A/N So this is the chapter where the rating and tags and all that stuff really starts to count. If you were paying attention and I hope you were… and since I can't tag everything just a heads up for mentions of suicide and a brief mention of semi nonconsensual sex. Thank you for reading! I can't even say it enough… I appreciate everyone!

Nothing in the world has really changed. The sun still shines, the grass is still green, the breeze and the birds continue to do the things they do.

But everything is different. At least that's how she feels.

No one was around last night when Beth got home. No one to ask uncomfortable questions or say things she didn't want to hear. She wondered, but not for long, where they were but then she showered and got into bed.

She had it with her, everything that had happened, the whole incredible night and even though there was an underlying sadness because she had had this very quick vision of her own family there with her and the Dixons, it had been fleeting and she'd let it go and enjoyed the people who were there.

And Daryl. They'd kissed, Finally. He didn't just kiss her, she kissed him too and he made her feel things and want things she hadn't for such a long time. Things she'd given up feeling. There alone in her bed, her hand sliding over the curve of her hip she can think about him and think about what his mouth felt like, what it tasted like, she can let her hand touch the places that he set to aching.

Her fingers were trembling. It hadn't taken long. She'd bit down hard on her lip to keep quiet. Just in case.

Falling asleep she realizes that Daryl is giving her back so many things she'd lost and he doesn't even realize it.

When she woke up this morning she knew that Maggie and her daddy were back from wherever they had been. The house always feels different when she isn't alone in it. They weren't up though when she started on the morning chores so it's just her and the chickens and horses and the memory of Daryl's kiss.

Cause she can't stop thinking about it.

She's taking her time with the chores, dragging it out because the repetitive motions make it easy for her to stay lost in her head and imagine what else she and Daryl might do- eventually. How it can be him doing the touching. Her face heats up even though it's just her and the hens in the chicken coop. She's not a child and definitely not a prude but thinking about it, about him and what she wants makes her blush.

She's not a virgin either. But that was a loss of a different kind and she doesn't ache because of it. She regrets it, for sure. But only because it wasn't supposed to happen that way.

Sometimes you have to do a thing more than once to get it right.

Back at the house, she finds Maggie and her daddy in the kitchen eating breakfast. Her daddy has a smile for her and its bright in the way that it always is and also in a way that says he's trying, he's trying so hard to be there. They're both dressed in what has been over the years to be known as their "clinic clothes'.

"Morning Beth," he says. Instead of just heading up to her room she sits with them. They talk about the call they took last night and how Maggie had to assist with a calf birth even though when they were little anytime there was a birth on the farm and Maggie was there watching she'd throw up.

"You'd be proud of me Beth, I didn't even puke!"

Beth tells them about the job at the library and the happiness is genuine. And for a little while, everything is good. But it seems like a step forward always ends up being two steps back with her and Maggie. The interaction started out civilly until it wasn't.

Maggie jumps up and pulls a plastic container from the fridge.

"We brought these home last night, but you were already in bed," her sister says setting the container on the counter in front of her. In it are four rainbow-colored cupcakes. Beth is at a loss for what to say or even how to feel. Feeling anything seems wrong because she's avoided this celebration for three years and her family has always respected it. But maybe they could have pushed too. Like now. Like this.

"Your sister was adamant that we got those." Hershel chuckles.

"I hope it's okay?" Maggie asks smiling at Beth.

"It' okay. Carol and the kids surprised me with cupcakes last night too…" Maggie's face changes then, the smile fading away into something else. Beth knows her sister and for a fleeting second, there was hurt in her green eyes.

"Oh.' It's curt as if she's taken offense to an innocuous remark. Which it was.

"I didn't ask them to, didn't even expect it. They just did it." They did it because they're her friends. Because they care about her. Does it really matter?

"Well." Maggie has this way of saying so much with very few words. She rests her hands on the plastic container. And Beth, being Beth, tries to fix it.

"We can have them tonight."

"That's a good idea." Hershel agrees.

"You sure you don't have plans somewhere else tonight?" Maggie's remark is cutting which Beth is sure it's meant to be. And she just stands there as her sister takes the cupcakes and puts them back in the fridge.

"No, unfortunately, I'm stuck here. I've always been stuck here." She's more than a little surprised that she said this. She's thinking it. She's always thinking it. But she said it out loud and her daddy is sitting right here and she wishes he wasn't because this isn't about him, not completely.

It's really about her and Maggie and all the ways they've failed each other.

xxxxXxxxx

Daryl's in the shop. He came out here early and opened everything up so he could get reacquainted. Merle already has a job lined up for them, well for Daryl anyway. He has a few more weeks of healing. Daryl should probably take it easy too, but he won't. A few minor automobile repairs aren't going to hurt anything. He'll stop if it's too much. He made that promise to Carol. But he can't just sit around doing nothing.

Two pickup trucks roll in around 9 am. Abraham's Custom Construction. It's a small locally owned company that Merle had out to do repairs on his roof last winter. And as is the way of small towns, Abe is returning the favor. That and he and Merle became friends.

"He's a good guy. Took care of me when I needed it." Merle had said.

A large red-haired man with a prominent mustache gets out of one of the trucks and approaches Daryl.

"Hey there, I'm Abraham. You must be Daryl?" Daryl nods and shakes the man's hand. "Merle said…"

"Hey, Abe!" Merle calls from the back door or the house as he makes his way out.

They go over the things Abe wants done and it's simple stuff that Daryl has done before. He'll have no problem getting the job done. While they're standing outside the shop Abe takes a look at the iron staircase that leads up to Daryl's place.

"Musta paid a pretty penny for this huh?" he asks.

"Ah hell no! Daryl found it in a junkyard and brought back here. He drew up some plans and I welded it back the way he wanted it. 'S his place up there." Merle says waving towards the apartment.

"You designed it?" Abe asks looking at Daryl which makes Daryl uncomfortable. But he nods.

"Designed the whole fuckin' place." There's a hint of pride in his brother's voice and it gives Daryl a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. And then Merle takes it a step further and invites Abe up to see the place.

Darl follows along behind. What else can he do? Merle's lucky he's recovering from surgery cause right about now Daryl wants to kick his ass.

By the time Abe heads out in the other truck he's offered Daryl part-time work because he's never seen such precision craftsmanship from a guy with absolutely no schooling whatsoever.

"You got some raw fucking talent man! Don't waste it tinkering with a bunch a cars!" He'd laughed and slapped Daryl on the back and then Merle and then headed out

"Guys a complete asshole, but he's right Daryl. You help out til I get on my feet and then go show that dick up! You got a future in there somewhere." Merle says.

"Thought ya liked him?" Merle'd said Abe was a good guy.

"Hell I do, but then I gotta lotta assholes I call friends!"

Later that evening when he's alone in his apartment he thinks about it, how it felt to have someone look at the things he'd done and appreciate it and think it was worth something. Underneath the discomfort of being put in the spotlight, Daryl is proud of what he's done. It's just not that big of a deal to him.

He isn't used to this, but then again he's getting used to a lot of things he never in a million years thought would be a part of his life.

Like a beautiful blonde girl. Who he kissed and hasn't stopped thinking about since he kissed her. Actually, he's been thinking a lot about her since he first met her. It's just different now. He knows what it feels like to hold her and kiss her and he'd be a damn liar if he couldn't admit he wants more of that.

He's also been thinking about her in a specific way that's got him walking around like an oversexed teenager. And it's uncomfortable.

His mind is all over the place, one minute he's got her here in his bed or the kitchen counter and they are doing all the things he's been thinking about and the next he's feeling like a dirtbag for thinking about her naked while he's got his hand wrapped around his cock.

But it feels so good and it's just her. No one has ever made him feel like this.

She makes him happy, she makes him laugh. That future Merle seems to think he has, he wants Beth to be a part of it.

xxxxXxxxx

Shawn comes out on Wednesday evening and he follows Beth around the barn where she's been all afternoon cleaning Nellie's saddle and bridle and avoiding Maggie. He makes what their mama would call 'polite conversation' until Beth calls him on it and he heads back up to the house. Leaving her saddle cleaning long enough to follow silently behind him, she eavesdrops on the conversation.

They're in the parlor and the windows are wide open and they seem to forget that she's here.

"What's the matter with her? She seems kind of down. You been keeping an eye on her Maggie?" Keeping an eye on her? Of course, because she might break again. She might mess everything up.

"Don't put this on me, Shawn! She's always running off, I can't keep tabs on her!"

"And you shouldn't be." That from Hershel.

"I just want to know where she goes daddy. You think she's really at the Dixon's all the-"

When she finally can't stand it anymore Beth runs back to the barn. She should've gone into the house and confronted them all, but it's easier just to walk away. Saddling up Nellie she pulls herself onto the horse the smell of polish wafting around her. Flicking the reins and touching a heel to the horse's side they head out of the barn towards the woods.

It will be dark soon and her daddy will go to bed. Shawn will go home to his family and Maggie will either go into her room or to her boyfriend's house. Beth will take Nellie back to the barn and climb up into the loft if the lights in the house are still on and stay there or make her way quietly to her room.

This is familiar territory. She knows how to navigate its terrain, but it's getting old and she's getting tired of it.

For just a second she wonders what Daryl would think if she just showed up at his apartment. Of course, she isn't going to but if she did what would he say?

xxxxXxxxx

The summer storm that's been threatening to cut loose all afternoon finally arrives. Lightning flashes across the sky and the rain on the window sounds louder than it should. And it's cold. Not a typical Georgia summer storm.

Daryl came over about an hour ago when Carol finally convinced Merle that a trip to the E.R. was happening whether he wanted it to or not. His incision had been giving him trouble, trouble he hadn't told Carol about because he himself was nervous. He didn't want to end up back in the hospital, but an infection could mean more than just a hospital stay and her angry tears finally wore him down.

Of course, Daryl agreed to stay with the kids who are already in their beds asleep. And he glared at Merle for making Carol cry, but he's also worried about his brother because this is one thing that is a concern after a transplant. He closes the door behind them and watches the lights of the car as they disappear down the drive.

He likes the rain, but storms, especially the loud ones leave him a little on edge. They always have ever since he was a little boy. The power went out about 15 minutes ago and Carol had been prepared and left him a bunch of candles which he lit and spread throughout the room. He hasn't decided yet if their light is soothing or just a little too creepy.

He's pacing in front of the living room window when he sees a silver shape dart across the lawn. Before he even gets to the door he hears a soft knock. Opening the door he finds Beth standing there and even though she's soaked from the storm he can tell she's been crying.

"Beth? Wha's goin' on? You okay?" His first instinct is to reach out to her but she has this look on her face that makes him think if he did that she'd bolt.

"I, I came to see Carol." Water is dripping off of her hair as she looks down at where she's wringing her hands.

"She took Merle in ta the E.R. Thinks he might have an infection in his incision."

"Oh no! Have you heard anything? Is he okay?" Of course, she's concerned. Even though she's not okay, and he knows without a doubt she isn't, she's gonna worry about Merle.

"Ain't heard nothing yet but he's tough. He'll be fine. Beth, wha's wrong? Somethin' happen?" He can see her trepidation. The thunder and lightning has her jumping at every crack.

Wiping her face she looks off towards the woods.

"I'll just, I'll come back!" Before he can even say another word she takes off across the lawn into the downpour. And it pisses him off. Somethings wrong, she's running away. Why can't she just stay here with him?

"Beth!" The rain is cold and it surprises him, takes him off guard and he yells her name again. His voice must've conveyed the fact that he's angry and scared because she stops suddenly. He doesn't though. He keeps going until he's almost right beside her and even in the rain he can see her shoulders shaking. Two more steps and he's close enough to touch her and this time he doesn't hesitate. He puts a hand on her shoulder and turns her around to face him.

"Ya ain't runnin' off-" His words and his breath are cut off as she hurls herself at him. She lays her head on his chest and he wraps his arms around her, pulling her in close and whispering into her hair, not necessarily words just sounds, soothing sounds as he leads her back to the house.

Once they're back inside they stand dripping on the tile just inside the front door. He takes her arm and leads her down the hall to the bathroom.

"Go on in, take off yer wet clothes and wrap up in a towel. An' wait. Okay? Jus' wait here." She's nodding and without even thinking about it, questioning it, he reaches out and brushes wet strands of hair from her cheek. "Promise me ya ain't gonna leave Beth."

"I promise." Okay. She promised and he heads out the back door to his apartment, getting soaked again but once he's inside he grabs a plastic grocery bag and heads into his room. Yanking open his closet he gets what he came for, stuffs it in the bag and heads back to the house.

Light coming through the crack in the bathroom door leaves a thin stripe on the floor. He taps gently on the door and says her name.

"Beth?" Holding his breath, he's waiting. She's in there, he can feel her, the weight of her wrapped up in a towel and probably shivering.

"Yeah?"

"I uh, I got somethin' dry you can put on." Pulling sweats and a t-shirt from the bag he pushes them through the door and waits until she takes them.

"Thank you, Daryl." Her voice is so far away behind the door. He wishes he could go in, make sure she's okay. But he'll just have to wait.

Going back into the living room he strips off his own wet clothing and pulls on another pair of sweats and a t-shirt. She comes out a few minutes later with her wet clothes and a towel in her hands.

"Here lemme," Taking her wet clothes he looks over at her so small in his clothes. He shoves them into the plastic bag he used to bring the dry things in. "I'd throw them in the dryer, but.."

"Yeah, no power." Holding out the towel she says, "I brought this for your hair." A small smile and no trace of those tears he's sure were mixed with the rain a few minutes ago.

Taking from her he rubs it over his head when he pulls it off she's sitting on the couch, legs tucked up underneath her.

Letting the damp towel dangle from his hand he moves to the couch and sits closer to her than not. But not exactly next to her.

He'd like to sit next to her, put his arm around her and pull her in close. He thinks she might want that. She wanted it out there in the rain. And he kissed her a couple of days ago so why is it so hard now to know what's okay?

Leave it to her to know at least a little something because as he settles back against the couch she scoots closer to him so their arms are touching. He relaxes into her touch.

"Wha' happened Beth?" He glances over at her. She's got her gaze focused on the window, the glass pane that's still being pelted by the unrelenting storm. The candlelight flickers and he can see her eyelashes where they brush against the soft skin under her eyes.

He thinks maybe he's pushing too hard and he should just back off, let her be until Carol gets back. Maybe she's better off talking to her. Refusing to let his own pathetic insecurities get the best of him he decides he isn't gonna back off. She doesn't have to talk if she doesn't want to but he's going to make sure she knows he's here to listen if she needs him too. He'll do whatever she wants him to.

"Ya ain't gotta say nothin', but if ya wanna…"

"I got into a fight with Maggie."

Okay then. She's talking and he's listening.

xxxxXxxxx

If Daryl would just kiss her, then she wouldn't have to say anything and she wouldn't get closer to telling him everything she's afraid to say.

He'll think she's crazy. He'll back off. He won't want anything to do with her.

Maybe she should just kiss him. But she can't do that. What if he stops her, doesn't want her too?

So instead… she'll just talk.

"I got into a fight with Maggie." He nods, but that's all. He really is listening, waiting for her to continue.

"We, it's been hard, for us, I mean since my daddy's accident…" Everything no matter what she says or where she starts is going to take her right here.

Wrapping her fingers around her wrist she squeezes the leather cuff that covers the part of her she's spent almost 4 years trying to keep hidden. But it's hard to hide something everyone knows about

Except him. Daryl doesn't know.

Now he's going too.

"I lost my mama when I was just a little girl and after that, I don't know, everything just fell apart.

"Losing yer mama, that ain't easy," Daryl says gently as if he knows and understands. Beth remembers he lost his mama too. Merle told her about it, losing his mama and this is Daryl's story too.

Nodding and swallowing hard because if she starts crying now right now it's going to make this even more difficult than it already is, she continues.

"My daddy loved my mama, he loved her so much and when she, when she was gone a part of him was gone too. Maggie and Shawn, they were just kids and we…" She feels his hand as it slides under hers lacing their fingers together. He's giving her something to hold onto so she can let it all go.

"We were kind of on our own for awhile." They'd had help from Patricia and Otis, members of their church. But no one can take the place of a parent, which was what they needed. "But your brother and sister aren't supposed to be your parents too."

How they got through those years is unfathomable. Their daddy was there but not there. He managed to keep the farm going and his business but both, along with his children suffered.

"When they graduated from high school Shawn and Maggie went away to college and I was there alone. My daddy, he just never seemed able to move on. It was worse after my brother and sister left. He started drinking again and he'd get so drunk and then he'd get angry and curse my mama, beg her to come back.. like she was just gone to the store or something."

It had been terrifying seeing her daddy like that but a person really can get used to anything. Eventually, this became normal, this was the way things were and she made do.

"When he got like this I'd hide in the barn, wait it out. And then for a little while, he'd be more like himself."

"He didn', he never laid his hands on ya… Sorry, I jus'.." But she knows because Merle told her this too. How his daddy was. But not her daddy. Not that.

"No, he never hit me. It's crazy but I always felt loved, just not the way I should've been." Being loved and protected, taken care of, she did those things for herself and she wasn't very good at it.

"I tried being the good daughter like I always was. But I got tired of it you know? Of waiting to see what he was gonna do next, I just got so tired." The storm is still raging outside the window and it doesn't seem to be letting up. And it's only fitting, she thinks as she tells him these things, these things she kept secret, until now.

"There was a boy," Beth laughs gently because isn't there always. "He was a friend, we grew up together. After my mama died I was different. The other kids, they weren't ever cruel or anything but they didn't know how to act around me so they kept their distance. Jimmy didn't. I don't know if his mama made him be my friend or if he really wanted to. But he was around. Nobody else was, no one to tell me to behave myself or keep my curfew… and I found a way to leave without leaving." The mysterious parties Maggie snuck off too and would come home from with hay in her hair smelling like daddy's liquor cabinet opened up a whole new world Beth.

She found out why her daddy drank and Maggie ran off with any boy who looked her way. She knew what it was that made Shawn go out looking for fights and daring anyone to say a word about his black eye.

And she wished she could always feel like she felt then.

"I thought I found it, a way to cope with everything." Daryl hasn't said anything else. She has no idea what he's thinking. Looking at him is impossible because she isn't done yet and she's determined to put it all out there. Everything. No matter what happens.

"I kept pushing it, sneaking out, drinking, pretending I was somebody I wasn't because everybody liked that girl. Jimmy liked that girl. How come when you're sixteen being drunk is like being in love?" She isn't really asking him and he stays silent anyway which is probably best.

"When I let Jimmy when we… when I gave Jimmy the one thing I wanted to hold on to because someday someone would love me like the sun loved the moon, that's what my mama told me, but I didn't, I let…" Being ashamed of herself is even harder than imagining what other people think. Because it's always there inside of her, a mean little voice whispering, 'you're a horrible girl Beth'.

"Turns out doing all of those things didn't make the awful feelings go away. There was still just this empty place and I felt like I had made it even worse by doing the most horrible, terrible things and if my mama knew… she'd be so disappointed in me. And I was disappointed in myself. I should've been stronger. I should've said something to someone." But who? Who would have listened to little Beth Greene whine about her life?

"Ain't always easy to be strong. Sometimes being brave jus' means living another day." He's speaking quietly and what he says, he's being nice. But he doesn't know what it was like.

"That summer, I turned 17 and Maggie and Shawn came home. It was supposed to be good and I don't know if it was having them back and still just feeling stuck. They seemed like different people. Everything was holding me down and they seemed so free."

Slipping her hand from Daryl's she stands up and moves away to the window. It's easier this way. To tell it.

"I don't remember much about that day. It's just flashes of things," Twisting the cuff on her wrist, she knows he's looking, watching and maybe he's already figured it out. "Jimmy called that day, wanted me to go to a party. I hadn't gone to any in awhile, I didn't want to, I didn't want.. I told him no and started calling me things, names that were ugly and he kinda hinted that he might let things slip about us and that night." The tears aren't for Jimmy, there about her and how she couldn't stand to be in her own skin that day. She remembers that, remembers how disgusted she felt.

"He promised when it happened, said he wouldn't tell, said he was sorry if he hurt me. But on the phone, he didn't sound sorry and I couldn't even argue with him. Then I was on the floor in my bathroom and the mirror was broken and there was blood and I screamed. I screamed and kept screaming even when Maggie was there with me wrapping my wrist in a towel." If she looks at him now will he be wearing that same face, the one that everyone who knows her, knows what she did, wears?

"My daddy fell, he was coming up the stairs to me and he fell." She doesn't have to say anything else. Unless he asks, but it's pretty easy to figure out what happened next besides the obvious.

There's only one other thing she wants to say. She's never said it out loud to anyone else.

"I was so selfish, just thinking of myself and I ruined everything." A bone-rattling sigh runs through her like an aftershock and she leans against the window, forehead pressed against the cool glass. From the outside, it must look like she's got tears running down her whole body. Which oddly enough is fitting.

What does not compute, what is completely out of place in this scenario is his voice.

"That what you think?" Well yes. Of course, it is. It's her fault, all of it.

"That's what I know!" Something maybe anger, gives her the courage to face him.

There is no pity in his blue eyes. There's something else though, something that's wrong, like a puzzle piece that doesn't quite fit. Admiration.

"Wasn't yer fault. You were a kid Beth. Jus' a kid and fuck, you was carrying more than any little girl should be expected too."

"I was stupid, I did things…" He reaches for her hand and she pulls back, wraps her own fingers around her wrist. Holds it tucked against her chest.

"Don't matter." She can feel her face heating up in frustration even though there's a part of her that wants to believe that fact that she was a kid is enough.

"It does matter, I should've done things differently, I should of-"

"Still wouldn' a mattered." He's being so adamant and he doesn't even know, doesn't have a clue.

"You don't know that!" It's louder than she meant and it surprises her and him because his widen just a bit as he watches her. Lowering her voice she says it again,

"You don't know that Daryl."

xxxxXxxxx

He sat there and listened to her, to all of it, his stomach in knots and his heart aching. He's only known her for a very short time, but in that time everything has changed and she's telling him a story that he knows very well. The circumstances are different sure but aren't these things all one and the same?

His mama died, she did it on purpose and she left him behind. She failed him and he carried that with him, the guilt for what she chose. Until one day he realized she didn't have any choice either. She was stuck and she did the only thing she thought she could. So he decided that he wasn't gonna feel guilty about that anymore. It was gonna hurt sure, but he was letting it go. He can't change it. Couldn't back then either.

Merle too, he left Daryl behind in that trailer with their father and he knew where it would go even if he said he didn't. He knew but what was he gonna do? They were kids. Just kids. He did come back and maybe he didn't rescue Daryl but he came back.

And their daddy. He gets no mercy. He failed his sons, he failed his wife and he failed himself. But he's gone and it's Daryl and Merle who carry the guilt and shame that may not even be theirs to carry but they carry it anyway.

Daryl knows all these things. Doesn't make it any easier but he knows them and he's trying.

"Nothin' made sense. Ya had nowhere ta put the blame so you took it on yerself." And even though he's talking to Beth he's thinking about another time and another place.

"What do you mean Daryl?" She's let her hands drop to her sides and that fire in her eyes is gone. She doesn't realize how strong she really is. Course she doesn't. Not yet.

"My mama died too when I was just a kid. Burnt herself up smoking in bed, prolly drunk too. My daddy was a mean son of a bitch, put his hands on my mama and Merle an me. My mama, she got out. Merle, he left too. And I was stuck there alone. couldn't go nowhere, I's jus a kid. Tried ta stay outta the old man's way, tried to stay alive, did my fair share a bad things too."

"Merle told me about his mama, your mama… He told me," she says softly and of course, Merle told her because he's an ornery son of a bitch but he would 've reached out to her. let her know just like Daryl's trying to that bad things happen.

They happen and you just have to let them go.

'Kids fall all the damn time! Ain't on you, ain't like that!'

Well.

Suddenly everything is upside down and inside out. The storm, the candles, Beth's guilt, his own guilt.

The things they carry.

"Wanna know why I left?" He isn't sure where he's going with this, but it's happening regardless.

"You told me-"

"Wasn' the whole story, weren't the whole truth. I left when DJ got hurt when he fell. I was there. Right fuckin there and I coulda, if I'da just reached out and grabbed em. 'Stead he's got that fuckin' scar on his face and I shoulda stopped it."

"It was an accident Daryl, it wasn't your fault!" No, it wasn't, but in some ways, it always will be. And she gets it, in that moment her eyes lower to her hands and then rest gently on him again. He may have let go of the past, but DJ and that scar they still have a good hold on him.

He looks at her pointedly, but it still hurts- it hurts so fuckin' bad and he feels like he always feels when something reaches in and threatens to break him more than he already is.

This is the part where he runs because he always runs and he figures this would be the part where she hides or does things that make her feel like she's not Beth. Because being Beth like being Daryl hurts.

He didn't figure on her though. Her and that goddamn beautiful smile.

"You came back, Daryl."

"Yeah, I did. Ya ain't gone either." He takes a chance and reaches for her hand and this time she lets him. He just holds it, the leather band and little-beaded bracelets bunch up around her delicate wrist.

"I didn't want to tell you, I didn't want you to know me like that." She whispers it like its a secret and telling it will make it come true.

"Why?"

"If you knew you'd look at me like other people do…"

"What the hell you mean? How my gonna look at you?"

"Like I'm broken. Everyone who knows looks at me like, like all I am is this scar." The scar that she keeps hidden. "All they see is what I did. And that's not, that's not all I am."

He knows that. And he knows about scars.

Maybe.

Letting her hand go he turns away from her and pulls his t-shirt over his head. He thinks he hears her breath catch, just a little. A tiny insignificant gasp.

"Whada ya see?" Even asking hurts. But he does it anyway.

"I…"

"Scars, " he says turning back to her, " 's who I am."

"No you're not, it's not…" Catching on. She's catching on. He reaches for her hand again holds her wrist and his eyes flick to hers, she's gotta do this, not him. He can hold her but she's got to be the one to show him what she's been trying to hide.

Her small delicate wrist, the bones moving, the tendons turning under pale skin. She unsnaps the cuff, lets it fall away revealing the thin pink scar, skin barely raised there like it does when a scar forms. It's a whisper, a shadow, a weight.

He brings his thumb around and presses it against the scar which compared to his is beautiful. That's what he thinks anyway. And it's not her, it's a part of her obviously, a representation of who she is but it's not all of it. He can feel a pulse but he doesn't know if it's hers or his.

He's not his scars.

And DJ, he's not the mark on his face that calls out to Daryl like a beacon of guilt.

He's trying to make her see and maybe he's trying to see for himself too.

" 'S not who you are either." She's gazing up at him, her face all eyes and soft lips that are parted and pink. He can kiss them. He can kiss her, he wants too.

He can't tell her what to feel, can't take away the things she's always thought but he can kiss her like none of those things are what she is to him.

He can do that.

He lets her hand go and slides his up her arms and weaves his fingers into her still damp hair. He cups the back of her head in his palm and when she doesn't wait, when she meets him halfway, he smiles against her lips, she did that before. Met him halfway. She's kissing him as much as he's kissing her and it so fucking ridiculous that it means what it does to him.

That she means what she does.

"Well wha' the hell's goin' on here?!"

A/N Merle has perfect timing! So there's the rest of the story… kind of. And I just feel the need to clarify, the nonconsensual sex between Beth and Jimmy was not rape. She didn't say yes, but she didn't say no and both of them were drinking. As far as I'm concerned drunk means no. But what happens when both parties are drinking? The debate could go on forever! But this is a fanfic and Beth is very much aware of what happened and although she regrets it, she doesn't feel like Jimmy forced her to do anything she wasn't willing to do. Jimmy is a jerk (it's always Jimmy or Zach!) But his part in the fic is basically over and no he never tells anyone about him and Beth even though he threatened to do so. Let me know what you think!