Chap10

Finally! Everyone's been waiting for the infamous BeachHead vs Flint scene. Here it is.

* * * *

Flint was at the end of his patience. "BeachHead.. shut up!" The shade looked up innocently from where he leaned against the doorframe. "Seriously.. shut up."

"What? I'm just standing here." His innocent look wouldn't have fooled a blind man.

"You're humming. Tunelessly... I might add. I got a lot of paperwork." Flint leaned over his desk again only to hear the same hum begin again. "STOP IT!"

"What? Oh.. humming.. yeah.. maybe I should stop." He came and stood in front of Flint's desk. "Hey.. you wanna hear a joke?"

"No."

"So.. what's blue and smells like red paint?"

"Beach.. go away."

"Blue paint."

Flint paused and then shook his head. "Gooooo away. That was horrible."

"What do you do when a warrant officer throws a pin at ya?"

"Beach, I'm not in the mood for this."

"Run like hell, cause he's got a grenade in his teeth.."

"That's not even funny."

* * * *

Two hours later, Flint was headed out followed by the abnormally cheerful Sergeant major. He still hadn't shut up.

"What happened when the warrant officer fired into the air?"

Flint groaned. "Shut up." He didn't have any hope of the order working. But he still had to try every so often.. just in case it would make the torment stop.

"He missed."

"You really suck at jokes.. I'm just saying. Nothing personal.."

BeachHead tilted his head. "Really? You mean that?"

"Yeah I do."

"I'll just have ta practice more...." Flint stopped and put his face in his hands. "What do ya call a boomerang that don't work?" He peered out from between his fingers. "A stick."

"I'm gonna stab myself in my ears.. I really am." He headed down the hallway. "I'm going to go to the security offices now.. you can go do something else. Go bother Duke.. I heard him disparaging green sweaters earlier. Really."

BeachHead followed along cheerfully. "Aww.. naw. It's okay.. I like hanging out with you Flint. I got nothing else to do... no where else to go.. no one else to talk to.."

"Oh.. that's just grand... what did I do to deserve this?" Flint sighed as he got into the elevator.

"You want it chronologically.. or arranged accordin' to level of offense I took at the time?" BeachHead reached over and poked each of the buttons for each floor between their floor and the level that Flint was headed to. Flint just sighed at him. "Juvenile, I know. Enjoyable too. I been waitin' fer years fer this."

"I noticed.. been saving up just for me? I'm flattered by the attention. I know I'm the most important concern in your life, that's why you're spending all this time trying to bug me. Because you're really upset that I was never impressed with you in life, so now you'll just bug me, proving that you really are worried about my opinion of you." Flint gave a smug stare as the elevator stopped at the next floor, dinged and the door opened and shut before continuing for the fifth time.

BeachHead mocked looking horrified for a second, then broke into a grin. "Wow.. using all them psychological training seminars, are we? Did you know.. I took those too? Funny how they jus' don't work when you know about them, huh? So... where was I? Oh yeah... " Flint groaned. Beach continued. "What's the difference between a failing paratrooper on a jump and a bad golfer?"

Despite himself, Flint looked at him. Beach smirked.

"A bad golfer goes 'whack, damn!' and a failing paratrooper goes 'damn, whack!'."

Flint felt himself begin to hyperventilate and bent over to breathe deeply. "Oh god.. please stop... please...."

"Where's Cobra Commander keep his armie?"

Flint looked up at him. Beach grinned.

"In his sleevie.."

"Oh god.."

* * * *

Two more extremely long hours later. BeachHead suddenly shut up and looked surprised. "Uh oh."

Flint gave in to the urge and looked over at him. "What? What now?"

"I think I jus' ran outa jokes..." BeachHead looked at the floor. "Yeah.. I think I just ran outa all the jokes I know.. huh. Never had that problem before.."

Flint punched the air in celebration. "YEAH!!! Yeah!!! You're DONE!! No more stupid jokes from you!!! HA!!! Stupid Ranger..."

"Yeah... so.. when's the last time you ran through the Army's Military Law? Did you know.. I can recite the Field Manual of Military Law by heart? Let me show you... we'll start with the Rules of Land Warfare.."

"Oh please no... not the by-laws..."

* * * *

"Ahhh.... my room.. my private 'no BeachHead's allowed' room.." Flint smiled as he looked at the Sergeant major standing behind him. "Sorry.. it's been fun..really.." He stepped inside and closed the door firmly in his face. "Jerk."

"Aww... that's not nice." Flint whirled to see BeachHead step through the wall. "I don't wanna leave Flint.. I'd miss ya."

"Beach, get out.. go away! Seriously!" Flint tried pointing at his door. "Get out."

"Oh.. you want me to leave?" BeachHead leaned against the wall. "No."

"No? What do you mean, 'no'??" Flint stripped off his shirt. "I'm going to bed.. you just talk to yourself as LONG as you want to."

"I won't talk while you're tryin' to sleep..."

"You won't?" The warrant officer felt a slight bit of hope. "No talking? No reciting the full Field Manual of how to dig foxholes? Really? You'll stop?"

"A'course... that'd be rude.. talkin' while yer tryin' ta sleep." Beach smiled. "I know.. I can sing ya ta sleep.. that'll be nice.." Flint groaned. "Let's see... what songs do I know?"

"Beach.. please.. I'm begging you.. what do you want? Whatever it is.. I'll do it. You want an apology? I'm sorry. I'm sooooo sorry. Will that make it okay? Will you just go away now?"

"Have you ever thought-a askin' me nicely? I mean.. instead of demandin' and orderin' me to do it?" BeachHead looked a bit annoyed.

Flint closed his eyes briefly. "I'm sorry. BeachHead, will you please leave so I can get some sleep?"

"No." The Ranger grinned at him. "See? Wasn't that easy? Now.. which song was it we decided on? Oh.. yes.."

"What do you mean 'we'? I just want you to shut up!"

"Ten thousand bottles o' beer on the wall.. ten thousand bottles o' beeeer... take one down.. pass it around... nine thousand, nine hundred and ninty-nine bottles o' beer on the wall. Nine thousand, nine hundred and ninty-nine bottles o' beer on the waaaall.. "

"Oh god.. shoot me.."

* * * *

"... six thousand, two hundred and forty-four bottles of beeeeeeer!" Beach hadn't lost any volume, nor gained any tone. Flint pulled the pillow off of his head and crawled out of the bed. "Hey, Flint.. where ya going?"

The warrant officer walked out.. wearing his pajama pants and a twitchy expression on his face. He stormed down to the night watch office. "Where's Duke?" The greenshirt on duty took one look at his face and stammered out a reply. "Fine."

Headed to the second floor security office, Flint was followed by a mercifully silent and invisible BeachHead. He ran down the hallway until he found Duke. Grabbing the man by the front of his shirt, Flint shook him frantically. "MAKE HIM STOP!!! FOR GOD'S SAKE!! MAKE HIM LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"

Duke raised his eyebrows and reached to gently pry the clutching fingers loose. "Okay.. Flint... let's calm down. What are you talking about?"

Flint began to pace, grabbing his short hair and pulling on it. "It's BeachHead!! He won't shut up.. first it was jokes... then it was reciting military by-laws... then it's singing... and he's singing OFF KEY!! For god's sake, I KNOW he can carry a tune.. I've HEARD him sing before.. but he's doing it deliberately to drive me insane!! MAKE HIM STOP!"

Duke shook his head, smiling a little. "Oh come on now, Beach is just trying to get your goat.. just ignore him."

Flint grabbed him by his arms. "Duke.. it's been HOURS.. he's started singing 'ten thousand bottles of beer' and when he got to about eight thousand I totally LOST it and screamed at him at the top of my lungs.. he claimed it made him 'lose his place' so he STARTED THE HELL OVER!! MAKE HIM STOP!!!"

Duke was shaken again and blinked. "Okay.. calm down. Beach?" There was complete silence. "BeachHead? I know you're here somewhere listening.. it's too entertaining not to be listening to Flint having a nervous breakdown.." He distinctly heard the snicker. "Okay.. so.. you've had your fun. Now let Flint get some sleep. Really. No more bugging him.. no more disturbing his sleep tonight in any way. Let him be."

BeachHead appeared in the hallway, tucking his hands into his pockets and looking so smug that Duke struggled to not smile. "I dunno what he's talkin' about. I jus' wanted to spend some time with him.. you know.. work out our differences and such."

Flint hid behind Duke who rolled his eyes and pointed at the Sergeant major. "Yes, well, that's enough 'working out of differences' for tonight. Flint's had enough. Leave him alone. Oh.. and no going into people's private rooms without permission. That's off-limits entirely from now on."

Beach nodded agreeably. "Okay.. understood." He smiled at Flint as the warrant officer walked quickly back down the hallway. "Ahh.. well."

Duke shook a finger at him. "I mean it.. no more. At least.. not tonight. I know you want payback.. but stop short of making him completely insane. Come and keep me company instead. I'm on night watch tonight, and it'll keep you out of trouble."

"Yes sir.." Beach threw one last look over his shoulder as Flint went onto the elevator. "That was an awful lotta fun though..."

Duke looked at him. "I heard that Hawk found some ghost experts to consult with. He tell you?"

"Yeah.. I ain't all that keen on chattin' up some experts, they'll probably try to zap me with holy water or some junk like that." Beach sounded sulky.

Duke shook his head. "I don't think Hawk would let someone try to.. umm.. hurt you. Dead or not. You are still one of his soldiers."

"You're probably right, sir. I shouldn't second guess Hawk. I ain't got a lot of choice if he decides to talk with them anyway." They continued along to the guard station.

"That's true.. you didn't really start reciting the Field Manual, did you?"

"Yep." Beach looked at him. "What? You don't have it memorized? Shouldn't every ranking Army man know it?"

"You know Beach.. you can be seriously irritating sometimes." Duke picked up the currant print-out and began to walk back along the hallways. "I've got to make a full patrol in a few minutes.. you wanna go along? Any snoozing guards are all yours to wake up."

The Ranger perked up. "Oh.. NOW yer talkin. Let's go patrol."

* * * *

End Chapter

Ahhh... the old NCO vs Officer battles.. gotta love when being dead gives you a leg up on your opponents. Next chapter will see some special guests making an appearance. I hope you are enjoying and as always, thank YOU for reading and feel free to review or message me with comments or questions. Please remember that I cannot answer you if you don't sign in to review.