Chapter 10: Won't give Up
I'm not even going to say anything. Read on. Enjoy.
Warning: Nothing big happens, but it's rated M for a reason. Sasunaru- no like, no read.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Naruto characters, wish I did, but I don't. I don't own any of the lyrics in this song. Proper listing of song artist and title will be listed at the very end.
"At the first kiss I felt
Something melt inside me
That hurt in an exquisite way
All my longings, all my dreams and sweet anguish,
All the secrets that slept deep within me came awake,
Everything was transformed and enchanted
And made sense."
~Hermann Hesse
"I'm still lookin' up" Naruto sang quietly to himself. It must have been the hundredth time he sang the song. Memorizing it and trying to convey the emotion he felt when he wrote the song. He looked over at the folder Sasuke had given him, and contemplated whether or not he should use one of the pieces, but he wanted to use this stroke of genius as his song. There was no turning back anyways. He had already received clearance for the song and he had already given it to Sasuke to give to his friend. He already had the music. He just needed to get himself ready to sing it.
He glanced at the clock. The performance was Friday at 7:00 pm, his personal performance time at 8:45, and he could feel the rush to finish getting ready. He stood, walking to retrieve the cd with his music on it. It was nerve-racking to think about how he would be preforming in front of the entire school. That was something he wasn't used to. There were many things he wasn't used to, but over the school year so far he had become accustomed to learning about new things, having new experiences, and actually meaning something to people. He saw this as another one of those new things he had to do.
After Naruto dropped his cd off at his room, he headed to the dinning room. He was always the last to show up, even if he left early. It was his sense of direction. He wandered aimlessly throughout the massive dorm complex, looking for either the dinning room or a person who could help him reach his destination. Luckily, he found Kiba standing outside a door, as if he knowingly knew Naruto would be lost.
"Kiba! I'm lost again, where's the dining room?" Naruto said, walking over to his friend.
"Right here blondie" Kiba laughed. "You've passed by the open door at least three times. I thought I should come stand out here so it wouldn't happen a fourth time. Let's go, I'm starved."
Kiba led the way into the room, taking his seat. Naruto found the only open seat and sat down. Kiba to his right and Sasuke to his left. The group was being served, and small talk began. Naruto stared at his salad, pushing the leaves around.
"So, Naruto. Your preformance is at 8:45. I'm looking forward to it." Itachi said. All chatting ceased and all eyes were on Naruto.
"Thank you. But you should really be saying that to the teme. He's the one who got the music for me. I'd still be in a jam if not for him."
"Really? Sasuke. Who did you get the music from?" Itachi smirked.
"A friend. I'm sure you don't know him." Sasuke said, glaring at his older brother.
It was silent for a moment, but then talk began to erupt from the room. The room was served the main dish. Naruto took a bit, and wrinkled his nose. He reached for the salt, but his hand his a pale one in its pursuit. The pale hand retreated quickly, and as did Naruto's.
"Go ahead." Sasuke said. Naruto nodded, grabbing the salt and shaking it lightly over his food. He held it out for Sasuke to grab, and the raven did, letting his fingertips to hesitate on the blonds skin for just a moment before retreating to salt his own food before putting the salt shaker back down on the table.
Itachi looked over to Kyuubi, who smiled at Itachi knowingly. They both thought the same thing. 'That's how our relationship blossomed'. It was a simple thing, but it held so much meaning. Kyuubi could understand the electric spark that could come from a touch as simple as that, and Itachi could understand the sense of need that could arise from such an encounter. Kyuubi moved his knee to lean against Itachi's and they continued with their meals.
There is always a moment when adrenaline kicks in and the heart begins to race from anticipation. Naruto felt this when the time on his clock clicked over to 6:00. It was time for the school to begin their trek to the school concert hall. Naruto looked over to Sasuke and let out a shaky breath. He was nervous as all get out. A question struck him and he felt the need to ask, but he would save it for later. He couldn't let meaningless questions distract him from his current predicament.
"Calm down dobe. You'll do fine. I promise you that." Sasuke said, grabbing Naruto's hand and pulling him up from the bed. "Let's go. Can't have you getting lost can we?" Naruto shook his head.
Sasuke walked Naruto's pace, their feet hitting the ground in time. They walked side by side, their shoulder's brushing every now and then. They came to the concert hall quicker than either one wanted. Sasuke walked around with Naruto before they found Ino. Sasuke smiled and paused whispering something to Naruto before Ino came over to retrieve her fellow blond friend. Sasuke nodded to the blond girl, gave a faint smile to the blond boy, and walked off to find the rest of the Japanese dorm, who were all sitting together.
Ino led Naruto to backstage. She found two chairs and pulled them side by side to a spot where they could see the stage perfectly. They sat down. Ino looked at Naruto and smiled. "I'm sure you'll do fine. Your performance isn't until way later. I'm the third to go."
Naruto looked at Ino and smiled. "We'll both do fine. I'm sure of it. You're song is so you. I'm more than positive that the crowd will like it." Ino smiled at that.
And so, they sat through the performances. Naruto sat by himself as Ino went on the stage after being called out by Kurenai to come out and sing.
She walked on stage and smiled to herself. The music started and she took a breath. The intro was slow, but soon, she brought the mic up to her mouth and began to sing
How long will this take
How much can I go through
My heart, my soul aches
I don't know what to do
I bend, but don't break
And somehow I'll get through
'Cause I have you
And if I had to crawl
Will you crawl too?
I stumble and I fall
Carry me through
The wonder of it all
Is you, see me through
She began to walk around the stage, switching the mic to her left hand and using her right hand to reach up and fall back down, then placing her hand on her stomach.
Oh lord, where are you?
Do not forget me here
I cry in silence
Can you not see my tears?
When all have left me
And hope has disappeared
You find me here
And when I have to crawl
Will you crawl too?
I stumble and I fall
Carry me through
The wonder of it all
is you, see me through
She stopped at front and center stage, knowing the song was reaching the final build and then dissipating toward the end.
When everything I was is lost
I have forgot but you have not
When I am lost
You have not lost me
When everything I was is lost
I have forgot but you have not
When I am lost
You have not lost me
You have not lost me
And if I had to crawl
Will you crawl too?
I stumble and I fall,
Carry me through
The wonder of it all
Is you, see me through
The music faded out and Ino stood on the stage, looking out at the dark audience as the piano ended the song. The audience clapped and hollered. She bowed, saying thank you into the microphone before walking off the stage back to her chair. Naruto jumped up and hugged her.
"Best song yet. Best song to come. Good job. I told you that you could do it!" Naruto said smiling at her.
"Thanks, but I have to sit. I'm shaking so bad." Ino laughed, flopping down into her chair.
Naruto grabbed a bottle of water from a cooler and brought it to the blond girl. He handed it to her after breaking the seal for her. "Here. Have a drink. I'm sure your parched. That was an intense song. I loved it."
Ino looked at the bottle and smiled, taking it from Naruto's hand. "Thank you." she said. She put the bottle to her lips and took a long drink before taking it away and putting the cap back on. "You know Naruto, you're a great friend. I'm so glad I met you."
Naruto snapped his head to Ino with an astounded look on his face. He smiled at her. "Thank you. I'm glad to have met you as well. You are a great friend as well." He turned his head to look at the stage where the next girl began singing.
I miss those blue eyes
The auditorium was full. The last performance was coming up. Naruto had returned with Ino to their chairs after his vocal warm up.
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
The audience clapped, the boy bowed and walked off. The last performance had arrived. Kurenai walked out, thanking the audience for attending, making a side joke about how they were being graded on attendance and that they were forced to attend anyway, but she hopped they all had fun. She made the announcement that there was one more performance before the end. She called out Naruto's name and left the stage.
Naruto walked out, stopping in the middle of the stage toward the front. The nerves hit him strongly, but he shook it off. His eyes scanned the audience, but it was barely visible. He questioned who he was looking for, Sasuke's face appearing in his mind for half a second, but Naruto pushed the thought away. He looked over, nodding his head to Kurenai to start the track. She pushed play and a soft guitar filled the hall.
He stood there, closing his eyes and letting the sweet sound fill his entire thought. He felt like the guitar was telling him something that he needed to respond to. To sing to. After the intro guitar was done, he pulled the mic up to his face, opened his eyes, and began to sing softly.
When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
or a beautiful sunrise
there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
He allowed his voice to get slightly louder, but not much. Just enough to emphasis the chorus. He began to walk forward and look where he thought people would be.
Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm givin' you all my love
I'm still lookin' up
Naruto switched hands and began to move around the stage, going back to the center.
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
Naruto stopped, turned toward the crowd, and sang with all his heart.
'Cause even the stars, they burn
Some even fall to the Earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools
And gifts we got, yeah, we gotta lot a stake
And in the end you're still my friend we didn't intend for us to work
We didn't break we didn't burn
We had to learn, how to bend, without the world, cavin' in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not,
And who I am!
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm givin' you all my love
I'm still lookin' up
Still lookin' up
Well, I won't give up on us
God knows I'm tough enough
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
The song got softer and so did Naruto's voice. He made the last few lines as heartfelt as possible.
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm givin you all my love
I'm still lookin' up
The song ended with Naruto's voice ringing out over the audience. It took a moment, but Naruto was warmly thanked when the audience erupted with applause and cheers. He smiled, bowed, and walked off the stage. He was greeted by Ino hugging him and smiling.
"You stole the entire show! That was a great song! I'm sure he liked it." Ino said. She pulled away and saw his confused look.
"He who? What are you talking about?" Naruto asked.
"Sasuke silly! I'm sure he liked it. You wrote that song for him."
"Wait. What?"
"Oh come on Naruto. Kiba and I are your best friends. You'd have to be an idiot to think we don't know how you feel about him. I'm sure Sasuke liked the song."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Sure you don't Naru. Sure you don't. Let's go back to the dorm. I'm so tired! Really though. Good job on the song."
"Thank you."
Naruto sat in the tub in his and Sasuke's room. He was contemplating on how Ino knew that he liked Sasuke. No. Not like. How he was falling for Sasuke. It was strange to even think about, but anytime he did, it made his heart beat faster than normal and it cause his breath to become short. It was a strange feeling to him.
Naruto dried his hands and arms with a towel and picked up the journal Sasuke had given him. This was the last entry before the end of the journal. Before Naruto no longer had an insight into Sasuke's thoughts.
August 16,
Here I am. This is the last entry of this journal. It's strange though. I don't know how to explain it. I've met the one from my dream a while ago. The one where I'm walking up a hill and there was a boy sitting under a tree. I met that boy. He was beautiful. In that one meeting, his eyes, his gorgeous blue eyes, became my sky. It was difficult to comprehend at first. The way my heart nearly stopped and then began to beat even more rapidly. Those blue eyes. That blond hair. It is nostalgic.
It's nostalgic in a way that causes me to be unable to remember why it is like that. But when I saw him singing today, I came closer to that understanding, but i was still so far from it. The way he fidgeted beside me in our class. It's all so familiar to me. It's as if I knew him during my childhood, but it is so difficult to remember. It's difficult to remember anything before that night. But I am still trying. His smile is so distant and fake. I don't know why I can tell, but I can tell. Maybe it's because I can't even bring myself to smile. To truly smile. Maybe we are similar in some way, maybe we aren't. But I can't help feel draw to be by his side. I want to see his true smile. A smile that can take my breath away in a good way.
What worries me is what is causing such a fake smile. Whatever is causing that fakeness to show on his face could prevent any form of relationship I could have with him. I don't even care if I wouldn't be able to hold him or kiss those lips. Just seeing a true smile on his face, in his blue eyes, would be enough for me. I wouldn't want to push him to do anything he wouldn't want to do. I just want him happy. If I have to hide the way I feel so he can be happy, so be it. I will hide and run from anybody seeing the truth if that is what can make him happy. That's all I need. I don't care if I die alone, because I really wouldn't be alone. I would have him in my heart. His true smile. His happiness. I would die peacefully as long as he is happy. I will do whatever it takes for that to happen.
Just the thought of that creates a longing in my heart, but I can't focus on myself. Just picturing the way he looked when I first saw him, practically glowing in the moonlight, makes my heart ache. The thought of it is so great I can't help but feel a clench in my heart. The memory is so strong. The feeling is so strong. It's almost as if I have felt this for years. Since my childhood. Almost as if I met him during my childhood. When he could still smile truly.
It is almost as if he was that boy I always played with as a child. I can't remember his name but I can remember his warm smile. His warm embrace when we met. Now that I think about it, that boy and the one of my affections share the same bouncy blond hair and the eyes that became my sky. Those blue eyes. This boy I knew when I was a child would always sit under a tree in the plains behind my house. It was chance that I met him because I had gotten lost, but it became fate that I would connect to him in such an innocent way that I would return every day. I had to climb up a small hill to get to the tree, and he would always be sitting there in the grass. Just like my dream from before. He would look at me and smile. I couldn't help but feel so attached to the boy. Everyday for two weeks, we would meet there. He would tell me nothing of his childhood and I would tell him nothing of mine. It was a simple relationship, but it was that boy, the one I felt so strongly for at such a young age that kept me going back. Even after he disappeared without warning one day, I still returned to that spot everyday for a month after, hoping he would return once again, but he never did. I never saw him again. I forgot all about him when that night came along. I started remembering things that caused me pain instead of innocent, childish love that took me by surprise.
I thought I even lost the ability to love again after that night, but after I remembered that just now, I realize I was still waiting for that blond boy of my childhood affection to appear again. I did not simply give up on him or love, I just never gave up my love for that boy. I could never love another. He is my only. And he has appeared before me again. This feeling wells up inside me when I think about it, and I could only be happier if he returns my feelings. I will not make a move though, because of what his own past may hold. I will wait, no matter how long it takes, for him to make his move. For him to tell me about his own feelings. I will not push my own onto him. Because I could live with the knowledge that he can smile true, no matter who it would be with. No matter who would cause it. I will be happy if he is happy. That is my resolve. That is how much I care for him. It hurts me when he is hurt. I want to hold him so badly, but I have to restrain myself. This is not a sexual thing. This is a spiritual feeling. One that goes as far back as those days in my childhood. It is apparent. I love him, and I fear for the day when he tells me who he loves. I fear that it will not be me.
But I still live to see him smile.
~Sasuke
Naruto was still in the water, which had gone lukewarm during his reading, but he was so captivated that he could not bring himself to move. He remembered. Naruto remembered who Sasuke was. Sasuke was the only person to ever show Naruto compassion. For the first 13 years of his life, Sasuke was the only one who had shown him compassion. Who had shown him love. Naruto had forgotten the name with time. Simply because names don't translate well and he couldn't remember his name well before, but now, the memory hit him. The lowest point in his life was when he forgot the raven headed boy who played with him under the tree. The time before he ran away. The time before Jaraiya had found him on the side of the road.
Naruto stood. He stepped out of the water and set the journal down on the counter. He proceeded to wrap a towel around his waist and lift the plug so water could drain out of the tub. He turned to the fogged up mirror and stepped forward. He reached his hand forward and wiped away the fog so he could see his reflection. It was the first time he willingly looked in a mirror. For a split second, he could see what Sasuke saw. Tanned skin. Bouncy blond hair that fell lightly around his face. Eyes bluer than the cloudless sky itself. But then he saw the scars. He looked down at his body and saw the fading scars. They became even more difficult to see, and a few weeks earlier, Tsunade told him that all of his scars should be gone by the end of the school year. She obviously meant the physical. The scars of the heart are so much harder to heal.
But somehow, Naruto began to see the body underneath the scars. He began to feel as if he could live life without fear. He no longer had to worry if somebody was going to come up to his room and torment him till he passed out. Rape him in his sleep. He no longer had to worry about sudden beatings and forced starvation of food. He could finally let go. He could finally live life the way it was meant to be lived, and he could love without a fear of it being stripped away from him.
Naruto stepped away from the mirror and finished drying off. He sluggishly put on his boxers and pants. He pulled on a shirt and then walked out of the bathroom. He stopped, and looked back at the door. He didn't lock it. He completely forgot to lock the door. He didn't lock the door and nothing happened to him. He found peace and nothing happened to him. He was so vulnerable and yet, nothing happened to him. He was right. He could let go. He turned around but only got half way to his bed. He couldn't help it.
He fell to his knees and put his face in his hands. His body began to shake and tears overflowed his eyes. He was so happy. He didn't have to be afraid anymore. He let out a sob. He couldn't stop crying. Nobody he trusted would ever hurt him again. He sat there crying. He felt somebody in front of him kneel down and pause for a moment. Naruto felt arms surround him and pull him forward. His head softly hit the chest of the other person and he felt the embrace of the other squeeze him just a little. He was not afraid. This smell. The indescribable scent. He knew who it was. He let it happen.
"I'm here Naruto. I'm here." Sasuke said softly into Naruto's hair.
Naruto let all of his fears and hatred and pain slip away with the tears. He moved his hands around and gripped onto the back of the raven's shirt, burring his face into the crook of the raven's neck. Sasuke pulled Naruto closer. Naruto couldn't help but cry more. He was surrounded by love. He was embraced in it. Something he had always dreamed of. His tears came faster, his sobs held quiet. "I was always so scared. I was so scared. Scared. It never stopped. Never. It a-always hurt so bad. I was being ripped apart. Nobody ever saved me. I was scared. For my life. And yet, everybody. Nobody hurts me anymore. I've been scared all this time."
Sasuke shushed the blond softly. "You don't have to be afraid anymore. I will protect you. You are everything Naruto. Everything." Sasuke said softly, letting his left hand move up to Naruto's golden locks and his right hand wrap around the blond, holding him closer.
While Naruto sat there, finally letting everything out, all Sasuke could think about was the blond. He forgot that night. All he could focus on was the blond. Was his only love. His home had finally been restored. He was home wherever Naruto was.
Naruto finally felt like he found his home. He was home. Home was Sasuke.
Home is where the other is.
Sasuke returned from the snack bar. He got a bottle of water and a package of Reese's cups for Naruto. He set them on the nightstand beside the blond's bed. He walked to his bed and sat down, bringing one leg up and propping his arm on it. He looked over to Naruto. The blond's face was still red, but it didn't distract from the beauty of the moment. Naruto looked up at the raven and smiled softly.
"I'm-" Naruto started, but he was cut off suddenly by the raven.
"You're magic." Sasuke said. He could tell Naruto was going to apologize, but he wouldn't let that happen. Naruto never needed to apologize. He noticed the look on the blond's face. Confusion. "You're song. When I saw the lyrics, I liked them a lot. But to see you on that stage. Singing like you did. The feeling in your voice. It was magic. You are magic."
Naruto blushed, but it wasn't noticeable through his already red face. Recognition struck through his eyes. He forgot to ask Sasuke about the music. "Who wrote that music? I have to go say thank you."
"I'm sure seeing you sing like you did was enough thank you."
"No seriously. Tell me." Naruto said, looking at Sasuke.
Sasuke smirked and stood. He walked to his closet, opening it halfway, and then proceeded to leave the room. Naruto looked at the now closed bedroom door in confusion. He stood and walked to the now open closet door. He pulled it all the way open and looked in. Underneath the hanging shirts and pants, stood a guitar. It had a tan frame, and it was worn looking. Then it struck him. No wonder he felt as if the guitar from the song sounded like it was talking to him. Sasuke's own emotion was coming out over the sound of the instrument.
Naruto smiled softly at the instrument. He looked to the closed bedroom door and smiled. He looked to Sasuke's bed and smiled. This feeling. Naruto knew he couldn't live without the raven. He had to somehow convey this feeling to him. He remembered that night. The feel of his lips on the raven's. He remembered the embrace while he was crying. He felt the need to confess, because he already knew the raven loved him.
Naruto knew, without a doubt, that the raven was the only one for him. He looked at the guitar once again and then closed his eyes. He knew that Sasuke was the only one for him. Naruto knew he loved Sasuke.
"Dad! Look what I found online! It's a concert from that famous prodigy school in Japan. Chie-Ai Academy." A young boy yelled, running up to the older male.
"I don't care right now. Go away." the man said.
"But it's that blond boy." the younger one said. He was too innocent to understand what had happened when he was young and the blond lived with him, but he saw the pain his parents went through once the boy had disappeared.
The man only glanced at the computer screen. It didn't take him long to recognize the blond. Hate built up in him. He smiled a devious smile. The man called for his wife and told the boy to take his siblings to his room. The boy ran off as a woman came out of a kitchen.
"I found him." the man said. He looked at his wife and saw her smirk. They had to pay back all the pain the family had gone through because of the blond.
The woman only spoke one word. It was full of hate and malicious intent. "Naruto"
Please don't kill me for the late update. Hope you liked it! I'm going to start on the next chapter right after I get off work!...songs are Crawl by Superchick, one line of The Man on the Corner by The Script, and I won't Give Up by Jason Mraz...5,232 words all together...REVIEW!...^_^...