Chapter 10

Ronan:

Ronan stormed out of the kitchen, a carton of ice cream in his hand and a tray laden down with a steaming kettle adorned with a tea cozy stitched with ravens, three cups, and sugar and honey. He set the tray on the kitchen table where Gansey and Helen sat silently, Gansey scratching obsessively every few moments.

Only glancing at him for the space of a heartbeat, Ronan threw himself into one of the many chairs across from the siblings and peeled off the lid to his carton. Spreading three spoons, he held them out to the pair until the each took one before shoving his spoon unceremoniously into the carton's depths.

Gansey stared at him. "It is... very early in the morning to be eating ice cream."

Through a mouthful of sticky, melting cream, Ronan growled, "I don't see how that matters right now, not after last night." Nodding, Gansey beckoned with his spoon, scooping a huge glob out for himself.

Pouring the tea, Helen rolled her eyes at them. "You two act as if your significant other of eight years has just told you they've been cheating on you for four of those years."

"Not quite," Gansey muttered, scratching at his neck.

She slapped his hand away. "Stop that, there's nothing there. You're fine now." Exhaling deeply, Helen's features relaxed marginally, her voice softening. "I understand that I'm a stranger here, at least for Ronan, but you two can talk to me. You act as if it wasn't just Gansey having his nightmare, but the two of you."

Gansey and Ronan locked eyes over the ice cream container. She wasn't entirely wrong on her assumption. Though the five of them had been trapped in their own nightmares, each particular to them and their own house of horrors, they relatively knew what had gone on in each others' nightmares. It was more like a game of guess and check where the other participants didn't have the option to lie. Though some had already guessed more than others.

Good will and understanding and support were circulating through their cluster, but they were tinged with residual fear and guilt and betrayal.

Adam cupped Ronan's hand, pulling the spoon to his mouth. He sucked the ice cream from it, humming as the sweetness exploded across his tongue. "Cookie dough, my favorite," he mumbled, covering his mouth as he chewed through the bits.

Staring at him, Ronan licked his lips, the taste spreading through his mouth as if he'd just kissed Adam, and oh, he so wanted to.

Gansey jerked his head up, narrowing his eyes knowingly at Ronan. "You know we can feel that, right? Seriously, just kiss already. We're all drowning in the sexual tension you're throwing off," he muttered a tad more irately than usual.

Ronan had to force his face into neutrality as a heavy blush stained Adam's cheeks.

"I'm going to ignore the level of shade you just threw, Dick, and go dress." Picking up the cup of tea she'd poured herself, she turned towards the door. "By the time I come back, I want you both to have decided on telling me what's going on, quietly suffering without putting the rest of us down, or getting over it." She slid from the room before they could reply.

The trio listened carefully until they heard the shower start upstairs.

"You should really tell them," Adam said, "Gansey can help."

"Help with what?" Gansey asked, glancing between the two of them.

Ronan scowled. "You don't know what you're talking about Parrish." They knew that wasn't exactly a true statement though.

Adam had been guessing at Ronan's nightmare since they'd all woken, trying to distract himself while simultaneously looking for ways to help. "You know that I do, at least vaguely, and I'm telling you, you should ask Gansey for help, especially if you're actually going to look for them."

"I'll help with anything you ask me to, but I'm best at finding things," Gansey piped up, ducking his head as the pair glared at him. He dug out a spoonful of ice cream, flicking through his phone without purpose.

They turned back to each other. "They are seven-years-old, Adam. They probably believe they're not wanted. What if I just fuck them up?"

Adam smiled softly, resisting the urge to reach up and stroke his thumb across Ronan's cheek. "You'll be fine, and if you mess up, well, there's four more of us here to set you right again. You can't be any worse of a father than mine is, than I'm probably going to be."

"If I can't say that I'm going to be a shitty father than neither can you," Ronan growled. His face fell as he asked, "What if they've been adopted and don't want anything to do with me?"

"Trust me, they'll want everything to do with you," Adam told him. They were silent for a long moment before they turned to face Gansey.

Blue:

Blue's sigh turned into a full blown groan as she fell back against her bed, staring at the poems and saying and quotes she'd copied onto her ceiling over the years she'd occupied her room. Running her eyes over each word, nostalgia and a little ball of homesickness coiled in her stomach. If she was already feeling homesick and she wasn't even at the airport, it was going to be a feat to pull off a whole year of schooling abroad.

"Why are there words on your ceiling?"

Following the roll of her eyes, Blue stared at Gansey. She could taste the mint on his tongue, smell it on his breath. "Because I put them there."

His eyes skimmed over them slowly, thoughtfully, reading each one through once and then again. "If I had to describe you as a person, these are the words I would show as examples. Maybe I would even mention the fact that they are scrawled on the ceiling."

Heat flushed across her face, and she scowled. She turned her eyes back to the ceiling. "Flattery will get you nowhere," she muttered.

"Well, I don't consider it flattery as it is the truth." Sitting up, he stared at her mess of a suitcase and the clothes he'd been laying on. "Why does your room look like a war zone? Are you repacking because you forgot something?"

Groaning, Blue turned her back to him. "No, that's the battle zone of just starting to pack."

"I thought you would have already been packed by now."

"Gansey, there are few things I procrastinate to do, but leaving is one of them."

Gansey was silent for a moment. "I can't say that I understand. I've always been good at picking up and moving on without saying good bye, though I haven't done that since I was seventeen." Sliding form the bed, he crouched in front of Blue's suitcase, dividing her clothing into two piles; one that would do well for her in England and the other clothing that would pretty much be useless to her. "It's not that I don't love my family, or don't like the people I've met in my travels, quite the opposite actually, but... it's something I've never been able to help."

Blue joined him on the floor, watching him fold and roll her clothing slowly before diving in herself. "I'm not going to lie, Gansey, that sounds lonely," she murmured, sitting cross legged and leaning into his shoulder. "But you're not alone now, and you don't have to say goodbye to us."

He nodded absently, tilting his head so that it rested on the top of hers. They remained like that, uncomfortable, but content all the same, until Calla called her down for dinner.

Noah:

If Natalie found him where he was, wrapped up like a Noah burrito in the blankets that still smelled like Barry, curled around his best friend's pillow, she'd throw a fit until the day he died. She'd rage and scream and probably burn everything Barry had ever touched, but if that were the case, she'd have to burn him along with all of Barry's things as well. She'd throw insults and curses, and when she was done, she wouldn't look at him for a week.

This, this thing he felt for Barry, this mixture of fear and love and hatred and longing, were things inherent to him as a person now. Despite everything Barry had done to him, despite that he'd tried to kill him twice, despite that he'd laid his hands on him, he'd still been Noah's best friend. He'd been the most constant person in Noah's life since they were young, and that was something he couldn't easily purge from his body.

Loneliness coiled deep in his body, and as he curled more tightly around Barry's pillow, his scent enveloping and overlapping him. That knot loosened just the slightest bit.

The bed dipped down behind him as a body slid in against his back, an arm sliding over his shoulder. He pulled his head from the covers, murmuring, "Barry?"

"No, not Barry, Noah," Blue whispered back, her breath brushing gently across his cheek, "Just Blue."

"And Adam," Adam said as he lowered himself onto the edge of the mattress in front of Noah, lying down as close to Noah as he could manage without being completely in his personal space. He propped his head on his arm, blinking tiredly at the pair. "We're here for you, Noah, you know that, right?"

Noah nodded. "I know that." He buried himself back into the blankets, shivering as Adam's arms joined Blue's around him.

"Noah, I know you don't want to hear this," Blue began, her voice soft and soothing, her fingers stroking through his hair, "I know I wouldn't if I lost someone that was important to me, but dwelling on him, dwelling on someone who was so toxic, who hurt you so easily without a thought, that's not healthy."

"We know that you're not going to just forget him. Important people don't work like that, even if they are horrible," Adam told him, his arms tightening around him, "God knows I'm one of the last person who can say 'just forget those important, horrible people'. It doesn't work like that, we know, but you can't let him hang on you. If you do, it's just going to be destructive, and you're not going to be able to heal, not like you need to."

Blue chuckled softly, burying her nose in Noah's shoulder. "I think you should be taking your own advice, Adam."

Shrugging, Adam said, "You might be right." He rested his cheek against the top of Noah's head. "The point being, Noah, is that we want to help you heal from how Barry and every other bed person in your life has wounded you, but you also have to be helping us make you healthy again. This won't work without your cooperation."

He knew they were right. Natalie had been telling him something similar for a little more than a year, after she'd taken her first psychology class and broken up with her first girlfriend and joined a blogging site or two, but she was right all the same.

He nodded in agreement, but buried his face more forcefully into Barry's pillow. "Alright, but... but I'm going to be unhealthy for a little longer. I'm... I'm not ready to get better just yet, but I will be. Just give me a little bit longer."

Blue's and Adam's arms tightened around him was the only response he needed.

Gansey:

Gansey sighed loudly. This would have been slightly easier if Ronan hadn't given him only a few details -their names, which orphanage they had been placed in, their ages- and left him to begin his search. It would have also been easier if he hadn't ferried Helen back to the underground fighting ring for one last bit of fun before she left to go back to Virginia and he dragged Ronan back to London with him to pop in with Mallory and check in with his college. Second to him, she was the best researcher he knew, she just needed an incentive.

Her legs crossed and hands clutching her thin ankles, Blue leaned into his field of view, looking over the information displayed on his laptop screen and the few things he'd found out written on a notepad. "What are you doing? Researching children? Looking to adopt?"

The corner of his mouth quirking into a grin, Gansey leaned around her to save the document he'd been taking down notes on and copying information to to look over later. "No, but Ronan might be."

Pursing her lips, Blue nodded. "Makes sense."

His eyebrow flew up as he looked at her. "How does that make sense?"

Blue rolled her eyes. "You're the one who's been living with him, I thought you would have noticed by now, but Ronan is kind of a family man. Just a point of fact, he goes to church with a brother he can't stand to appease the brother that he can."

Gansey nodded in agreement. "He does kind of give me the same feeling that you do. You're very family oriented as well."

Blue flashed her teeth at him. "I'm nothing like Ronan."

"Oh, I think you two are more like each other than you think. You're both made of the same impossible stuff." He laughed as she shoved at his shoulder, pushing him over.

"Whatever," Blue snapped with bad temper, "What can I help with? I don't have anything to do for the next few hours while I wait for my flight and I want to see what these babies look like. I'll bet they're adorable even with Ronan being their genetic donor. I wonder what their other genetic donor looks like."

"That's something we can find out, I think," Gansey said, sitting up and pulling the laptop back towards him. They worked steadily for close to an hour, but in the end, they got side tracked and watched a show about murder husbands until Gansey nodded off and Blue had to catch her flight.

Adam:

Adam stared despondently at his suitcase, his empty apartment. Everything he'd known for the past few years, everything he owned, had easily fit into his beat up suitcase save for the rusty old car Boyd had forced onto him after his graduation. Against his better judgment, he was still going to Germany, and with his mother already on a bus to Chicago, he felt less pressed to stay and more of a need to flee to the far corners of the earth.

"I guess I should probably start heading to the airport," he muttered to himself, standing reluctantly from the edge of his bed, "I'll be there for a few hours, but better to be late than sorry." He shoved his keys into his pocket, reaching for his suitcase.

His door flew open, crashing against the wall. Adam scrambled back as he father stormed through, a slip of paper crushed in his fist. "Who do you think you are?" he roared, stalking towards Adam. He reeked of alcohol and hatred as he flung the paper at Adam. It was crisp and thick, despite having been wadded in a sweaty fist for the better part of the day.

Adam stared down at the bus ticket, terror flooding his veins, paralyzing him like the worst kind of poison. "I- I don't k-know what you're t-talking about," he stammered.

"Don't lie to me, Adam!" he shouted, standing over Adam with unrestrained fury flashing through his eyes, "I know that you're lying! Stand up and look me in the eye when I'm talking to you!"

Hurrying to get his feet under him, he didn't see that fist that his father threw. Stars burst before his eyes, and he was back on the ground before he even had a chance to stand.

"I know what you did! Buying a bus ticket for your mother so she could run away and have another bastard child!"

Anger flared in Adam's body, and he struggled to stand, his head spinning. Blood ran down his lips, dripping off of his chin. "Don't call them a bastard," he growled, his anger making him heady and brave as he steadied on his feet, "They are your child too. You helped create them, just like you helped create me."

Robert Parrish sneered. "Were."

Adam's head jerked up to him, his eyes finding his father's. "What?"

"The moment I found out what you two had done, what you were planning on doing, I dragged your mother to the clinic. I sat in the room why they took care of it. There isn't going to be another bastard that I have to take care of."

"You're the bastard," Adam hissed, taking a step towards his father.

He struck Adam again, sending him stumbling into the edge of the bed, his deaf ear throbbing and hot. "Don't you talk like that to me, Adam! You may be grown now, but I am still your father, and you will respect me!"

Ronan was there in that moment, taking over for Adam as Gansey had done for Noah. He pushed off the bed, wiping blood from his lips with his arm. "What respect is that, you swine?" he snarled, taking a step towards Adam's father.

The man spluttered, not used to his son fighting back. "The respect that every son owes his father for bringing him into this world and raising his sorry ass!"

Ronan blinked slowly at the man, cracking his knuckles. "No, you earn respect by being a good father, by not treating his children or wife like muck on his shoe. You earn respect by taking responsibility for the lives you help create. You've never done either of those things, so I don't see where you got the idea that you deserve respect." He bared his teeth, snarling, "You're a bastard and a pig, and your wife didn't deserve to have her unborn child taken from her because of you."

"Don't you talk to me like that!" Robert Parrish shouted, throwing another punch, but Ronan was already moving, his fists flying into his face and body with calculated precision, almost as if each strike had been choreographed. He stumbled back, his nose broken and blood slipping passed his lips as Ronan shoved him back through the doorway.

Adam returned to his body then, his knuckles aching, his chest heaving with each satisfied breath. "Don't ever try to contact me again, don't even call me your son. You've never been a father to me. You deserve every bruise and injury you ever gave me ten fold, and for her sake, I hope my mother leaves you for what you've just done to her," he spat, slamming the door on the man who was supposed to be his father.

Turning, he found Ronan standing behind him, a proud smirk curving his lips. "Thank you," he muttered, glancing towards the floor.

"You're welcome," Ronan murmured, taking his hand and pulling him towards the small bathroom. He pushed him down onto the toilet lid, ripping off a long bit of toilet paper to dab at the blood on Adam's face. "Good news, your nose isn't broken and all of your teeth are intact."

"Will I be able to get on the plane without being asked any questions?"

"No. You're royally fucked in that respect."

Laughing, feeling lighter than he ever had in years, Adam stared up at Ronan. "Really, thank you."

"You only needed to say it once," Ronan growled irately.

"Yes, but I wanted to say it again." With the taste of blood and victory still in his mouth, Adam leaned forward, and kissed Ronan like they'd never kiss again.