MacBradley (a Fullmetal Alchemist style Parody of William Shakespeare's Macbeth)

Act 3, Scene 4

New characters featured in this chapter:

Random Lord: Zolf Kimbley, previously a state alchemist who is now technically a convict. Is he particularly happy to be here? No, he'd rather be listening to the sounds of explosions.

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. Macbeth is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.

Fuhrer Bradley, Mei, Ross, Brosh, and Kimbley, along with several other random people who will not be mentioned here, sat down at the banquet table. They were just about to toast when a knock came from the door. Bradley waved the others back into their seats as he got up to answer it himself, and who should be at the door? None other than Envy, wearing his mysterious cloak and soaked in blood.

"There's blood upon thy face," Bradley stated. "And on your shoulders, and at the bottom of your cloak, and in your hair…"

"Yeah, yeah, I noticed," Envy stated, slightly agitated. "That would be Maes Hughes' blood. The deed you requested has been done."

"And the girl whose name I forget?" Bradley asked.

"Unfortunately, his daughter escaped," Envy shrugged. "But I doubt that she'll be of much danger for the time being."

"That poses a slight problem," Bradley mused. "But Hughes is dead?"

"Yes, safely dead," Envy said. "Unless someone's moved him already, he's safely buried in a ditch."

"Alright then," Bradley said. "You've done a good job, Envy. Come back tomorrow, and we'll discuss your payment." Envy exited, smirking.

From the banquet table, Mei called, "Fuhrer Bradley, sir, we're waiting for your toast."

"Fine, fine," Bradley said, returning to the table. Supposedly unnoticed, however, entered through a nearby wall the translucent "ghost" of Maes Hughes, who promptly sat down where Bradley had been supposed to sit. Although completely silent, he was muttering something under his breath.

It would be interesting to note that at this point, Brosh paused in his fussing over Ross to whisper to her, "Is that General Hughes?"

"I believe it is," Ross whispered back. "What's he saying under his breath like that?"

Brosh looked for a moment before replying, "I believe he's swearing. Badly, I might add."

Kimbley then hissed across the table, "Shh! We're not supposed to know he's here."

"Ah yes," Ross and Brosh whispered back. "Sorry."

(The authoress would like to apologize at this time for the digression above.)

"Please sit down, sir," Brosh requested audibly.

"I wonder where Hughes is." Bradley mused as he walked closer to the table. "He said he'd be back in time for the dinner."

"He's right there in your chair," Ross muttered inaudibly. Audibly, she said, "What does it matter? Come on and sit, sir."

"The table's full," Bradley noted, eyes widening slightly as he saw Hughes sitting in his seat.

Ross giggled as Brosh replied, attempting to keep as straight a face as possible, "What are you talking about, sir? There's a seat reserved right there, just for you."

"I think he just muttered the F word…" Kimbley noted under his breath as Hughes continued to mutter silent curses.

"Where is this open seat of which you speak?" Bradley asked, staring at Hughes as well. When Brosh pointed directly to the seat where Hughes was still spitting out curse words, the former still attempting to stifle his laughter, Bradley hissed to Hughes, "Why are you here? I didn't do it; go bother someone else."

Mei stood up and tried to calm everyone down, saying, "The Fuhrer's not well right now; the stress of his new position must be putting strain on his mind." She then pulled Bradley over for a minute and hissed, "Are you a man?"

"Of course I'm not a man," he hissed back. "I'm a homunculus, and you already knew that."

"That's not the point," Mei spat, exasperated. "What I meant was, are you that wimpy as to let some hallucination get the best of you?"

"She obviously can't see him, can she?" Ross muttered before bursting into quiet laughter.

Hughes got up from his seat at that moment and left the room, this time using the doorway. As Bradley noticed, he muttered quietly, "Yeesh, there was a time when you killed a man and he stayed dead."

(On a side-note, Hughes then held up a small sign through the doorway that stated, "For information about the authoress' manga Pride theory, please read "Excessive Pride", a link to which can be found on her profile." He held it up for a moment, and then put it down.)

Mei sighed. "Fuhrer, sir, just let this go and toast already."

"Alright," Bradley stated. He walked over to the seat where Hughes had been sitting and raised his glass, as did everyone else. "To the general joy of everyone here, and to Maes Hughes, who should be here but isn't."

They all toasted and drank. Hughes then entered the room once more and stood, arms folded, right by the doorway. When Bradley noticed, he hissed toward Hughes, "Okay, I get your point, you're mad, now go away."

Mei laughed nervously and stated, "He does this all the time… I can't ever stop him from having these hallucinations."

"If only you knew," Ross stated, attempting to stifle even louder laughter.

Bradley hissed once again, "Just go away, or if you won't, be like Envy and transform into some other shape. Better yet, just go away."

Hughes smiled, stuck his tongue out in mockery, and left the room through the wall.

Bradley sighed and stated to Mei, "Everything's alright now."

Ross, Brosh, and Kimbley took a minute, but they all managed to stop laughing. Ross then cleared her throat and asked, "What happened, sir? Why were you muttering like that?"

Mei laughed nervously some more, stating, "Oh, that's just how he gets sometimes. I'd suggest you go to your chambers before something worse happens."

"Goodnight then," Brosh stated, and he, Ross, and Kimbley left the room.

When the three had left, Bradley turned to Mei and asked, "What time it is?"

"Just about midnight. Why?"

"Tomorrow," he stated, "I'm going back to those witches and getting them to tell me more. After all, it's impossible to go back now, so we might as well go all the way, and there's still more to do."

"Fine," Mei said, too tired to argue, "but at least get some sleep first."

"Good night," Bradley said, walking off.

"Good night," Mei replied, retiring to her own chambers.

Backstage, Russell applauded Hughes as the "dead" man sat back down on his bed. "That was a great performance," Russell said, on the verge of tears from laughing so hard. "What exactly were you muttering, exactly?"

"If I told you," Maes replied, stretching, "the rating of this story would be far higher than T." He looked up at the rafters and called out to Envy, "Hey, are you going to get back to playing that guitar or what?"

Envy shouted back, "Hold your horses, it's got a broken string."

Author's Note: Tee hee… Maes sticking his tongue out at Bradley… I just couldn't resist, regardless of how out of character it is.