Chapter 10 - Mindfulness

POV: Lena

I was sitting on the couch in the living room, waiting for Grace as she poured water into two glasses. Grace had told me that the water was meant to be a part of the lesson; a way to indicate how much control I had for my poisonous touch. I had no idea what she had meant by that, but I decided to stick with it as I needed her guidance on how to control my power.

Grace left the en-suite kitchen, placed the glasses on the table and then joined me on the couch. "Are you ready?" she asked.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I replied, nervousness in my voice.

"OK, then." Grace picked up one of the glasses and handed it to me. "Hold this and watch what happens."

I did as I was told and stared at the glass in my hand. I wasn't sure what was supposed to happen, but I had to be patient.

The water suddenly started to bubble as it slowly turned from clear to deep blue. I was so surprised that I almost dropped the glass. But I managed to keep a grip on it. It was also getting scalding hot the longer I held it. My hand was beginning to burn, so I quickly put it on the table. The water stopped bubbling and eventually went back to crystal clear.

"Are you alright?" Grace asked and I nodded in reply, shaking my hand like crazy as if it was supposed to cool it down.

"See how it's bubbling like a volcano and how it's blue? Well, Lena, this indicates that you barely have any control of this power at all. So, once you gain more and more control during a lesson or two, the water should either gradually turn light blue or just stay cool and clear. Although, clear water is what we're aiming for as that'll mean that you have complete control. So we'll be checking how you're handling this power every once in a while just by getting you to hold a glass of water. Until you get the hang of this deadly power. We'll just take this one little step at a time.

"So, let's get started. The first step is to control your fears. I want you to close your eyes and remember the one thing that you're afraid of the most. Don't tell me what it is. Just remember."

I shut my eyes and took a ride on a train of thought. At first, I couldn't think of anything. I mean, there were a few things that I was scared of. Such as, losing my friends; being buried alive; the dark. And

Suddenly, random images flashed in my head.

A shadow on a wall punching a smaller shadow; a little girl in blue running in the rain at dusk; a homeless boy carrying the girl to an abandoned warehouse and then giving her an apple and water; and the boy and the girl - now in their mid-teens - smiling down at a baby, wrapped up in its own cardboard box.

I heard shouting, then a baby crying... and, finally, crackles of a fire.

"Lena! Lena!"

I opened my eyes and saw Grace looking at me with a worried expression on her face.

"What happened?" I groaned, holding up my hand against my forehead.

"You closed your eyes and then fell on the floor," Grace replied. "Whatever you were thinking must've been really intense. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I answered as Grace helped me up back onto the couch. "Just had a terrible flashback."

"About what?"

"About what I'm scared of the most," I replied briefly.

"Tell me what it is," Grace said, taking my hand in hers, "and we'll figure out how to not let it take over you."

I glanced at Grace's hand, which was holding my own. And then I looked into her eyes. They were filled with concern and kindness. She really wanted to help me, regardless of the fact that I could involuntarily hurt her. The thought of that petrified me, but somehow her eyes seemed to have taken the edge of it.

Looking down at the floor, I sighed and then, in a quiet voice, said, "OK, I'll tell you, but it comes with a story that you're not going to like."

"Tell me anyway," Grace urged.

"Alright. It all started with my parents. They treated like dirt when I was a child. They always punched and kicked me. Sometimes, they locked me up in the basement all night without anything to eat. They even forced me to do the chores with their kicks, their fists, and their threats. I don't know why they were doing that to me, but I was too scared to ask.

"One night, when I was 10 years old, I sneaked out and ran away in the rain. I haven't had the chance to eat something before I left the house, so I was tired and hungry. My vision became blurry and I passed out on a street.

"I woke up in a boy's arms. He looked around my age at the time, and he was strong for his size. He carried me to an abandoned warehouse, where he lived. He was homeless, you see. Anyway, when we got to the warehouse, he fed me an apple and some water. The boy's name was Yūjō. It means friendship.

"Then, years later, we were celebrating my fifteenth birthday with looking at the stars through a hole in the roof of the warehouse and sharing at kiss. Several days after that, I became pregnant. Even though we were too young, and we were surviving by stealing, we were so happy at the thought of having a child. After months, the baby came. It was a girl, and we named her Rain. The minute Yūjō and I saw her, we both felt so lucky that we cried. Tears of joy.

"But all that happiness ended on Rain's second birthday. My parents found me and Yūjō, and they realised that we had a child. My dad came up behind us, knocked Yūjō out and then grasped my arms. I tried to break free, but my dad was too strong for me. There was a lot of noise going on, so it woke Rain up and she started to cry. My mother then took Rain in her arms, and tightly put her hand on Rain's mouth. I shouted at my mother to stop since I knew what she was doing. But then, Rain went limp, and she wasn't crying anymore. I instantly felt horrified and damaged at what I saw, as if someone stole something precious from my heart. That's what my mother did.

"Yūjō then rose from the floor and punched my dad's face, causing him to release his grip around my arms. Yūjō told me to run as he fought my dad. I wanted to stay, so I rushed towards them, but then my mother got in the way and I ran in the opposite direction. I tripped over a wire, and my mother was on top of me. I screamed at I tried to push her off. Then she raised a knife.

"Suddenly, I noticed something orange lighting up in the corner of my eye as it was right beside my head. My mother looked scared and she got off of me and ran away. When I looked at the light, I realised that it was fire. It blazed and flames rose between the floorboards. I instantly got up and ran back to where Yūjō and my dad were. But when I got there, the room was already engulfed in flames and I couldn't see. I frantically fought my way through, looking for Yūjō.

"But then, I got dizzy and my throat was hurting. I fell onto my side and waited for death. I managed to get a glimpse of a figure standing above me. Then, everything went black.

"The End," I finished, with tears stinging my eyes.

Grace had a really shocked look on her face when she said, "Oh my... I'm really sorry to hear that... I-I-"

"Everyone's sorry," I cut in, "but it can't change the past. I never even knew how I survived the fire, or who the figure was. All I know was that the figure was tall, thin and dressed in rags. I also remember seeing some sort of scar on their left shoulder. So that's my story. What I'm scared of the most is getting too close to people and then losing them. I just can't bear it."

There was a moment of silence and Grace broke it. "To be honest, Lena," - Grace wrapped her arms around me - "I think everyone has the exact same fear. I may not know a lot about losing a loved one, but I know that you don't have to shut everyone out of your life. Because if you do, then you'll just regret it afterwards. Trust me. It was very difficult for me trying to communicate with everyone around me after I let Sid's father take Sid to Gundalia. But I kept on trying. So, do the same thing I did and try not to live in fear and let other people in."

As Grace rubbed my back, I cried at her words. She was right. I was living in fear and I actually didn't let a lot of people in. For a long time, I had been trapped behind an invisible wall. But I was stronger than I had been on the streets. So I will move on. I will forget about my fear. And I will communicate.

I wiped my tears and asked, "Do you think it's time to check the amount of control I have now?" I pointed to the glass of water on the table.

"I think it is," Grace replied, reaching for the glass and then handing it to me.

While I was holding the glass, I waited for something to happen.

Nothing happened. The water stayed calm, cool and crystal clear.

"I guess I don't need to teach you anymore," Grace said, smiling, "because it looks like you have total control of your power already. You learned faster than I did."

I smiled back. And for the first time in a while, I felt like my invisible wall was crumbling down.