Intro: Forman kitchen. Kitty is making coffee and Red's eating breakfast. Eric & Kelso walk in looking haggard.
Kelso: I told you Eric, it wasn't my fault!
Eric: Well next time, try spitting when the window is actually DOWN!
Kitty: Oh, there's my baby! (Hugs Eric)
Kelso: What about me? I can be a baby too!
Red: No Kelso, you're a dumbass. In fact, if that car isn't in tip-top shape, you will also have my foot in your dumbass.
Kelso: No, the car's fine. I mean, once Earl fixed it.
Red: What!
Eric: Kelso! What the hell?
Kelso: Red, it was nothing. We just got a flat tire, that's all.
Red: What!
Eric: Kelso! Stop talking!
Red: (Towards Eric) You're grounded.
Eric: For what?
Red: For trying to keep this from me.
Kitty: Red, now nobody's grounded. We're all mature adults here.
Red: I'm not!
(Kitty gives him a look).
Kitty: Eric had the car fixed so it's no problem. Did you say Earl fixed it?
Red: Earl, Earl? Oh crap! I gotta go check to make sure he didn't screw it up. (He runs outside to the car).
Eric: Well, it sure is nice to be home.
(Donna comes in from the living room).
Donna: Eric!
Eric: (Turning around) Donna! I'm so glad you came back.
(They hug. They pull away and notice Kitty & Kelso staring at them).
Kitty/Kelso: Awwwwwwwwwwww!
Eric: O-Kay, Donna. Let's go to my room, shall we? (Donna nods and they head up).
Kelso: (Calling after them) Good job Eric! There's nothing like make-up sex! (Kitty gives him a disgusted look).
Opening credits start.
Act I:
Scene 1: The Hub. Kelso, Fez, Jackie and Peter are sitting at a table hanging out.
Kelso: So then I said, "How ironic." You know because I though it meant
Fez: (Interrupting him) Yeah, yeah the iron burn patch. We got it you stupid man.
(Everyone rolls their eyes at Kelso).
Kelso: What? That's confusing you know.
Peter: Hey, I'm kind of hungry. You guys want anything?
Fez: Yes but I only have 50 cents.
Peter: No problem Buddy. I'll get it for you. Hot dogs OK?
(Everyone looks at him in disbelief).
Fez/Kelso: Sure.
(Peter goes to the counter).
Jackie: Isn't he great?
Fez: Jackie, let's put it this way. If it doesn't work out between the two of you, I may take a stab at it. (Laughing like he's kidding).
(Kelso & Jackie look at him bewildered).
Kelso: Dude, that's kind of sick.
Fez: I can picture it now.
Cut To: Dream Sequence. Background music is the theme from Sesame Street. They both have huge cheesy smiles on their faces the entire time. First scene shows Fez & Peter in the park eating hot dogs by a food stand. Next scene, Fez is on a swing and Peter is pushing him. Next scene, Fez is hunched over puking and Peter is patting his back comforting him. Last scene, they're sitting closely on a park bench watching the sunset.
Dream Sequence ends.
(Everyone is staring at Fez).
Fez: (Snapping out of it) What?
(Peter walks over and sits down).
Peter: Here's your hot dog Fez.
Fez: (Subconsciously talking in a pseudo-sexy way) Oh, thank you Peter.
Jackie: Ew! Lay off!
Kelso: Yeah seriously Fez. That's kind of gross.
Peter: What are you guys talking about?
(Everyone ignores him and Hyde walks in).
Hyde: Hey guys. Who's this? (Pointing to Peter).
Fez: Oh, this is our new friend Peter.
Peter: (Standing up and trying to shake Hyde's hand) Hey. We met before. I'm Jackie's boyfriend.
Hyde: (Not extending a hand and sitting down) Well then, I feel sorry for you.
Peter: Excuse me?
Jackie: Nothing. Just disregard him. He's still pissed off that his mother never loved him.
Hyde: Yeah well we all know your Mom loved a lot of people!
Jackie: -Gasp- Wha? Come on Peter, let's go.
(They both get up to leave and Peter addresses Hyde).
Peter: Hey man. I'm not sure what I ever did to you but you could try and show a little respect to the lady. Let's go Jackie.
(They exit).
Hyde: Pft. Do you believe that guy?
Kelso: Well, you were a little hard on him. And Jackie for that matter.
Hyde: What? I'm always like that to Jackie.
Kelso: I don't know man. You seemed abnormally cruel this time. It's kind of
Hyde: (Interrupting) Kelso, if you say ironic I'm going to punch you so hard in the arm that your nose will bleed. (Looks over at Fez who is crying). What's your problem?
Fez: You sent my friend away.
Kelso: (Comforting him) It's OK buddy. Let's leave this angry man alone. (They get up to leave).
Fez: Kelso, I need some ice cream.
Kelso: Sure Buddy. No problem.
(They leave).
Hyde: What the hell just happened?
Scene 2: Eric's bedroom. Donna and Eric are hugging.
Donna: (Pulling away from him) Oh Eric. I'm sorry I ran to my mother's. I thought you were leaving again.
Eric: Donna, I love you and I realized that I couldn't be away from you again. You mean so much to me and I really want to make this work.
Donna: You don't know how happy that makes me.
Eric: Are you sure you don't mind coming with me to South America?
Donna: Eric, I love you and I want to be with you. So, I'm coming.
(They hug).
Eric: Great!
Donna: As soon as I find a job out there.
(They pull away).
Eric: What?
Donna: Yeah, I mean I need to do something too, you know.
Eric: Yeah I know but I thought we could live off of my paycheck for a while. I could be like your sugar daddy.
Donna: Whoa.
Eric: Wait! That sounded kind of bad.
Donna: (Sarcastic) You think?
Eric: I didn't mean it that way.
Donna: You know, why is it that you always take a great situation and make it into a crappy one. (She leaves).
Eric: (Yelling after her) Because Red screwed me up!
Scene 3: The Basement. Hyde, Fez, Eric, Kelso are sitting in the circle.
Eric: Why do I say stupid things all of the time? I mean, I was so ready for great make-up sex and what do I do? I say "sugar daddy" and I'm in the doghouse again.
Kelso: (Licking the crème filling out of Oreos and discarding the cookies on to the floor) Do you want to know what your problem is? You just don't get women man. Like take me for instance, Brooke and I don't ever fight as much as you do because she lives far away and we are free to sleep with other people. So, you should move to South America and let me sleep with Donna. That's a win-win in my book.
Hyde: (Smiling) Isn't this great? Forman is having problems with Donna. Kelso is saying something stupid to comfort him. It's like old times man. (He looks over at Fez) What's your problem?
Fez: (Looking sad) You drove my friend away you son of a bitch!
Hyde: Get over it man. He's not one of us. No one else even likes him.
(Camera pans to Fez who still looks upset. Then, camera pans to Eric).
Eric: (Eating a chicken wing) Actually, I met him a little while ago. He seems pretty cool.
Kelso: Yeah. He bought me a hot dog. Plus, he's a good-looking guy like me. But not as good-looking. I mean, let's face it. I'm the total package.
Hyde: Man, what's the matter with you guys? That Peter guy is a complete tool.
Fez: That's because you don't like him dating Jackie.
Hyde: Untrue.
Fez: (Singing) Hyde and Jackie sitting in a tree (Hyde punches him in the arm) Ai!
Act II:
Scene 4: The Vista Cruiser. Red's driving and Kitty's in the passenger seat. Red's checking to make sure the car is OK.
Red: Did you hear that? It sounded like a clunking noise.
Kitty: I didn't hear anything.
(They sit in silence. Kitty turns on the radio).
Red: What the hell are you doing? (He turns it off). How am I supposed to hear how the car's running if you turn on the music?
Kitty: Red, this is stupid. Why can't you just trust Eric?
Red: I do trust Eric. I just don't trust Earl!
Kitty: You know, this reminds me of that time we drove around when we first got married and we were looking at houses. Do you remember that?
Red: (Not paying attention) What?
Kitty: You know. We drove around in the dark. We looked through the windows of some of the houses and wondered what they were doing. (She puts her hand on his knee. She starts talking sexy to him) And, remember when we pulled off on the side of the road.
Red: (Looks over at her) Oh, Kitty.
Cut To: They are on the side of the road and the Vista Cruiser is stuck in a ditch and smoke is coming up from the hood. Red has a small bleeding cut above his eye that he's dabbing with a cloth. A cop is questioning them.
Cop: So, exactly how did this happen?
Red: (Looks over at Kitty) Oh geez.
Scene 5: Forman's driveway. Eric is taking out the trash and Donna walks up to him.
Eric: Donna. I'm so sorry about what I said.
Donna: I know. I should start to realize by now that you say a lot of stupid things.
Eric: That's right. So this is your fault.
(They both start laughing).
Donna: Eric look. I guess I was upset because I always thought you would follow me to my dream not the other way around. That's kind of selfish, huh?
Eric: Yeah.
Donna: (She hits him in the stomach and laughs) Get bent.
Eric: Look, it's important to me that you're happy too. So, if you find a job that you love, I'll support you.
Donna: (Hugging him) Thanks Eric.
Eric: I mean, I hear that the strippers out there make a ton of money!
Donna: She hits him again and laughs) You perv!
(They begin wrestling a little and then they start to make out).
Eric: You know, we never had any make up sex.
Donna: Oh well. I guess it's too late now. Good night. (She exits towards her house).
Eric: Wait, what?
Donna: (Calling off screen) I'm kidding. Are you coming?
Eric: Oh, yes!
Fade Out.
Tag: Peter, Kelso, & Fez are hanging at the Hub. Peter is telling a story.
Peter: And that's how I got to be the starting quarterback in football.
Kelso: Whoa. You're like the coolest guy ever. Well, next to me of course.
Peter: Well, I gotta go pick up Jackie. I'll see you guys later. (He gets up to leave).
Fez: (Standing up) Wait, don't go! Jackie will never feel the way I do about you!
Peter: What?
Kelso: (Covering) Uh, he's just kidding, Peter. I mean, do you honestly think we would hang out with such a freaky foreigner? Ha Ha!
Peter: (He starts laughing). You got me! Bye! (He exits).
Kelso: Fez man, you gotta chill. Think about Rhonda naked in a bath full of whipped cream.
Fez: (Looks up and starts smiling) Yes, yes that's nice. Thank you.
Fade out.