Mercenary Hearts

Chapter the Tenth: Something Like Sorrow

Shayya 'Taham sat in the centre of the head table in the formal dining room of the Officer's Mess with Tesli beside her. Her crew were interspersed among the three other tables, along with the Human personnel who worked closely with the Sangheili on Earth, and the other two Sangheili who lived on this planet: Piro 'Kipaz and a medic called Kya 'Pomor. Her mouth was dry as she waited for the last two guests who would sit beside herself and Tesli at the head table.

Shayya craned her long neck, for she heard movement in the hall.

"I didn't know anything about it," came a boisterous voice, "until Dad commed me."

"I really must talk to our administrators about these scheduling issues," replied another voice in a disapproving tone that Shayya knew well. "Who are we to be meeting?"

"Don't know," the other person answered, "but Dad said it was really important and…"

Two figures appeared in the doorway, dressed in matching cream-coloured armour with open-faced helmets. The smaller was leaning on a cane.

Shayya rose from the head table to greet her son.

And Usze—she could see his face, for he had abandoned the closed Assault helmet he customarily wore—Usze's mismatched eyes both widened and his mandibles gaped with shock.

His companion, doubtlessly N'tho, was regarding him curiously. Usze murmured something in his ear and N'tho's expression turned to one of surprise as well.

Usze limped up the stairs, pressing his mandibles together as he drove himself as fast as he could manage. Shayya stood in front of him, suddenly nervous. He did not stop until he was right in front of her…

…and then he hugged her, here, in the middle of the formal dining room, in front of everyone.

"Mother," he murmured in her earbud, and Shayya thought her hearts might burst of joy.

When the hug ended, Shayya saw N'tho peering at her shyly from behind Usze's back. "Hi, Uzi's mom," he said timidly, offering her his hand.

And she hugged him as well. By the Rings, he was handsome and powerful and built like a kaidon! He put his muzzle against her neck and returned the embrace as though he were one of her own sons.

And, she thought as he released her, as she saw how Usze looked at him when he said, "May I present my mate and husband, N'tho 'Sraom," she might very soon come to think of him that way.

#

After the dinner, the Sangheili and humans circulated, getting to know one another. As Usze stood talking with N'tho and Tesli, Shayya took it upon herself to get to know the young medic who had saved Usze's life.

Kya tried to behave in the quiet, submissive manner that was expected of a Sangheili medic, but as Shayya continued to reach out to her with kindness, Kya opened up and told Shayya a little about herself, including her work on Earth, her new life with the Humans, and her daughters.

Shayya took a deep breath and smiled at Kya knowingly. "You are in season," she said.

Kya blushed. "Yes…I am hoping some arrangements can be made in that regard."

Shayya nodded at Piro, who had one little Sangheili in his arms and was offering the other to Rashid Youssef to hold. "Is he your male?"

Kya felt a wild impulse to say yes, but she was not a liar. "He is the father of my daughter…my daughters," she said carefully, "but we are not consorts, no."

Shayya smiled broadly. "Then you will be seeking for a mate among the males of my crew?"

"With your permission," Kya said carefully, "and the permission of your husband and your Shipmaster."

"I do not think that will be a problem," Shayya replied. "There are only four males who are off limits: my husband, one of my guards who is married, and two of our crew who, while technically available, are so involved with one another that I doubt you will get far." She winked knowingly.

"That still leaves many options open," Kya answered, her mouth suddenly dry with anticipation.

"Indeed, and we have a lovely breeding chamber aboard which I would be honoured to share with you."

Kya felt her mandibles flare in surprise. Was this wealthy, classy Sangheili honestly offering to share her facilities with the likes of Kya? "You…do know that I am a medic, do you not?"

Shayya folded her arms. "From what I have heard this evening, you were instrumental in saving my son's life. Furthermore…" She lowered her voice. "Usze tells me that he shares a father with little Shae." She reached out and took Kya's hand. "I am honoured to have your child bear my name."

Kya stared at the beautiful matron, and Shayya gazed meaningfully into her eyes. "I…had a difficult experience, conceiving Usze. If you had the same, then we have much in common."

And Kya, understanding, squeezed back.

"We are both survivors, my lady Shayya."

Shayya smiled again. "The old ways are changing, and it is my pleasure to be at the vanguard of that change. My hospitality is open to you, Kya 'Pomor, now and always, just as it is to N'tho and his father."

Kya felt stung at the mention of Piro. She had to get the old man out of her mind, and quickly, or she would meet the same fate as he—wasting the rest of her life clinging to memories of a long-lost happiness that would never come again.

#

The next morning

"Dad. Dad," N'tho called.

Piro blinked, realizing his son was trying to get his attention, and turned around. Shae and Lara saw their brother and began to squirm in Piro's arms.

There was no word for dad in the Sangheili language. It had the formal word for father, the formal word for uncle, and da, a word which had no English equivalent and meant an affectionate, informal, childish word for a beloved uncle and mentor. Piro supposed that da was as close as the Sangheili language came to a word for daddy.

N'tho had no sooner found out that Piro was his biological father than he began addressing Piro with the human word dad, and Piro was still getting accustomed to it, though he privately liked it.

"When are you going to ask me to baby-sit, hm?" N'tho tilted his head, grinning. "Or did you get some of the Humans to do it?"

Piro frowned. "No…" he said slowly, wondering why N'tho thought he needed someone else to care for his daughters. He and Kya had no plans, did they?

N'tho examined him critically and frowned. "Then I better start now so you can go slap some fresh paint on that faded armour."

Piro let his adult son take the girls, but he did not understand why N'tho—who was usually as casual as he was permitted to be—would care about the wear on Piro's armour. "My armour is just fine."

"Dad, the Marines said that women are picky about things like that and Tesli's crew agreed that our women aren't any different. If you're going to a breeding chamber, you have to look good." Nitro nudged him in the ribs with his elbow, grinning all the while.

"Breeding chamber?" Piro mouthed dumbly as his stomach sank inside him. Kya had said nothing about that to him.

"Yeah. Shayya and Tesli have one on their ship and Kya's on her way over there now, you lucky bastard. Shayya said she'd give Kya a gown and everything."

Piro tuned out as N'tho rattled on, feeling sick and dizzy and disoriented and suddenly detached, as though he were standing outside himself watching his son inadvertently sicken an old man with a careless presumption.

N'tho finally, mercifully, ran out of things to say except for "You two are lucky, Uzi and I would love a night in a fancy place like that."

And Piro tumbled back into his body, and the waves of nausea swept over him once again as he imagined his Kya on her knees for a stranger.

N'tho raised his eye ridges and grinned.

"Whoever said I was invited?" Piro snapped at his son.

N'tho's face fell in obvious surprise. "But…I thought…"

"No. You assumed," Piro said, and because it felt so good to let all the rage and confusion and pain he was feeling out of his gut and into the open air, he let his mouth go somewhere it never should have gone. He reached out and reclaimed his daughters. "By the Ancestors, N'tho, you of all people should know that just because someone invites you to a fuck in their bed doesn't mean they have any intention of letting you stay there permanently."

N'tho's boisterous exuberance vanished, and not like a balloon deflating or the slow leak of air from a spaceship. No, this was more like a catastrophic explosion, something shattering in a split second. His mandibles froze in mid-grin but there was no smile in his eyes. His eyes were those of a loyal animal whose master had beaten it anyway.

Piro saw that look and cursed himself for what he'd done.

His son stared at him, as if he'd never seen him before, and then slowly turned and stumbled away.

And Piro, knowing full well he'd crossed the line, knowing that remark hadn't been fair and hadn't been right and wondering what the hell he'd been thinking—or not thinking—Piro couldn't even force himself to speak long enough to call him back and apologize.

#

Kya was shocked at her own behaviour.

She was seated on an embroidered couch in the lounge aboard Abundant Plenty and she had more male attention than she could handle.

The lounge itself was gorgeous. Shayya 'Taham had spared nothing in showing her gratitude for Kya's role in saving Usze's life. Platters with bite-size portions of Sangheili delicacies—foods Kya had thought she'd never taste again—sat on low tables next to drinks suspended in delicate warming devices, small works of art, and utensils that had been intricately crafted from precious metals. In her younger days, Kya would have had her pockets and sleeves full of valuables already, and though she had no intention of stealing now from the 'Tahams, old habits died hard enough that she had worked out how to do it if she wanted to.

Of course, the real prize was already hers for the taking.

The captain of the 'Tahams' bodyguards, the young aristocrat named Sa 'Firog, was seated on her left hand side, licking her neck.

Another one of the guards, an impossibly handsome warrior who introduced himself as Khorr 'Refum, was nuzzling her cheek, and all the while, his hand traced patterns on her thigh. Occasionally just the tips of his fingers slipped into the opening of her sari, and the touch of his skin on her upper right leg made Kya bite down on her mandibles to control her rising arousal.

A third guard was feeding her delicacies off a silver platter.

And behind her, massaging her shoulders, was no less than Shipmaster 'Konar himself.

Other young males from the crew vied with one another to offer Kya drinks, or to show off their skills, or to fetch pillows or candles or other trinkets. They circled, waiting for one of the four males around her to be called away, or for her to choose one of them instead to be near her. Kya struggled not to laugh at their outrageous posturing as they struggled to catch her eye.

Kya had attempted to meet and speak with each of the interested males individually, but before long, she'd ended up here, lounging on this couch like a Priestess with her temple consorts. There were so many males. They all wanted her so badly. And none of them seemed inclined to wait for privacy when they could get their hands on her right here and right now.

The effect of all this male attention was intoxicating. Kya had always considered herself quite average-looking, but here, on a ship full of lonely males a long way from home, she was apparently a prize, and Tesli's crew was responding accordingly. Occasionally the odd female crew member would walk by and shoot a dirty glance in Kya's direction, and Kya felt a little bad to realize that she was thrilled at the notion that other females were envious of her.

Khorr nipped her shoulder, and when she turned to him, he gave her a smouldering glance and dipped his fingers under her robe again, reaching dangerously high.

She was in season and in demand and in the midst of a sexual fantasy come to life, so why, in this moment, did Khorr's emerald eyes recede from her consciousness? In her mind's eye she saw amber eyes, warm and loving, looking into hers in the moments before mating.

In the moments before Piro closed his lids and began to whisper the name of another.

Kya pushed that image away. Piro did not want a real relationship with her. She had told N'tho to tell him where she was and he had not pursued her, had not even questioned her. If he truly wanted her, he would have been on this ship right now, blade drawn and bellowing his claim to her. Piro obviously knew what her foolish hearts wished to forget—that varying her bloodline was wise—and he clearly did not care who she bred, as he had made no motion to claim her for his consort.

She deserved better than a man she fucked because he was the only single man in town. There were more single men now, and many of them wanted her. Perhaps…perhaps Piro could find one of those jealous females to fuck.

That thought made Kya sick, and she had to get rid of it. She closed her eyes, daring to lean forward and caress Khorr's muzzle with her tongue. It was brazen of her, but she had no other choice; there was no other way to erase Piro's grip on her. Even as she licked Khorr 'Refum, she prayed to gods she did not even believe in that she would not do as Piro did, and spend the night to come imagining her new mate was someone else.

Imagining her new mate was Piro 'Kipaz.

#

Piro could deal with Kya's decision

she's not your consort she was never your consort

in only one way. He walked through the corridors of the base with one little Sangheili girl in each arm. He had been walking for hours, until the girls fell asleep, and still he carried them, unable to let them go.

He had a family. Shae and Lara's weight in his arms provided a physical reminder of the fact. Why the hell should he care what Kya did?

And he also had a son, or rather, did if he hadn't caused irreversible damage to their relationship by the horribly cruel thing he'd said the day before.

It was past time for him to give N'tho an apology.

He'd checked the room that Usze and N'tho shared, but they weren't at home. They weren't in the garage, where N'tho's "Wort-Hog" was parked, and Usze didn't go far on that bad leg without a ride. Piro swung by the range, the mess, and the gym, which were all Sangheili-free, and decided to try the lounge next, while the two girls were still enjoying the ride in their da's arms.

The lounge acted as a sort of living room for the base personnel. There was a TV, vid player, video game console, fridge, stove, and microwave for common use. There were also a selection of comfortable chairs and couches, and it was on one of the latter that Piro found Usze and N'tho curled up together, cuddling.

Piro's relief at finding his son shriveled away as he watched N'tho purr, nuzzling Usze's neck. 'Taham squinted his eyes and sponged N'tho's cheek with his tongue; N'tho's purr grew even louder, and his hands trailed over Usze's chest.

Piro was about to ask Nitro if he and Usze had to be so cuddly in public when he realized what he was doing and bit down on his mandibles. He had no business criticizing his son for being in love.

Nitro had been barely out of War College before he'd been branded with a Mark of Punishment. The crime had not been his own. N'tho's grandfather Uz 'Sraom had committed a cowardly retreat, and the death sentence had been levied not only on Uz but on all his surviving children and grandchildren, save the warriors. The warriors, like N'tho, had been branded instead, condemned to die as cannon fodder in the attempt to reclaim their honour.

Nitro had not died. He had remarkable skill and courage, and along with a little luck, he had persevered. But the stigma of the brand cast a shadow over his military career. He was neglected by some, bullied by others, and out of a desperate loneliness he'd taken to mating with any male who looked twice at him.

How long had Piro wished that Nitro would stop his casual matings and settle down with a loving partner who cared for him? How many nights had Piro feared that, because of N'tho's brand, no decent male would be brave enough to accept the loss of face that would come with a relationship with an outcast?

Usze 'Taham had been N'tho's salvation in more ways than one. Piro had developed a fierce loyalty for the younger male who loved his son as much as he did.

So why was Piro feeling so cranky now? Why did he not want to see Usze and N'tho showing their affection for one another? What the hell was his problem?

Kya. The thought crossed his mind unbidden.

"I came," Piro said stiffly, "to apologize to my son."

Usze and N'tho looked up from their nuzzling, then exchanged glances.

Piro handed the girls to Usze, who took them silently. Then he lowered his body down into a kneeling position, gritting his mandibles as his joints creaked in protest and he ended up slamming onto his knees. He ignored the pain as he bowed his head in shame. "N'tho, I said something entirely inappropriate last night, which I should never have said. I made you play the target for the anger I felt at my situation, and that was wrong of me. You may…" He swallowed hard. "You may take your due."

"Dad." N'tho got down on his knees to look Piro eye-to-eye. "Do you think I would ever cuff you upside the head when I could simply say apology accepted?" N'tho reached out and placed his hand on his father's forearm. "I owe you an apology too. I would never have said what I did if I'd had any idea….I mean…everyone thinks…"

"Everyone thinks what?" Piro repeated, his mouth dry.

N'tho's eyes slid to the floor. "Everyone thinks you and Kya are, you know, a mated pair. You've got the kids, and you sleep in the same bed, and you, ah…you…" His face turned a little purple.

Piro stared at him.

"Our apologies for noticing," Usze added, "but in all honesty, the both of you are rather loud. It is quite frankly impossible to overlook."

Piro felt his own skin heating up. By the Ancestors….

But his shame was overcome by the stabbing disquiet within him, this strange mix of rage and grief and abandonment that he had no right to feel for a woman who wasn't his consort, who'd never even shown any interest in a relationship beyond mating.

"I thought…" N'tho's voice had become very quiet. "I thought there was something special between you."

"No. We are friends, and share offspring. Nothing more." Piro sighed. He supposed he owed N'tho a bit more of an explanation. He'd been telling that to the whole base, and evidently no one had believed him. "She doesn't love me," he blurted out. "She's pretending I'm someone else." He could not quite keep the bitterness out of his voice.

N'tho gaped at him. "What?" He looked angry, and Piro feared he might take it out on Kya the next time he saw her.

Piro couldn't let that happen. "And I do not want you to blame her for it, for I am doing the same," he continued coldly.

If Piro had thought N'tho's mandibles could not stretch any wider, he was wrong.

"This isn't because of Mom, is it?" N'tho whispered.

"What isn't?" Piro replied irritably. He didn't want to talk about this any more. He had practicalities to consider. Practicalities like how he was going to make it through tonight, when Kya was going to be in the breeding chamber aboard Tesli 'Taham's fancy cruiser, with a young, strong male—or perhaps several such males—and he was going to be sitting alone on the beach, cooking hot dogs over an open fire, with nothing to keep him company but his memories of his dead wife and his memories of a lovely young nurse who was generous enough to show some patience and tenderness to a worn-out old soldier.

There was only one logical plan and that involved a visit to Private Doyle.

"Listen," Piro continued, before N'tho could say any more. "I still need you and Usze to watch the girls tonight. Can you do that for me?"

N'tho nodded dumbly. "What are…what are you going to do?"

"Visit Doyle."

N'tho blinked. "Hey…don't drink the screech, okay? At least not without watering it down first."

Piro simply got to his feet in response. He didn't want to answer honestly and refused to lie to his son.

"Piro. Why are you behaving in this manner over the actions of a female you are merely using for sex?" Usze asked.

"N-nothing," Piro stammered, caught off-guard by the question. "I mean, no reason." Usze was as serious as ever, staring intently into Piro's eyes, not distracted in the least by his lapful of young Sangheili.

Usze folded his arms. "You are a poor liar, Piro 'Kipaz."

Piro realized that he'd drawn an erroneous conclusion about the other Sangheili. Just because Usze's emotions were harder to read than N'tho's—the result of a lifetime of repression in the Ascetic Order—didn't mean that Usze was completely oblivious to the emotions of others.

Usze had him dead to rights. Piro knew when to admit defeat.

The old Sangheili spoke reluctantly. "Have you ever made a choice that you know is the right decision, and yet regretted it afterwards?"

Usze thought about it for a moment. "You are being vague—I suspect deliberately. Yes, I have, as you said, done what I thought was the right thing and been made to regret it. But I do not know if my choice to decline an invitation to join the Lights of Sanghelios Honour Guard because I believed that I could better serve through active combat rather than a ceremonial position—and the attempts on my life that followed—have any bearing on your current situation."

"Your choice was something you believed was morally right," Piro countered. "And I feel the only morally right thing for me to do is to stay away from Kya."

Usze folded his arms. "I once said that about N'tho when the Ascetics were trying to kill me. As I recall, you tore a strip out of me for abandoning the person I loved. You showed no deference to rank, made no recognition of the fact that I could easily best you in a fight in those days…"

"Oh, I recognized," Piro said, "I just didn't care. I love my son, and you had hurt him."

"You do not love Kya?"

Piro was silent.

If he said no, and Usze or N'tho told her, it would hurt her feelings. He did not want her to feel unloved, because he did care for her, as a friend, as a family member…

Liar. Lela'ra's voice rang in his head.

"I love my bondmate," Piro gritted, as much for Lela'ra's ghost as for Usze and N'tho.

"My mother is dead," N'tho said quietly. "She's been dead for fourteen years."

"Kya has never said that she loved me," Piro countered, but he could not fight this battle any longer. He spun around and bolted away.

He wished he could have run fast enough to outrace N'tho's voice as he called, "Did Kya ever say she didn't?"