Love Shinji

-- an Evangelion/Love Hina crossover

by Project Cala

- Katsuragi residence, Tokyo-3 -

"What do you mean 'we can't go on the trip'!" Asuka demanded, slamming her hands on the table.

Misato took a sip of her beer. "It's exactly what I mean: you can't go on the trip."

"But why?"

"Orders from NERV. You two have to remain here in case an Angel attacks." The woman pulled out an SD from her jacket pocket. "And don't think I haven't been keeping up with your school progress, because I have. It's very disappointing, Asuka."

"It's not my fault I can't read the stupid questions. Why do they have to use so many kanji?" Asuka huffed, sitting back down. She glanced to her left, where Shinji and Kanako sat quietly drinking their tea. Even Kuro had a shot-glassful to himself, and was lapping happily away. "You aren't just going to sit there and let this happen, are you Shinji?"

The boy put down his cup, shrugging. "What other choice is there? As EVA pilots, this is a responsibility we have. Sure, I'd like to go to Okinawa just as much as you do. But... things just can't be helped for us."

"Great," she sighed. "So you'd never actually placed your hopes on it in the first place."

"Nope. Not at all."

Rolling her eyes, Asuka slumped in defeat. "I wonder what Hikari's up to," she muttered. "I bet she's having the time of her life, diving in the ocean in the day, and then coming back to take a relaxing soak in the onsen (hot springs) in the evening. Okinawa's supposed to be famous for those..."

An idea sprung to Shinji's mind. "You want to go to an onsen, you say?"

"Yeah, even that'd do. Though I don't know what I'd do with my new bikini now..."

"Hey Misato?" Shinji asked. "Do you think we could get permission to--?"

Intermission (Chapter Nine): Hot Springs Hijinks, Part One

- Outside Hinata House, Hinata City -

"Verdammt!" Asuka grunted. "Why the hell are there so many stairs?"

"I told you to pack lightly, Asuka," Shinji called down from the top of the stairs. "A suitcase doesn't fall under that particular category, or at least not according to common sense."

She glared up at him. "Ha, ha. Very funny, Third Child. Now if you'd stop making fun of me and carry this up like a gentleman, it would be greatly appreciated."

Handing his backpack and sword-- the Yuuki (valour) blade given to him by Motoko --to Kanako he came jogging down, picking up the suitcase with some difficulty. "What exactly did you pack in here? A couple dozen bricks?"

"No, you baka," she scoffed. "Clothes; what else?"

Shinji sweatdropped. '"What else?" She says it as if it's the most obvious thing in the world... But is it really necessary to bring this much? Well, if I could understand that, I'd probably have at least half the female psyche figured out...'

He was suddenly aware of a screaming, possibly human projectile arcing its way towards him. He deftly sidestepped, and looked back to find it narrowly miss Misato and Rei. But it, or more correctly Keitaro, collided with a most unfortunate young German, and sent them both rolling painfully down to the bottom of the very long flight of steps.

Keitaro was quick to regain consciousness, but his brain was still slow to actually realise that he'd come to a landing on something much softer and warmer than the ground, and wondered what it could be. Then he suddenly snapped to the conclusion that his face was nestled somewhere in a rather familiar position... Though by then Asuka had also woken up and worked out the same thing, except much faster.

Hearing the dual shrieks, Shinji couldn't help but snicker, though he winced when he saw Asuka kick the poor ronin in the groin. Keitaro's cry of pain seemed just that little higher pitched than before. 'Ouch,' he thought. 'I bet he's actually 'appreciating' rocket-punches and boulder cutting strikes now...'

While Asuka huffed past, snatching the suitcase out of his hands and following everyone else to the inn entrance, Shinji waited for the 'crippled' young man to come hobbling up the steps. "You didn't make it to the city centre today, Keitaro," he remarked in half-jest, and peered back at Hinata. "She went easy on you."

"Heh," Keitaro scratched his head sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess so."

"You know I was just joking, right?"

- Annex rooftop, Hinata House -

Having finished her afternoon kata, Motoko sat with her eyes closed, meditating. On top of her shoulders was a precariously balanced Su, attending with fervor to the blipping noises emitted from her portable gaming system. 'How long has it been now,' the samurai girl wondered. 'since Shinji left... Three months? No, it's only been two yet-- but even that seems like so long ago...'

She blinked her eyes open once, when Su yelled out in gleeful victory of one sort or another. 'Sadly enough, I've gotten used to training alone again. I'd forgotten how lonely it was to practise by myself; Shinji had been my sparring partner ever since I came to Hinata House...'

-flashback-

The kogatana (mini tanto) streaked through the air towards a seemingly helpless ten-year old Shinji.

Reflexes kicking in faster than he could actually think, he brought up the board ledger in his hands to block the missile. It stuck into the book audibly, and vibrated for a few short seconds before the boy pulled it out shakily. "A-aoyama-san?"

"What is it?" an eleven-year old Motoko snapped, annoyed at being interrupted.

"You're the new tenant in Room 302, right?"

"Yes," was her exasperated reply. "Now if you don't have any other questions..."

The girl returned to her kata fully assuming he would leave now, but when the feeling of being watched didn't go away, she turned back to find he was still standing there in the same spot.

"What!"

He offered her the kogatana. "Hina-obaasan told me you were the heiress to the Shinmeiryuu clan," he said in an awed tone. "That must mean you're really good."

Blushing faintly despite herself, Motoko took the weapon from him, noticing that he'd held it properly-- with the blade towards himself, and edge-down so he wouldn't cut his hand. "Th-thanks..."

"It was yours anyway. I'm sorry to have disturbed you." He bowed and turned to walk down the stairs.

"Hey, wait!"

"Yes?"

"You... you can stay and watch, if you want..."

Shinji smiled shyly at her. "That would be nice, thank you."

-end flashback-

'It was only a day or two after that he asked me to teach him kendo...' Motoko smiled at the memory.

Lifting her visor, Su sniffed the air. "I smell... Shinji!" She leapt off the other girl's shoulders and ran down the stairs.

"What...? Su!" Motoko got up quickly, and clumsily followed the foreign girl. 'Ack! Pins-and-needles!'

- First floor lobby, Hinata House -

"So," Kitsune wore a grin that Shinji just knew meant trouble. Or teasing. Or both. "It seems our boy Shinji here has made a man of himself in Tokyo-3... Look at the hot chicks you've brought back; a blue-haired albino, a foreign redhead beauty, and even an older--"

She was cut off from any further comment by a righteous 'thwack' to the back of the head with a paper fan, courtesy of Naru, who caught the now-unconscious woman and laid her down on the couch. "Uh, sorry about that," she laughed nervously. "My friend tends to go a bit overboard with her drink..."

"Heyas/Shinji-kun!"

'What the...?' Asuka was surprised to see two more girls come down, greeting Shinji excitedly. 'He's really popular, isn't he? I never would've guessed; a plain-as-bread guy like him...'

'Hm, my jealousy senses are tingling...' Misato peered around, eyes narrowed, trying to pinpoint the location of the sensation. 'Damn, too many girls to get an accurate reading...'

"Su! Motoko-san!" Shinji returned the formal bow the older girl gave him, simultaneously avoiding the younger girl's flying-kick-to-the-head welcome. "Please, sit down. I'm sure we have lots to catch up on."

The blonde gaijin opted to perch on the boy's shoulders instead. "Nyahaha!"

"Well now that everyone's here--" He clapped his hands together. "--let me introduce you all to each other. To my left are the personnel from NERV, and my... work... colleagues: Misato Katsuragi, Director of Operations and my commanding offi--" Shinji coughed and corrected himself. "I mean, my supervisor. With her are Asuka Langley Soryu and Rei Ayanami, both of them also my classmates at school."

"Pleasure meeting you all./Yeah, hi./..."

"And to my right are the tenants of Hinata: Mitsune Konno, the one passed out on the couch; Naru Narusegawa, her closest friend; Kaolla Su, who thinks people are good to climb on; Motoko Aoyama, heiress of the Shinmeiryuu clan and my kendo sensei; and finally Shinobu Maehara, the most talented cook I'm fortunate enough to know." Then he added, "Oh, and Keitaro Urashima, landlord of this dorm."

"Nice to meet you," they chorused, in the enthusiastic way only possible by a bunch of young girls-- and one misunderstood and slightly older guy --living under the same roof.

Shinji grinned. "So did anybody miss me?"

- Outdoor bath, Hinata House -

Wielding his trusty sword and shield, the valiant knight strode forward into the deep forbidden abyss.

'Yeah right,' Keitaro thought despondently. 'If only. I really need to stop reading those damned fantasy manga. Just look at me; some knight I am. Worn shirt and faded shorts for armour, bucket and broom to fend off "deadly" rock moss, and the only "deep forbidden abyss" I actually know of is the kind that makes me nosebleed half to death...'

"Well, I better get started," he muttered, wiping away a trickle of blood and putting his bucket down by the door. "The onsen's not going to clean itself, unfortunately enough..."

Meanwhile, on the other side of the mist-shrouded waters...

"Mmm, this is simply delightful," Misato sighed contently. "I can't think of a better way to be spending my hard-earned vacation than soaking in a genuine hot spring, don't you girls agree? Of course, a cool beer afterwards wouldn't go down with a complaint."

"Yeah yeah, I get your point," Asuka replied lazily. "I'll thank Shinji later."

Not saying anything, Rei just sat watching a happy warm-water penguin enjoy itself.

"Hm? But that's not what I meant at all..." A devious look crossed the woman's features. "Ooh, Asuka..."

"Shut up, Misato!" a flustered redhead yelled. Her cheeks, already rosy from the heat, deepened in colour. "It's nothing like that! Stop jumping to conclusions!" Standing up, she grabbed a towel and hastily draped it over herself as she walked briskly off.

Mr. Oblivious continued to scrub and sweep busily. But that wasn't to last for much longer, as a furious-looking German girl came at a near sprint through the clouds of steam and tripped over his bucket with a rather loud yelp he was sure would've attracted the attention of a few pervert-haters.

Instead, two more people-- and a penguin --emerged from the vapour. Both were similarly as undressed as the other, except that the purple-haired woman hugged the penguin to her ample chest, barely managing to cover the important bits. Keitaro's eyes bugged out, and he froze in place staring.

"What the hell do you think you're looking at?" A further irritated Asuka dealt the blow of feminine vengeance, bringing the ronin down with a second kick in the nuts for the day. Only as the poor man dropped to his knees mouthing out a cry of pain, did the Hinata girls-- minus Motoko --charge in, Naru at the fore with her fist at the ready.

"Okay Keitaro! What have you done--" She saw his foetal form on the ground beside a fallen towel. "--this time...?"

A miserable whimpering was the only reply she got.

- Room 302 (Motoko's), Hinata House -

"Ahahahaha!"

"Would you please stop laughing," Motoko pleaded, hands covering her burning cheeks. "It's embarrassing enough just thinking about it..."

Shinji was finding it difficult not to crack up at the mental imagery. "But why? I think you'd look great in a mini-skirt!" Grinning, he added playfully, "It's a shame I wasn't here to see it happen. Would you be so gracious as to have an encore presentation?"

"And suffer the same humiliation again?"

"No, Motoko-san, I'll tell you what's more humiliating; the fact that I'd look better in a mini-skirt than you." He could tell she was trying to imagine it by her facial expression. "You know I'm just as good at impersonations as onee-chan is, and just because I've never cross-dressed before doesn't mean I can't and won't do it."

The picture in her mind still wasn't coming together, and Motoko's curiosity was getting her better of her, as was her taunted pride. "Then why don't you?"

"Huh?"

A smile not unlike what Kitsune so often used graced her face. "I said, 'why don't you?' If you're so confident about it, then you won't mind being a girl for the rest of your little vacation, will you?"

"S-sure..." Shinji was taken aback. It had been quite a while-- years, in fact --since someone had bested him in verbal sparring, and the result of his loss was going to be... interesting, to say the least. "Of course not..."

"Just to make things entertaining, we can make this a... contest... between you and I."

He looked at her skeptically. "A contest. Of femininity. Are you serious?"

"You don't sound too confident now; what's wrong?" It was rare to see Motoko with such a crafty expression, almost to the point of being scary. "Don't you want to do it anymore?"

"No," Shinji resolved, thrusting forward a hand. "You're on."

'Kami,' they both cringed internally, shaking hands to seal the deal. 'What in the world am I getting myself into?'

- Dining hall, Hinata House -

"Wow, everything smells so good, Shinobu-kun. I wish I had your culinary talents," Kanako appraised. Gesturing for the younger girl to come closer, she whispered, "You have no idea what I've been forced to eat to survive-- at least when Shinji wasn't cooking."

"Well, um... thank you, Kanako-sempai..."

"Speaking of which," Kanako quickly scanned the faces of those gathered at the table. "Where is he?"

"Motoko-sempai's not here either," Shinobu added. "Should I go up and get them both?"

The sound of the door sliding open answered that question. All pairs of eyes were drawn to the noise, but when everyone saw the two people that stood in the doorway, whatever anyone was holding in their hands dropped to the floor in shock-- as were their jaws. The Hinata crew and the trio from NERV could do nothing but gawk incredulously at the late arrivals-- well, Rei just stared as usual.

'I told you this was a bad idea!' Shinji told Motoko with a glare, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

'No you didn't!' She mouthed back, a heavy blush tingeing her cheeks. 'As if the experience wasn't horrible enough the first time... Arrgh! But Shinji is right-- this is so stupid! Why-oh-why did I let this happen?'

"Wh-wh-what the frickin' hell!" Asuka suddenly screamed, voicing out everyone else's yet-unspoken sentiments very loudly. "Are you wearing...?" Thinking it was some grotesque nightmare, she rubbed her eyes hard and checked again. "Mein Gott! You are!"

Clicking her mouth back into a closed position, Kanako stepped up to Shinji, looking him up and down several times. Her analytic gaze came up once again to his face, where it lingered with a frown. With a fingernail, she carefully scratched off a slight speck of mascara from under his left eye. "Perfect!"

As calmly as he could manage, without fainting from the mass diversion of blood flow to his face, Shinji sat himself down at the table and picked up a pair of chopsticks. "Itadakimasu (pre-meal 'thank you')," he said, in an uncannily feminine voice-- electronically altered, of course --and began eating, all the while wishing he could just go and hide in a tiny corner where he wouldn't be noticed.

Watching him take small bites of food-- probably not to smudge his lip gloss --reminded everyone what they were actually here for. Retrieving their fallen plates, cups, spoons and chopsticks, they started on their dinner, which by now wasn't quite as warm as it had been before. However, their gazes never left the boy-- dressed in a red turtleneck, black dress and hair extensions --for more than a minute at a time, something Motoko in her own 'girlish' attire was more than relieved about.

- Landlord's room, Hinata House -

Stirring awake, he looked at the luminescent display of the alarm clock. 'Nnn... 2:23 in the morning? Oh yay...' Lifting himself up from the futon with some effort, he shuffled out into the hallway, eyes still heavy with sleep. A great yawn overcame him, just as his foot caught on something on the floor. Needless to say, he stumbled and tripped, though ending up landing on something that wasn't varnished hardwood.

A sleepy voice spoke. "Shinji-kun...?"

"Rei? What are you doing out in the corridor?" he asked, his words equally as slurred.

"Soryu-san and I had a... disagreement over our sleeping arrangements, and--"

"She kicked you out?"

"I am not injured," she stated plainly, effectively ending the conversation there.

Shinji figured he should get back up, off whatever he was sprawled upon, but found that he couldn't. 'These pillows are so soft and warm... Kinda small though...' His eyelids were on the verge of dropping shut, when he remembered, 'Wait, wasn't I going to get a drink? Oh well, never mind...'

"Goodnight, Rei..."

"Goodnight, Shinji-kun."

And so, he fell asleep again, head nestled comfortably between Rei's breasts. The girl followed suit soon after, returning to a quiet slumber. But there was one thing that Shinji had failed to notice and Rei hadn't given an inkling of a thought to mention: the fact that she always slept naked.

Rei enjoyed an exceptionally pleasurable sleep that night-- who knew Shinji liked hugging his pillows?

(Reformatted and minutely re-touched for its EFO debut.)

A/N: This chapter and the next were originally meant as a brief break, somewhat for comic relief, from the Eva storyline, for myself and the readers. Or at least that was the intent. They turned out to be even more work than regular chapters, and although I considered scrapping the whole idea, I stuck to it and came up with these bits of random silliness.

The following Omake is just more spontaneity involving the animals in both series.

- Omake: Penguins weren't made to fly! -

Kanako, with Kuro sitting atop her head, stepped into the hot springs to find two creatures already enjoying themselves in the waters. One of them she recognized, the other she didn't. They looked at her with puzzled expressions-- well, as puzzled as they could manage.

"Wark?"

"Myuh?"

'As if the people in this place weren't crazy enough,' she thought despondently.

The little turtle shot up from the onsen and hovered in front of her face. "Myuh!"

She noticed the small label tied to one of its flippers. "Tama-chan, huh?"

"Myuh!"

"Well, it's nice to meet you too..." she offered hesitantly. 'I guess...'

Kuro had flown off and was now in another fierce staring contest with Pen-Pen. Kanako watched them half-interestedly. 'It's really strange, she mused sardonically. 'How the bird can't fly, and everything else can-- a cat, a turtle, Angels, and even onii-san on short daily occasions... What is this world coming to?'