A/N: Hello everyone! As you know it has been 2 weeks not one. I tried but things got weird. I would tell you but you probably don't want to hear about it. If you have a fear of gnomes I suggest that you watch your step. Also, just pretend that Simon can go into the Institute. Enjoy!

Fun Fact: This is based off of a conversation my sister had with me. It happened in 2009. Yeah, I remember weird stuff. She was all, "Wouldn't it be weird if a gnome just jumped out of those bushes and started kicking you with its two left feet?' I just nodded.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Gnomes

"Alec, are you ever worried that gnome statues will come to life and beat the shit out of you?" This is the random question that Magnus asked the Shadowhunter while they ate supper. Alec made a face.

"Magnus, you are being outlandish. Gnomes would never come to life."

"You live in a world filled with supernatural beings that most mundanes think are fake, you also hunt demons for a living and you think that gnomes coming to life is outlandish?" Alec glared at him.

"Well, are you worried about the gnomes?" Alec asked.

"Of course! I think that they're just waiting to attack, and when they do…" Magnus shivered. After a couple of silent minutes, Alec raised an eyebrow. "What?" Magnus asked.

"You're not going to finish that sentence? And when they do, what? I'm curious now." Magnus sighed.

"Alright. The first thing they'll do is leap out of the shadows! Next they'll attack you and pull you to the ground! Then when you're down, hundreds of them will pile on. Finally, they'll kick you repeatedly with their two left feet until you're either seriously injured or dead." Magnus looked out the window. "Soon after, they'll take over the world. Millions of tiny gnome armies marching through the streets, feet always at the ready." Alec gaped.

"I don't even know how to respond to that." Magnus shook his head, rose from the table and put the dishes in the sink. He turned to Alec.

"One day, you'll see what I'm talking about. Those gnomes may look cute and fun in their overalls and ridiculous poses, but they are out to get us!" Magnus said. Alec stood, walked over to his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Whatever you say." That's when the buzzer sounded. Magnus wanted to ignore it but Alec pulled away.

"It might be my siblings." Magnus sighed and stormed over to the box. Pressing the button to speak he yelled,

"IF THIS ISN'T GOOD I'M GOING TO TAKE ONE OF THOSE SANDWICH PITCHFORKS AND STAB YOU IN THE EYE WITH IT!" Alec snickered but there was no response from the other end. Magnus snapped his fingers and one of those tiny pitchforks appeared. He looked to Alec and nodded. "Let's do this." Alec followed Magnus out the door and down the stairs, all the while trying to talk him out of stabbing the person. Magnus refused to listen. He threw open the front door and stepped outside, looking around. Alec tugged on his arm. Magnus glanced at him. Alec was staring at something on the ground. Looking down as well, Magnus' eyebrows shot up in surprise at what he saw. "Well how about that." He said.

At their feet was a fucking gnome. It had a long gray beard, a bright green hat and overalls on and was leaning on a shovel. Alec glared at Magnus.

"Did you put that there?" He asked. Magnus held up his hands.

"Alec, I promise that I did not put that there."

"Don't lie to me!"

"I'm not lying! I swear!" Alec pursed his lips, obviously not believing the warlock but willing to go along with it.

"What should we do with it?" Magnus held up the tiny pitchfork.

"I say we destroy it."

"Magnus, no!" Alec bent down and picked the gnome up. "I think we should keep it." Magnus looked the gnome up and down, from his cheesy smile to his little boots. That horribly dressed gnome was NOT moving in. Magnus shook his head.

"No."

"Please?"

"No. I refuse to bring that thing under my beautiful, healthy, soft, feathery wing." Magnus crossed his arms stubbornly and looked away. When he looked back he realized that Alec had walked back inside the building. Magnus rushed in after him, sliding in front of the stairs. "Alec, I said no!" Alec hugged the gnome to his chest.

"Just one night? Please? If anything goes wrong we can get rid of it." Alec bit his lip and looked innocently at Magnus. Damn he's good. The warlock thought.

"Fine. One night. If anything goes wrong, that bitch is out the door." Magnus pointed to the door. Alec rolled his eyes and pushed Magnus out of the way.

"If you didn't want it, you shouldn't have snapped it up." Alec mumbled.

"I didn't snap it up!" Magnus said as he stomped back up the stairs with Alec and the gnome.

When they arrived back in the flat, Chairman Meow greeted them like they had been gone 10 years instead of 10 minutes.

Magnus began to wonder how that stupid gnome could have gotten there. "-don't you think?" Alec's voice brought him back to reality.

"What?" Magnus asked. Alec rolled his eyes.

"I said, we should name the gnome, don't you think?"

"No." Magnus said without hesitating. Alec pouted. "Fine. What should we name it?" Alec smiled.

"Can we name it Pete?" Magnus sighed.

"Whatever keeps your socks clean."

"What?" Alec asked, totally lost.

"Yes, 'Pete' is fine." Alec pretty much skipped over to a shelf in the living room area. He placed 'Pete' on it and walked back to Magnus. Alec yanked Magnus towards the bedroom. Before the door shut, Magnus swore he saw the gnome flip him off. That thought was soon gone when the door closed and Alec shoved him down onto the bed.

-BREAK-

Alec woke up to sunlight streaming into the bedroom. He stretched and turned over, expecting to see Magnus. Instead he came face to face with… Pete. Not expecting the gnome Alec yelped and fell out of the bed. Magnus shot up from deep within the covers and looked over. When he saw the gnome he jumped out of the bed, more so tripping as he was tangled in the sheets.

"Alec! Why is Pete in the bed?"

"You tell me!"

"You did it!" Magnus yelled. Alec stood up.

"I swear on the angel that I didn't put him there." Magnus' eyes widened.

"I didn't do it either."

"LIES!" Alec yelled. "If I didn't do it you must have!"

"Alec, I didn't put the gnome there. Pete needs to be destroyed." Even though Alec didn't want to, he agreed because Magnus would destroy it anyways.

"Okay." Magnus grabbed Pete and took him out of the room; he then put him down and snapped his fingers. Safety goggles and a hammer appeared. When the goggles were on Magnus raised the hammer. Alec watched as his boyfriend swung-

Now let's rewind a bit.

"It might be my siblings."

While that was going on, this was also going on…

Outside the apartment building, Simon ran back to Isabelle, Jace and Clary, who were waiting around the corner. He glanced back at the gnome.

"What if they don't take it in?" Simon asked.

"They will. No doubts about it." Izzy answered.

"What will the rune on the bottom do?"

"Well," explained Clary. "It should teleport the gnome to where ever they sleep. It will teleport at exactly 3:00 a.m."

"Huh." Said Simon. "Who would have thought that you could make such a useless rune?" That was when the doors opened.

After Alec and Magnus went back inside with the gnome, everybody laughed. "Now we wait until Alec comes home tomorrow." Said Jace. Then they all went back to the Institute.

(The next day at the Institute)

Alec walked into the Institute; still unsure about what just happened. He walked passed the kitchen, wanting to go to his room.

"Alec!" Jace called. Jace, Clary, Isabelle and Simon all sat in the kitchen.

"Yeah?" Alec asked, walking in.

"How was your stay at Magnus'?" Alec blinked.

"Magnus and I found a gnome yesterday."

"A gnome? Did you keep it?" Izzy asked innocently.

"Yeah. We named it Pete, put him on a shelf and then-" Alec looked at the group and blushed. "Slept. When we woke up it was in the bed with us. I didn't put it there so I thought Magnus would have because he was talking about gnomes killing us and I thought he was trying to scare me, but he was serious when he said that he didn't do it either. And-" Alec broke off.

"And?" Clary asked.

"Magnus said we should destroy it. I went along with it. He took a hammer and smashed it into a million pieces. Then he put the pieces into a bag and we went outside, glamoured of course. Magnus put the bag down and set it on fire. When it died out, he used a spell and blew it up. Then he said, 'I take you under my wing and you try to kill us?!' then he spit on the ashes of Pete and said, 'Well you can suck my dick then.' And went back inside.

"Wow." Said Simon. Everybody else just nodded.

"I'm going to bed. Hopefully I don't get killed by gnomes." Alec said as he walked out.

"Well… Magnus worrying about gnomes was just ironic. Way better reaction than I expected though." Jace said. Everybody looked at him. An evil grin slowly spread on his face, "Now let's see what Alec thinks of puppets."

THE END!

A/N: Wow. That was a long chapter for me! I hope you liked it! Btw my biggest fear is puppets. There was one in my house but I made my mom give it to my aunt. It freaked me out. The next update will happen in exactly one week. I already have it written. Review and it might come sooner! ;)