A Surprise
Nine
"I'm home!" Jen announces, closing the door behind him.
Their apartment is unusually quiet for a Saturday morning. The Digimon had been around when he'd left two hours ago to join his father for some early-morning tai chi in the park but they seem to be absent now.
"In the kitchen!" Ruki calls back.
The thin curtains in their kitchen have been drawn back, leaving room for light to filter in as the sun climbs higher, approaching noon. Jen finds her sprawled out across the kitchen island, apparently dozing off.
"What are you doing?" He laughs.
Ruki doesn't even open her eyes, just lets her lips curl up in a happy smile. "It feels so warm."
All of the light coming in through the windows is focused on one spot, and that happens to be where Ruki's napping. "You're sunbathing," Jen realizes. "Like a cat."
"Like a happy, sleepy cat." She agrees, stretching her arms.
"Would you rather go take a walk or something?"
She opens her eyes at that, and pulls herself up into a sitting position. "It's too hot outside. I'm sunbathing, not tanning."
"And here I thought those two were the same thing." Jen quips, inspecting the contents of their fridge. He pulls out a bottle of cold water. "I'm going to get some groceries. Do you want anything?"
"Honeydew, green peas, almonds…" Ruki names a few of her recent cravings. "I'll go with you; just give me ten minutes." She decides.
"Take your time," He says easily, walking over to help her down. Ruki slides over to the very edge of the marble countertop and carefully hops off, letting Jen keep her steady until her feet hit the ground. "How did you even get up in the first place?"
"Renamon helped me before she went out with Terriermon." She tells him over her shoulder, heading for the bedroom.
He waits for her in the kitchen, sipping away at his water. Ruki's back a short while later, having changed from her camisole and boxers into a loose top and shorts. She pulls her hair up as she enters the room. The heat's been getting to her, with the last month of summer being the hottest of them all. Being six months pregnant probably isn't doing her any favors, either.
"Ready?" She asks, snatching the bottle from Jen.
"You could have just asked, you know." He points out as she gulps down the last mouthful of water.
"I'm not the kind of person to ask. You knew that when you married me." Ruki grins, tossing the empty bottle into the recycle bin. Jen pulls her back as she walks past him and kisses her with a dopey smile on his face.
"Yeah, I knew exactly what I was getting myself into." He murmurs, letting her lead him out to the front door.
"Any regrets?" She asks, doing an impressive job of keeping the words light and teasing to mask the tiniest bit of fear and doubt she still feels over an uncertain future.
Jen smiles, reaching out for her hand. "Never."
"Good." Ruki says quietly after a moment of studying his eyes. She traces circles over his wedding band while they're in the lift, and they hold hands all the way to the car.
Ruki slips in and out of consciousness in the car, causing Jen to throw her worried looks at every turn. "You should-" He stops himself mid-sentence and decides to rephrase it. "You could have stayed at home if you're this exhausted."
"Hmm?" She opens her eyes and turns to face him, catching sight of his concerned eyes. "I'm fine, Jen. You know I'm just tired all the time these days."
The baby has settled on a schedule and it is the exact opposite of her mother's, which means she wakes up around eleven and kicks away for hours until Ruki gives up on sleep. It's apparently a normal part of pregnancy, babies at their most active while their mothers try to rest. Some nights, though, Ruki wishes her daughter would just go to sleep like a normal person.
"That can't be normal, Ruki." He frowns, pulling into the parking lot. "I know pregnancy isn't easy but this seems a bit too much. You've been sleep deprived for weeks now."
"The doctor said everything's fine." She reminds him as they get out of the car.
"Yes, but that was two weeks ago." Jen comes to stand by her side, his face lined with concern. She slips her hand into his and smiles, just to assure him everything's okay.
"I'm alright, Jen. I'll tell you if that changes, okay?"
He sighs; that's probably the best deal he'll get from her. "Okay. But you'll let me know the second you don't feel well."
"I promise." She frees her hand from his to slip it around his neck, bringing him close enough to kiss his cheek. "Come on, let's just get what we need and go home. Oh, and add ice-cream to the list."
Jen laughs at her request and laces their fingers together once more as they make their way across the parking lot. They don't get far before both of their Digivices start beeping.
They spot the thick fog just as Ruki's phone starts ringing.
"I'm sorry to call you on a Saturday," Yamaki says. "But there's been another breach. It's around the corner of-"
"I know." Ruki cuts in. "We're standing right in front of it."
"Reika's trying to block it; she can't but it'll buy us a few minutes, at least." He tells her. "I'm on my way with a team. Don't go in there until we arrive."
"Why not?" She frowns. "If Jen and I can get there while they're still Realizing, it'll be easier for us to take them down while they're disorientated."
"There's no telling how many of them we're facing, Ruki. It's too dangerous. I'm ordering you to stand down."
"I make my own calls as a Tamer." Ruki says stubbornly, hanging up on her boss. She's about to fill Jen in on the situation when a familiar voice calls out to them.
"You guys!" Juri waves her hands in the air to get their attention, running over. Culumon beats her there, swinging himself into Ruki's arms.
"Ruki!" The small Digimon cries, eyes wide and ears flapping wildly. "Something's coming! Something big!" He burrows into the loose folds of Ruki's top. "Culumon has a bad feeling about this." Jen keeps his eyes on her as Juri joins them.
"We were right across the street when the Digital Field started appearing. Culumon saw you guys." She pants, trying to catch her breath.
"Renamon." Ruki summons her partner, who appears with Terriermon in tow. "We've got visitors."
The fox nods. "I sensed it right before you called me."
"It's big," Terriermon pitches in. "We were pretty far away but both of us could pick up on something."
Ruki nods grimly, pulling out her Digivice. "We're going in. Our best shot at taking this thing down is to attack it while it's still confused."
"Yamaki asked you not to, didn't he?" Jen guesses, wrapping his fingers around her arm. "Ruki, this could be dangerous." He says quietly, trying not to drag the others into this conversation. There's no way he'll be able to talk her out of this – she wouldn't be Ruki if she let herself be talked out of danger and he doesn't want to be the person to keep her from doing what she wants, even if he could – but the smart thing to do is to wait for Yamaki's team, to gather as much intel as they can on what they're facing.
"I'll be fine," She says, shrugging off his arm. "Don't do this now, Jen. I can take care of myself."
After the last few months of promising to be there for each other, to look out for each other, her words almost feel like a slap to his face. He remains silent while she turns to Juri and Culumon.
"Can you call Takato, please? I've a feeling we could use some back-up, especially if we get more company halfway through like the last time."
Juri nods nervously and walks a few steps away to make her call. Culumon spirals up into the air.
"Get Guilmon now, Culu!" He announces, flying off.
"Alright, let's get this started." Ruki says, reaching for the pouch she'd clipped to her shorts. She didn't bring much but the important cards are with her. "Jen?" She turns to him when he fails to keep up with her.
"Oh," Jen says, seemingly snapped back into reality. "Right." He nods, motioning for Terriermon to join him. His eyes don't quite meet Ruki's.
They walk into the Digital Field just as two Hypnos vans pull up.
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"Do you think the store's still open?" Ruki asks after the invaders have been dealt with. It's just the eight of them now; Yamaki's team left after Ruki made it quite clear that there would be no trip to the office for statement-taking today. Instead, she got them to agree to an e-mail, on the condition that a detailed account will be sent over by this evening.
Takato arrived at the very last minute, joining a helpless Guilmon who'd gotten there ten minutes earlier and had been doing his best to help out without a Tamer around. Juri and Culumon stayed close the entire time, even after Hypnos set up a perimeter and urged them to stay behind the line, at least.
Jen doesn't answer her question; now that the battle is over and she has time to think, he's been very quiet. Maybe it was something she… Oh. She doesn't want to bring that up while they're still out, with Takato and Juri around. They'll talk later.
She leaves everyone else to their conversation about the battle and walks off, intent on getting to the grocery store. Renamon joins her.
"This is definitely the most memorable trip to the store." Ruki jokes. "Unless I end up giving birth here."
"I would transport you to the nearest hospital before that could happen." Renamon points out bluntly, no humor in her voice. If even Renamon won't play along and pretend everything's fine just for Ruki's sake, then there's no avoiding this conversation.
Ruki sighs. "That… lizard," She settles on the description for lack of a better word; their enemies had been, once again, unidentifiable. "He was going to attack me."
"He was." Renamon nods. "You were too absorbed in this battle, Ruki. You put yourself and the child in danger."
"I don't need you judging me too!" Her Tamer snaps. She's still for a while until she turns to Renamon. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… I just…"
"You're right." Ruki sighs in defeat. "I always get carried away, you know that. Battles used to be my thing, and it's been so long… I feel alive again."
"That is not all there is to it." The fox observes.
"It never is." She whispers. "I'm six months pregnant, Renamon. It's stupid but that makes me feel like I have something to prove, and to Jen more than anyone else. It's so, so…"
"Stupid?" Renamon helpfully supplies, echoing her choice of words.
"Yes," Her shoulders sag. "So incredibly stupid."
They reach the entrance of the grocery store, which appears to be fully operational despite the inter-dimensional breach just around the corner. A string of benches lines the outer walls of the store, and Ruki jumps at the opportunity to get off her feet.
"Jen was right." She buries her head in her hands. "He was right and the baby almost got hurt because I was stubborn and I wanted to prove him wrong."
Renamon sits down next to her. "It has passed, and it is a lesson you had to learn. Be glad it did not cost you, and move on from it."
"How am I supposed to not think of what could have happened?" Ruki turns to her partner. "Renamon, what if-"
"Whatever you are imagining," The fox interrupts her. "It did not happen. There is no point in dwelling on the possibilities."
"I'm going to be a terrible mother." She goes on, ignoring Renamon. "My baby isn't even born yet and I'm already putting her in danger. I'm not meant to be a mother, Renamon. I've known this from the beginning. I'm selfish and I get too caught up in things, and I don't think sometimes. I can't do this. I'm going to hurt her."
"Ruki." The Digimon says sharply. "Stop."
"I can't just ignore what-"
"You are having a breakdown of sorts. You are sleep-deprived, and pregnant women are known to be more susceptible to emotional distress. The stress of today's battle just happened to be the straw to break your back." Renamon tells her in a calm voice.
"Now," She helps her Tamer up. "We will get what it is you require from this store, and then we will return home. You will rest upon our arrival, and if you still feel out of sorts after, you will discuss these concerns with Jen."
Ruki smiles. It is weak, but it is the best she can muster right now. "I thought I'm the Tamer here. Shouldn't I be ordering you around?."
"We are partners." The fox reminds her. "That means we take care of each other, and today you are the one requiring care."
"We're friends." Ruki corrects her as they finally make their way in. "And you're a very good friend, Renamon. The best, I'd say."
"You are my best friend as well." Renamon smiles.
"Okay," Her Tamer stands up straight as they enter the store, looking more like her usual self. "Enough of that before I start crying in public and tick off the last thing on the pregnant woman checklist." Ruki picks a cart and makes her way to the frozen aisle.
"I'm going to need so much ice-cream to fix today."
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Jen and Terriermon join them at the check-out counter, adding a basket of their own to the pile of things on the conveyer belt. They pay and bag their things in silence, and Ruki remains quiet when he takes charge of the heavy cart as they head to the car.
He hands her the keys and tells her to start up the engine while he and Renamon move their bags into the car. She agrees easily and waits in her seat while the rest empty out their cart, and tries to think of something to say to Jen. He wouldn't behave this way just because of what she said earlier; the way he's acting, he probably witnessed her close call with the giant lizard.
It's a troubling thought, the idea of him having seen that. Knowing Jen, he's torn between equal parts of being disappointed in her and blaming himself for what nearly happened. More than anything else, she hates the thought of him shouldering the responsibility for her reckless behavior.
Still, she can't come up with the words to tell him that. She gives up when he slides into the driver's seat next to her, and decides it's not a conversation to have in the car with their Digimon present, anyway.
"Are you okay?" Jen asks quietly after they leave the parking lot, eyes deliberately focused upon the road. His voice is tense, and he says nothing else when she simply nods. He doesn't turn to her, not even once.
When they get back, he distributes the bags and hers are lighter than even Terriermon's. She can feel the burn of Jen's eyes upon her as she tries to swap with the rabbit but the small Digimon assures her he's a lot stronger than he looks.
Terriermon supplies a steady stream of chatter all the way up to their apartment and keeps talking while they all put things away. He's never been comfortable remaining quiet and this tense silence has even Ruki playing along, keeping up a conversation with the rabbit when he turns his attention to her.
"Do you think the baby will be a Tamer too?" Terriermon asks, shelving the last of the canned goods. Ruki's heart seizes at the thought. She wouldn't trade her memories and experiences as a Tamer for anything in the world, and she wouldn't trade her bond with Renamon for everything in the world. But even she can't deny that being a Tamer has put her in more danger than most people face in a lifetime, and the idea of her daughter going through the same thing has her heart pounding.
Jen must feel the same way, because the paper bag he's just emptied out crumples up under the force of his clenched fist. The crinkling of the paper sounds especially loud as it breaks the sudden silence Terriermon's question has brought about.
"Maybe." Ruki says for lack of a better answer. She folds up her own brown bag and sets it down on the counter before she turns around to leave the kitchen. "I'm going to rest."
"Okay." Terriermon replies, the only one to acknowledge her. Ruki half expects Renamon to follow her but her footsteps are the only ones she can make out as she heads for the bedroom. She releases the curtains to block out the late afternoon sunlight streaming in from the bay window and pulls out a change of clothes. A quick shower later, she dresses and slips under the covers. She's been taking a lot of naps lately but she almost always picks the sofa as her resting place, and as she tries to sleep in a bed devoid of Jen's body heat, she remembers why. The sofa isn't big enough to feel empty without someone by her side.
She rests on her side and pulls her knees up to her chest, curling up into a ball. It's not comfortable by any stretch, but it's almost enough to make her feel warm as she falls asleep.
When she wakes, Ruki's ears pick up on the rustling of fabric. She opens her eyes to find Jen getting dressed, after which he disappears into the bathroom to leave his towel in the laundry hamper. He's about to reach for the doorknob when she speaks up.
"I'm sorry." Ruki croaks in a voice hoarse from sleep, pulling herself up to rest against the headboard. She reaches for the glass of water on her nightstand and drains it as Jen turns around and slowly approaches their bed. After she sets the glass back down, she finds herself hugging her knees to her chest once more.
"What I said today was… I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." She contemplates her words for a bit, trying to say the right thing. "I'm not… I mean, it's true and we both know it: I can take care of myself. But I shouldn't have snapped at you. And it doesn't mean that I don't want you to have my back or that I don't need you to look out for me. I just…" Ruki sighs in frustration. Words have never been her strength; they belong to Jen.
"Everything's been so well lately; I don't… I don't want us to go back to how things were before, Jen." She admits, thinking of their earliest years. Ruki had pushed him so far then, kept him more than an arm's length away; she'd been terrified of losing her independence, and even more scared of the idea of Jen turning into some sort of overbearing, over-protective lover, hovering around and suffocating her until she could take it no longer and ended up walking away from him.
She crawls over to the opposite end of the bed, where Jen's taken a seat on the corner of the mattress, and reaches out to take his hand in her own. After a while, Jen lifts his free hand to rest it on top of their intertwined fingers.
"It's okay," He says with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "I messed up too, today. I let myself overthink what you said even though I knew you didn't mean it and because I was so lost in my own thoughts, you almost… God, Ruki. Who knows what could have happened if Guilmon hadn't shown up then?"
Jen pulls his hands away from hers and offers her another tight smile. "I made a mistake today, Ruki. Not you. I…" He runs a hand through his hair and stands up. "I'm sorry." With that, he turns away and heads for the door.
Ruki throws a pillow at him. It bounces harmlessly off Jen's head before landing on the floor, but it's enough to make him turn around.
"What-"
"Damn it, Jen." She fumes. "Why does everything have to be your fault? How do you make everything your fault?" Ruki pulls at her hair in frustration.
"If you're going to be that way, we might as well give up now. We can stop trying and just put in zero effort. I'll be the crazy reckless one and you can be the idiot who blames himself for everything instead of fixing things."
The puzzled look on Jen's face morphs into an expression of patience and understanding, and Ruki's blood boils. "No." She tells him before he can say anything to defend himself while simultaneously claiming the blame for every bump in the road they'll ever face. "If all you're going to say is sorry and it's my fault, then you don't get to say anything."
"If I wanted a scapegoat, I would have married one!" Ruki nearly shouts, venting out the last of her anger. She's breathing hard, nearly struggling to inhale. Her eyes start to burn with tears. Climbing out of bed, she walks over to Jen and takes his hand in her own.
"I am going to make so many mistakes with this baby, Jen," She whispers, looking him in the eye. "And I need you to stand up to me and help me, not just sit back and let me mess up, and then find a way to pin the blame on yourself."
"I don't need a martyr," A tear finally escapes her, and a flood follows soon after. "I need a husband."
Jen draws her into his arms. "Ruki," He sighs into her hair, letting her cry herself out.
"You need to help me," She chokes on a sob. "And sometimes that's going to mean fighting against me, Jen, but please. I need you to do this for me, and for her. I don't want to mess her up but I don't know how not to."
"Okay," He finally agrees, pulling her away from where she's hiding against his chest. Jen frames her face with his hands. "Okay." It's stronger now, more certain; a promise to her and their daughter. Ruki smiles through her tears and kisses him.
When he pulls away to catch his breath, she takes him by the hand and pushes him down, climbing into his lap as he stumbles against the bed and falls on top of the mattress. He scrambles to pull himself upright and lean against the headboard, and she rests her head on his shoulder, trying to stifle the last of her sobs.
"I'm just… breaking down," She says as he runs a hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her. "Sleep deprivation and stress and whatever else Renamon said."
He grins, hidden from her sight. "You sure it's not your hormones?"
Ruki pulls away to glare at him; the effect is somewhat ruined by her tear-stained cheeks and bright eyes. "I am not," She says slowly, biting off each word, "having a mood-swing."
"Of course you're not," Jen agrees teasingly, kissing her temple. She huffs and pushes him away, climbing out of his lap.
Once she makes it clear that she no longer requires his presence, Jen gets to his feet. "Alright then," He says, trying to hide his amusement at her behavior. She's even crossed her arms. "I promised Terriermon I'd cook tonight, so dinner should be ready in an hour."
Jen tries to leave for the third time, and is once again stopped by his wife.
"Wait," She sniffles, wiping away lingering evidence of her little… breakdown. Ruki gets out of bed and pads into the bathroom. "I'll come with you." She says, turning on the faucet to splash some water on her face.
He waits until she joins him and slips her hand into his.
His fingers wrap around the doorknob, but he doesn't open the door just yet. She meets his eyes with a questioning look when he turns to her.
"We're going to be okay, Ruki." Jen promises, leaning in until his forehead is against hers. It's not something they do often but it's intimate in its own way, how they have to close their eyes because their faces are too close, the way they share the same breath of air without kissing each other.
"Okay." She whispers, keeping her eyes closed even after he pulls back to try and force her tears away. A few seconds later, she opens her eyes and smiles at him. Her eyes shine and so do his when he smiles back.
"Come on," He opens the door. "Let's see if we can make dinner without you setting off the fire alarm."
I think this is the shortest chapter we've had in a while.
When I started writing this, I panicked because I had no outline for this chapter. After a while though, I realized I'd missed this: writing just to see where it takes the characters. It's how I wrote the first few chapters, and I actually prefer those to the more recent updates, which were so jam-packed and hurried because I had to cram certain events into specific chapters to keep the story moving in the direction I've mapped out. But in all the chaos of making things happen, I forgot to just let things happen. This is a chapter where I let the pieces fall where they may, and I'm quite happy with it. I hope you guys are, as well.
E Salvatore,
November 2014.