DISCLAIMER: There are some sensitive topics and violence discussed in this chapter. Nothing too scandalous, I don't think, but I know some people could find these topics triggering. In order to avoid spoilers for everyone, I have put a list of the topics at the bottom of this chapter. If you have any triggering topics, please take a look at the list before reading. I'd hate to unnecessarily upset anyone.

I used to be a darling starlet like a centerpiece, had the whole world wrapped around my ring. I flew too closely to the sun that's setting in the East, and now I'm melting from my wings. ~ Halsey, Angel On Fire

~H.K.~

"Bella?"

My eyelids twitch at the sound of my name. No, go away, I need to sleep.

"Bella, are you awake?"

It's Kate, I think. I open my eyes as wide as I can, which isn't much, but it is enough to take a peak around the room. It's dark outside, and there's only a small bedside lamp illuminating the room. Kate is sitting in a chair next to me, her eyes wide and hopeful.

"How do you feel?" Kate asks, grabbing my left hand tightly in hers.

"Shitty. What happened?" I ask her. My brain is foggy and confused. I don't really remember much of anything.

"I need to get the doctor," Kate says, rushing out of the room.

I move to sit up but shooting pain radiates from my right shoulder as well as my side. Fuck.

I relax back into the bed, and look to see that my right arm is in some intense kind of sling. I try to make a weak fist with my right hand, just to see if I can. Again, searing pain spreads from my shoulder.

I lay my head back and close my eyes. Despite having just woken up, I'm already exhausted again. The second my eyes close images of my night flash before my eyes.

Screaming fans.

Pretty white dress.

Bang. Bang. Bang

Kate enters the room again, followed by a doctor.

"Hello, Ms. Swan, I'm Doctor Reynolds. I performed your surgery when you were admitted here last week."

"Last week?" I've been here for a week?

The doctor gives me a sad smile, and pulls up a chair next to my bed.

"We had to keep you sedated to help along some of the internal injuries we had to fix. I'll need to speak with Ms. Swan alone." The doctor says, looking at Kate. She nods her head solemnly and leaves again.

"Do you remember what happened, Ms. Swan?" He asks me.

"I-I think so. There was a, uh, shooting." I mumble, even though it doesn't really seem real. All of this seems like some kind of alternate universe.

God, I'm tired.

"Yes, you were shot twice. Once in your right shoulder, and once in your stomach."

I give him a small nod, because I do vaguely remember that. I think.

My body hits the ground with a thud. Jesus, everything hurts suddenly. I look around, but all I see is the sky above me. It's a beautiful yellow orange as the sun sets.

"Bella! Bella!" Kate? Yes, I think that's Kate.

I look around and she appears above me. Her face is terrified and concerned, but I don't want her to be scared. Why is she scared?

"Oh, God," Kate mutters. She's fumbling with her phone in her hands and brings it to her ear. She shouts at someone on the other side, but I don't really hear anything she says.

A few seconds later she throws her phone away from her and puts her hand on my shoulder.

I let out a small grunt at the force of her hand. Damn, that hurts!

I try to push her away, but I don't have the energy.

"It's okay, Bella. You're going to be okay."

My breaths start to come out in pants and I can feel panic starting to take over all of my senses. "Kate, I can't – I don't –"

"Shh. It's okay. Hear that? People are coming, Bella."

I focus all of my energy on listening and she's right. I can hear sirens somewhere in the distance.

That's good, I guess.

I'm so tired.

A man comes over to us then. He's in a dark suit and he looks so familiar.

"Who are you?" Kate snaps at him.

"I work for Edward Cullen. We need to get her out of here, closer to the street so she can get in the ambulance and to the hospital."

Edward. Edward. Edward.

I miss him.

"I'm going to pick you up, okay Bella?" the man asks. I wish he were Edward.

"Everything hurts," I mumble. I don't feel like moving.

"I know. I'll be as careful as I can, but we need to get you out of here."

"I miss Edward," I mumble as arms reach under me and lift me in the air. Pain travels through every inch of my body and I want to scream, but I don't. At least, I hope I don't.

"He misses you too." The man says. I hope he's right.

The sirens get louder as I'm carried away from the loudest screams. The sirens replace the screams and I want to cover my ears because it's so loud.

The man with me in his arms gently sets me down on something, I don't know what, and then I'm in a car I think. Probably the ambulance. It's not very comfortable.

"21-year-old female with GSW to the chest and stomach…"

Someone keeps talking about me, but I tune it out. It's not very interesting.

I think I fall asleep in the ambulance. Or maybe I pass out. I guess that's technically sleep, right?

I'm on something more comfortable when I wake up. But there are more people around me, poking and prodding at me all over. I don't like it.

I try to push them away, but the moment I lift my right arm I scream. Ouch.

"Ms. Swan, you need to stay still while we look you over, okay?" a woman next to me says. I look up at her and she's got pretty black hair and bright blue eyes.

"No, I need to –"

"You need to lie back. It's okay, we're taking care of you." She tells me. Her voice is oddly calm and comforting. I like it.

"I need –" I take a painful deep breath, and exhale slowly. I try to take another deep breath, but it doesn't do much. Doesn't feel right. I'm tired again, so I close my eyes.

"Her lung collapsed! Get me a.."

Something pricks my chest, but then I feel normal when I take a deep breath. My eyes pop open and I look around. I'm still surrounded by people, but I just want them to all go away.

Someone takes my right arm and lifts it, and I can't keep in my scream of pain.

"Arm! I need my arm to not do that!" I shout.

"We're going to fix your arm. We're taking you to surgery now, okay?" The blue-eyed woman says.

"No, no I don't need that. I need Edward." I mumble.

"We're going to get you to surgery and then I'm sure Edward will be there when you wake up."

I hope so.

"Yes, yes I remember," I tell the doctor. Unfortunately, I remember everything.

"I'd like to talk to you about your injuries if you feel up to it, Ms. Swan."

"I'm good. And Bella, you can call me Bella." I squirm in my bed. It feels odd lying like this while talking to the doctor. I want to sit up, but I don't want to deal with that searing pain again.

The doctor presses a button on the side of my bed and I'm inclined just a little bit.

"You can't sit up too much, and I'll explain that in a minute. Do you feel okay, besides your shoulder and side?"

"My head feels like it could implode at any moment, but that's about it."

Doctor Reynolds lets out a small chuckle at that. "Yes, that's understandable. I'll have a nurse bring you some pain killers for that soon." He takes a deep breath before continuing. "Let's start with your right arm. Your arm will likely reach at least 90% mobility with physical therapy. There was, unfortunately, a lot of nerve damage done. You may have some tremors in your arm and hand for the rest of your life, but it is nothing that will impact the way you live every day. That's good."

Doctor Reynolds flips through a chart in his hands, my chart probably, and continues on. "The wound on your side, however, proved to be harder to patch up. You're completely fine and out of the woods now, I assure you, but there were some complications."

"What kind of complications?"

He clears his throat. "Did you know that you were pregnant, Bella?" He asks quietly.

Pregnant?

No. I wasn't pregnant.

Women know when they're pregnant, right?

I would have known.

I wasn't pregnant.

Maybe I should ask for a new doctor.

"I'm not pregnant." I tell him definitively.

"It was very early on in the pregnancy. The shot to your abdomen..."

Oh.

I was pregnant. Was.

"Oh."

It was gone. The pregnancy, the baby. Edward's baby. All gone.

"Your body went through a very traumatic experience. You lost a lot of blood through the process. The pregnancy just couldn't handle it."

Tears blur my vision, and there is only one questions that comes to my mind. "It was early though. So… the pregnancy, I mean the… it didn't feel anything, right?"

Maybe it's a stupid question. I know there are all kinds of laws about abortion and when you can have a pregnancy terminated, deadlines about when scientists say the baby can actually feel. I just don't know when any of those things happen.

"No, it didn't feel anything. You were very early on, four to six weeks probably. There is one more thing, though."

"Like I said, your body went through an extremely traumatic experience…"

He keeps talking, I think. About the baby I'll never get to know. About the bullet in my abdomen, and how it wreaked havoc on some internal system, I don't really understand half of the things he says.

But I'm pretty sure the gist of it is that I'll never be able to have a child. It's not a you can keep trying, there's always a possibility type situation either. It's a there is biologically no possible way you will ever be pregnant again in your entire life kind of deal.

I sit in this uncomfortable hospital bed and cry. Doctor Reynolds sits with me for a while. He's very kind.

I never wanted children. I was never one of those girls that grew up knowing my final destination was motherhood. Personally, I don't see the appeal of it most of the time. My mother constantly complained about how much work it was to have children, and how expensive we were to take care of.

Maybe that's where all of my feelings stem from, but it doesn't matter now.

It's one thing to make the choice on my own. If I say I never want to have children it's okay, because I decided that myself. It's another thing for someone else to make that decision for me. For the person with the gun to look at me and take every choice I have away from me is criminal.

Eventually Doctor Reynolds asks me if I have any final questions. One more does pop to my mind. "Have you told anyone else about the…" I can't say it, but he knows what I mean.

"The only person we told was your emergency contact, Kate Wilson. Based on the looks she's been getting from your parents, I would say she hasn't told anyone either." He gives me a kind smile and then leaves.

I'm only alone for a few seconds before Kate comes back, followed by my mother, father, and sister.

I know I should be more excited to see them, but I know I'm going to have to put on a happy face for them and I just don't know if I have it in me.

Renee comes over and gives me a tight hug, putting pressure on my right shoulder. "Shit, mom."

"Oh, I'm so sorry! We've been so worried, Bella. Just so worried, and they wouldn't tell us anything."

"Kate knew mom, if it was something serious she would have told you."

"We should be your emergency contacts, Bella. Not an employee."

"Kate is my best friend, mom. I really, I just can't have this conversation right now."

"You doing okay, kiddo?" Charlie asks me, taking the seat the doctor left next to me.

"I'm okay," I mumble and give him a small smile.

But I'm not okay.

I look at Kate and I know she's waiting for me to tell them, but I just can't. I can't tell my mother I'll never give her any grandchildren, because she'll find a way to make me feel guilty about it. My sister will have to comfort her and Charlie will be stuck in the middle, unsure of who to help.

He usually chooses my mother, but I don't blame him. He does have to live with her, after all.

"What's happened since I've been out?" I ask everyone, hoping to keep them talking about anything other than the elephant in the room only Kate and I can see.

"We've just been worried sick about you, Bella." Renee repeats.

"The press has been surprisingly nice about everything. I'm sure every news station has a great in memoriam segment about you, though." Kate says.

It sends chills down my spine. "Was it really that…"

"You were in surgery for about ten hours. They never really took you out of critical condition until they were completely done. Even then, they always let us know there was the slight possibility that you wouldn't… that you wouldn't wake up once they weaned you off of the sedatives."

I want to stay awake and find out what has happened in the week since I've been out, but I'm so exhausted.

"I'm really tired," I mumble. I'm fast asleep within just a few seconds.

~H.K.~

I've been stuck in the hospital for a week. Well, awake for a week. If you count the time I was unconscious, I've been here for two.

But I'm finally getting out today. I've got a physical therapist coming to my house once a week to make sure I'm doing the exercises they taught me right and that my arm is improving the way it should. I still have some stitches in my side so I have to be extra careful whenever I move, but I'll get those taken out in a week or two.

I don't care because tonight I get to sleep in my own bed, in my own clothes. God, I can't wait.

There is a downside to going home and that is my family will be staying with me for three more days until they head back to Washington.

I love my family, I truly do, but it is exhausting putting on a façade for them. I won't be able to truly relax until they're gone and I'm alone.

I need to be alone to process everything that's happened.

A nurse helps me out of bed and into a wheelchair. I can feel the stitches in my abdomen tug a bit, but it's not too bad.

The nurse pushes me out of the room and I'm flanked by Kate and my father. Mom and Jane are at my house cooking 'thanksgiving' dinner.

I was in the hospital on Thanksgiving Day, so we've decided to have a belated thanksgiving meal tonight. It's also serving as a little at home celebration because Badlands was just nominated for five Grammy Awards.

It's a bittersweet feeling though. I haven't really had the energy or motivation to be excited about it.

Everything just seems off now. Like something is missing, or I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I know what it is, of course. Edward.

I haven't heard from him since the morning of the Tainted premiere. It hurts more than I want to admit that he hasn't tried to contact me. I try not to think about him much, though. My brain can only handle so many disappointing situations at once, and I've had my thoughts full with the whole almost dying thing.

But, every day I do hold out the hope that I'll get a text or a phone call. Every day I'm disappointed when I get neither.

I'm wheeled around to a service entrance in the back of the hospital. Of course, the exact hospital I was in only stayed confidential for about a day. Paparazzi have been stationed outside for days, waiting for me to leave.

Charlie helps me into the large Range Rover and makes sure I'm situated before heading up to the passenger side seat. Kate is next to me, her phone in hand.

"Excited to go home?" She asks me.

"Oh, God, more than you know."

"Heidi is going to be waiting for you," Kate admits, a sheepish look on her face.

I just sigh. "I knew I'd have to deal with her sooner or later. We can talk while mom and Jane finish dinner."

Within an hour I'm sitting in my office at home. I ignore the desk and go straight for the comfortable couch situated along the left wall. I walk over, carefully, and sit down slowly. I grab the throw blanket off the back of the couch and situate it around myself.

Damn, it feels good to be home.

"How bad is it?" I ask Heidi. She sits herself behind my desk, and Kate sits across from her.

"Well, you said you'll be completely recovered within about six months. That means we're going to have to back out of some things if you can't work until June." Heidi says with a frown.

"I don't want anything scheduled."

Heidi looks like I just slapped her across her face. "What?"

"I don't want anything scheduled until June, unless I call you. I don't want project deadlines hanging over my head. What if my arm takes longer to heal?" I ask, but what I really mean is what if I don't want to do this in six months?

It's been nagging at me ever since the day I woke up.

What am I doing? Who am I to think I could keep my career relevant, to think that I could do so much?

I need time to think about what I want. And I can't do that if I know my name is signed on the dotted line to do anything else.

"O-okay." Heidi agrees. I can tell it's killing her, though. I guess it just takes getting nearly assassinated for her to let me get my way.

"Thank you, Heidi."

When Heidi leaves, I'm left alone with Kate for the first time since I woke up.

"How are you?" She asks me. What a loaded question.

I rest my head back and close my eyes. "Tired, mostly."

"You know what I mean."

"I know. I just haven't been able to really absorb it yet, you know?"

Kate just nods because, really, there's nothing anyone could say that would make any of this better. Then I hear my mother's shrill voice call us down for dinner. Well, getting rid of my mother might make things a little better.

Kate hooks one of her arms with my left, and we head downstairs for dinner.

"Thanks for staying with me for a while," I tell her sincerely.

I can take care of myself for the most part, but there are still some things that would be hard for me to handle alone. Kate is staying with me for a week or so until the stitches in my side are removed, just in case I need any help.

"Of course."

Kate and I get to the dining room and find Jane and mom setting all of the food on the table.

"Where's dad?" I ask.

My mother ignores me for a few seconds before answering. "Oh, I think he went downstairs."

I head toward the basement and wave Kate off when she goes to follow me. I can handle some stairs on my own. I think.

I make it down the flight of stairs without incident and find my father standing in front of my shelves of awards. His fingers lightly trace over the name plaque on the Oscar.

"I always knew you were special," he says, his eyes still on the awards. "You were quiet growing up. Jane was loud and that got her most of the attention, but you were always watching, taking in everything around you.

"I could see it in your eyes when you watched movies. You were there, in them with the actors, living in that world. You would spend hours watching those 'behind the scenes' specials. I just thought you were an average pop culture loving kid." Dad chuckles.

"You're doing what you were meant to do, I'm sure of that. Don't listen to your mother, or take any of her comments to heart. No matter what, I'm really damn proud of you, kid."

My father isn't an emotional man, nor is he very talkative. He's never told me anything like that before. He's told me he's proud of me, yes, but I've never seen him get so emotional over anything. Ever.

I stand next to him and rest my head on his shoulder. Hugs aren't really an option for me for a while. "Thanks, dad."

The next morning, after a blissful night of sleep in my own bed, I spend some time going through the care packages that have been sent to me since the shooting. My room has been stuffed full of balloons, boxes, and other gifts from friends and even some people in the business that I've never met.

I'm in the middle of my room on the floor when there's a light knock at the door.

"Come in," I shout in that direction.

Jane comes in, already dressed in jeans and a cute sweater. I'm still in my pajama pants and the Northwestern t-shirt that I stole from Edward. Fuck, I miss him.

"Hey," she mumbles and comes to sit next to me, shuffling through some of the things around me.

She pulls out a letter from Tom Hanks and her eyes go wide. "Wow."

"I know, right?" His letter actually made me smile. I met him once before, he actually presented me with my first Golden Globe, but he's always been one of my favorite actors. It is very surreal to have people you once idolized become your peers.

"I'm sorry moms so hard on you," Jane holds a hand up with I try to interrupt her and tell her she shouldn't be apologizing for her. "I don't understand it, and I'm not taking responsibility for it or anything. I'm just sorry you have to put up with it."

"Thanks, I think."

"I know we're not the closest siblings, but I just wanted to let you know I'm here."

"I'm here for you, too, you know."

"Will you answer a question for me?"

Uh oh. "Depends on what it is."

"Who is Badlands about?"

That makes me laugh. My own family never knew about my relationship with Jacob. "Jacob Black."

"Oh, wow." Jane's face goes through a flurry of emotions before she giggles. "That's kind of… gross. He's like twice your age!"

Those words coming from anyone else would seem like an insult, but Janes laughs let me know she's kidding. Mostly.

"Ugh, I know. Trust me, it's not happening again."

~H.K.~

My family leaves three days later and I'm nothing but relieved. I'm happy I got to spend some time with them, especially dad and Jane. Things seem different with them now, like we've grown together a lot these past few days.

Things with my mother are as tense as ever. Of course, she's using the shooting as an excuse that I should quit acting all together and move back home.

While quitting has definitely been on my mind, I most definitely won't be moving back home if it does happen. And I definitely won't be making the decision because my mother told me to.

Every day that passes brings Edward to my mind. What is he doing? Why hasn't he contacted me?

I caved two nights ago and called him, but his number was disconnected.

I'm trying not to overthink the situation. He's a busy man, he's told me this. He has to go out of town for work at the last minute, and who knows what the family business entails.

You would think getting me shot would end up on his radar, though.

Maybe it has? Is he looking for whoever did it? I know the police are, but they have absolutely no leads, or so I'm told.

A/N: Sensitive Topics: Miscarriage/infertility, gun violence

Sorry I didn't get this up last night, I hope you enjoy it now, though! We've got two more chapters of this, and then the sequel. Any guesses on what album that'll be based off of?!

As always, reviews are greatly appreciated!