PART II
"THE GAMES"
Chapter Ten
The weight of the answer begins to take it toll on me. I just want to stare at the floor for a while. Effie would have a fit on my current presentation while Haymitch would be cheering me on.
I wanted to tell her since the first moment I met her, but I couldn't. Everyday I knew exactly when she would come by the bakery, so I would make sure that I would be there. Ever single time she walked by I knew it.
I had just lied on national TV about feeling I had for Katniss. I didn't have a crush on her; I actually knew that I loved her. My mother would definitely say that my head was in the clouds and that I could never know what love is.
I can still hear her singing when we were both five years old. The red plaid dress, I know that we would never have a future, so what does it matter if I say it now. How can it harm anyone?
"Oh, that is a piece of bad luck," says Caesar.
"It's not good," I tell him.
"Well, I don't think any of us can blame you. It'd be hard not to fall for that young lady," says Caesar. "She didn't know?"
"Not until now," I nod no.
"Wouldn't you love to pull her back out here and get a response? Sadly, rules are rules, and Katniss Everdeen's time has been spent. Well, best of luck to you, Peeta Mellark, and I think I speak for all of Panem when I say our hearts go with yours," says Caesar.
The crowd begins to cheer in agreement, and it goes on for a couple of minutes before they settle down.
"Thank you," I tell them, as I return to my seat. The anthem plays and we all walk back to into the Training Center lobby.
I can see that Katniss is quickly moving through the crowd trying to put distance between us. I want to explain myself; I want to let her know that I didn't mean any harm by it. Before I can make it to the elevator I see that she has already gotten on one.
As I walk through the crowd, I can see the faces of understanding, from the crowd. I wait for the next one to come and get on the elevator.
I walk off the elevator and immediately am shoved into an urn. The urn shatters and the sharp pieces I can feel have cut into my hands. I can see that the cuts have freely let my blood run.
I look at up at her and say "what was that for?"
"You had no right! No right to go saying those things about me!" She shouts at me.
The elevator opens and Effie, Portia, Haymitch and Cinna walk out the elevator.
"What's going on? Did you fall?" Effie asks me as both Cinna and Effie help me up.
"After she shoved me," I tell Effie.
"Shoved him?" Haymitch asks Katniss.
"This was your idea, wasn't it? Turning me into some kind of fool in front of the entire country?" She asks Haymitch.
"It was my idea," I tell her, as I pull out the shards of pottery. "Haymitch just helped me with it."
"Yes, Haymitch is very helpful. To you!" She says accusing him.
"You are a fool," Haymitch tells her walking towards her. "Do you think he hurt you? That boy just gave you something you could never achieve on your own."
"He made me look weak!" She says.
"He made you look desirable! And let's face it, you can use all the help you can get in that department. You were about as romantic as dirt until he said he wanted you. Now they all do. You're all they're talking about. The star-crossed lovers from District Twelve!" says Haymitch.
"But we're not star-crossed lovers!" She retorts.
"Who cares?" He says as he pins her again the wall. "It's all a big show. It's all how you're perceived. The most I could say about you after your interview was that you were nice enough, although that in itself was a small miracle. Now I can say you're a heartbreaker. Oh, oh, oh, how the boys back home fall longingly at your feet. Which do you think will get you more sponsors?"
Cinna reassures Katniss, "He's right, Katniss."
"I should have been told, so I didn't look so stupid." She reacts.
"No, your reaction was perfect. If you'd known, it wouldn't have read as real," Portia tells her.
"She's just worried about her boyfriend," I tell her. That is the real reason, why doesn't she just admit it. I was a fool to believe that we would end up together. Here I was beating myself over how she would react, and she is more preoccupied with how he would react to it.
"I don't have a boyfriend." She snaps at me.
"Whatever, but I bet he's smart enough to know a bluff when he sees it. Besides you didn't say you loved me. So what does it matter?"
I wasn't expecting a reaction like this. It caught me by surprise. It isn't like she is left vulnerable, if anything it left me naked before her. It really doesn't matter; she probably thinks it is some sort of trick to get sponsors.
For me it is more than that, it is my way of saying goodbye, to my family. My father knows that since the age of five I have loved this little girl. He knew it the moment I asked him to give her the cookies I had made for her. He knows that I would do anything now to protect her, and for her to survive. This was my way of saying this to him, that I have made my decision. That I wasn't going to fight to survive but fight for her to. I have loved her always even though she didn't feel the same.
"After he said he loved me, did you think I could be in love with him too?" She asks Portia.
"I did," Portia said. "The way you avoided looking at the cameras, the blush."
"Definitely," Cinna tells her.
"You're golden sweetheart. You're going to have sponsors lined up around the block," says Haymitch.
She looks at me, almost too embarrassed to make eye contact. "I'm sorry I shoved you."
"Doesn't matter, although it's technically illegal." I tell her.
"Are your hands okay?" She asks me.
"They'll be all right." I tell her.
After a while of silence, the tension has dissipated from the room and Haymitch says "come on, let's eat."
I sit down and realize that the bleeding hasn't stopped, so I ask Portia if she could help me. We walk down to my room and Portia removes a first aid kit from the hidden wall in my room.
"You mean there are hidden things in my room?" I ask her.
She just laughs, "believe me it took me a while to find all the little things that this floor has to offer. We really don't need to go anywhere if we don't have to," She tells me.
She grabs a spray bottle and spray's on my hands. I can see that the bleeding slowly stops although the cuts are still there.
"That is amazing," I tell her.
"This medicine was made here in the Capitol, it is meant for cuts, basically slows down the blood so that the body has time to heal the cuts," she tells me.
"You would think that the cuts would heal," I ask her.
"Well they have much stronger medicines for deeper cuts, although it is hard to find and very expensive," She tells me.
She wraps my hands in bandages, and tells me not to get into wrestling match with Katniss or the blood would start to flow again.
We come back to the dining room and find that everyone is almost finishing with their meal. I quickly finish my meal in order to watch the replay with the group. I catch Katniss through my soup looking at me with a sense of guilt. I guess she catches my bandages and know that the cuts were more serious than first thought.
We watch the replay of the interviews and can't help but wonder what effects would happen with the sponsor on my declaration of love for Katniss. She simply looked beautiful. Cinna really does a good job with the dress. Although she may think it is too girly for her tough hunter mentality, I think she is beautiful. Even when she was talking about her little sister, I can tell that out of the walls that Katniss puts up; this moment in the interview was her. I quickly dab the tear that was forming in my eyes by yawning and rubbing my eyes.
We say our goodbyes to Effie and Haymitch as well knowing that they would not be following us to the arena but will be at the Games Headquarters signing up our sponsors. It seems that Effie is more pre-occupied about herself than us, because she says "I wouldn't be at all surprised if I finally get promoted to a decent district next year!" She kisses us each on the cheek and quickly hurries out.
Haymitch looks at us not much for goodbyes, so I ask.
"Any final words of advice?"
"When the gong sounds, get the hell out of there. You're neither of you up to the blood bath at the Cornucopia. Just clear out, put as much distance as you can between yourselves and the others, and find a source of water," he says. "Got it?"
"And after that?" Katniss asks.
"Stay alive," says Haymitch. We nod. Katniss departs to her room, while I stay and talk to Portia.
"Wanted to say thank you for all you have done for me," I tell her.
I can see that Portia is an emotional person because she starts to sniff. I hand her my handkerchief and ask that she please not cry.
"We will see each other tomorrow," I tell her. "There is a lot that although you did not realize you showed me. I don't really have a good memory of my mother back home but I know that if you do have kids, that you would be a great one." I say as I look down at my bandages.
"Peeta, I really hope that she gets to know you, you are a wonderful person and anyone would be lucky to know you," She tells me.
"Well I don't think my mother would get the chance, but…" I say until I am interrupted.
"Silly boy, I am not talking about your mother," she tells me with a smile. "I know how you look at her sometimes. You are fooling no one with the 'strategy' that you and Haymitch came up with."
I blush and say, "well let's hope that you are the only one that figured it out."
She kisses me in the forehead, and say until tomorrow. She walks out the room and I am found thinking of home. I lie down and just stare at the ceiling like I would do back at home, when I realized that I am not going to be able to sleep.
I walk upstairs to the roof and just stand at the railing, listening to the festival music downstairs. There are horns and I can barely make out the laughing and singing of people.
It reminds me of a tradition we had back home. Every year my family would pick one day, to celebrate all of our birthdays. We didn't have much so birthdays we would celebrate together on one day, although sometimes my father would sneak out a cupcake with a candle on my birthday.
On that one day where we would get together, we would sing songs and cheer each other on. It was one of the happiest times each year. As the years came and went, it became a little bit harder to find something to cheer for, but my father always would get us together on the day that we chose. We would get one of the nice cakes from the front display and each one would place a candle on the cake. We would make a wish each one of us. It is silly I know, but we would always just hold hands at the end, just so that we were together.
I wonder what they will do this year. One less candle I guess.
I hear a soft voice behind me, "you should be getting some sleep,"
"I didn't want to miss the party. It's for us, after all."
She comes next to me, and she leans over trying to make out the noise below. "Are they in costumes?" She asks.
"Who could tell? With all the crazy clothes they were here." I tell her. "Couldn't sleep, either?"
"Couldn't turn my mind off," she tells me.
"Thinking about your family?" I ask her.
"No, all I can do is wonder about tomorrow. Which is pointless, of course."
She looks at my hands, which I have been trying to warm through the bandages. "I really am sorry about your hands." She tells me.
"It doesn't matter, Katniss, I've never been a contender in these Games anyway." I tell her truthfully.
"That's no way to be thinking," says Katniss.
"Why not? It's true. My best hope is to not disgrace myself and …"
"And what?" she asks.
"I don't know how to say it exactly. Only … I want to die as myself. Does that make any sense?" I ask.
She nods no.
"I don't want them to change me in there. Turn me into some kind of monster that I'm not." I try to explain to her.
"Do you mean you won't kill anyone?" She asks me.
"No, when the times comes, I'm sure I'll kill just like everybody else. I can't go down without a fight. Only I keep wishing I could think of a way to … to show the Capitol that they don't own me. That I'm more than just a piece in their Games." I tell her.
"But you're not, none of us are. That's how the Games work." She tells me.
"Okay, but within that framework, there's still you, there's still me, don't you see?" I tell her.
"A little. Only… no offense, but who cares Peeta?" she says.
I remember my father telling me to never let anyone change who you are inside, who you are inside matters. That is the one thing the Capitol should never have the ability to take from you. That is the last thing they can steal from you. But they will not get it from me. If I am going to die, I am going to do it on my terms, in my own way.
"I do. I mean, what else am I allowed to care about at this point?" There is nothing left in my current life to care about, just how my memory is perceived. My family I will probably never see again, and that is all that matters to me.
"Care about what Haymitch said. About staying alive." She snaps back at me.
Doesn't she realize that if we are the last ones then one would have to die? "Okay. Thanks for the tip, sweetheart."
"Look, if you want to spend the last hours of your life planning some noble death it the arena, that's your choice. I want to spend mine in District Twelve." She tells me.
"Wouldn't surprise me if you do," I tell her. "Give my mother my best when you make it back, will you?"
"Count on it." She tells me and walks away from the roof.
The determination and I know that she will be the one to give my mother the message. After a couple more minutes I walk back downstairs to my room and just close my eyes, knowing full well that tomorrow starts the fight for her life.
Portia comes to get me in the morning before sunrise. I don't get to see Katniss so I figured that she must have gone before or after me. We walk to the roof and a hovercraft is already waiting for us.
As soon as I touch the stairs to the hovercraft, I feel an electric current paralyze me to the ladder. A woman approaches me and injects something into my forearm.
"Your tracker, Peeta. Stay still." She tells me.
They lower the ladder again and assist Portia into the hovercraft. We eat breakfast on the hovercraft and we chit chat about other things, pretending that we are going to another place and not the arena. She does a very good job of keeping my mind off where we are going, because when I realize where are, we are already landing.
They lower us into the Launch Room. That is what the woman from the Capitol tells me. It is the underground area where the final preparations happen.
Portia hands me my clothes that I am to wear in the arena. "At least we are going to keep the complimentary clothes theme with Katniss as every Tribute is given the same clothes."
I smile and put on, the tawny pants, light green shirt, brown belt, black jacket and black boots.
We sit on the bench waiting for the call. She grabs my hand and knows that although it may not seem like it, I am terrified on the inside. She hums a little melody and it calms me.
"Thank you," I tell her.
"For?" She asks.
"Just in general, you always know what to do." I tell her.
"You try and survive. I know you have a plan, but try and survive, okay Peeta?" She tells me as she tugs on my hand.
I smile and nod. I step onto the platform and can see the glass cylinder begin to come down. Portia gently kisses me on my forehead, and with that the glass cylinder closes around me, and the platform begins to rise.
It is only a couple of seconds when I feel the air, and the smell of pine trees. I look around let my mind take in the surroundings. I can hear the announcer cut into the background.
"Ladies and gentlemen, let the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games begin!"