Lee awoke, feeling a little disoriented, not quite sure what had awakened him. Turning over to reach for his bride, he found that he was alone in their bed. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, wondering if she'd gotten sick again. He pulled on his robe and padded to the bathroom to find it dark. "Huh," he said with a puzzled look on his face as he made his way out of their room. Thinking that maybe she'd gone to check on the kids as she sometimes did after they were asleep, he poked his head in the doorway of Phillip and Jamie's room to find it empty except for his two soundly sleeping stepsons. He smiled at them for a moment, beaming with pride at the way they'd been so open with their father and had finally told him how they felt. He softly closed the door and headed for the stairs, wondering if her pregnancy had caused Amanda to have another weird middle-of-the-night craving.

When he reached the landing, he saw that the kitchen was still dark, but that there was a light coming from the den. He stepped off the landing to find Amanda sitting on the sofa, a photo album in her lap illuminated by the glow of the table lamp beside her. As he got closer, he felt a stab of pain at seeing silent tears slipping down her cheeks. He approached her, perched on the arm of the couch, peered over her shoulder to see what had caused the tears and felt a sharp pang of jealousy as he realized what it was. He placed a hand on her shoulder and said softly, "Amanda?'

"Oh, God," Amanda yelped startled by her husband's presence beside her as she hadn't heard him get out of bed. Catching her breath and hastily wiping away her tears, she said, "I really wish you wouldn't do that."

"Sorry, years of habit," he said. He gestured to the photo album in her lap and said, "What's this?"

"I...uh...I was just thinking," she said as she lightly fingered the faded photograph that had caught her attention. Lee slid from his perch to sit next to her, and glanced over her shoulder at the photo to see Joe's smiling face cradling an infant in one arm with his other around Amanda's shoulder. "This was taken the day Phillip was born. His visit tonight really got me thinking how much things have changed since then. He was so happy that day, so proud, he talked about all the things he wanted to do for Phillip, all the things he wanted to teach him..." Her voice trailed off, as she got lost in the memories for a moment.

Lee clenched his jaw, trying to keep a tight rein on his emotions and said, "Well, he sure lived up to that, didn't he?" unable to completely control the edge in his voice.

Amanda turned to look at her husband and said, "Lee, don't. I know that look and I know what you're thinking. Don't be jealous. This isn't what you think it is."

"Then tell me what it is, Amanda, because from where I'm sitting, it looks like you snuck out of our bed to come down here and secretly pine over your ex-husband."

"No, Lee, I'm not pining. That was over a long time ago," Amanda said firmly.

"Then explain to me why you're crying over him," Lee demanded.

Amanda sighed wondering how her husband could be so confident, even a little cocky on the job, but so insecure in their private life. "I'm not," she answered. When Lee looked at her skeptically, she reiterated, "I'm not. I swear to you that I don't have feelings like that for Joe anymore. The tears weren't about him...or...well, they were, but not in the way that you think. It's more about the boys...how much they've missed out on by not having their father around. All the dreams we once had for our children that never came true...how much he let them down. For years, I tried to tell the boys what a hero their father was, doing the job he was doing, sacrificing his own happiness for the well-being of others. I...I don't know...what happened here tonight just got me thinking how wrong I was. How I spent so many years thinking of him as this great guy torn between his desire to give back to the world and his desire to be with his family...but now, I...I just can't stand to see the hurt he's caused my babies." She sighed again and said, "And I...I feel a little...a little guilty for letting it happen...for hanging on for too many years to a man who, while he loved his family, didn't love us enough to put us first. I'm partially to blame for putting the boys through all this pain. I'm a terrible mother. How could I have done that to my own children?" The tears began to flow again as Amanda ended her speech.

"Amanda, stop it," Lee said. He took the album from her lap, dropped it onto the coffee table, took her hands in his and said, "You are far from a terrible mother. You have been both mother and father to the boys for as long as I've known you and the way both you and your mother tell it, even longer than that. Even though Phillip and Jamie have some father issues, that has nothing to do with you. Do you think if you'd divorced him sooner that that would have made him come around? From what you told me, you begged him to stay home more often, to pay more attention to the kids when he was here, but Amanda, you can't force anyone to do anything that they don't want to do. Haven't you learned that in your years on the job? I mean, look at what we do for a living. We chase the bad guys, we arrest them, make sure that they're brought to justice, but we can't make them turn from being bad guys to being good guys. No one person can change what's in another person's mind or heart."

"I guess," Amanda said with a sniffle. "But what kind of mother am I if I just let my children suffer the way that I did?"

"Amanda, you're an amazing mother. You have raised those boys by yourself and in spite of the chaos tonight, they are incredibly well-adjusted because of that, because of you. Long before you and I were together, I watched how you cared for them, nurtured them and did everything in your power to make up for the fact that they didn't have their father. You couldn't have done any better." He slid his hands down to her abdomen, lightly caressing it and said, "And I can't wait until the day that I can be here to see you put that same caring, nurturing skill of yours to work with our children. I couldn't have asked for a better mother for my kids than you." This time around, though, you're not going to have to do it all alone. I swear to you, Amanda, I am going to be there every step of the way. Our children will never have to go through what Phillip and Jamie have, wondering if their father really cares about them." He then lifted her up onto the arm of the couch, bent his head to place a tender kiss to her stomach, following it with a light touch of his fingertips and said, "I'm so in love with them already, that I sometimes can't think about anything else." Lee looked back up at her, cupped her face in both of his hands and continued, "And you are going to be a wonderful mother to them the same way that you have been for the boys." He then brushed away her tears, slid one hand to the back of her neck, pulled her down to him, kissing her softly. "I love you and I don't want to hear you beating yourself up anymore for what Joe did. Do you hear me?"

Amanda nodded and said, "Yes." She kissed him lightly then added, "And I love you too."

"Good," Lee said with a smile. "Now, come on. We've got a long day ahead of us, so let's go back to bed." He rose from the couch and reached for her hand, which she happily took as they made their way back to their bedroom together.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Monday, March 16, 1987 12:00 PM

Lee and Amanda exited the Wagoneer and walked hand in hand up the walk of Arlington Heights Middle School. Amanda squeezed Lee's hand tightly and said with a teasing smile, "So, are you ready for your first parent-teacher conference?"

Lee smiled back and said, "Absolutely."

"Good," Amanda said with a nod. "Just make sure you behave yourself in here, no matter what the boys' teachers have to say."

"I'll be a boy scout, I promise," Lee said with a wide smile as he opened the door of the school for her, but his smile soon faded upon entering the building, immediately stiffening at the sight of Amanda's ex there. "Joe," he said in a clipped tone.

"Lee," Joe replied in kind, as he gripped Carrie's hand tightly in his.

"Joe, what are you doing here?" Amanda said in surprise.

"Well, this is patent-teacher conference day and I'm a parent," Joe said pointedly. When Lee glared at him, he quickly continued, "Look, I thought a lot about what you said about making a better effort to be there for the boys, so I thought I'd start here. You said you didn't want me coming by the house unannounced, but I didn't think you'd mind me being here."

"Oh, I don't," Amanda answered. "I...um...I was just surprised to see you, that's all." Shocked was more like it. She hadn't expected her words to him of the night before to sink in and so quickly.

The awkwardness of the moment was blissfully interrupted by Alma Dennis' cheery voice. "Mr. and Mrs. Stetson, I'm so glad you're here," the vice-principal said pleasantly.

"Thank you, Mrs. Dennis," Lee said with a cordial nod and a smile.

"I'm sorry, but it will be just a bit of a wait. Phillip's homeroom teacher got a bit behind, so I hope you don't mind."

"No, we've got all day," Joe interjected.

"Oh, Mr. King, I didn't realize that you were here too," Mrs. Dennis said, the surprise evident in her voice.

"Well, I am," Joe said beginning to get a little irritated. Lee couldn't help the smirk that crossed his face at Mrs. Dennis' reaction to Joe's presence there, earning him a nudge in the ribs from Amanda. Joe took a deep breath, nodded to his wife and said, "Mrs. Dennis, I'd like you to meet my wife, Carrie."

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. King," Mrs. Dennis replied as she reached out to shake hands with Carrie.

"Same here," Carried replied politely. "Joe thought it was a good idea for me to meet you and the boys' teachers since I'm going to be a part of their lives now," she added as she cast a wary glance at Amanda.

"Hey, since we've got a little time. Why don't we go say hi to the boys," Lee said to Amanda. "They were going to wait for us in the gym until we finished meeting with their teachers."

"Sounds like a plan," Amanda said with a smile as she and Lee made their way to toward the gym leaving Joe and Carrie to their own devices with Mrs. Dennis.

Lee couldn't help laughing and said, "Did you see the look on his face when Mrs. Dennis acted so surprised to see him?" He was immensely pleased that the vice-principal had greeted him right away, but that Joe had had to make his presence known to get her attention.

"Lee, come on, behave now," Amanda scolded him.

"I'm sorry, Amanda, I can't help it," Lee said. When she gave him a perturbed look, he said, "Oh, come on, Amanda. You've got to admit, he had it coming."

"Okay, yes, we all know that he hasn't been around here much for school events as he should be, but he's making an effort now. Maybe whatever it is the boys said to him finally had an impact."

"Oh, I'm sure it did. You heard the way Jamie let him have it last night. I just hope it's not a temporary impact," Lee said as they entered the gym and found Phillip shooting hops with a couple of other boys while Jamie took pictures on the sidelines.

"Well, you just make sure to behave yourself when we're meeting with their teachers," Amanda said. "I know what your feelings are about Joe, but this thing today is about the boys."

"I know, I know and I promise I'll be good," Lee said as he slipped an arm around his wife's waist. "Just think, this meeting today will just be practice for the time when I'll one day be doing this with our kids."

Amanda smiled as she leaned into her husband's embrace, saying, "Well, you know me, I'm a firm believer in practice making perfect."

"Me too," Lee said. "I just hope this delay isn't too long. We have our appointment with the realtor at two."

"Well, if it gets too late, we'll just have to make our apologies and leave. Since they already know that we're looking for a bigger house, I'm sure they'll understand."

Twenty minutes later, the four adults were sitting in Phillip's homeroom classroom, listening to his teacher talk about his schoolwork, Joe and Lee occasionally shooting hostile looks at one another, while Carrie threw the same kind of looks Amanda's way. "All in all," the teacher said, "I've been very pleased to see the improvement in Phillip's schoolwork in the past couple of weeks. I was a little worried about him because his work had taken a bit of a downturn, but he seems to be on the right track now," the teacher said.

"Good," Amanda said with a smile. "Thank you, Mrs. Mason."

"Mr. Stetson," Mrs. Mason said. "I'm glad you were able to make it here today. Phillip talks about you a lot and what an influence you've been on him. I'm so pleased by the changes I've seen in him recently. It can be very difficult for children from broken homes to adapt, but he seems to be working harder now. His homework's always turned in on time now and not just turned in, but done well where before he...well, it seemed as if he was doing just enough to get by. I can't help but think that part of that is your influence."

"Not really," Lee said modestly. "His mother and I work hard to make sure that both boys do the best that they can on their schoolwork." He couldn't resist aiming a smug grin at Joe as he linked his fingers with Amanda's, his grin widening when Joe scowled back at him in response.

"Well, Carrie and I plan to do the same on the weekends they spend at our home," Joe interjected feeling a great need to put his two cents in.

"Well, that's...um...that's great," Mrs. Mason replied with an awkward smile Joe's direction. "Children definitely need all the parental support that they can get to succeed in school." She then turned her attention back to Lee and Amanda and said, "Do either of you have any questions for me?"

Lee and Amanda glanced at each other, exchanged a brief look and Amanda answered, "No, I think we've just about covered it all."

A while later, the meeting with Jamie's homeroom teacher having been just as awkward, the four walked toward the gym and Joe said, "Hey, I was thinking that Carrie and I might take the boys for a late lunch. What do you think?"

Lee and Amanda stopped walking, exchanged worried looks, Lee nodding to Amanda to answer Joe's question. "That's...um...a...a really nice thought, Joe, but I told you last night that Lee and I planned to go house-hunting today."

"I remember," Joe said. "That's why I thought it would be the perfect time for Carrie and me to spend a little time with the boys, make up a little for lost time, give them a chance to get to know her better."

Amanda sighed and said, "That's a lovely though, Joe, but we planned on taking the boys with us while we look at houses."

"I don't see that that's necessary," Joe said.

"Or course, you don't," Lee replied, trying hard to keep his temper under control, "But we do. Any house we buy is going to be their home and we want them included in the decision-making process."

Joe snorted and said, "See? This...this is why the boys have no respect for their elders because you two..." he pointed to each of them in turn, "...let them walk all over you."

"We're not letting them walk all over us," Amanda argued, "And this isn't about them having a lack of respect for their elders. This is about us having enough respect for them to let them express an opinion about where they're going to live in the future. We want them to feel comfortable and secure in whatever home we move to."

"You're telling me that I can't have a little time with my kids because it doesn't fit in with your schedule," Joe said hotly.

"Sure, you can. How about we compromise and you take them to dinner tonight instead?" Amanda suggested.

"So, what you're really saying is that while you want Joe to spend more time with the boys, you only want it done on your terms?" Carrie said with a cool glare at Amanda.

"Neither of you heard a word I said last night, did you?" Amanda said. "I'm perfectly willing to work this out and try to come up with a plan that works for all of us, but I also said that you can't just expect us to change our plans at the last minute."

"Hey, hold it," Lee said. "Before this goes any further, how about we do this? Why don't we ask what the boys want to do this afternoon? If they want to go to lunch with you, fine. Amanda and I can just look at houses without them, but if they want to go with us, you take them to dinner tonight instead like Amanda suggested. Deal?"

Joe shook his head and said, "I guess you're the one who put the idea in Jamie's head about looking up laws on visitation rights, aren't you?"

Lee looked at Joe in confusion and said, "I don't know what you're talking about." When Joe looked at him skeptically, he said, "I really don't."

"Jamie pointed out to me very bluntly that they're old enough legally to decide whether they want to spend time with me, no matter if I've got visitation rights with them or not."

"He said that to you?" Amanda questioned. When Joe nodded, Amanda said, "Well, he is right."

"Yeah, I know he is," Joe said. "I just...I..." He let out another sigh. "All right, you win. We'll ask them what they want to do and see where we go from there."

When the boys were posed the question by the four adults, Lee couldn't help the triumphant smile that crossed his face when both boys answered immediately that they wanted to go along on the house-hunting trip. Joe hung his head for a moment, conceding defeat, then made plans to pick the boys up for dinner later at the house.

Two hours later, Lee, Amanda and the boys followed the realtor up the walk of a large colonial-style house, Lee saying, "Well, this one's the last one on our list."

"And the most expensive," Amanda whispered to him.

"Amanda, come on, with that check my uncle gave us from my parents, I think we've got it covered."

"I do have to admit, it is a beautiful house," Amanda said as they stepped up onto the wide front porch. "I love these columns and this would be a perfect place for that porch swing you wanted," she said with a smile as she gestured while she spoke. As the realtor opened the door to let them in and began describing details of the house, the boys barreled up the stairs. "Hey! No running!" Amanda called after them casting an apologetic glance at the realtor.

"It's okay," the woman replied. "I've got three of my own."

"So, I guess we're starting upstairs, "Lee said with a chuckle as they followed the direction the boys had gone.

As they reached the landing at the top of the stairs, they were met by Phillip who said excitedly, "Did you see the size of the back yard? I just looked out the window over there and it's awesome!' He gestured toward the room just to the right of where they were standing.

The realtor chuckled as Phillip ran off again and she said, "Let me show you the master bedroom," as she led them down the hall. "What do you think?"

"It's gorgeous," Amanda said as she stepped into the large room as she painted a mental picture of what their bedroom furniture would look like in it. She walked through the room to the adjoining bath and smiled at the old-fashioned claw-footed tub in it. As she perused the room, she noticed there was another door on the other side of it. She then stepped through it to find herself in another decent-sized room.

"This room has been used as nursery," the realtor explained. "Usually because it's connected to the master bedroom and because of the window seats with the storage space underneath."

"Perfect for a built-in toy chest," Amanda said as she laid a hand on her abdomen thinking of her unborn children. Lee slipped up behind her sliding her arms around her, his hands over hers. "What do you think, Sweetheart," she said with a glance over her shoulder at her husband.

Before Lee could reply, both boys came thundering into the room, excited and out of breath, Jamie gushing, "Can we get this one? Please? I already have a room picked out that I want. It's got a lot of closet space that I can use for my photography stuff and it's got the windows facing east where I can catch the early morning light to get some good pictures."

"Of course you would think about that, Dork," Phillip said. "All you think about is school." He then turned to his parents and said. "I like the room across the hall better. It's big enough to play basketball in."

"Hey, don't call your brother names and just so we're clear, there will be no basketball in the house, no matter what house we're in or how big the rooms are," Amanda said sternly.

"No, but I think I saw room enough in the driveway when we came in that we could put up a basketball hoop," Lee said. Phillip grinned at Lee's statement. Lee then glanced at Amanda who looked back at him with a questioning look that said she was waiting for an answer. He looked at the boys and their exuberant faces, then back at Amanda and said, "I think we found our new home." He then turned to the realtor and said, "What do we do next?"

The realtor smiled at the happy family and said, "I'll start drawing up the paperwork for you to make an offer."