Sleeping Jashinist
Went to the zoo recently, which explains this chapter :L
Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.
"What the fuck is that?" Hidan screeched, earning tuts and angry looks from nearby mothers with young children. "It looks fucking huge!"
"It's an elephant, now stop being so loud when you swear it's troublesome" Shikamaru felt really awkward, especially with Hidan in a large group of people.
"Mummy?" He looked over at a small girl with big brown eyes who was pulling at her mother's shirt.
"Yes sweetheart?"
"What's a fuck?" Shikamaru spluttered and grabbed Hidan, dragging him away from the crowd and the furious glares.
It was definitely a mistake to take Hidan to a place like a zoo especially in the summer months when the place was filled with tourists. It was also filled with children that Hidan, with his swear happy habit was unlikely to get on with.
"Why the fuck did you do that?" Shikamaru scowled at the troublesome moron.
"Because those women looked like they were going to lynch us. Can't you cut down on the swearing in public?"
"Why the fuck should I?"
"It's just not right to swear in front of kids ok?"
"They have to learn sometime" He was clearly unbothered by the looks they received for that comment by a passing couple with a baby.
"Fine, just fine. We'll avoid the crowds then" Although that was easier said than done.
Everywhere they went was packed. And Hidan really wasn't helping the situation. He complained loudly about everyone and everything.
"It fucking stinks in here!"
"It's the ape house, of course it's going to smell"
"Why can't they just piss outside?"
"They're animals, they can't really help it"
And then there was:
"You can't swing the bridge that much with small children on it!"
"It was fucking made for it though!"
"I'm pretty sure that little girl didn't think so"
"It's her own fucking fault"
"You don't tell a 6 year old that if the bridge breaks, she wouldn't die, she'd be more likely to suffer from unbearable agony, or be paralysed!"
But the best had to be the bird show:
"Get the fucking bird away from my head!"
"Ignore it and it'll go away moron!"
"It needs to fucking die!"
"Sir, please calm down, I'll get the bird off"
"Fuck that!"
It was likely they were on the banned for life list after today. They'd had to run, after Hidan had grabbed the bird and threw it at a group of toddlers. Shikamaru had grabbed the fool and ran before anyone could say anything.
"You troublesome moron! What is wrong with you? It was a great day out and you ruined it!"
"It wasn't my fucking fault, they were all being assholes!"
They argued until they got home and Hidan stormed up the stairs. Shikamaru grabbed the phone and called the only person he could rant to.
"Hello?"
"Choji! Thank god you're home!"
"Shika? Are you ok?"
"That moron caused hell at the zoo today!"
"I'm so sorry; I thought it was a good idea"
"It's not your fault he's insane. I just don't know how to deal with him"
"How do you mean?"
"He's always causing trouble, but if I kick him out, he'll be homeless"
"We could always ask someone else? There's bound to be someone who has a spare room or something similar"
"That's not a bad idea actually" Shikamaru quite liked the idea. It's not like Hidan liked him very much anyway.
"I'll ring round and ask for you"
After hanging up the phone, Shikamaru went upstairs. Hidan was sitting on the bed, and scowled at him when he walked in the door.
"What the fuck do you want?"
"Just thought you should know, that since you hate living here so much, I've asked my friend to find you somewhere else" Hidan was silent so Shikamaru continued. "I can tell you'd prefer that so-"
"Don't"
?
"What was that?" Hidan was looking away from him.
"I don't want to"
"You don't want to what?"
"Leave. I want to stay here"
"But you're always in a bad mood! And you don't like being around me that much-"
"Yes I fucking do! I don't know anyone else; you're the only fucking person I know! And everyone else is an asshole; you're fun to fight with!"
"Wait, you think that's fun?"
"No one ever used to fucking fight with me, they were all fucking scared of me"
"Oh. Yeah I can imagine why. So you don't want to leave?"
"No I don't! So please let me fucking stay!" He looked so miserable at the thought of leaving Shikamaru just sighed.
"Fine, you can stay. Just stop going so over the top with your temper"
"I can't fucking help it, I've always been that way!"
"Fine" Shikamaru rubbed his temples, knowing that he'd regret this later. "I'll go phone Choji and tell him you're staying here"
-Page Break-
The rest of the night felt pretty awkward. Neither of them wanted to talk about earlier, so they stayed silent with the TV on in the background. It didn't feel right having Hidan so silent so Shikamaru thought he'd try saying something.
"Hidan?"
"Yes fuckface?" Shikamaru scowled at him, but at the same time it was nice to have something stay the same.
"Are you... ok?"
"Eh? What do you mean?"
"I mean, you seemed pretty upset earlier"
"I wasn't upset! I was just pissed off!"
"Oh. That makes sense"
"Besides, I didn't want to go live with any of those other assholes. Especially the dog fucker"
"By dog fucker I'm assuming you mean Kiba. And glad to know you don't despise me I guess..."
"Well you do what I fucking want"
So it's because I'm too lazy to tell him where to stick it...
"You do bitch too fucking much though"
"That's because you're always doing stupid things"
"No, I fucking don't!"
"You threw a parrot, stabbed yourself, and tried to scythe the TV. You're always doing stupid things"
"The parrot thing was fucking hilarious though" Hidan was starting to laugh pretty hard.
"No it wasn't!" He would not give the idiot the satisfaction of knowing he was slightly amused. Sadly Hidan noticed.
"You found it funny you dick admit it! You loved the look on the little shits faces when that bird hit them. And when it shat on that bitches face!"
"N-no I-" He tried to hold it in, but he really couldn't help himself. Shikamaru started to laugh, barely able to stand. They both sat there laughing, until tears were rolling down their faces.
"I knew it! I knew you didn't have a massive stick up your ass"
"Just shut up!" Shikamaru was trying to breathe. He hadn't laughed that hard in a while. When he looked back over Hidan was smirking at him. "What's wrong with you?"
"You like having me around" He seemed pretty smug about this.
"I don't dislike you" It wasn't something he'd really thought about. He'd just been dealing with him, because he had to.
"You think I'm fucking funny, admit it!" His grin had widened.
"Ok, I'll admit you're pretty amusing" Hidan looked pleased with himself. "You're still a troublesome moron though"
"Fuck you asshole!"