Out of everyone I had only told a select few people about my condition. Master Makarov, Erza, Levy and Lucy. They were the only ones who knew that my magical container was cracked and could break at any point in the future. I was like a ticking time bomb however I refused to give up work. I refused to give up magic, I'd keep on training and practicing until I learn how to either cope with this crack or it eventually heals.
Porlyusica told me that she couldn't put me back to sleep as the effects of such a powerful potion could put me to sleep forever. In truth she had been surprised that I had been able to force myself awake however the damage was done and I would have to heal naturally, however by continuing to use magic I wasn't exactly helping. The master had strictly forbidden me to go on jobs for a while and had cancelled any and all private demands for my skills, assuring me that I'd done enough and the council was willing to clear my name completely from any acts I may have committed under my old guild's name which he had secretly arranged without my knowing.
It had been a good feeling when they had presented me with the official documents clearing my name however I couldn't help but feel I should be doing more. There are still plenty of dark guilds out there, one day I'll find them and shut them down for good, including my father's. Next time I meet him, he won't even be able to compete with my magical strength.
The walk home took a while, it would have been faster to fly but I was also under orders not to use magic unless absolutely necessary. With the crack leaking Ethernano I was drawing in too much from the atmosphere around me whilst not being able to completely refill my magical potential. The only way I could combat this was with expelling enough to empty my container from time to time so that it didn't occasionally manage to fill up too much and overflow.
Levy wasn't home so I went upstairs and got changed into my ordinary clothes as it was the only clean outfit I had. My other clothes were all in the wash and I didn't want to stay in the spirit world clothing all day as it was a little too eccentric for my tastes. I pulled on my old skirt, black top and donned a ribbon in my hair before I sat down in a chair downstairs, starting to read a new book Levy had got. That is until I felt a spike in magical power and I sensed someone's presence in the house. "Who's there?" I demanded, taking in a deep breath before my eyes shot open again. "Loke? What are you doing here?"
"Came to check up on you." He answered, walking into the living room and I instantly shrank back slightly, turning my face away as a blush touched my cheeks, making him grin. "You embarrassed about such a handsome guy being in the same room alone with you?" He asked teasingly, stepping closer and curling his fingers around my chin to try and turn my face towards him but I refused to budge, remaining turned away from him. "What's the matter princess? Cat got your tongue? Would you let this big cat catch your tongue instead because you're looking incredibly tempting tonight…"
"Please stop it!" I snapped finally, feeling the walls I had built around me crumble all at once as I cried out before I could think, pushing my hands against his shoulders to expand the distance between us, clenching my eyes shut as I kept my face hidden from him. "Stop treating me like I'm nothing more than a target that you can flirt with. Stop embarrassing me like this. I can't take this anymore!" My heart was hammering in my chest and I felt tears rising to my eyes as I continued to hold him back, my head bowed so that he couldn't see me crying but I was pretty sure he could hear it. "Do you have any idea how much it hurts to be so far away from you? I liked things better before when we could go and get ice cream whenever we wanted, when you'd walk with me by the river and even though I knew you didn't feel the same way I did, at least you were paying attention to me!" I blurted, choking on a sob as all the supressed emotion suddenly burst free. "But now you just ignore me, you never come to visit, it's like you've forgotten all about me!"
He was so silent I was almost afraid that he had disappeared on me so I tightened my grip on his jacket, my shoulders trembling as I struggled to breathe, the tight feeling of my chest constricting with every word. "I haven't seen you in months…years even. It's like…it's like you just don't care anymore…and that hurts more than anything I've ever experienced in the past, including the time before I came to Fairy Tail. I put my faith in you, let myself trust and even developed strong feelings for you but you just turned your back on it all. On me! I don't get it Loke, I don't get you at all!" I yelled before giving a final shove, lifting my head finally to reveal my distraught and tear stained expression.
All these feelings I'd kept tucked away for all these years were now bubbling to the surface and I couldn't do anything to stop them. My throat was dry and there was the heavy weighted feeling still anchoring itself around my chest, making it difficult for me to even begin regaining control of myself. Loke was just staring at me, his expression one of complete shock as I stood shaking at the knees, the emotion beginning to overflow within me until it couldn't be contained any further.
I felt the crack expand within me, making me cry out in pain as I clutched my chest and a similar crack appeared to the right of my heart, showing in my skin in a slim beam of light which shone outward and spread further like a break in stone, making me fall to my knees as I gripped my chest and struggled for breath, trying to push the emotion aside desperately. I guess over emotion also affected the condition, I'll have to be careful of that in future.
"Fae! Fae what's happening to you?" Loke demanded, falling to his knees in front of me and his hands hovered over me, hesitating to touch me in case I'd reject him. I sucked in a deep breath and lifted a hand to wipe my face dry, giving a shaky smile as I slowly lifted my face upwards towards him.
"I'm sorry, I never meant to yell at you like that. It was unfair." I said, trying to calm myself down as the crack in my chest split further and made me grunt from the stabbing pain, wheezing slightly as I continued. "You're contracted to Lucy now so it's not fair of me to want to keep you all to myself, I never realised how possessive I was before." I gave a weak laugh as I closed my eyes and tried to get a grip of myself. "The truth is I don't have much time left Loke. I just wanted you to know how I felt before I went but I didn't explain it very well."
"Fae…" He glanced down to the crack as it slowly disappeared, the evidence fading away and I took a deep breath as the pain gradually subsided as well, allowing me a clear head to think. "What happened to you? What do you mean you don't have much time left?" His fingers curled around my arms and gripped onto me tightly, forcing me to meet his gaze.
"There was an accident at the Grand Magic Games. I got hurt outside of the tournament and the emotional trauma was enough to rupture my magical container inside me. It's not a physical thing so that's why it can't really be fixed except maybe with time but it keeps on cracking further no matter what I do. Whether or not I use magic, one day it's going to break and…I don't know what'll happen then. I'll probably die, at least that's what Porlyusica told me."
"Emotional trauma? Fae…tell me what happened." I gave a sigh, lowering my head against as my hands rested uselessly in my lap.
"Well…it happened so fast that I don't really remember. All I can recall is trying to stop Natsu from attacking the old Master of Sabertooth but when he pushed me out of the way, his attack threw me through a wall." Loke's eyes widened further as I lifted my head again, meeting his eyes calmly. "I've been through a lot but I've never been hurt by a friend before. It was…heart shattering. I felt betrayed at the time and badly hurt. Not to mention I then took Natsu's punishment in his place so that didn't help…but…" I trailed off, shaking my head before giving a weak smile. "Natsu always had a gift for destroying things. Now it looks like he's destroyed me too."
"Fae I…I'm…I'm so sorry. Please, please forgive me." Loke whispered, shaking slightly and I could see tears in his eyes as he suddenly pulled me into him, sitting down on the floor as his arms wrapped around me tightly and he buried his face in my hair. "I'll fix this. I promise I will. I'll search the libraries up in the spirit world and I'll find a way to cure you. Once you're all better, I'll come and see you every day and we'll go get ice cream until you're sick of the stuff. I won't disappoint you ever again, I swear."
"Loke…you know you need to be there for Lucy when she needs you." I said to him nonchalantly as I lay in his grip but didn't return the embrace though at my words he gripped onto me tightly. "You're her spirit, her Leo. You can't be hanging out with me if she needs you to help protect her. I know I said all those things but I didn't mean them, I was just…upset. I do understand you can't spend time with me anymore." I placed a hand against his chest and pushed him away, looking sadly at the floor. "I've been selfish so I deserve this. It's just…" Finally I managed a real smile as the thought entered my mind, turning it up to Loke as he continued to just look down at me with a pained expression. "It's just that whenever I was with you, I was so happy Loke. You always made me happy. I guess you have that effect on girls and that's why it was so easy to fall for you."
For once Loke didn't have an answer, his eyes lingering on mine for a moment before he pressed them shut and leaned into a hand with a darkness seemingly lingering over him as I climbed out of his grip and stood up. "I appreciate you taking pity on me when you did, Loke and I'm glad that you became my friend. I treasure the moments I did have with you and I'll make it be enough for me to be satisfied. You really were the starlight in my darkness, you showed me the way to be happy, truly happy for the first time in my life." I spoke to his back as he continued to sit on the floor, holding his head in his hands. "I won't forget you, I promise. But I think it's time for me to move on. After all, you're a celestial spirit and the leader of the zodiacs. I'm just a human." As I moved towards the door I paused, looking back at him. "A very lucky human." I added before I left the house, struggling to contain the welling emotion inside me once more. I need a distraction, something to keep me from breaking down into tears.
So I went running to the cliffs, straight for my mother's tombstone which looked much older now that it had been around for seven years with some moss here and there. Standing before her stone I sucked in a deep breath and let out a scream that I'd been holding in me for years. It expelled all the anger, all the grief and heartache until finally, I felt cleansed and I fell to my knees before the stone, reaching out to trace her name with my finger.
"I'll be coming to join you soon mother." I murmured to her softly, brushing my thumb against the stone. "And I'll have so many stories to tell."