Title and lyrics from the Black Keys….again….weren't they just a couple of chapters ago? (sorry, I love them.)

Chapter 10 Strange Desire

I don't want to go to hell

But if I do, it'll be because of you.

"You heartless bastard!" She screeched at him as he shut the door.

She had stood, staring at him, for what felt like a lifetime. At first he gave her a moment to collect her thoughts, but soon it became apparent that she was doing no such thing. He approached her slowly, giving her time to spring into action, but she never did.

He reached for her hand and as soon as their fingers touched, she snapped, punching him in the shoulder and storming away.

"Catia, wait…" He followed her as she stomped through the streets. Fortunately, she was trained to move quietly, so her tirade through the town was fairly discreet. She flung the door to Proudspire Manor open and stormed in, dumping her bow and other weapons in a heap on the floor. At least she wasn't going to try and kill him, he thought, but then he wondered if she even really needed weapons to do that.

She didn't slam the door in his face so he followed her in and closed the door himself.

"I hate you." She said, much more quietly, nearly a whisper. Her hands were trembling, all the emotions that she had tried so hard to stamp out over the past couple of months were threatening to come rushing back to her.

He approached her cautiously, reaching out to her. He went to pull her to him, but she struggled in his grasp, pounding her fists against his chest. They weren't hard hits, of course, she could have hit him with pillows and inflected more damage. She called him horrible names and told him all the terrible things that she wished would have happened to him.

"I hate you, Mercer Frey! Hate. You. Do you even know what you've done to me? Can you comprehend the amount of pain you've put me through? All the emotions I've had to suffer with?" She shouted at him, done with pelting him with her fist, she pushed away from him and resorted to pacing around the room. "I don't do well with emotions! I'm an assassin for a reason!"

"Catia, I know, I'm…" He started, but she cut him off.

"No, you don't know. You don't." Her voice was starting to crack and Mercer could sense the breakdown on the horizon.

She stopped her pacing and stood in front of him. She was wearing her Brotherhood armor instead of her Guild armor, which was usually fine with him, he loved the way it clung to her body and accentuated her figure. At this moment, however, he was more enraptured with her big grey-blue eyes, which were looking at him with such an intense sadness that he could feel his heart being pulled at. Her lower lip was trembling and her hair was falling in a tangled mess around her shoulders.

He briefly wondered if she ever even considered brushing her hair, but then the tears started falling. That half-crazed, lethal woman at Irkingthad was replaced with this broken one, and he knew it was his entire fault.

He couldn't stand the distance between them anymore; he couldn't take looking at that sad face any longer. He quickly crossed over to her and gathered her up in his arms. This time she didn't struggle against him, but collapsed into him, burying her face in his chest, gripping the straps of his armor in her fist.

He rubbed her back and stroked her hair, whispering in her ear in a comforting voice. He told her how sorry he was, how genuinely sorry he was. He knew that there wasn't anything that he could say that would take back what he did, he hadn't realized at the time how much it would affect him to be without her.

Of course, he had known how much she meant to him, it made him nervous that he had thought about her so much, and worried about her while she was gone on jobs. She was infuriatingly good at being a permanent fixture in his mind.

And he had missed her. Gods, he had missed her. He had a plan, it had been in the works for longer than he cared to remember. Then she showed up, throwing a kink in all his well laid plans. But the moment he had driven the sword through her motionless body, he knew that he had made a mistake, there would be no forgetting about her.

The surprise, and utter relief he felt when she showed up at Irkingthad with Brynjolf and Karliah was nearly breathtaking. Even with the wild, vicious, look that she had given him as she had advanced on him, he'd rather her be alive and hating him fiercely than dead at his hands.

He knew she would have to kill him. It was inevitable, really, after all he had done to her. But that was another way that he had underestimated her. Even after what he'd done and even though death was her profession, she still held enough compassion to at least give him a chance to live, which was more than he had allotted her.

He had wanted her to believe that he was dead, that he hadn't made it out of the ruins. He had planned on never contacting her again, but he had to make sure that she was doing alright. So he traveled to Riften and watched over her from the shadows. It was during these times that he really realized just how lethal she was. She alternated between the Guild and the Brotherhood, pulling jobs for both of them, he watched her pick pockets, locks, and lives without a second thought, without the marks even realizing what had hit them.

There were a few moments where he was sure she knew that he was around. Mostly at night, she would mumble his name in her sleep. She always wore a professional mask for her fellow Guild and Brotherhood members.

The many times he found himself nearly ready to reveal himself, he had stopped, realizing that the aftermath would be more than hard on her. But this night, watching her line up her mark from the shadows, the muscles contracting delicately in her body as she pulled the bowstring, her soft intake of breath just before releasing the shot. She was utterly beautiful.

The words had slipped from his mouth and her body had instantly tensed at the sound of his voice. When she had turned to face him, he could see the millions of thoughts and feelings flitting over her face.

And now, as she cried against him, completely stripped of her calm exterior, he realized that he could never leave her, not truly. Sure, she could order him away, and he might go for a while, but never far, always close enough to protect her in any way that he could. He had planned to go to Cyrodiil for a while, but he knew that he couldn't, he couldn't go anywhere where Catia wasn't.

He marveled at the change in his attitude. The way this woman had changed him.

She eventually cried herself out, for the most part, there were still a few tears falling erratically down her cheeks.

"Come on, you must be exhausted." He scooped her up in his arms. He expected a struggle, but she seemed to have struggled herself out.

He carried her up the stairs and to the bedroom, laying her gently down on the bed. She even let him gently remove her armor. He stripped her down to her undergarments, knowing that this was her favorite sleeping attire.

He pulled the blankets up a bit and leaned down, close to her face, and kissed her on the cheek. It was a delicate and sad kiss.

"Catia, I…" He couldn't find the words as he cupped her cheek and studied her face, memorizing every detail. "I…"

To his surprise, she reached up and touched his face, her eyes wide and glassy from crying. "Mercer…please…please don't leave again." She rubbed her thumb over his cheek bone, "I just don't think I could handle it." She whispered.

He wasn't expecting this. To be honest, he expected her to tell him to leave and that she never wanted to see him again. He was ready to accept that.

This surprised him, though, and he merely stood over her for a moment, confusion written on his face. She gave his arm a pleading tug. "Please?"

It didn't take him long to pull his own armor off and climb into bed next to her. For a moment they laid side by side, not touching or moving. Then he rolled over and pulled her into his arms, holding her tight. He curled around her as she relaxed into his hold.

"All you ever have to do is say the word, and I'll disappear from your life forever." He told her in a whisper, kissing her forehead.

He felt her shake her head, she murmured, "No, never do that."

a/n Oh the feelings! I really love writing emotions. Well, that's the end! First story I've finished in a loooong time. Tell me what you think? I'd love to hear :)

I've just started the sequel…literally, just today. Now that we know for sure that Mercer is going to be around (was there ever any doubt that he wouldn't?), what kind of troubles do you think they'll get into? /winkwink.

Also, thank you to my amazing handful of reviewers ;) Particularly the ones who reviewed multiple times and especially Heiwako, who reviewed nearly every chapter, which always brightened my day.