A/N: (edited for typos: April 23, 2009)


...sound of a door opening.

Chapter 10: Super Vision, My Eye

"Bruce?"

The Bat family---real and a/u---mentally groaned. Superman sure picked a bad moment to visit!

The Man of Steel was carrying two differently styled Justice Lord uniforms in clear, dry cleaner bags.

"Hey, Bruce, you home?" Superman glanced around hopefully for his fellow crime fighter. The bat clan duo held their breath (hoping to thwart Clark's super hearing until he went away), but no such luck. Not when the unwanted guest also had better vision than a hawk.

"Hey, Tim, Barbara," Superman called out cheerfully. He could see the two huddled in front of what looked like a captive humanoid in restraints. Good old Bruce, always the workaholic catching criminals. "Is Batman in? I need to ask him something rather pressing." He almost giggled at the private joke in regards to the clothing he was holding, but then remembered that as an upcoming Justice Lord despot he probably might as well start practicing that mean, stern, dictator demeanor a bit more. "I mean, where's Batman. I want to see him and see him now."

"He's...not here," Robin huffed at Big Blue's surly attitude. "Say, what's got the stick up your--"

"Clark, I don't suppose you could help us out for a moment, could you?" Barbara sweetly butted in, knowing a Godsend when she saw one. "We were working with some of Bruce's stuff and there was an...accident." She moved aside so he could get an unobstructed view of Batgirl-Wally.

Their victim looked like a deer caught in headlights at this unwanted development. More than ever, Wally wished he could vibrate out if only to sink under the ground out of pure mortification.

Dear God. Trussed up in heroine wear and lipstick. What must Clark be thinking?!

Frowning, Superman took more notice of the other person in the bat cave. Was that a damsel in distress, then? He'd assumed Batman had apprehended some villain for questioning. Now he took in the tastefully short ginger hair, the long legs and slim yet muscular figure strapped to some apparatus of Bruce's.

Whoa!

Carefully laying down the garments on a computer so as not to get them wrinkled, Kent hurriedly spit shaped the curl in his hair and stepped closer, posturing a bit because he was Superman and Superman just didn't look wimpy in front of beautiful women. Man, he hoped this gal really wasn't a villainess--or taken.

"Well, hello," Clark smiled winningly, noting the bat emblem on 'her' chest and the arm restraints with a mixture of relief and dismay.

Not a villainess, then. In fact, she looked like Batgirl's better looking sister. She also reminded him rather oddly of Wally, but then that was probably because he was feeling a lot like a hormonal teenager himself.

Clark brought himself up short. As a member of the Batman Clan, Bruce might get touchy and spring the kryptonite on him like he had the first time he'd met Barbara. (Bruce being rather protective of his Bat Family.)

On the other hand, what was life without a little risk where an alluring lady was involved?

Only he'd grown rather rusty in the romance department being with just Lois for so long. Lane wasn't exactly into anything that wasn't work related. Maybe he should follow someone else's example in courtship?

Jutting out his jaw a tad, Superman emphasized the SUPER part of his name by putting arms to hips in order to show off his best attributes. "I don't believe we've met."

"Cl..clll..."

Heh, his sheer super-ness was making the lady nervous. Clark could hear her accelerated heart beat, smell her tantalizing perfume as it strengthened from her perspiration. It had a masculine tang on it. That was okay. He liked strong women and maybe this one would not have Lois's bossy personality to match.

"A close relation?" Superman nodded in a knowing manner as if he'd understood her stammered reply perfectly. "Here, let me help you out of that." He made a show of inspecting the restraints while making conversation. "Bruce and his training equipment. You don't know how many times I've had to rescue the poor guy from the overly technical contraptions he makes to keep in shape. Why Bats can't just purchase regular exercise stuff like everyone else does. Well, regular humans do. Although, I must say it sure seems whatever your workout is has done wonders for you. Not that I mind. Big muscles are rather sexy after all, don't you think?" The Not-So Boy Scout flexed his own a bit and winked at a flabbergasted West. "By the way, I'm Superman. Man of Steel? What's your name, besides Gorgeous?"

Frozen behind the Man of Steel, Barbara and Tim blinked. Neither could believe their ears or eyes. Either they'd done more of a superb job on camouflaging West than they'd thought, or Superman really needed to see an optometrist.

For his part, West could not manage more than a gurgle in reply. Clark Kent was hitting on him?! With Wally's own moves?!

"Wha-a-a?"

Oh yes--she was definitely smitten by The Super Stud. Clark inwardly boo-yahed. Why, he'd gotten her so totally flustered she couldn't even say her own name straight. "Wanda? That's a really nice name."

"You know, there's this excellent little spot I happen to own out on the Arctic Ocean. It's a bit chilly at this time of year, but I'm sure we can stay warm somehow." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Maybe practice some of your brand of workouts---together?" Smiling, he broke the cuffs holding Wally prisoner with some rapid, calculated punches.

In shock, Wally's feet stumbled a bit as Clark helped 'her' off the 'exercise' equipment, too traumatized to do more than let Superman hold him close. Some of the many straight pins stuck through the blue fabric and against Clark's skin, but because he was The Man of Steel, it didn't exactly hurt him. In fact, it was sort of tingly. Could this be what love felt like?

Clark grinned as he supported Wanda until she could find her feet.

Wow!

Batgirl's relative was not only beautiful, but what muscles she had. This just could be a match made in heaven! He wondered if he could get away with a kiss this early on their first meeting? Maybe she'd be agreeable to having dinner with him and his adopted mother?

It was with the thought of introducing Wanda to Ma Kent's apple pie that Clark finally paid more attention to his nose. By golly if his lady didn't smell familiar---though he was sure he'd never met her before and would definitely have remembered if he had. Maybe it was her perfume? No, too musky for that. In fact, it smelled like...like...

No. No, it couldn't be.

Clark stepped away in confusion, blinking and looking up into a now very familiar, nervously grinning mouth---grinning in a oh-sh*-just-let-me-die-now way. Hastily, he backed off more; and nearly bumped into Batman who had mysteriously materialized next to him and who looked severely pissed. (How the heck did Bruce always manage to sneak up on him anyway?) Clark looked at...Wanda--or rather--Wally, whose eyes were now as big as pie plates. Back at Bruce who looked fit to kill. Back at...

Oh.

Oh...kaaay.

Well, this was just...awkward.

Yes, awkward.

Awkward was certainly the word.

Awkward and way more information than Superman ever wanted to know about his team mates and their off duty exploits.

Okay, so he'd heard the rumors around the Watchtower that Batman was paying an inordinate amount of attention towards Wally of late. But Clark never would have dreamed...

This did, however, explain an awful lot about why some of the League had nicknamed The Flash Twinkle Toes. Honestly, Clark berated himself, he really shouldn't be surprised Flash swung that way what with Wally's friendship with that Piper fellow. But he'd never imagined that The Flash and Batman...

Not that there was anything wrong with that!

Nope. Nothing at all.

Hey, he was hip to current culture. Superman was a modern kind of guy.

Kind of.

If Wally was willing to dress in drag and call himself Wanda in order to fulfill some kinky fantasy of Bruce's... a fantasy Clark'd accidentally almost got pulled into... Well, it was perfectly reasonable what with the Batcave being so dark and all. It wasn't his fault it was so dark in here, playing dark tricks on the mind and eye.

Shadows. He'd mistaken Wally for a beautiful woman because of the gosh-damned shadows and that was all there was to write on it.

There.

"I'll just go and...find something...Super Manly to do." Clark winced at his own words. "Uh..see what Queen is up to." Superman's eyes matched Wally's in size when he considered Ollie--also a rich bachelor---and his unfortunate last name. Come to think of it, Wally also hung out a lot with Green Arrow and goodness knew what that might imply...he'd heard of such things. He'd watched Three's Company on Pa's old tv set. Once.

"I mean, I'll go see what Lois is doing."

Clark started to fly off when he recalled why he'd come in the first place.

Batman did not spare Superman a second glance as he growled at Wally--who'd just realized that Barbara and Tim had conveniently made themselves scarce. Flash considered this to be a supremely wise course of action and was about to take off as well when a kevlar-coated glove snagged his arm. The man's breath instantly alerted Wally that Tim had not been kidding about Bruce coming back sub par. In fact...

The Dark Knight was not only high on sugar, but pickled as well.

"So, Barbara," Batman demanded of Wally with an angry gleam in his blurry eyes, "just when were you going to tell me you were dating Superman?"

"Uhhh..."

Before a terrified Wally could think what to do---would his death be more painful as Batgirl-Dating-Supes or as Wally-Dressed-As-Batgirl-Who-Was-Not-Dating-Supes? Superman reappeared having scooped up the items he'd originally come in with.

"Sorry to interrupt again, but before you...um..guys...do whatever it is you..eh...do on your off hours, Bruce, I need a second opinion." He held up the uniforms. "I was wondering which of these you think would better represent me as the future callous ruler of Earth: the Traditional spandex or the Neo-Organic cotton/rayon look?" Exploding batarangs sent first one and then the other up in flames--neither material being Made of Steel. Superman sighed mournfully as he watched the roasted bits fall into disintegrated bits from his arms. "You could have just said."

A/N Addition:

I've just received multiple reviews from someone anon called Mischief. He or she pointed out a typing mistake in my using Green Lantern's instead of Green Arrow's name toward the end. This was not a mistake as such since I did mean Lantern. However, on further thought, I think Mischief's idea is better as it not only is more reasonable, but the possible S&M implications Supes was thinking of between Lantern and Wally might be too much for a mere K+ rating and I don't want to go beyond that here.

Thank you, Mischief.

(Btw, how the heck did you manage to send three reviews for the same chapter? 0.0*)

Also thanks to Miles333 for pointing out some spelling errors now fixed. :)

Last Edit: (I hope): HOLY COW! AND NOBODY CAUGHT IT! (This does not bode well for the future of the Superman fandom.) I just noticed (and fixed) the typo where I'd put Ma Kettle's instead of Ma Kent's pie. This must be senility setting in early. Ma & Pa Kettle were a comedy team during the early black and white movies. Actually, they were also simple farmers, but if you ever saw the movies, you'd see the humor of this mistake.