Written for my 'Emotion Challenge' and also for 'The Incest Challenge 2' by OCDdegrassi.

Emotion/Feeling: Heartbroken

Pairing: Blackcest

Rating: K

Word Count: 1,385

Memories Are Pain

Regulus wasn't too sure what it was that made him decide that he would do the bravest thing that he had ever done, but as he stood outside Sirius's Charms class on that nerve-wracking Thursday afternoon, he started to regret his bold decision.

He paced back and forth as he tried to think of a good reason to stay. So far, he had come up with ten reasons to turn away and one reason to stay.

If I tell him that I'm in love with him then I'll finally know whether it can work, he thought. The very thought of telling his older brother that he loved him as much more than a brother made Regulus's stomach turn uncomfortably. However, if there was even the slightest possibility that Sirius might feel the same way, Regulus would want to know. Besides, if all went wrong—which he hoped it wouldn't—then he had a plan.

Regulus breathed out a deep sigh and continued to pace. His mind was made—he would stay and wait for Sirius to walk out of Charms.

The ten minute wait felt more like a ten hour wait; every second was noticeable by Regulus's thumping heartbeat. He had never felt so nervous and nauseous in his entire life. When the door finally opened and the seventh-year class spilled out of the room, Regulus scanned the crowd for Sirius.

He finally spotted the handsome Gryffindor and flagged him down with what was supposed to be a confident yell of, "Sirius," but came out more of a strangled cry.

Sirius turned at the sounds of Regulus's voice, and broke away from the crowd to join him. "Hey, Reggie. What's up?"

Much to Regulus's dismay, Remus Lupin and James Potter emerged at Sirius's side like magnets. Regulus swallowed, and focused on Sirius. "Can we speak alone please?" he asked quietly.

Sirius shrugged and nodded to his two friends, who walked away at Regulus's request. The two brothers headed off to an empty classroom so that their conversation would be more private.

If Regulus had thought he had been nervous before, he had been wrong—when Sirius shut the door behind them and turned to face Regulus expectantly, Regulus realised that he had just been merely anxious earlier.

"Right," Regulus started, drumming his fingers on the desk in an attempt to remain calm, "you must be wondering what this is about."

Sirius only nodded, looking a little curious. Regulus wanted more than ever to run up to him and just kiss him—it seemed a much easier way of admitting his feelings than having to say them out loud.

"I have a confession to make, and I really hope that you will still love me after I tell you," Regulus said in a rush of words. Luckily, Sirius seemed to understand.

The older Black narrowed his eyes. "You aren't a Death Eater, are you?"

"Of course not," Regulus said with a hint of annoyance in his tone. Sirius was forever suspicious that Regulus had joined the Death Eaters, and it was rather frustrating that he didn't trust him.

"Then I promise that I will still love you," Sirius replied in obvious relief. Regulus sighed and started pacing again.

"I'm… um," he could feel his face going red as it always did when he was scared. "Erm, I'm kind of… sort of… um—"

"—Spit it out, will you?" Sirius said with the trace of a smile on his lips. "Some people have lessons to get to."

Regulus wasn't usually one to get tongue-tied so he knew that Sirius was probably finding this conversation quite hilarious. Regulus, on the other hand, was finding it awfully painful.

"I'm—" he sighed inwardly, looking away from Sirius. "I'm g-gay."

There was a brief moment of silence, and then all that could be heard was Sirius's laughter. Regulus had to turn his head at this—of all reactions, he had not expected this.

"What's so funny?" Regulus asked quickly, suddenly very self-conscious.

Sirius grinned and shook his head. "Nothing, nothing. Just, I'm glad actually."

"You're glad?" Regulus repeated, feeling just the slightest bit hopeful. If Sirius was glad that he was gay, then maybe it was because he felt the same way as Regulus did.

Keep dreaming, his more rational side told him sternly. He will never love you in that way.

"You're not just some worthless follower of our family's traditions," Sirius said. "I'm really glad that you are admitting who you really are, instead of pretending to be someone else. It's really brave of you."

Regulus smiled a little. So far, so good. Sirius hadn't shown the slightest twinge of disgust towards him. But the worst is still to come.

Shut up, he argued with himself.

Sirius looked as though he was about to walk away, but Regulus threw his hand out in desperation to stop him. "Wait," he said quickly, "there's something else."

Sirius stopped at this, looking even more curious. "Go on…"

"Please don't freak out," Regulus pleaded.

Sirius rolled his eyes as if to say 'would I ever?', but Regulus knew that whatever Sirius was expecting, it wasn't nearly as bad as what Regulus was about to say.

"I'm in l-love… with, er—" Regulus cleared his throat as he tried to focus. His heart was pounding now in his chest, and his cheeks felt red hot. "—with, er… p-please don't hate me."

"I won't hate you," Sirius said impatiently. "Just tell me. You're in love with—who?"

"I'minlovewithyou."

"Eh?"

"Y-you," came Regulus's terrified whisper. This time he couldn't look away—he needed to see the reaction in Sirius's eyes. He needed to know.

He watched his brother's eyes carefully. They widened. Was this a good sign or a bad sign—Regulus wasn't too sure yet.

"That's... Regulus, that's not right…"

"I know, and I'm so sorry," Regulus said quickly, feeling his heart drop. "Do you hate me?"

Sirius backed away a little. "I don't know. I can't… you can't be in love with me."

Regulus swallowed hard. He couldn't find any words to explain himself, so instead he stared pathetically at his older brother as he tried to process the revelation.

"I don't get it," Sirius said abruptly, his voice turning cold. "Is this supposed to be a prank?"

"No," Regulus replied quickly. "It's… it's t-true."

"I'm your brother."

"Don't you think I know that?" Regulus said. He was desperately fighting back the tears now. He wished Sirius's could have loved him back, or at least understood…

"It's disgusting!" Sirius spat, sounding scarily like their father. "What's wrong with you?"

"I'm s-s-sorry—"

Sirius gritted his teeth. "Look, I get that you are gay. I'm fine with that. But I'm not gay. I actually have a girlfriend—Marlene McKinnon—and I love her very much. I get that you want to love someone and I'm probably closest to you so you think you love me—"

"—I know how I feel, Sirius," Regulus said firmly, his heart breaking at Sirius's words.

Sirius seemed to ignore him, carrying on as though Regulus hadn't spoken. "I can't continue being close to you if you start thinking of me in this disgusting way," Sirius said. "I'm sorry, it's just how I feel."

Regulus blinked in an attempt to stop the inevitable tears, but the attempt was for nothing. He could not hold back his violent sobbing or his flood of tears. Sirius turned to walk away, and Regulus knew now that all hope was lost. He had to use his last-resort plan.

Lifting a shaky hand, he pointed his wand squarely at Sirius's retreating back. He sniffed.

"I love you, Sirius," Regulus whispered, "Obliviate."

Sirius body went rigid, and then the older boy turned around to face the younger, with a blank expression.

"What's going on?" Sirius asked.

Regulus hastily wiped the tears from his eyes and smiled the best fake-smile he could. "You were telling me about your girlfriend, Marlene."

"Oh."

"Congratulations," Regulus said. "I hope that you two are really happy together."

"Thanks," Sirius replied, still confused.

Without another word Regulus dashed from the room, leaving Sirius alone. Regulus ran and ran, trying not to think about the conversation they had had. It hurt too much.

He was utterly and completely heartbroken.

xXx