had to restrain his laughter as the woman glared daggers at him. He was sure that if Shunsui hadn't been present, she would have flipped him off.

He'd so won this round anyway.

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On the way back to the garage from the pet shop, Grimmjow contemplated calling Ichigo and asking if they could hang out, or something. Then he decided not to. For Ichigo to have taken an off day from the shop, he had to have been busy. He was probably having fun with his sisters and he didn't want to interrupt that.

He practically pranced into the garage, he was feeling so... fluffy. Hallibel and Starrk gave him a knowing look.

"So, hows your one doing?" Starrk smirked, laughing when Grimmjow scowled and punched him on the shoulder.

"That is not funny, man," He groused, successfully suppressing the fuzzy feeling he got every time he thought about Ichigo in romantic terms. Which was all the time, to be honest. His friends wouldn't let them hear the end of it if they knew just how hopelessly he'd fallen. "He took a day off from Katen's to take care of his dad. I guess I can only see him on Monday, seeing as he doesn't work weekends and all..."

He'd told the two of them what happened to Ichigo's dad two nights ago. He didn't want to, but he had no choice but to explain it to them when he showed up at the garage yesterday morning looking like the walking dead.

So they also knew that Grimmjow and Ichigo had 'patched up', so to speak. And they were cruel with the teasing.

Gin had been conveniently missing, though, and Grimmjow was pissed. Apparently he'd be back only on Monday because he'd gone to 'visit his girlfriend'. Huh. It was suspicious that he'd never mentioned this girlfriend before. Oh well, he had to return eventually. Grimmjow would wait.

"Why don't you call him? Ask him out to a movie. I'll even volunteer to be your wingman because I am just that great a friend." Starrk chuckled, and Hallibel cracked a smile.

"I'll come along too, I guess. It's been a while since I went to a theater."

"I have no say in this at all, do I?"

Grimmjow's sulk was met with raised eyebrows and evil smirks.

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And that was how Grimmjow found himself squished between Starrk on his left side and Hallibel on his right, Ichigo sitting beside Hallibel, and his two sisters in the adjacent seats.

"How did I end up next to you in the makeout corner," Grimmjow groused, sullenly burying his face in his bucket of popcorn and slumping into his seat. Because that was where he was seated, in that little alcove where horny teenaged couples thrived in sparsely occupied movie halls. How had that happened? Was there some higher power who was having a good laugh at his expense? "And how did my wallet end up being the only one that was opened?"

"Better sit up straight, Grimm, or people will get the wrong impression if they look here," Starrk snickered, sucking on the straw of his tall glass of fanta. "And the wallet thing is because you're treating us, of course."

"But isn't that why you got this seat, Starrk?" Hallibel teased, looking at them out of the corner of her eyes, "so you could have Grimmjow all to yourself in a dark corner, kissing and groping and what not?"

Grimmjow felt nauseous. "That's... Ew. That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. Just... No. No no no."

"Come on, I think we'd make a great couple," Stark taunted him, leaning dangerously into his personal space and making him lean into Hallibel. "And Ichigo's looking at us right now."

That was enough to for Grimmjow to let out a string of curses and push his so called best friend away by his face, before studiously burying his face into his bucket again and ignoring Starrk's sniggering and Hallibel's silent laughter. He wasn't brave enough to look back at Ichigo right now.

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Ichigo looked suspiciously at Starrk's laughter, Hallibel's amusement, and Grimmjow's sudden imitation of an ostrich. What were they doing in that shady corner? His sisters were sitting right next to them, for god's sake!

"Thanks for inviting us, Hallibel," Karin piped up, distracting Ichigo out of his mildly annoyed train of thought. "I wanted to watch this movie a lot."

"Yes, thank you for watching over Ichi-nii too," Yuzu smiled, and Ichigo gave her a look.

"Jeez I'm not a toddler, you guys," he groused, wondering when the adverts would stop and the movie would start already. Did the messages always last so long?

"Well, sometimes you do act like it, Ichi-nii," Karin smirked at him, and he chucked a popped corn at her. She laughed and tried to bat it away. The snack landed on her lap, and she took it and put it in her mouth. "Thank you big brother, how did you know I was craving something salty?"

Ichigo knew a losing battle when he saw one, so he wisely sat back and decided not to waste any more of his popcorn. Shit was expensive enough as it was.

"It's fine," The blond mechanic said softly. The interaction between the siblings reminded her of her own sisters. They were also similar in age. Maybe she should have brought them along too? She'd do it next time. "Ichigo is fun to have around."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Hey!"

"Aww Ichi-nii, don't need to get so defensive..."

"Enough you guys, the movie is starting." Yuzu broke them up before any more popcorn could be chucked, and that was the end of that.

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In the end, the movie had been hilarious, but mostly it was due to their constant commentary on every dumb thing that happened on screen. Starrk and Hallibel alone were enough to poke holes in the plot and make a laughing stock out of it, and when Grimmjow and Karin joined in, it had become a no-holds barred movie bashing session.

They had laughed so loudly (at a rather serious part, no less) that a few people in the front rows had turned and yelled some rather rude comments.

Karin responded by laughing at them. Well, she hadn't actually laughed at them, but at something Hallibel had been murmuring under her breath.

That of course did not sit well with the other party, and words were exchanged, which in turn lead to fists, and then they were escorted out by security.

It was a great night.

"Are you okay?" Grimmjow asked Ichigo for what seemed to be the hundredth time since they got out of the theater.

"I'm fine, Grimmjow, really, he didn't even touch me,"

"You're lucky Grimm got to him before I did," Karin groused, looking at Ichigo with her brand of concern mixed with annoyance. "I would have broken his nose for raising his hand against you."

"Well I shouldn't have gotten in the middle like that, I guess-"

"Youre wrong!" Yuzu cried out, clutching onto his hands. Ichigo was surprised, since she never tended to raise her voice for anything. "It wasn't your fault, Ichi-nii. You were just trying to sort things out. It was that man's fault for getting violent! Don't don't try to blame yourself okay? You did nothing wrong."

Ichigo felt awkward and self conscious with the way they were looking at him. He just looked down at his hands which were being held in Yuzu's grip. He didn't know what to say, and he felt exposed and small under the weight of their gazes. "You're right Yuzu, I'm sorry for upsetting you... But I swear I'm fine. Let's just head home, okay?" He put on a brave front, smiled reassuringly and began to walk to their destination.

What he didn't tell anyone was that he'd frozen in fear when that man had suddenly raised a fist at him out of nowhere. If Grimmjow hadn't intervened, shielding him with his body as he intercepted the hit (nearly breaking the guy's wrist in the process), he would have had a panic attack right there in the middle of the ruckus.

Nobody said anything after that, and it was silent and a little tense as they walked to the place where they would all split up.

Starrk, Grimmjow and Hallibel were going back to the garage, seeing as it was still only eight in the evening and they apparently did not feel like going home. Ichigo and his sisters were headed to their father's house, since that was where they were staying before the twins left tomorrow and Ichigo went back to his own apartment.

"Well, this is where we head off," said Grimmjow, indicating with his arms at the crossing. "Why don't I catch you guys a taxi?"

"No, that really isn't necessary," Ichigo protested. "it's just a fifteen minute walk and it isn't even that late so-"

"I think you should take a taxi. The girls must be tired after that bout of excitement." Hallibel said, and she was right, they did look a little dull. He felt bad for not noticing.

"Well, that's settled then," Grimmjow smiled and went to stand at the curb to flag down a taxi. Ichigo went with him, while the others stood out of the way, leaning against the side of a building. Karin and Yuzu had taken a real shine to the blond woman it seemed, and even now they were talking to her and asking her about her family.

Ichigo looked at them and smiled a little wistfully. Apparently Grimmjow hadn't liked the look on his face.

"Oi, wha' 'chu lookin' awl sad fer?" he drawled out, imitating one of the actors in the movie they had just seen. It managed to make him smile.

"Oh, nothing. And don't talk like that, you sound weird."

Grimmjow laughed, looking at him out of the corner of his blue eyes. Ichigo favoured him with a similar look of his own. Grimmjow scoffed in exasperation before he looked directly at him. "Ichigo, I'm serious. Are you alright?"

His smile wavered only slightly, but the tightening in Grimmjow's brows told him he'd noticed it. "I'm fiiine, Grimmjow. I promise."

"Yeah? You looked a little shaken back there. I thought you were going to freak out again." Then he blinked, realising what he'd said. "I mean- that's not what I meant- shit- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so insensitive, Ichigo."

Ichigo chuckled softly, not really bothered about Grimmjow's comment. But he kept silent just to watch the man fumble over his words again. "That's okay, Grimmjow. I don't take offense at that. My panic attacks are like freak outs, I guess."

"Oh, so they're panic attacks? Can you... Can you tell me what triggers them? Or am I asking intrusive questions?"

"Well..." Ichigo paused, his face somber. "I don't really want to talk about it, I'm sorry..."

"Nah, nothing to apologize for. Heck, I should be the one apologizing. And..." Grimmjow turned, something in his brilliant eyes made something churn in Ichigo's stomach. "Thanks for coming tonight. Even if it did end in disaster, I'm happy you came with us tonight."

Now it was the clerk's turn to fumble with his words. "Uhm, no, I should be the one thanking you for inviting us. It wasn't a disaster at all, I enjoyed it very much. And thanks. For, for earlier." He swallowed. "I owe you."

"Hey now, none of that stupid stuff." The mechanic grinned at him. "You owe me nothing. Just forget about it okay? I don't like to see you upset. Your face is made for smiling."

Ichigo snapped an incredulous gaze on the blue haired man, but Grimmjow had diverted his attention onto the road and was hailing a cab that had just turned onto the street. As if he hadn't said what he'd just said.

"Well, See you on Monday, then." he said, smiling in that disarming way of his, and ushered the clerk to the back seat of the cab, holding the door open so Karin and Yuzu could get in as well. "Bye guys, be safe!"

"We will! You take care!" The twins waved with wide smiles on their faces. "Thanks again, we had fun tonight!"

"Bye!"

The kept waving till the cab turned and they couldn't see them anymore. "Wow that was awesome huh? Grimm-nii, Starrk-nii and Halli-nee are so cool!" Yuzu enthused, and Karin grinned at her.

"Ichi-nii? Why are you so silent?" Karin nudged her elder sibling when he just stared into space with a contemplative frown. "Helloo? Ichigo?"

"Nothing!" Ichigo managed to blurt when Karin poked him in the ribs with her elbow. "God Karin, what is your elbow made of, steel?"

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True to Grimmjow's word, he showed up at the shop on Monday, a lunch bag in his hands and a grin on his face. "It's chicken curry today! And there's a couple of home baked chocolate muffins too!"

Ichigo laughed. "Well, hand it over, I'm starving."

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It was like the incident had never happened at all. The weeks passed by quickly, and Ichigo looked forward to seeing Grimmjow almost every day now. Even on the weekends, Ichigo would either head to the garage after spending the day at the shelter, or to the park. Starrk sometimes brought his dogs with him, and they would play an intense game of frisbee for a while and get some snacks at a cafe before heading home.

Ichigo cherished the time he got to spend with Starrk, Hallibel and Grimmjow, though if he had to be honest, he liked it better when he was alone with Grimmjow at the shop. There was something about the man's mere presence that made him feel calm. There was none of that skittish feeling he had at the beginning, or the sense of paranoia that seemed to follow him everywhere he went. Grimmjow had an easy laugh and a soothing voice. And there was his habit of always making sure Ichigo was comfortable, and his way of complimenting him that often pleased him yet flustered him. And he never touched Ichigo at all. But Ichigo found himself edging closer more often than not, wanting to feel the man's warmth through the fabric of his clothes.

He quietly shoved the implications of his actions into the back of his mind, with the other things he should focus on, but found easier to avoid, and it kept growing and growing until it burst by accident.

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It was a day like any other, and Ichigo and Grimmjow were eating chicken sandwiches out of bright pink boxes. They were sitting against the pet supply shelves, Grimmjow was crosslegged while Ichigo had his legs folded underneath him comfortably. They were discussing vintage cars. Ichigo didn't know much about them, but Grimmjow on the other hand knew enough for a village.

The blue haired man was talking animatedly about some Italian car when a scent invaded Ichigo's nose, overpowering the aroma of the sandwich. An unmistakable whiff of oil, leather, and fabric conditioner. Only this time, it felt more... lavender-y. There was even a hint of citrus in there somewhere. Maybe he'd decided to try a different flavor? Invariably, these thoughts led to something else, and Ichigo wondered: what would Grimmjow smell like when he wasn't wearing clothes?

Th absurdity of that question snapped him out of his headspace, and only then did he notice the worried look Grimmjow was giving him.

"Ichigo? Are you okay? You just zoned out there. You know, if this is boring, we can talk about something else, right?"

Ichigo internally slapped himself. "Oh no, that wasn't it at all. I was just wondering if you'd changed your fabric conditioner. Shit. I just said that out loud didn't I."

Grimmjow squinted at him. "How did you know that? Ichigo, are you sure you're not coming down with some sort of flu or something? You're starting to look red in the face."

"No, just forget it. I didn't sleep too well last night and I'm thinking of some dumb things right now. Must be the lack of sleep."

Ichigo was a liar.

"Yeah, must be," Grimmjow nodded, but he didn't look too convinced. Ichigo didn't blame him.

Then Grimmjow started speaking again, and Ichigo's eyes caught and honed in on the man's angular, smooth-shaven jaw, and the open collar of his shirt. He followed the line of that straight neck, the graceful swell of the Adam's apple, the statuesque curve of the clavicle revealed by the aforementioned collar, before finally coming to rest on a tiny mole situated exactly at the gentle incline of pectoral muscle, barely visible over the neck of the white undershirt he was wearing inside.

Ichigo wanted to touch that mole.

His fingers itched.

"Ichigo, you're zoning out again. Maybe you should call Shunsui and just head home."

Ichigo blinked furiously. "No, no, that's okay. I'm just a little sleepy, but it'll pass."

He was such a liar.

"Are you positive it's just lack of sleep and nothing else?"

"Yeah, I'm positive."

See? Liiiiiiiiiar.

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That evening when he'd finished dinner and settled into his bed, Ichigo thought of what had happened earlier in the day.

What was that? What had that been?

Out of the blue, Ichigo had an intense urge to touch the man's chest.

Ichigo registered the urge, but thank god Grimmjow had interrupted him and he wasn't able to act on it. He shouldn't dare to, not until he could figure out what he wanted.

During the course of their friendship, Ichigo had often wondered what he had done to invite the attention of someone as perfect as Grimmjow. Because yes, Grimmjow was perfect, in both body and soul. To Ichigo, he was a shining, radiant creature, so full of warmth and affection that he gave freely and without expecting anything in return. He had been nothing but patient with Ichigo, accommodating his every whim with a smirk and an exasperated roll of his eyes.

Ichigo had never felt so cherished. Like he was actually a person, and not some damaged shell.

Like a dormant seed in a desert that had received its first rainfall, desires and hopes unfurled, slowly, oh so gently, till it was a beautiful thing that made Ichigo's chest feel full when Grimmjow looked at him a certain way, or when they sat close enough that Ichigo could smell the cologne the man wore, masked slightly by the whiff of motor oil and leather that seemed to perpetually cling to him.

What would it be like to trace the angles of his collar bones with the tip of his tongue? If he pressed a kiss to Grimmjow's jaw, would he find it ticklish? If they placed their hands side by side, could Ichigo trace the lines on his broad, calloused, warm palms, and follow those lines onto his own?

Ichigo wanted to touch Grimmjow. He wanted to reassure himself that the man was real.

Ichigo wanted.

Wanted to drop kisses on the corners of his lips, wanted to bury his face in the crook of his corded neck and inhale, wanted to lick the sweaty skin.

Ichigo waited.

Ichigo carefully guarded the young, fragile plant, the lone sapling in a barren wasteland. Each day, it grew stronger, and Ichigo kept watch, tended to it, quietly, always quietly. This was a secret that he was actually glad to keep. And he would keep it, because it was too soon to tell it to the person the secret was meant for.

Ichigo waited till the little plant was bigger, prettier.

Till it was worthy of Grimmjow's attention.

Ichigo waited.

Ichigo hoped.

He hoped that Grimmjow still had some feelings for him, even after Ichigo had deliberately hurt him. The man said it was okay, and that he bore no ill-feelings about it, and Ichigo knew enough about Grimmjow to know that he always meant what he said, but he couldn't help that nagging worry that always lingered when he thought of his infinitely stupid behaviour.

Ichigo hoped that Grimmjow would forgive him for toying with his feelings, for being selfish and petty and manipulative.

He looked out of his window and up at the blue heavens, and prayed.

**********continues...