Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

A/N: Well, I changed my penname. So sue me. Anyways, I had four teeth pulled yesterday (all baby teeth by the way, it seemed they liked my mouth much too much to fall out like normal peoples' teeth) and my last two finals of six. So, schools out! Does that mean I'll update more? Most likely. But I just wanted to say thanks for keeping up with the fic despite my lack of updates.

Chapter Ten: The Bootylicious-Boy-Who-Lived

Working as a Healer-in-Charge at St. Mungos was a very stressful job. Hermione had opted for a career specializing in something similar to what a doctor would handle, which was why she'd asked to be stationed on the magical bugs floor. Presently, on this cloudy Friday in May, she stood at the front of a seemingly empty recovery room with her Trainee Healer Graham Pritchard.

"Alright now, we'll need each of you to come to the front so we can pass out these orange locater bands. You are to wear one at all times, and not to leave the room without a healer escort. Please form two lines, one next to Trainee Pritchard and one next to myself." The brown-haired witch addressed the room of neatly lined up beds.

There had been an outbreak of vanishing sickness, causing her to feel like an idiot, addressing beds that to the naked eye were empty. For all she knew she could be staring at someone's butt. She stretched an elastic bright orange wristband out, waiting for someone to stick their hand through.

As she and Graham continued to mark the patients, a head poked into the room. "Hey, Granger, you've got a floo upstairs."

"Who is it, Justin?"

"How the hell should I know? Some witch, said it was important." Justin said, shrugging before pulling out of the room.

She heaved a large sigh. The visitor fireplaces for emergency contact were located up on the fifth floor with the tearoom and hospital shop. Hermione hated climbing three flights of stairs. "I've got to step out for a minute, Pritchard. Can you handle it?"

"Whatever." The three-year younger former Slytherin nodded.

She stepped out into the hallway passing through her door labeled as the Domitian Microbious Ward: Highly Contagious Illnesses. Her lime-green robes billowed around her legs as she hurried toward the steps.

'Two floors down, one to go.' She thought to herself after finishing off the first flight, puffing as she took the steps two by two. Merlin, wasn't she supposed to be a young, fit witch? Oh, yeah, all the athletic genes in the family had gone to Stephanie and her other cousins. Trish, Aaron, Otto, Bridget, Meghan, Hunter… All she was left with the bloody magic. They could run a few miles without breaking a sweat. What could Hermione do? She could appear from one point to the next. Big freaking deal- she still couldn't get within ten meters of a football field without getting hit in the head with the damn ball.

"I…hate…s-stairs!" She announced after reaching the top. Stepping through the doors and into the tearoom, Hermione regained her breath and looked around for the visitor fireplaces. They were located against the back wall next to the hospital shop. Weaving her way in between the neat pink tables filled with visitors, she located one with a head floating in the green flames that she recognized.

"Mandy, what is it?" Mandy's face was solemn, and for a moment Hermione was truly worried.

"I have…I have a question, and you have to promise to be honest with me."

Hermione nodded gently, signaling Mandy to continue. Oh, she hoped nothing had happened. She hoped Harry hadn't set the apartment building on fire…She hoped Helen hadn't eaten any of her own cooking and suffered death by poison…She hoped Ron's head hadn't finally exploded from all that anger…She hoped-

"Is my butt getting big?"

"What?" Hermione asked, surprised by the question.

"My butt, is it getting bigger?" Mandy asked again. For a moment her head disappeared, and she replaced it with her backside.

"Oh, Merlin. This is what I get for befriending a narcissistic woman. A floo when I'm in the middle of treating a room full of patients infected with vanishing sickness asking me to look at her butt. I suppose I'll just say to that room full of people and Pritchard when I get back, I'll say, 'I'm sorry I had to leave you, but my friend Mandy wanted me to tell her whether or not her ass is fat.'"

Mandy's face had reappeared. "It was a serious question! C'mon, I really want to know. According to the scale, I'm a little heavier, and I need to know if my target weight loss area is my butt or not."

"Well, you've always been a little bootylicious. Maybe you're just getting… bootylicious-er."

"Gee, thanks. I didn't know you spent that much time staring at my ass."

"With floos like this, how could I not? You stick it in my face so often I'm beginning to wonder if you're not bragging or something."

"Ha ha. Well, I've got to go- oh, yeah; Harry says he wants to know if you like pot roast."

"Why?"

"Harry says instead of going out, he's cooking dinner this Friday." Mandy made a face, as if listening to something, and then replied again. "Harry says I wasn't supposed to say anything. Harry says he's going to curse my bootylicious ass into next Thursday."

"Tell Harry I say that I like pot roast just fine, but I'd rather if he waits until I get home. And that if he curses your bootylicious ass into next Thursday I'll curse his own into next Friday so you can sit on his face and suffocate him with it."

"Harry, Hermione says she thinks you have a bootylicious ass too."

"No, that's not what I told you to say! I didn't even say it- I merely- merely insinuated without meaning to!"

"Aw, honey, you know I'm a bitch like that. I love twisting words around and-" Mandy paused, her face alight with fear. "Right, well, you've got to get back to work, and I've got to run away from the man with the wand in his hands!" Mandy's face disappeared again, and she heard a crash and a scream before the line cut out.

"I don't think Harry has a bootylicious ass!" She screeched, as if Mandy could somehow still hear her. Mandy couldn't. However, the other patrons could, and they were staring at her strangely. "I don't." Hermione said weakly, before rushing off towards the stairs in embarrassment.

Why was she so insistent in surrounding herself with crazy people? It was starting to rub off on her.

By the time Hermione had gotten off of work, she was extremely tired. Her hair was more frazzled than usual, and she had something purple on her robes that hadn't been there last time she'd checked. Her apartment looked so inviting, with no sick people, and certainly no welcoming witches glaring at her like she was the worst thing to walk the earth since the blast-ended skrewt.

She let herself drop on to her bed and kicked off her shoes after tugging off her robes and changing into some track pants and a camisole shirt. She'd been feeling extremely tired lately. Before she knew it, Hermione had dosed off. She dreamed of anything a Star Wars fangirl does- a leading role in the movie. Tonight she was playing Padme to Haden Christensen's wonderful rendition of Anakin Skywalker. Only, of course, she changed a few things here and there. Like adding in some more kissing scenes. She was sure Mr. Lucas wouldn't mind too much.

Harry James Potter had proved himself to be a very impatient person time and time again. He hated waiting for things he knew were coming. While Mandy had been cowering on the floor, trying to crawl away from his wand after blowing the surprise he was going to give Hermione, she'd told him that Hermione wanted him to make dinner when she got off work. Of course, that wasn't the only thing she'd said. Mandy had jumped at the opportunity to start referring to him as the Bootylicious-Boy-Who-Lived following his attempt to curse her- which, by the way, he'd only stopped because of Seamus' rather threatening glare.

But anyway, back to Harry's impatience. After living over your best friend for a few weeks, you generally got to know their schedule. Hermione's shift had been over for about an hour, and he'd heard her come in a while ago. Knowing she was home only increased his annoyance.

Finally, he decided to apparate down to see if something was wrong, or maybe she'd changed her mind. Generally, they'd kept up the promise to eat together at least on Friday, and seeing as that was today, he was trying to live up to it. With a quick crack! he was downstairs in her apartment.

All the lights were off, signifying that she was most likely sleeping. Just to make sure, he crept into her bedroom, instantly feeling more than a little like a stalker. Harry made a face, and decided to be as quick as possible. No need to give the press any more reasons to include him in their weekly scandals.

He leaned over the bed a bit, to get a good look in the dark. She was sleeping all right. Hermione had always made a little noise when she slept, half between a snore and a sigh. Her eyes were open about halfway, another interesting little quirk to add to the list. Harry smiled to himself, and patted her on the head gently before getting up to go.

Unfortunately, Hermione had a differing opinion on his leaving. Her limbs wrapped around him, her arms at his neck and her legs tightly around his waist. Much like a spider or… a monkey or something. Surprised by the sudden action and additional weight, he stood up a little, automatically encircling her waist with his arms, and was forced to walk backwards until steadied by the wall.

"Oof!" He said upon impact.

"Mm…Don't leave yet." Hermione mumbled drowsily.

Harry looked at her, his faced flushed. She was undoubtedly appealing at that moment, pushed up and coiled around him. He shook his head, hoping to get the thoughts out while not waking Hermione. One thing was for sure, it would be quite hard talking himself out of this one. "Erm, I-I…"

He was unable to finish the sentence. Harry certainly wasn't expecting her to start placing kisses on the side of his neck. Actually, if it wasn't so wrong to think so, he would have said it was kind of nice. He nudged his shoulder upwards, hoping to stop her.

This, it seemed, only dug him deeper. Without her previous spot to place her mouth, Hermione leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her best friend's lips. Harry didn't respond at first, taking in the strawberry flavor of her soft lips. His face grew even redder, if possible, and immediately his stomach filled with a warm feeling. Shocked by the action, and by his own reaction, Harry promptly dropped her on the floor out of surprise.

Cracking her head on the floor, Hermione yelped from pain. "Ooh, Merlin, that hurts." Hermione blinked her eyes into focus, and looked at Harry. Her eyes grew wider, and for a moment a flash of fear entered them. The fear was gone after that moment, and replaced with anger. "What are you doing in here? I thought I told you to knock if you were coming down here!"

"Um…I was just going to-"

"…Leave." She finished for him, grabbing him by the shoulders and spinning him towards the exit. He left, still slightly in a daze from what had happened and walked himself wordlessly home.

Sitting back down on the floor near where Harry had dropped her, Hermione leaned her head against the wall. One moment she'd been dreaming about her lovely Anakin, and the next, he'd morphed into the Bootylicious-Boy-Who-Lived himself. She'd decided that perhaps if she lived out her fantasies at night, this attraction would cease to be in the day. So, stupidly, she'd kissed dream Harry. Only, of course, seeing asshe and fate were feuding, it wasn't a dream. That was what she got for sleeping with her eyes open, dreams and reality blended sometimes. Fate was a dirty fighter.

Oh, Merlin. What did I do to deserve this? She asked herself, mortified. At least Harry still thought she'd been sleeping. One thing was for sure, though, the awkward level had increased ten-fold.

A/N: So, what did you think? Ooh and the plot thickens. They've kissed now, so you can't say I don't adore my readers enough to award them once and a while. Anyways, I just adore awkward situations, don't you? But, I, however, know if they become comfortable with each other again or not. Because, for once, I actually know what happens next chapter! And I shall cackle mercilessly when I read your reviews. Only not, because my parents would cart me off to the loony bin. Anywho, hope you enjoyed this chapter! I might just start writing the next now, and let it sit in my computer while I go see Revenge of the Sith tomorrow (FINALLY!) with my mom to- and I quote one of my own previous chapters- stare at Hayden Christensen's face in a dark room for a few hours. Toodles!

SUPER DUPER EXTRA SPECIAL THANKS TO THOSE WHO ANSWERED MY TWO QUESTIONS LAST CHAPTER!

And just a plain extra special thanks to the rest of ya for pushing me over the 100 mark:P

HARRYHERMIONESHIPPERduh- Two reviews for the same chapter AND a jinkies? Thanks for reading, and liking the story so much! Oh, and the heads up on Family Guy. But on the east coast it's on at like eleven or so, not nine.

Jane and Adam- Aw, thank you! Back as soon as was possible!

Oro4- Yes, sweet and annoying at the same time. Just too irresistible!

Darth Daffy- Mature and refined…I like that! And yes, they have regressed, but think of it this way- they're taking all that time they missed as teenagers fighting off evil and living it in their twenties. Besides, all the people that are in their twenties I know are… Well, let's just say that my sister is one of them, and she's crazier than I am. I've never read 'The Hitchhiker's Guide' series…

animeLCgrl- Aw, thanks about the illiterate not to like my story thing. Its comments like that that keep me writing more!

Zoencomp- I want to thank you especially, for printing out my chapters and taking the time to review almost all. And the thing about my story being best written thing! It made me smile so big. Yeah, I have a problem with updates and time management. I have to find the right time, I have to be in a good mood, I have to be happy with what I write…It's a process, but the end product is excellent, and if I didn't go through all of that, I don't think you'd enjoy the story as much! And I have a longtime reader? Wow, when did that happen?

Jess- In answer to your question… I just…do. I don't know, I've been reading at FFN for years now, and just last year started writing. Keep checking back, I update as often as I can! I love that you like my story, and think it's so funny, but please don't die if I don't update :P.

AJ the Ass Slayer- Of course! If it didn't get better, then it would have to get…Gasp!…Worse!

nebodies nobody- Thanks for the comment, and the cookie.

milky way bar- Thanks for reviewing, I hope this one was just as funny as the last chapter!

SnowDevil334- You really think so? Thank you!

Snaps For Daryl- I have to say it- I adore your penname! Anywho, thanks for the review, I do try to pay attention to detail. My mother's always said I have a thing for detail in my drawing, so why not in my writing? Not that I'd let her see it… So, thanks, and snaps for Snaps for Daryl :P.

PrincessLuckyCML- Thanks for taking the time to review! Thank goodness on not needing a beta… I don't really know how I'd go about getting one. Now I don't need to worry.

LemonDropAnyone- Yes, my story does kick ass, if I do say so myself! Well, bring your inhaler, just incase of laughing yourself to the point of not breathing again. Thanks for saying you'd recommend it!

Lolly O'Neill- Well, I do try. I love that, the whole one place then the other. I feel for your parents though, I was annoyed at Harry even while writing it! Thanks again!

Gwenyth- I do it as soon as possible, but I have other responsibilities too. Although it would be nice just to take up somewhere and do nothing but write. But I can't. I have go study so I can get into college, and blah, blah, blah.

TruMafioso- I always enjoy knowing I've made another person laugh. Thanks for letting me know!

hollyg20- Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one who likes my OCs. I was quite afraid of creating a Mary Sue in the start, but I made sure to push a few flaws that make them human. Plot development for me is going slow, but I'm glad you like what you've read so far. Keep reading!

S.B. Kisses- Keep reading and reviewing and I'll be sure the story is abundant in humor and funniness.

danrad820- Sorry I was a bit late getting this one up, but here it is!

Hermione Graner Potter- Oh, I assure you, he did it quite on purpose to annoy her. And yes, Helen is a hard force to stop, locking her in the basement didn't even slow her down! Lol, anyways, thanks for the review, as always. And when are you going to get the next chapter of your own story up? I hope soon!