AUTHOR'S NOTE: Alan's anguish in this tale is based on the events that took place during chapter 39 of my story Out Of The Blue, whilst John and Alan were being held captive by The Hood
John sat down on a convenient boulder, rubbing his knee and wincing.
"Guys?" he called feebly after his brothers. "Sorry, but I can't go on any more. I need to rest. This knee has had about all it can stand for the time being."
With some relief, he saw his brothers turn around and hurry to his side. Virgil pulled his backpack from his back and fumbled in one of the outer zipper pockets.
"Here John. You're in pain because you're overdue for your next dose of painkillers. Why didn't you say anything?"
John smiled.
"Sorry Virgil, but I was hoping to be able to wean myself off them. Seeing how long I can go before…I guess I'm not really fit enough yet for all this hiking and mountain climbing."
Scott gave his brother a friendly punch on the shoulder.
"This is your holiday as much as ours John. You're as fit as you can be. We'll go as slowly as you need. What's the rush? We can even stay put here for a couple of days if that's what you need. So long as we're having a good time together."
"Thanks Scott…thanks Virgil. Where are the Squirts?"
"Exploring this area. Gordon says he can smell water nearby." Virgil replied with a laugh. "He's starting to get withdrawal symptoms. Just as well our swimming pool is not portable, or he'd have had me lug it up here for medicinal purposes!"
The others chuckled. It had been five days since they had started their holiday, and three days since they had passed any body of water large and deep enough for Gordon to indulge his passion for swimming. A moment later, the two youngest brothers came crashing through the underbrush, calling excitedly.
"Guys, you gotta come through here. There's a large lake, perfect for swimming in, willow trees, jumping fish...a perfect place to camp. Especially if you're planning on hanging about for an extra day or two." Gordon's enthusiasm was bubbling over. Alan pointed back through the trees.
"That way…there's also a fast-moving stream feeding the lake that might be perfect for drinking water with one of Brains' purification tablets."
Virgil turned to John.
"Are you ready to move on?"
John shook his head.
"Not yet. When the tablets kick in I'll join you. I'd quite like to rest here for a bit."
Scott nodded.
"Okay John, we'll go ahead and make camp. One of us will stay with you until you're ready. Any takers?"
Alan leapt up on to the rock beside his big brother.
"I'll stay with John for a bit. Gordon can lead you guys to the lake. John and I will follow when he's up to it."
John bumped shoulders with Alan.
"Thanks buddy."
They sat side by side, watching their three brothers disappearing between the trees, then Alan took a deep breath.
"What do you think he's up to now, John?"
John looked at his youngest brother, momentarily puzzled. But the worried expression on Alan's face made it clear who `he' was.
"The Hood? Planning his next piece of mischief, I'll bet."
"Involving us again?"
John frowned slightly.
"Worried, Alan?"
Biting his lip, Alan nodded.
"He's clever, and very sneaky…and he knows how to be patient and wait when he needs to. Whatever he comes up with next will take us by surprise."
John nodded.
"You're right that he's sneaky."
Alan looked down at his hands.
"He's already tried to steal the thunderbirds, kill dad, you, Gordon, grandma and me. He even tried to make me kill you, John. He tried to get me to choose between you and Thunderbird Three. I know he didn't go through with it in the end, but at the time I didn't know that. I thought I had condemned you to death. I keep dreaming of it John, as well as all the other dreams I keep getting. The others are bad but at least they are different every night. That dream about you never changes. I have the same dream at least once every single night. The gun pointed at your head, the Hood making me choose. Unless I give him free access to Thunderbird Three he would have his man put a bullet through your head. The dream seems to explore in too much gory detail all the things that might have happened. I wake up every time feeling like my heart has been ripped apart."
John put his arm around his brother.
"I've seen the recording of what happened, Alan. You did the right thing. Even if he had killed me, it would still have been the right thing."
Alan's face crumpled in torment.
"But you're my brother, John. How could I be right to condemn you to death? How could I have ever lived with myself if he had killed you?"
John pulled him close.
"Alan, imagine that you had given the Hood what he wanted. Thunderbird Three. Where would we have been then? Would he have let us go?"
Alan shook his head miserably.
"He'd have killed us prob'ly or sent us to his mine as slaves or something."
"Exactly. And what would he have done with the rocket?"
"Complete and total chaos. He'd have killed or caused the deaths of dozens of people, hundreds even."
"And how would you have felt knowing that by risking one life, you could have saved those hundreds of people?"
Alan buried his face in John's shoulder.
"I know. It's the greater good, right? But why should the greater good have to always come at the risk of someone I love? He chose not to kill you this time, but what if something similar happens another time?"
"Alan."
John pulled away and turned slightly so that he and Alan were face to face.
"Are you afraid of dying?"
"I guess…yes, but I'm more scared of losing you."
"Exactly, Alan. I feel the same way, and so do the others. Any normal person is afraid of death, but when you have loved ones you care about, you would do anything in your power to save them. Even give your own life. The Hood is trading on that. He knows we all have each other. He is counting on it. He will always use that tactic if he thinks it will work, but he won't try it on you in future. He tried it on you this time, knowing that as the youngest and most inexperienced, you are more likely to give in than the rest of us. But you showed him what International Rescue is really all about. You proved to him once and for all that a Tracy is not for turning. If he could not bribe or fool you into giving in, what hope would he have with the rest of us?"
Alan stared at him.
"You think that because he failed to make me give in, even though I am the youngest, he'll know that it would be a waste of time trying that trap again on any of us?"
John nodded.
"That is exactly what I think, Alan. He mistook your youth for weakness. You showed him who you truly are. It doesn't mean he won't try it again, but if he does he will know what to expect. If he is trying to get information out of you, which would be the most likely scenario, he would be shooting himself in the foot to kill you before he gets what he's after. You showed him that you are not the easy enemy he took you for."
"So, you don't blame me for almost getting you killed?"
John smiled and pulled him into a tight hug.
"Of course I don't blame you, Alan. I am really proud of you. If you had let me live and hundreds of others had died because of it, I would feel terrible, and so would you."
He pulled back and ruffled Alan's hair.
"This is not an easy life we have chosen, and the likelihood is that sooner or later one or more of us may well end up dead as a result. That is the decision we have all made. That is the risk we have all agreed to take in order to help people. There are those in the world who might think us crazy if they knew the half of it, but…"
"They don't understand what is at stake, whereas we do."
Alan nodded, sniffing away the threatening tears and finally taking in the beauty of the surrounding trees and the birdsong that filled the air.
"This is a beautiful world, and people deserve the chance to live it as we do."
He leaned against his brother's shoulder, feeling the knot in his stomach begin to loosen slightly.
"John…do you really think it's worth it? Everything we do and all the risks we have to take?"
John rubbed absently at his knee, then slipped off his rock and tested his weight on it and smiled.
"Do you remember that little girl we rescued once, who ran back to Virgil and gave him a flower to say thank you?"
Alan nodded, smiling at the memory. John smiled too. Yes, it was definitely well worth it.
Hoisting their backpacks once more, they strolled away through the woods to join their brothers.