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As you know the last chapter finished with Rose and Christian going to Spokane. I decided not to write Spokane because I am not changing anything and you all know what happens anyway.

So in this chapter Mason has died and they are now back at the Acadmey and everything that has happened at the ski lodge is going to be summed up. Someone asked me about the thing between Lissa and Adrian at the party, that is explained in this chapter but that did happen in the book as well so I assumed that most of you would have figured out, but I explained it anyway.

Hope you like it.

Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns Vampire Academy.

Everything was a blur. I couldn't quite believe what had happened. I mean, sure Christian and I had found our three vigilantes at the shopping plaza...but then so had the humans working for the Strigoi. Yeah, we'd managed to escape the humans, but not the Strigoi who were holding us. Yeah, the Strigoi who captured us were dead...but then so was Mason.

Mason. Mason, my friend who I loved as a brother. Mason who would help me with anything and was always there if I needed him. Admittedly, he had called me a cheap blood whore a few days before but he didn't mean it. He told me so. And now he had been taken from me in the cruelest way possible. He would never have the chance to be the great guardian he was meant to be. And it was all my fault. If I had listened to Christian and told the guardians maybe he'd be alive. Maybe this would have never happened. Maybe Mason would be sitting beside on the plane back to Academy, laughing about our awesome winter vacation and he would not be lying in a coffin on another private plane.

Instead I had Adrian. He was coming back to the Academy to practise spirit with Lissa. That explained the dreams, the drinking, the smoking, the weird behaviour. Turns out, back at the party when Lissa and Adrian had touched that had alerted Lissa they were kindred spirits (no pun intended). Adrian knew before; however with his ability to see auras, he knew as soon as he and Lissa met.

The next two weeks passed in a daze. I had my molnija ceremony, which really wasn't as glorious has I had thought it would be. All these marks would be were painful reminders of my lost friend. Dimitri had cancelled my training sessions until further notice to give me some recovery time I suppose. Mason's funeral had been the worst, however. I know I had Lissa and Adrian beside me but not even they could take away the endless pit of despair I felt. The endless guilt that I didn't do enough to save him.

There was another pressing matter for me to deal with. Adrian. As he had come back to the Academy with Lissa we were in a better position for our relationship to work, even if it was as just friends. I wasn't exactly in the best of moods to deal with this but it was something I needed to do, my head was all over the place and getting this sorted might just get one thing off my mind.

Adrian was staying in the guest housing at the Academy so on Sunday afternoon, the day before my classes started again, I went and saw him.

"Little dhampir, how you feeling?" he asked, ushering me inside.

"Look, Adrian we need to talk." He motioned for me to sit, so I did so on the massive leather sofa that was in his room at the foot of his massive bed. Why anyone needed a bed that big I didn't know, you could fit at least five people in there. He sat opposite in an armchair.

"I don't think I'm going to like this conversation, am I?" he said, reaching into his jacket pocket, presumably getting his cigarettes then decided against it after seeing the expression on my face.

"Adrian, I need you to promise me to listen. No matter what I say, please do not interrupt. Promise?"

"Yes, I promise."

"Right, I'm just going to lay all my cards on the table." I took a deep breath, here goes nothing. "I know we haven't known each other all that long, and I'm going to be honest, I never wanted a serious relationship with you when we first met," I looked up to see his reaction, but he his face was blank. A guardian mask as I called it, Dimitri did it a lot. "But, I realised after we spent that night together that we were more a like than I thought. I know it might sound stupid but I felt a connection, or something. I don't know what it was. It was in that moment that even if I couldn't be your girlfriend, I could be your friend." I looked down at the floor; this was going to be the hard part to get out. Adrian said nothing the entire time. "I'm here because I want to know where I stand. If you want to be friends I will accept that, but every time I think about you, how you held me at the dinner and back in my room or how we kissed... all I know is that I want to be with you." I started crying, I didn't know why, maybe it was because Mason's death was still so fresh and I felt guilty but I remembered what Mason had said after the Drozdov attack: we can't stop living because other's have died, no matter how hard it is sometimes. With that in my head, I continued. "If there is anything that Mason's death as taught me, it is how short life is and how quickly it can end. I have accepted that me becoming a guardian means that I will constantly face death and I am going to pack as much as I can into my life before I die. And I want my life to be with you, or at least part of it anyway." I looked up again, trying to read his expression; he looked confused but also...happy. His eyes shone. "I understand if you don't like me in that way," it was obvious in his eyes that he did. "And I will back off if you want me to. Like I said, I need to know where I stand."

Adrian didn't say anything for a while. He just sat across from me and stared, not in a calculating way like he was trying to figure anything out but like he was looking at me for the first time trying to see if there was any hidden meaning in my words.

"Adrian? You know it's rude to ignore someone, especially when they've just bared their soul to you." I remarked, I don't think I've ever been so nervous.

"You know what, little dhampir? I was worried you didn't feel like that way towards me. I've thought about this since you went missing from the lodge. I vowed when you got back I would tell you everything. But with Mason...I knew I had to give you time and I was willing to wait for you." He knelt down in front of me taking both of my hands in one of his while his other hand cupped my face, forcing me to look at him. "I want to be with you, Rose." He smiled, and despite my tears, I smiled back. "I don't think what you said was stupid. True feelings are never stupid..."

"Oh, shut up and kiss me, Ivashkov." It was sweet kiss, not passionate like our first kiss at the party, it was the sort of kiss that made your heart skip a beat and left you breathless just from the pure emotion that was put into that one kiss.

We spent the rest of the day together there was no sex or anything like that, we just talked like we had at the ski lodge. We went to dinner, hand in hand, gaining looks from passers by. When we entered the cafeteria we got strange looks from people like Jesse and Ralph but my friends, the people who mattered, were happy for us. I could feel Lissa was bit sceptical but she was willing to believe that Adrian wouldn't hurt me but promised to 'sort him out' if he did. That made me smile.

There was only one thing that plagued my thoughts now. What was Dimitri going to do? I hadn't seen him since my molnija ceremony because our practices were suspended but I was curious to know whether he took Tasha's offer. If he stayed, was me seeing Adrian going to make things awkward? As far as he knew I still have feelings for him and I was pretty sure he did for me.

When it reached the three week mark, I decided that I could start my sessions with Dimitri again. Maybe now I would finally get the information that had bugged me for weeks. I wanted him to take the offer but then, like I had deducted before, my guardian training would suffer. I also wanted him guard Tasha for selfish reasons, it would make me seeing Adrian easier.

On my way to the gym I pondered that thought. Even though my brain was incredibly fuzzy because of the early morning I was still pretty sure I could see the major problem with Dimitri. I wanted him to stay at the Academy for practical reasons, not emotional ones. I realised that now. Maybe I was in love with the 'forbidden fruit' and that was what I felt. I knew deep down that I didn't truly love Dimitri, just the excitement a forbidden romance could bring. I just hoped he was adult enough to accept things for how they were.

I entered the gym expecting to be early for once, but as always, Dimitri was there, sitting on a chair, reading a Western. He looked up when he heard me enter and didn't even look surprised that I was here.

"I thought you might come by." He said, putting a book mark between the pages.

"It's time for practice."

He shook his head. "No. No practice today. You're still recovering."

"I've got a clean bill of health. I'm good to go." I tried to put as much of my usual bravado into my words.

It didn't work. Dimitri pulled up a chair and gestured me to sit opposite him. "Rose, no one gets over their first kill...kills...easily. Even with Strigoi...it's still technically taking a life. That's hard to come to terms with. And with everything else on top if that..." he sighed, and placed my hand in his. Before when he'd done that I felt sparks or fireworks or whatever. Now? Nothing, this further proved my earlier musings. The same could not be said for Dimitri. "When I saw your face...when we found you in that house...you can't imagine how I felt."

I swallowed, trying to ignore the love I could see in his eyes. "How...how did you feel?"

"Devastated...grief-stricken. You were alive, but the way you looked...I didn't think you'd ever recover. And it tore me apart to think of that happening to you so young." He squeezed my hand. "You will recover-I know that now, and I'm glad. But you aren't there. Not yet. Losing someone you care about is never easy."

I dropped my gaze to the floor. "It's my fault," I whispered

"Hmm?"

"Mason. Getting killed."

"Oh, Roza. No. You made some bad decisions but you didn't kill him. You can't blame yourself."

"But I told him about Spokane. We argued after he saw me with Adrian and..."

I heard Dimitri's sharp intake of breath. I looked up and could see him want to ask me about Adrian but he knew it wasn't the right time.

"I should go." I said, removing my hands from his and getting up from my chair. "Thanks for talking." I turned and headed towards the door.

"I said no."

I glanced back. "What?"

"Tasha. I told her no."

I was shocked. He should have taken it, not just because I wanted him to but because this would have been good for him. He could have had a family and some semblance of a normal life. "Why?" I gasped.

"Because what Tasha wanted from me, a family, a life, I couldn't give her." He said, that burning passion returning to his eyes.

"Why?" I repeated. Please don't let it be me, I begged internally.

"Because I can't do that with someone I don't love." He said, he got up from his chair and came over to me. He took my face in his hands and cupped my face. I was too frozen to pull away. "Especially when that would mean leaving someone I loved behind."

Oh, God. It was about me, and I wasn't prepared for this. I had prepared to tell him goodbye and have a nice live and all that, not this.

"Who?" I asked, stupidly. I knew I was me.

"You, Roza." He whispered and leaned his head down to kiss me.

I pulled out of his grip. "No."

"What?"

"No. I can't do this." I said. I looked away from the hurt that I could see on his face. I really didn't want this conversation now. Man up, Hathaway, I thought to myself.

"But...I thought that...what about with Victor? He said the charm worked because we have feelings for each other. Here in the gym before we left for the lodge?" I could hear desperation in his voice. "Rose, I thought you loved me too."

"I did. But..."

"It's him isn't it? Ivashkov." He spat. "You'd seriously want him?"

"Yes, it's Adrian. Dimitri, we can never be together. You've said it yourself. And when I graduate we still can't be together. But with Adrian? I know we'll never be together forever, and it kills me to know that, but...Me and him...we're...I don't know. I just know that I want him, what you think we have is just an illusion." I said.

"But I love you!"

"Why? Why do you love me? I know why I loved you. Because you were the forbidden. It was the thrill of it. Not because there was any real connection. Not like what I have with Adrian." I know it was harsh but he needed the truth, I wouldn't hurt him by lying to him.

"Why I love you? Because you are everything. You're in every thought I have. The very reason I stayed here. I live for the moments that I get to see you just to hear your voice, hear you breathe. You're everything, Roza." He said passionately. It all sounded just a little pretentious to me.

"I'm sorry, Dimitri. I chose Adrian. I don't want you. I'm sorry." I turned to leave again.

I stopped when he started talking again. "Someone told me before, if two people are meant to be together, whether they admit it or not, they will be together eventually. I believe that, Rose." He walked towards me again and he whispered in my ear. "I will fight, Rose. I will not give up that easily." He walked passed me and out of the gym, leaving me there stunned.

How was I going to face him again, after that? I was hoping he'd be adult enough to accept it for what it was and not let it affect out professional relationship. But it was obvious now that was not going to happen.

Well things just get better and better don't they?

I hope you guys liked it. I orginally wrote the chapter without going into detail about Rose and Adrian's conversation, but I got sudden inspiration from reading tweets from TheNotebook, so I decided to do it. (I would follow him on Twitter if you have it. Some of his tweets are really good).

What about Dimitri's reaction? I've read stories were Dimitri just accepts Rose and Adrian for what they were and then go off with Tasha but I thought this way was a lot more interesting. So Dimitri is staying and he is not a happy Russian!

We are now going into Shadow Kiss and there is going to be a lot more action, these first few chapters I wanted to focus on the Adrian/Rose relationship and develop that before getting in the heavy stuff.

Remember to review and tell me what you think and I also want to know what you think will happen or want to happen as we go into the next book, as it were.

Snap to it, peoples!