It's a Marauder's Thing
Warning: This chapter contains some disturbing memories. Oh yeah, and it's really long (12 pages on MS Word). smiles sheepishly
Chapter eight: Endless Sorrow
The next few days passed slowly and quietly. The Christmas Ball was in four more days and not many people seemed to be in the mood, except of course a few Slytherins. Since the attack happened so close to the Christmas holiday, the students weren't allowed to leave school to visit their relatives until the original date of departure. This was not Professor Dumbledore's choice. The Ministry of Magic declared this a few days after the attack, saying that it would be pointless for the students to return home so close to their break. The Ministry's point of view was challenged a great deal and many students were forcefully taken from the school by their parent's whether the Ministry liked it or not. Dumbledore quickly obliged the parent's wishes, ignoring the Minister's frequent disagreements with this.
Sirius walked down the boy's staircase into the common room. It was only six o'clock in the morning, but he couldn't sleep. He sat down in front of the fireplace, watching the embers slowly burn down to nothing. He thought about the past few days. Sirius' thoughts landed on how distraught Lily and Addy were. Addy wasn't eating much. Marissa and Devon constantly dragged themselves into breakfast after having a bad night's sleep because Addy kept on having nightmares of how her parents were killed. Lily snapped at everyone around her. She immersed herself in her schoolwork every minute she wasn't in class in order to keep her mind off her mum. Sirius had a talk with Marissa, Devon, Ashley, James, and Remus about how worried he was about the girls. Everyone was mutually scared about how their two friends were falling apart at the seams. James was feeling exceptionally helpless because Lily wouldn't let him come anywhere near her. Sirius knew how much James wanted to help Lily, but she wouldn't let him in.
Sirius then remembered the look on his cousin's faces when Lily and Addy walked by them in the halls. The very thought of the looks of triumph on their faces was enough to make him sick.
Steps were heard behind him from the girl's staircase. He turned around and saw Marissa walking towards him. She looked horrible. Her hair was a tattered mess, while her shirt was hanging off one shoulder. Marissa looked exhausted. She sat down next to him and sighed.
"You okay?" he asked, noticing the deep sigh he knew only too well. She didn't respond immediately. He could tell she was deciding whether or not she was in fact 'okay'.
"No," she said finally.
"What happened?" he asked, noticing her glazed over look.
"She was screaming their names again," she said quietly.
"Who?" Sirius asked, knowing it was either Addy or Lily.
"Addy," Marissa replied, running her fingers through her hair distractedly. She gave up when her fingers got caught in the rat's nest that was her hair. "Ashley, Lily, and Dev are up there right now trying to calm her down."
Sirius silently nodded as he felt his blood boil in anger at his cousin.
"I know my parent's were involved in that attack." Tears started forming in her eyes.
"What?" Sirius said, looking startled.
"Oh come on, Sirius," she said impatiently. "Everyone knows where the Malfoy's loyalties lie and it's not with the Light side."
"Oh," he said, feeling a bit stupid. Marissa rolled her eyes. She couldn't help but picture the attack in her mind. She was standing in an upscale suburban neighborhood. Houses were burning left and right. Chaos was taking over as blood curdling screams echoed in her ears. She saw a mass of black cloaked figures with their wands pointing upwards. Muggles were being dropped from one hundred and fifty feet in the hair, landing on the cement with a sickening crash. Every 'smack' she heard, she knew it was another innocent life gone to waste. Another mother, father, husband or wife yanked from their families so suddenly and mercilessly. This scene was what her parents and brother called 'blood cleansing'. It made her want to throw up.
"Marissa?" Sirius prodded, seeing the tinge of green Marissa turned.
"I know my parents killed innocent people," she said, her voice shaking slightly. "What makes it worse is that they enjoy it! They enjoy killing people, Sirius. My parents are murderers for that lunatic. My parents could've been the murderers of Lily's mum or Addy's parents. You know how much that kills me to know that my parents are responsible for my best friends' grief? My idiot brother is following in their footsteps and I can't help but wonder: if I had been sorted into Slytherin, would I do the same?" At this, Sirius snapped out of his trance.
"Don't talk like that, Mar," he said, putting a comforting arm around her shoulders. "The fact is: is that you were not sorted into Slytherin! Even if you were, I don't believe that you would do that. You don't have it in you!"
"That's what my family says," she sniffed. "They see it as a weakness." Sirius watched as a normally calm and collected Marissa looked ready to jump over a cliff.
"I see it as one of your biggest strengths," he said, cupping her chin turning her face to look at him.
"Really?" she said, tears spilling over onto her cheeks.
"Really," he said, smiling.
Marissa sat there, looking into Sirius' dark eyes, wondering why on earth he was being this supportive of her. Her stomach gave an uncomfortable squirm, making her look away from him, biting her lower lip.
'No!' she thought, scolding herself. 'Don't fall for him! Don't do it! Especially not at a time like this, you idiot!'
"Here, let's get you back to bed," he said soothingly. Sirius stood up, offering her his hand. She gladly took it, as she stood up, still sniffling. Sirius walked her back upstairs to her bed. She sat down on her bed, sleepiness coming over her.
"Get some sleep," he said softly. "You don't have to be up for another hour and a half."
Marissa lay her head down on her pillow and watched him back out of the room, winking at her, and then shutting the door. She felt slightly better, but not enough to calm the ominous feeling in her stomach. She fell into an uneasy sleep, thinking about the innocent lives that her parents took, knowing that they wanted her to do that when she grew 'of age'.
Christmas holiday was coming ever so close. A few days before the Ball, Professor Dumbledore announced to a subdued student body, that he was canceling the Christmas Ball, in light of recent events, and instead, putting together a candlelight vigil for the students who lost a family member.
Fights were constantly breaking out in the middle of the hallways. Angry students were lashing out at the Slytherins who were known to be tied to the Dark side. To the Gryffindor's savage satisfaction, a fifth-year Hufflepuff put sixth year Bellatrix Black and seventh year Lucius Malfoy in the hospital wing, with painful boils on every inch of their bodies. Lily put Severus Snape in the hospital wing one afternoon, after she heard him scoffing at the fact that three hundred muggles were killed. Everyone heard him complaining about invisible needles poking him all over his body after his encounter with Lily.
James felt proud of Lily for doing that. He knew that she felt a certain vindictive pleasure about putting him in the hospital. It was like exacting revenge for her mother. None of the teachers really punished the students for doing those things. Of course, they were punished, but not severely. Lily told everyone that she had fifteen points taken off of Gryffindor and one night of detention, writing lines. Eventually, certain Slytherins had to be escorted to class by a teacher, in order to protect their wellbeing.
Lily was still keeping her careful distance from James, much to his dismay. He told his sister that he was coming with them to the vigil. She cautioned him to keep his temper in check if any Slytherins decided to show up.
The candlelight vigil took place the night before the train left for Christmas Break. Almost the whole school attended. Candles were floating everywhere, with pictures of the victims placed all over the Hall. As Lily and Addy walked into the Hall, arms linked, they saw a sea of black-cloaked students mixed with the soft glow of the levitated candles. Remus was holding on to Addy's spare hand, giving her a reassuring squeeze as both girls stopped on the threshold. He lent down a whispered in her ear, "Addy, you can do this. Do this for your parents." Addy hesitated, scared of seeing her dead parent's faces. She nodded as she pulled Lily along with her.
As soon as the girls saw the pictures, their tears doubled. Lily turned away from Addy and lent her head on the nearest shoulder. A warm embrace welcomed her as she cried softly, not wanting to accept the reality of her mum being gone.
"Shh, Lily, it's okay. Everything will be okay." She looked up and saw James looking softly down at her. As soon as she saw the concern in his eyes, every fight they had went flying out the window right then and there. She hugged him fiercely in return, burying her face into his chest.
"Oh God, James, she can't be gone, she just can't!"
James put his hand through her thick red hair, stroking it as he whispered in her ear. James glanced over Lily's head, at Addy and Remus. Remus looked so helpless. He was crying as well, holding onto Addy. "He knows what it's like to lose both parents. He'll be able to comfort her better,' James thought as Remus broke away from the hug and whispered something in her ear. Addy nodded, slipping her hand into his, walking away into the crowd.
"I want to see her," Lily said, her head tilted downwards. He nodded in response, carefully grabbing her hand to lead her through the crowd. Lily tensed slightly when he slipped his hand into hers, but relaxed as Devon gave her an encouraging nod. James looked back at Sirius, Marissa, Devon and Ashley, who were all standing awkwardly away from the scene. James stopped, looking guiltily towards his friends, whom he knew wanted to comfort the girls also.
"Go, James," Devon said encouragingly. "She needs you!" James nodded as he followed Lily into the crowd. It took a while to get through the crowd. Many fellow students stopped Lily and spoke in hushed voices. James felt uncomfortable being there. He felt like an intruder, like he was barging in on everyone's grief. As soon as Lily was able to shake off the last person, she looked back at James, her eyes red and puffy. He gave her a reassuring smile, urging her to go forward. Lily nodded as she held onto James' hand. They soon found her mum's picture. Her mum had strawberry blond hair and had the same green eyes that Lily had. It was a magical picture, so she was waving and smiling at Lily. James shied away from Lily as she watched her mum waving back at her merrily.
"James, please stay," she pleaded. He nodded as he walked back to her and stood behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders letting her know that he was there.
"If you ever need to talk, just owl me over break," Devon told Lily as she broke away from their hug at King's Cross. She nodded silently, giving Devon a small smile before turning away and running to her father who was waiting for her with Petunia. Devon watched her hug her father tightly before turning to Petunia awkwardly. Petunia looked coldly at Lily, before allowing Lily to hug her, too.
Devon returned to the small group waiting for her. James, Ashley, Marissa, and Sirius were standing patiently aside, waiting for Devon and Remus to bid their goodbye's. They were all going to stay at the Potter mansion over Christmas Break. Remus walked back over to the group after he kissed Addy goodbye, telling her to owl him if she needed anything.
Peter was absent from the group, as his mother immediately brought him home a few days after the attack. The Marauder's had always laughed about how overprotective she was over him, but it was understandable. Peter's dad died when Peter was only a toddler, leaving his mother to be a single parent.
The Gryffindor's watched as Addy and her Aunt and Uncle left the station, right behind Lily, Petunia, and their father. As soon as they were out of sight, they followed the Potter's to the apparition point.
The car ride back to the Evans' house was a silent one. At the beginning, Lily tried to comfort her father, but was cut off by Petunia, who quickly told her to not talk about her 'abnormality' in front of her. Lily silently cried in the backseat as they pulled up to their house in Surrey. As soon as she was in the house, her dad helped her bring her trunk upstairs to her bedroom. On their way to her bedroom, they passed her parent's bedroom. She paused outside of the door, setting down her end of the trunk and walked into the room, sitting down on her mother's side of the bed. She silently caressed the flower bedspread as she reminisced of all the times that she'd crawl into bed, in the middle of the night, with her parents after she had a nightmare. Her father followed her, sitting next to her on the bed. She picked up the picture frame that was sitting next to the lamp on her mother's bedside table. It was a picture of her mother, pushing two kids in their swings. One was a fiery red head, while the other was a blonde. They were all laughing, or giggling in Lily and Petunia's case, having a great time.
Lily's tears started anew as she looked at the picture which was labeled at the top "Mummy's little girls". Lily stared at her mum's carefree countenance. She remembered her dad taking that picture. It was when Lily was five years old and Petunia was six. It was Christmas morning and Lily and Petunia woke up to a new playset in the backyard, complete with a sandbox. Lily let a small laugh escape as she remembered her mum having to help her into the swing.
"It's not your fault," her father whispered, pulling her towards him. "I know Pet is mad and indifferent at you right now, but it's not your fault."
Lily nodded setting down the picture as she got up. "Let's get this into my room," she said, pointing to her trunk in the middle of the hallway.
Lily's Christmas holiday passed solemnly. It was her first Christmas without her mum and as they sat opening presents at the Christmas tree, Lily paused at a gift that said, "To my Lily Flower, Love mum". Lily slowly opened it, knowing this was the last Christmas gift she would ever get from her mum. A hook was wrenching at her heart as she opened the box, a gold chain was revealed with a gold locket. A note was inside:
My Dearest Lily Flower,
Happy Christmas! I love you with all my heart! This was my locket when I was your age. I was told to pass it down to my youngest daughter. When you're at school and you feel lost and alone, open this and you will be reminded of how much you are loved at home. I love you Lily Flower! We are so proud of you!
Love, Mum
Lily slowly put the chain around her neck, a small smile tugging at her lips. She opened the locket to reveal a picture of her on the left side looking at something to the right. The right side showed a picture of her mum, looking to the left. They were looking at each other, smiling as if they didn't have a care in the world.
'So much is different now, mum,' Lily thought as she closed the locket.
The rest of Lily's holiday was pure hell. The funeral was really hard for her. The rest of her family didn't know about where she went every school year, so it was harder to talk to them. They were told that her mum died from a terrorist's car bomb. Her Aunts and Uncles were really supportive of her, but couldn't understand why their darling Petunia was so hostile to Lily. They encouraged Lily to try to move on, despite her sister's resentment, remembering that her 'mum was in a better place' and is 'always looking down on her'.
Petunia constantly lashed out at Lily while their father wasn't at home. But nothing compared to the last day of the break, when Lily was packing. She had just put the last of her books into her trunk when Petunia walked into her room.
"Finally, I thought you'd never leave," Petunia said nastily.
"Go away," Lily said, not giving her sister the satisfaction of knowing that she was tearing Lily apart inside.
"You know, I always thought that you would be the one to suffer for your abnormality," Petunia continued. "But I was clearly wrong. Your freakish ways have now spread to mum. It was your kind who killed her. I know, Lily. They blamed it on a car bomb, but I know better. I saw the bodies on the TV," she paused, "their eyes were wide open, no expression on their faces. I remembered a few years back when I snuck a look at one of your books. It said that that's what would happen to someone who was killed by your kind. You did this to her! YOU!"
"Stop it!" Lily yelled, her wand pointing at her sister. "You shut your bloody mouth now!"
Petunia stood rooted on the spot, her eyes darting from the wand to Lily.
"You're not allowed," Petunia said fearfully.
"No, I'm not," Lily said poisonously, "but that doesn't mean I won't."
Petunia's eyes were as wide as saucers.
"Get ... out," Lily said, anger filling her voice. Petunia ran from the room, slamming her bedroom door shut.
As soon as Petunia left, Lily collapsed on her bed, crying. She never understood why her sister hated her so much. Why did her sister hold so much animosity towards her, especially at a time like this? Lily Evans cried herself to sleep that night, for the second week in a row.
Not much was happening at the Potter's Mansion. Everyone was worried about how Lily and Addy were doing. Devon had received an owl from Lily, a week into the break, telling everyone she was doing better, but that her sister was giving her a hard time. When she had read that part, she muttered "stuck up bitch" (Petunia). Addy owled frequently to Remus, saying that her Aunt and Uncle were taking her in, just as Remus' aunt and uncle had with him.
"They're strong, they'll be okay," Sirius said, as he sat down on the couch.
"Yeah," James agreed. It was the last day of their break and they were sitting in the living area of the house. They hadn't done much during their Break, except for play Exploding Snap or Gobstones.
Sirius, knowing that they needed to do something, suggested a good game of Quidditch. At first Marissa got angry at him for 'thinking about nothing else but Quidditch'. But she soon agreed when Ashley said that they couldn't just sit around forever.
"Addy, dear, come downstairs please!" called her Aunt June.
"Coming," she said, as she pulled on her robe. When she woke up that morning, it took her a full fifteen minutes to realize that her parent's wouldn't be sitting at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper while drink their coffee.
"Breakfast is ready," Aunt June said.
"'Kay," she said, as she sat down at the table.
"Look, honey, I know it's going to be hard, but Uncle Joe and I will be here for you," she said, reaching across the table to pat her hand.
Addy nodded numbly, as she picked at her eggs. A few days before she was to return to school, they had the funeral for her parents. It was a small, private funeral. Her Aunt June told everyone that she was taking it surprisingly well. Of course she was angry, hurt, and lonely, but she was adjusting better than she had thought. She had always been close to her Aunt June and Uncle Joe as they were her Godparents and they frequently visited her when her parents were alive. She still missed her parents, but she knew that they wouldn't want her to be depressed for a while. So she decided that it was best to mourn their deaths at the funeral then try to get on with her life, keeping her parent's memories sacred in her heart.
"All aboard!" The scarlet steam engine was shining in the sunlight from the glistening dew on its body.
Lily and Addy's families both met up at the train station. Their parent's had been good friends with each other since first year, so there was no reason, in Tim Evans' opinion, to let that go to waste. He introduced himself to Addy's Aunt and Uncle. The two families exchanged condolences before letting Addy and Lily walk through the barrier to Platform 9 ¾.
The two girls found an empty compartment and waited for the rest of their friends. The gloomy compartment was soon filled with their friends, who silently sat down, and talked in hushed voices.
"How are you doing?" Ashley asked, sitting next to Lily.
Addy gave them a weak smile as she looked out the window.
"As good as we could ever be," Lily sighed.
"Listen, we know that you both have been through an enormous loss," Marissa began. Lily and Addy looked at each other, both coming to the same conclusion: they practiced this speech over break. "We want you to know that we will all be here for you. Things will be rough, we know, and we are prepared to go through those tough times with you."
Lily smiled gratefully at Marissa as she said this, nodding her head showing she understood. Lily looked at James and saw something she never thought she'd see: compassion. She smiled sadly at him, before turning her gaze back out the window.
Lily and Addy listened to their friends talk on the train ride back to Hogwarts. James and Sirius played a rousing game of Exploding Snap, each exclaiming loud profanities at each other when the cards exploded to try and cheer the girls up. To their immense satisfaction, they saw a small smile playing at the corners of Lily's lips. The train ride was going relatively smoothly until the compartment door opened. Marissa looked up at the disruption to see her brother, Lucius, and the rest of his gang standing on the threshold.
"Well, if it isn't the blood traitors and mudbloods?" he said, smirking.
"Get the hell out of here now, Malfoy," James snarled, standing up.
"Why? We just came by to see how the two mudbloods are doing," Lucius said, stepping into the compartment. Bellatrix let out a shrill laugh that sent shivers up everyone's spine.
Marissa stood up and placed herself right in Lucius' path.
"You heard him. Get out!" she said, acidly.
"You know, Marissa," Narcissa started, walking up behind her boyfriend, "I've always wondered about you."
"Oh really? And why would that be?" Marissa spat.
"You're a pureblood. Yet, you hang around with riffraff like Evans and O'Connor," she said, indicating Lily and Addy. "You would think that after that attack, you'd realize where your loyalties should lie."
"That's it!" Marissa yelled, taking out her wand. "Cerrario!"
Narcissa staggered back clutching her mouth. Everyone watched as her mouth slowly closed to where she couldn't open it.
"Maybe that will teach you to shut your bloody mouth, bitch!" Marissa shouted, pointing her wand towards her brother. By that time everyone had their wand out pointing to a different person. Spells and curses were being sent this way and that, rebounding off the walls and shattering the windows.
"What's going on here?" yelled someone out in the hall. Melissa Anderson, the Head Girl pushed her way into the middle of the fight, which had stopped due to everyone being hit by a different spell.
"What the hell ..." she began, but stopped at the sight of the Slytherins. Snape was frantically batting the air, trying to get the flying bogies from getting in his eyes. Narcissa was miming to her boyfriend who was lying on the floor, stiff as a board. Bellatrix was sporting a pig's snout and hooves for her hands and feet. Melissa burst out laughing, as she leaned on the wall for support. But she soon stopped when she saw an unconscious Lily and a bleeding Sirius.
"Shit," she muttered as she pushed passed the Slytherins over to Lily and Sirius.
Sirius pushed her hand out of his face. "Help Lily, I'm fine."
"Enervate," Melissa said, pointing her wand at Lily's chest. Lily's eyes flickered open.
"W-what happened?"
"Lucius knocked you unconscious," James said.
"Come on, let's get everyone off the train," Melissa said. After all that commotion the train had stopped and emptied, leaving the Slytherins and Gryffindors on the train alone.
"I am surprised at you!" bellowed a raving McGonagall. She and Professor Davis, the Head of Slytherin House, were standing before the students in her office, looking positively livid.
"I have never been more disappointed in my students," Professor Davis said dangerously. "Explain. Now!"
Everyone started speaking at once, causing the two Professors to cringe.
"One at a time!" McGonagall screamed. "Malfoy, you first."
"My pleasure," he said silkily. "Narcissa, Bella, Severus, and I were walking down the train to check on Evans and O'Connor. We were concerned after what happened last month. We walked in and they immediately started yelling at us!"
"Bullshit," Sirius muttered under his breath.
"Mr. Black, shut-your-mouth-NOW!" Professor Davis said.
"We were getting ready to leave when my darling sister, Marissa, cursed Narcissa. And that's when everything broke loose," he finished, smirking at the Gryffindors. James was shaking with anger as he looked at Malfoy. He had never wanted to hurt someone as much as he did now.
"Miss Evans," Davis said, "your version please."
Lily sighed before retelling the events of that afternoon like Malfoy did. Except her version was the accurate version. She told how Malfoy called her and Addy mudbloods and how Narcissa taunted Marissa. Which was why Marissa cursed her.
"I see," McGonagall said stiffly, skimming over the group. Lily blushed crimson as McGonagall's stare landed on her.
"I would've expected much better behavior from you Miss Evans and Miss O'Connor. Considering what you both have just been through," she said, narrowing her eyes at them. "I'm very disappointed in ALL of you! Two hundred points will be deducted from Gryffindor for your lack of judgment. Ten points from Gryffindor for cursing, Mr. Black and a week's worth of detention for each of you."
A soft sob was heard from Lily. She had never lost any points from Gryffindor in her life. She had also never gotten detention. That was always Devon's job.
McGonagall then turned towards Professor Davis, waiting for the Slytherin's punishment.
"The same goes for Slytherin," he said, glaring at his students. "Except an extra fifty points from Slytherin for calling Miss O'Connor and Miss Evans that name, Mr. Malfoy."
James then realized why Davis wasn't the Slytherin's favorite teacher. He didn't favor his house over the others, he was just as fair as McGonagall. James smirked, glad that Professor Davis had come to Hogwarts that year.
"You're dismissed," McGonagall said. Everyone walked out of her room silently. But when the door closed, the Slytherins were fuming.
"You're going to pay dearly for that," Lucius said dangerously. "I don't care if Davis is on your side, we're going to make you personally pay!"
A week later, the Gryffindors stalked lazily into the Common Room, seriously regretting getting into that fight.
"My bloody arms hurt!" Sirius complained, collapsing on the couch.
"You should talk," Devon said, sitting next to him, massaging her arms.
McGonagall had them scrubbing the Herbology greenhouses, from top to bottom. Sirius earned himself another detention when he smarted off to her.
"So tell me why we're cleaning the greenhouses? I mean, don't they just get dirty again since there is a lot of SOIL in here?" he had said.
They weren't very popular with the rest of the Gryffindors. Losing 200 hundred points caused them to fall back to third place.
"At least the Slytherins are in fourth. Something that they've never been in centuries," Peter offered. Ravenclaw was in first, followed by Hufflepuff.
"Shut up, Peter," Devon snapped. "That doesn't make us feel better."
Peter sent a venomous glare towards Devon as he moodily went back to writing his Herbology essay.
Goodness, that chapter took me almost all afternoon to finish. Ugh. Thanks again to my reviewers! :o) Please let me know if there is anything wrong with the chapter or if you have a problem with it. Don't hesitate to e-mail me about it.
Wotchertonks