Chapter 10:
She spotted Quinn still laughing at the table and caught her eye just as she had turned to check on Santana and Evan for the millionth time since she followed him out. Santana motioned for her to meet her outside the restaurant, but she didn't want Evan to have to see them together. Quinn understood as she seemingly always did and excused herself. She walked outside the restaurant where she noticed Evan with his head against the steering wheel of his car. She stood at the corner of the building and beckoned with her hand for Quinn to follow. They made their way to the side of the restaurant that faced a used car dealership, which was already closed. No one was around, but that didn't stop them both from taking sideways glances to make sure they were alone before Quinn finally took her hand, intertwined their fingers, and walked next to her until they saw an old picnic table that would be their destination.
Santana let Quinn's hand go as she sat herself atop the table and spread her legs so Quinn could put her body between them. Santana's hands went around her waist and her forehead rested on her chest. It was amazing to her how easy this part felt. Like most other things with Quinn, Santana felt like she just knew how to do it. She knew how to hold her, how to touch her and how to just be with her and not worry about anything else.
"I know it's only been a few hours, but I missed this." Quinn told her.
"Mmmmm. Me too." Santana muttered before looking up at Quinn who looked down and noticed how vulnerable she was in this moment.
"What did he do?" She was suddenly very angry with Evan for whatever he said to make Santana look like this. One of Quinn's arms went around Santana's neck while the other moved the stray hair behind her ear.
"Nothing. He didn't do anything. I did. I'm the bitch."
"What's wrong?" She kissed Santana's forehead.
"I was real with him. I told him why I broke up with him and that I didn't see him in my life beyond this trip that was forced on me. Also, I am a horrible person because he really is a good guy and I think maybe I just crushed him. He'd seemed so happy lately. I kind of thought he was really into Brittany and he is, but I guess he's into her, but not entirely over me so it still hurts. I've been out of this relationship a lot longer than he has. I forgot that part." Quinn moved so their foreheads could meet and she gracefully kissed Santana, who hesitantly kissed back at first, but then lost her ability to fight how amazing it felt to kiss this girl and gave in to the passion. When they finally broke apart, Santana waited for Quinn to say something, but she just sat down on the table next to her. Again, she took her hand and pulled it to her lap. She faced herself more toward Santana and her other hand rested on Santana's knee and began drawing absentminded shapes with her fingertips. Santana rested her head on her shoulder and closed her eyes.
"You are not a horrible person. I'd tell you if you were. You were honest and he deserves to know why it ended how it did and if he really is a good guy then he deserves someone who actually wants to be with him. Maybe it's Brittany. Maybe it's someone else. I'm sure he still loves you and that makes it hard, but he's going to be fine and you're going to be fine. "
"You say that like you can see the future. Do you have a superpower I don't know about?"
"We'll save that for a future conversation. I don't want to reveal all my secrets this early on. It would ruin the mystery." Quinn said and Santana opened her eyes and smiled again. She leaned in and placed a simple kiss on Quinn's neck before replacing her head. "He's going to struggle for a while, but that's not entirely about you. It's because he had this whole plan for his life and now that plan isn't going to happen. You were a big part of that, but you weren't the only part. He can still have the rest if he wants it. He just has to adjust and that takes time."
"I guess you would know about having to adjust life plans." She lifted her head and looked at Quinn.
"So would you. These past few months and this thing between us… huge life adjustment."
"So, I'm an adjustment?" Santana mocked.
"I know you know what I mean, ass." Quinn defended.
"Is it an adjustment you want to make?" Santana's vulnerability was again on the surface and Quinn felt like maybe she was the only person Santana showed this side of herself to and she loved that.
Quinn released their hands and stood up once again placing herself between Santana's legs and reaching down to cup her face.
"I know we have a lot left to figure out and that this is new and exciting, but scary at the same time. So, I will tell you what I'm thinking and we can figure out the rest later."
"Fill me in, wise one." Santana once again joked.
"I want you." Quinn said bluntly and Santana gulped at her directness. "I don't know what it means in the grand scheme of things. I don't know if that means I'm gay. I can guess or I can figure it out later, but I honestly don't care. I know that once people find out they're going to be asking us those questions and I do not have the answers, but I do know that those answers really don't matter. I don't need to defend my feelings about you to others and I don't need a label to understand how I feel." Santana was breathing deeply as Quinn's right hand moved to cover her heart. "I have no idea what's going to happen in a couple of months when you leave and that terrifies me. I know with the way things are right now that I can't go with you and I won't let you stay here for me."
"Quinn-"
"It's not an option. You don't belong here."
"I like it here."
"Name one thing about this town that you like that doesn't have something to do with me."
"A little full of yourself, aren't you?"
"Can you do it?"
Santana leaned forward and placed her hands around Quinn's neck pulling her closer.
"No."
"I don't want you to end up here because it's where I happened to live when we met."
"Listen bossy, I think that's something I get to decide since it is my life we're talking about."
"San, I know things are influx right now in your life, but you are supposed to do things that you can't do here. We don't really have a need for architects in Jasper."
"Who says I even want to still do that? Maybe I'm over it."
"Fine. We'll pretend for now that you don't want to be an architect."
"You're talking about things I haven't thought of in months, Quinn."
"I know."
"I don't want to talk about those things right now. I don't want to worry about what happens in two months. I want to be here with you. I couldn't care less about what the others might think or say. They can all screw themselves if they have a problem with this. I know how you make me feel and I know it's real. I want to spend every moment of this summer with you." She leaned in and kissed her.
"What will your friends say about that?"
"Are you listening to me, Q? I cannot express how much I do not care what they think."
"What about Noah?"
"He's my cousin. We go through phases where we love each other and then hate each other and then he does something stupid and then I do something stupid. He's like my brother though. He'll just be happy if I'm happy."
"And Evan? I saw him with his head against the steering wheel."
"Oh, there's a reason for that."
"I know."
"No, there's another reason for that. He sort of figured out about us."
Santana stood forcing Quinn to take a step back.
"He figured it out or you told him?"
"Both, but he figured it out first. I just confirmed what he already suspected. Please don't be mad." She reached out and took Quinn's hand.
"I'm not mad. I don't really know what I feel honestly."
"That doesn't sound good."
"I just mean that this is so new and it was still just the two of us. Someone else knowing makes it more real."
"Is that a bad thing?" Santana didn't know what to think about Quinn's reaction.
"No, it's not a bad thing, but I don't really want anyone else to find out yet either."
"I know. I'm sorry. I didn't plan on it."
"Don't apologize. I just don't want it getting around town. This place is a rumor mill. One person finds out and it's all over town in an hour. I don't want my parents or Finn finding out because of some rumor. I don't want to diminish this. I want them to know because we were both ready to tell them."
"Okay. Whatever you say, blondie."
"Blondie? No."
"No?"
"I don't call you sweetheart and you don't call me blondie."
Santana smiled and looked around and figured it was time they head back. The group should be finished by now and she didn't want anyone to come looking for them and find them making out on a picnic table. She started to walk away and Quinn followed close behind catching up quickly.
"By the way, Evan asked us to ride back in the other car."
"Should I say something to him? I feel like I should say something to him."
Santana laughed lightly at this. "What would you say?"
"I don't know. Something about how I won't hurt you and that I lo…" She dropped off for a moment, "I know he's concerned about you. That's all."
Santana smiled shyly, "Why don't we just wait and see how the next couple of days go before you go all knight in shining armor on me?"
"Fine Fine. We'll do things your way, but don't get used to that."
They rode back in the other car. Santana was wondering how Evan was doing with Noah and Brittany now in his car. Puck and Brittany weren't really talking all that much and Santana guessed the Evan wasn't really in the flirting mood. Somehow, when they got in the SUV, Artie and Mike were in the front with Tina and Quinn while Kurt and Santana were in the back together. Santana actually missed sitting next to her new girl, but she stared out the window as Quinn and Tina started a conversation. Santana listened in at first just in case Tina said something nasty about her, but she figured after a few moments that Quinn could clearly handle herself and defend her if need be. At that thought, she felt someone nudging her leg. She looked over at Kurt who was leaning in.
"I know everyone thinks I'm weird because I don't talk a lot."
"No one thinks that." She tried to lie.
Kurt smiled, "Yeah they do. They've all said it."
"Oh, sorry."
"It's okay. I'm not really a talkative guy. Well at least not with these people, but that means I'm pretty good at listening."
"Okay?" Santana wasn't really sure where this was going, but she leaned toward him so he knew she was engaged in their first ever conversation.
"I just mean that I hear things. It's weird how it happens, but if you don't talk a lot, people kind of forget you're there and they say things they wouldn't normally say with someone else around."
"Kurt, did you hear something? I'm not in the mood to decipher a code here?"
"I try to stay out of everyone's business, but you seem like a good person and Evan told me what you've been through. Well, he talked to his mom about it and I was there eating breakfast. I just thought you should know that-"
"Kurt, Evan and I had a talk earlier. We're not getting back together."
"No, it's not about that." Kurt looked toward Quinn and Tina who were both laughing and talking and not really paying attention. He lowered his already soft voice even further and motioned for Santana to lean in closer to avoid detection. "It's about her." He motioned his index finger toward Quinn.
"What about her?"
"I think she's engaged."
"What?"
"I went into town and overheard this guy talking about his fiancé Quinn and how he's planning on the wedding taking place next spring. I doubt there are two Quinn's in this town. I'm surprised there's one Quinn in a town like this. It seems more like a Bobby and Sue kind of town to me."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Like I said, no one really notices when I'm around. I saw you two outside the restaurant. I went out to make a call and I pace when I talk on the phone. I noticed you two on the picnic table."
"Oh God."
"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone, I promise. You're probably the one person here I think I could actually tolerate. It's a shame you don't spend more time with everyone because I think that would make these days go by a lot faster, but I get it now."
Santana looked up at Quinn and thought about how she couldn't believe that a few mere hours ago they had discussed not telling anyone and now two people knew their secret.
"Kurt, it's not what you think."
"You don't have to explain anything to me. I get what it's like to be one way while everyone thinks you're something else entirely." He stared right into her eyes.
"You're…" She wasn't sure who knew so she just mouthed the word to him so there was no danger in anyone else overhearing, "gay?"
"No one here knows and I'd like to keep it that way. It's one of the reasons I want to get away from my parents. My mom isn't really a fan of my lifestyle. It's kind of hard to hide it when I'm home. Normally, I'm much more fabulous than this, but she asked me not to tell Evan until after the wedding and she's locked his dad in or something. So, I'm being nice because she's paying my way through school, but-"
"Of course, but Kurt, I'm not…" again in a whispered tone.
"It's okay."
"No, I mean I'm not gay. I've never… Quinn and I just… well, I don't know, but we haven't technically done… Well, maybe I am. Maybe I am gay. Oh my God, I'm gay." She was processing the words as she was saying them under her breath to try to make some sense out of all of it.
"Santana, I'm only telling you this because of what I overheard. I think the guy's name is Finn and he seemed pretty sure he was going to marry that girl. Regardless of what you are, it was pretty clear earlier that you two are at least more than friends."
Just then Quinn leaned over the back of her seat.
"Hey, you two seem to be in deep conversation. What about?"
"Kurt was just telling me he's serious about liking life in Jasper," Santana reported hoping she hadn't overstepped.
"Really?" Quinn asked.
"Yeah, I do really like it here. It would be better if I were here with people I actually know or just by myself. No offense, Tina"
Tina had just turned to join the conversation.
"None taken." Tina turned back around and leaned up toward her boyfriend who was driving.
"Hey Tina," Santana tried to get her to turn back around.
"Yeah?"
"What are your thoughts on marriage?" Santana asked. Both Quinn and Kurt looked a little surprised at the question.
"In general?"
"Yeah."
"It's good. I don't know. Why are you asking?"
"Do you think you and Mike will get married?" Santana knew she was probably heading into dangerous water with Tina by asking a question about their relationship, but she wanted to gauge Quinn's reaction at the topic of marriage.
"Someday, yeah. Why?"
"Just curious. Some people want to wait until their older and some people find the one they're meant to be with when they're young and dance around it for a while until it finally happens and they get hitched. Maybe in a backyard ceremony with just their close friends and family or something like that." She made eye contact with Quinn who just looked back at her with a confused expression.
"When I marry Mike, it's going to be a huge, traditional celebration. Our families won't allow anything less. Right, honey?" She looked back to Mike.
"Yeah, my parents are still really pissed about me wanting to be a dancer so they're not letting me off the hook for the wedding thing."
"Any other random questions you want to ask, Santana?" Tina asked her.
"No, I'm good."
Tina turned back toward the front.
"Everything okay?" Quinn asked Santana knowing Kurt was right there next to her and not wanting to reveal anything about their budding relationship.
"I don't know." Santana remarked while staring her down trying to peer into her soul through those green eyes and discover if she's hiding something about her relationship with Finn.
"Everything's fine. I was just thinking about weddings because of the one coming up with Evan's mom and my dad." Kurt covered for her. Quinn smiled at Santana and turned around to continue her earlier conversation. "I don't think now is the best time to ask your secret girlfriend about her possible fiancé, do you?" He whispered to her.
She stared at the back of Quinn's head trying not to get angry or frustrated. Maybe it was just a misunderstanding. She needed answers, but Kurt was right. Now really wasn't the best time to bring it up even through subtext. She'd have to find the right moment to ask the woman she's in love with if she's marrying someone else next spring.