So close! Heads up, this chapter is going to be pretty short because of the fact that I ended it without realizing how short it was lol. But have no fear, I'll be posting two chapters, so you guys get MORE content than just a single chapter, and trust me, that one will be a long one! Remember to review please and thank you, and enjoy.
a-a
Finnick, Kai, and I sleep in the same bed that night. Curled up together, I'm pressed between their two bodies, being temporarily shielded from the inevitable turn of fate that my life has taken.
How did we end up here? I ask myself.
It's a generic question, one that no one can really answer. It meant so many things at that point. How did we end up here in the Capitol, being sent to mass slaughter, trained to kill other children in the span of a couple of days. I belonged back home. I wanted so badly to just go home.
I'm awake before the other two boys beside me. On the wall to the right of us is an adaptive screen that can change to look like the room was in a different environment. We fell asleep with it displaying the ocean. It felt wrong, there was no smell of saltwater in the air, no sound of seagulls screeching or the crashing of waves against the sand, but it was better than nothing. I sat up and just stared at it for a while. Finnick was the next to wake up. He sat behind me, wrapping his arms around my stomach and pressing his chin against my shoulder. We watched the faux ocean together. Kai was awake only minutes later. He sat up and laid his head against my other shoulder. It was one of the last moments we would all spend together. It was peaceful, and at the same time, I knew it would become one of my least favorite memories.
No one spoke much at breakfast. We all knew what was coming, and it seemed that no one knew how to approach the subject. Mags kissed each of our cheeks and smiled sadly. I could tell she wanted to cry, the truth was written all over her face, but she wanted to be strong for us. I would always be grateful for that, because if she had begun crying, I don't think I ever would've stopped.
Not even Johanna, who had once again joined us for the morning, hadn't spoken much. Out of character, she gave Kai and I each a hug and a genuine smile. "Good luck out there you two. I'm rooting for you."
Finn and Mags walked us to the helicarrier that would take us to a location where we would be passed on to our costume designers who would dress us appropriately for the games and send almost all of us to our deaths right after.
I said what I needed to to Mags before moving on to Finnick. I knew it was going to be hard, but nothing prepared me for his bloodshot eyes and distraught face, tears threatening to make an appearance. Not being able to help it, I threw myself into his arms, clinging to him as if it were, because it could very well be, the last time I would ever see or feel him again. Over the last couple of days, Finnick Odair had become the most important person in my life. I prayed to every deity I could think of that if I died in that arena, Finnick would be ok, that he wouldn't find some way to blame himself, that his life would get better, that he would marry Annie, have a couple of beautiful children, and live as long as possible. Because he deserved it.
"You're coming back to me." His voice cracked. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
"I'm coming back to you." I could only give him that empty promise, hoping it in some way would numb our pain or calm our nerves.
Forehead against mine, as he always did, he whispered, "Ma ke aloha, ua loa'a ikaika." Through love we find strength.
I repeat his words and smile, because if this is the last moment we spend together, I hope he remembers my smile, like I will remember his in the games. Without hesitation, one of my hands wraps around the end of Finnick's necklace that I'm wearing. I stare at him as he is escorted away by peacekeepers with Mags. I stare at him until he is forced through the doors that would separate us. I stare at him until he is gone.
A hand grips tightly onto mine, and like a beacon of hope, Kai stands next to me, ready to be the emotional support I seem to be needing in that moment. "Mai uē." Don't cry. He's being the smart one for the two of us. I don't want the other tributes to see me like this. Or the sponsors. Or Cato. Moving forward, I needed to be strong, even if it was just a facade.
The two of us walked together toward the helicarrier. We were the last ones to board. Everyone was already in their seats. Some of the tributes looked nervous, others looked downright terrified, and then some looked excited. I met a multitude of different eyes as soon as I stepped onto the platform.
The first were Rue's. There was only one emotion in hers: fear. But her body language spoke a completely different language, one that masked that fear all together. She looks calm. At first, I'm glad that she is able to keep her composure. But a worse thought comes to mind after: what if she's calm because she's already accepted her fate in the arena? My hand reaches out for hers, squeezing it gently as I pass, before letting go slowly. It was a simple gesture that I hope she would understand. I'll protect you with my life if it comes down to it.
Next are the eyes of Thresh. His are calm, but they're also hard. Unreadable. But I know what he's thinking. I'm safe from him, there was some unspoken agreement it seemed. We would protect Rue if we needed to, and should we come across one another in the games, we would pretend it didn't happen, not unless it were at the final few.
And then there are Cato's. He's worse than Thresh. There's no emotion in his eyes at all. For a split second, I'm sincerely scared of him. But then there's a small tilt in his demeanor. His eyes soften after a moment. He sends me a small nod. Our deal is still on. Cato, throughout the entire pool of tributes, has surprisingly been the one I've gotten to know the best. I wanted so badly for him to live, but I knew it would come at the expense of dozens of other kids' deaths. I felt terrible for feeling the way I did, I hated that I cared about whether he made it out of the games at all. But no amount of hate could drive out all the other emotions I felt for him. Compassion, pity, empathy. Him and I, we weren't so different after all. Beyond our beliefs about the games, there was one thing we both wanted: to make it to the end, and to go home. Our only differences lied in how we chose to get there.
a-a
Kai and I were separated. Another person forcibly pulled away from me. I was sent into a room on my own, where I was supposed to meet the last person I would see before going into the games.
"Cinna." I can barely speak. My voice comes out in a whisper.
His arms surround me before the door can even close. I can finally cry. He doesn't judge me.
"You are the fiercest competitor there is." He tells me. "And if there is anyone I'm betting on to win these games, it's you. So no goodbyes, no more tears, and no sad smiles. I will see you on the other side."
His confidence in me gives me the strength I need to stop my crying. He's right, or at least, he has to be right. He has to be.
Cinna helps me into my outfit that I've been given. It's a wetsuit.
"Designed for water, as you would obviously know." He helps me to decipher what that could mean in terms of terrain. "This is good, there's going to be water, and from the looks of this outfit, lots of it. That is your home field, you get the advantage. The suit isn't particularly designed for too cold of a climate, but it will provide you with some nice insulation and it's full body coverage, so I'm thinking they're putting you guys somewhere more tropical. Nights might be a little chilly, but it shouldn't be too bad, they won't want to freeze you guys out."
"Divers in four wear these for safety and buoyancy more than anything. It helps with keeping them higher in the water."
"Yes, and it's also made with extra layers of super composite skin. It'll repel water, which means-"
"I'll be able to swim faster in the water."
Cinna smiles as he begins to weave my hair into a single tight french braid. "You really are too smart for your own good."
The clock on the wall next to us begins to count down. I only have two minutes left before leaving for good.
If Cinna doesn't want to say any goodbyes, that's fine by me. But I needed some kind of closure, some sort of way to know that if these were the last moments Cinna and I would spend together, that he would understand that I was thankful for everything he had done for me thus far, that I cared about him more than I thought I could come to care about anyone from the Capitol, that he had somehow made a significant impact on my life no matter the small amount of time we'd known each other.
"Where I'm from….the term aloha means so many different things. It means peace, it means compassion, but overall it's about love. We don't use it too often, because it weakens the strength of the word. So when we do say it and who we say it to...that means something to us, it's special." I kiss his cheek. The clock is counting down from one minute now. "You've been so good to me Cinna. I hope that one day, this world gives you back the energy you have put out into it."
He holds my hand as I step up into the large cylindrical glass container that would propel me upward into the arena. The doors begin to slowly close as the timer runs out. "Aloha, Cinna."
The look on my designer's face is one I recognize as love, the same as I had seen on Finnick's, and Akela's, my mom's, the twin's, and Kai's time and time again. I can't hear him, but I can read his lips easily.
"Aloha, Kalani."