AN: This contains references to Confessions of a Teenage Starfleet Cadet. No knowledge is required, I hope. Is it really necessary to put this at the beginning of every chapter that contains references?
Somniphobia
Fear of Sleep
The Enterprise is limping slowly back to Earth. They have defeated Nero, finished the repairs urgently needed to allow them to travel home. Now, they can do nothing but wait as they journey back. Though it is a few days since the loss of Vulcan, since the loss of the Fleet, since the loss of most of their Class, the emotions have only just begun to sink in. After all, they'd only just got time to feel anything, to rest, to stop, to think, now.
They cannot sleep. It is different to the last few days, when they were not allowed to sleep, for need to work. They cannot sleep because they see it; they see death, despair, destruction. They have nightmares. They cannot find peace in themselves, so they are seeking it in any way they can. They are seeking comfort, in whatever ways possible.
Jim Kirk, Captain, sits in the Rec Room, with most of his senior Crew. He watches, observant, noticing the bleary eyes, the tears, the dark circles.
Commander Spock has just lost his homeworld and his mother. He attempts to find solace via meditation, using Vulcan techniques. It doesn't work. He cannot sleep. But he finds solace using human techniques. He speaks to his father, attempting to repair their relationship. Now, he sits, straight backed, next to Lieutenant Uhura, her hand resting lightly on his. She is fast asleep. He is not, but he looks more rested than he has for days. He finds solace and peace in love. Ironic, as he is half-Vulcan, but also not, as he is half-human. It is his human side that grieves, after all.
He is not the only one to share the pain with a loved one. Kirk remembers the photo that Sulu showed him that morning, in an attempt to raise his morale. It did not work as well as the Helmsman had hoped, it did not help him sleep, but it reminded him of better days. Pavel Chekov, his young Navigator, has grown up fast these last days. But he is not the only one to. A Science Officer stationed on the Bridge has too. Memory strikes, and he remembers attending the birthday celebration of this young woman, she is even younger than Chekov. He is glad they have found comfort together. As of now, they are curled up together in a corner, fast asleep, as if warding off bad dreams by each other's company. It lifts some of the weight of his heavy heart to know that his two youngest crewmembers have retained some innocence, some naivety, through this ordeal. It helps him to remember the joy, hope, innocence of first love, something that seems like it is from an age ago.
Hikaru Sulu, Helmsman, is currently on shift, but if he were here, Kirk knows that he would be hovering near his two young friends, watching them, practicing his fencing, exerting himself physically, as if to fight off nightmares. He would exercise until he drops, of exhaustion, into a dreamless slumber. He knows that Sulu is close to Chekov, they were friends while at the Academy. He is close to Ellen Lee, the young woman, as well. The three of them have just lost every friend they had while at the Academy, and they are all they've got left now.
Bones and Scotty, the old men of the ship, are in another corner, drowning their sorrows in alcohol. Technically, it is against regulation, but no one has the heart to voice that, not even Commander Spock. They are drinking themselves into oblivion, drinking to black out, to induce a sort-of sleep, a dreamless sleep, a peaceful sleep. They are drinking to forget. Scotch and bourbon, bourbon and scotch, it is of no difference what they drink now. He is tempted to join them, but as Captain, he must remain alert, he must set an example. He must keep control of himself.
He stands silently, careful not to disturb any of his Crew, and takes the turbolift to the Bridge. Acknowledging the skeleton Crew, he tells his Helmsman to get some food and sleep. He knows Sulu won't, but he sends him to anyway. He'll feel more rested after some food and fencing. He wants to be as alone as possible. He sits down in the Captain's chair. He has command of this beautiful ship, the Enterprise. He has command of a Crew, the finest he could ask for. He watches the stars as they fly past.
The next morning, his Crew find him asleep in the Captain's chair, at peace at last.