Chapter 10- Certitude

I realized that I owed Maya a lot of explanation now about vampires and Lycans and Hybrids. The worst of it all was done, though. She knew that I was a Lycan, and she knew that I wouldn't hurt her. Everything else I would tell her about my past would be completely believable because she had proof enough of what I was. The world I was a part of, though, was a completely different entity entirely from just one Lycan. There was bloodlust, anger, deceit, war, and even death. I wasn't dangerous all alone, but my world was. I wasn't sure how much of it she could endure. I knew I would have to give her due credit though, because after all she hadn't run screaming in fear when I'd revealed myself to her. I tossed and turned restlessly all of that morning, drifting in and out of sleep in her bed as she slept much more peacefully. I wanted to go to the place where she was and meet her there, but I was too restless. My thoughts drifted over to the two warring worlds thousands of miles away from me between my brothers and the vampires; myself removed from them. Why had I run from the cause I'd believed in so deeply for eight hundred years? Why now? Truly, my grief had finally gotten the better of me, but it came as such a surprise to me that now of all times, later, rather than sooner, the grief had come in another strong wave.

Now I was left with a strong dilemma. Should I settle into a new and happy life here? Should I go back and fight for my Lycan brethren? What, then, would become of Maya and me? Could I- and more importantly should I- bring her with me? Would she even oblige to come? And how could I live with myself if I put her in danger? I lay there in turmoil, and pulled her duvet over my head, trying to drown out the breaking morning sunlight. Her breathing was so soft and steady, and she looked so beautiful with the sun shining in her hair, casting that familiar red shade over it that I loved so. I couldn't imagine forfeiting moments like this for eternity, should especially she be mortally wounded, caught in the crossfire. But I lay there feeling overly privileged to be so comfortable and happy like this, while every other Lycan lay in filth and in waiting, vigilant for the signal of another attempted siege and attack; another attempted war. I stroked her hair and her soft skin down her neck, a melancholy cloud sinking over me and weighing down my heart. True, my brothers and I had escaped our slavery under the vampires centuries ago, but they still hunted us down. The war was far from over. Guilt began to pull me in two different directions, in abandoning either my brethren or my love lying beside me, her already wounded heart so fragile and hopeful. She had laid herself so vulnerable to me; every emotion known, ever fair, all of her pain. She had laid her trust in me. I felt selfish to even give her the chance to be put in harm's way, but when I told her about the war and that I would eventually go back, I'd leave it up to her whether or not she would come with me. She would want a say in whether I left her behind or not. And surely leaving her behind would wound her heart too much.

I felt a little better with my newfound resolve to take action and give her a choice, secretly hoping that she would say no, though. I hoped she we keep herself safe. My plans were to storm the mansion and infiltrate Viktor's guard with Raze by my side, the rest close behind, and take Viktor and Marcus out immediately. Once the main leaders of the Death Dealers were taken out, there would be mayhem amongst the vampires. They wouldn't know whose orders to follow anymore, or who to fight. There would be blame thrust upon everyone, and some of them may turn on each other. Once I had disabled them from any coherent movement as a unit, I felt my brethren could take over from there. My job would be done, and I could return to Seattle to live in peace with Maya. Ah, I was a fool. I knew it wasn't going to be that simple. Still, I held on to that ridiculous idealistic hope as I fell asleep once more.

I awoke from a nightmare gasping, and yelling out curses at Viktor, flinging the duvet off of me. My yelling startled Maya, and she woke up, concerned.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, my love. A nightmare, nothing more." I didn't seem to have convinced her though.

"Okay, but about what? I heard you yell come guy's name; Viktor or something."

"It's… it's about my past," I hesitated, afraid to tell her more. I lay down on my back, sweating, and trying to block my warring feelings from telling her about my history. Just then, I heard her gasp.

"Lucian, what are those scars on your back? They'reso long, and there are so many of them!"

"Oh they're… nothing."

"No they're not nothing," she said defiantly, horror written all over her face.

"I was beaten; flogged twice, a long time ago."

"That's so awful," she whispered, her voice thick with sadness and horror.

"It was a long time ago."

"But I hate to think that anyone ever treated you so brutally. There can't be any good reason for it. No one deserves to be handled that way, you especially."

We sat there in silence, and I felt her trace her fingers lightly along my back. I closed my eyes and suppressed the memory of Viktor's cruelty towards me and his own daughter; his own flesh and blood. I felt the anger burning within at the thought of the Death Dealers still living while my kind died at their hands. In order to calm myself, I focused on her gentle touch, and it soothed my nerves. I turned to face her, compassion and sadness etched into her eyes. My pain was her pain. It hurt me more than words could express that I might have to leave her here indefinitely, but my restlessness had peaked.

"Maya, I have to go back."

"What? Go back where?"

"I have to go back to the Lycans."

"I-I don't understand. Why? Is it something I did?"

"No, my darling, no it has nothing to do with you," I lamented, gathering her into my arms, and surprising the urge to weep at her feet. "The Lycans and the vampires are at war, with the Hybrids caught in the middle. This is a war that began eight hundred years ago. It began with me- me and my lover, Sonja. She was a vampire, and her father, Lord Viktor, did not approve. In fact, to not approve would be far too much of an understatement. He feared, even despised the werewolves and the Lycans. He believed we were animals; uncivilized beings. He had some form of sentiment that allowed him to be somewhat decent towards me; he had spared my life as an infant. I was a sort of pet of his. I kept myself under control, and it was my duty to keep the rest of the Lycans under control. They were all slaves to the vampires, and I was their blacksmith.

"We were forbidden to ever transform. Viktor feared us too much. He said it was to 'protect the species,' the vampires that is, but his real fear was that we would rise up and seek our own freedom; discover our own strength. He used emotional blackmail to keep us all, especially me, submissive to his will and his clan. Sonja and I were forced to keep our love a secret. One day, returning from a secret meeting, one of his henchmen, Tannis, saw us together, and he used that information as power to get a seat among the council of vampires, which had only twelve seats, and Sonja gave her place up to him to save both of our lives.

"I planned to leave one day, and to free all of the other Lycans, and I asked Sonja to join me. She said it was too dangerous, which I took as her refusal to come with me. One day, as we were meeting some dignitaries on their way to meet Viktor, some full-blooded werewolves attacked their carriage, and I transformed to protect Sonja. I also discovered that the werewolves listened to, even respected me. Viktor found out, and had me flogged as punishment, and threw me into prison to rot like so many of the Lycan slaves. I was no longer any higher than the rest of them, which was just as well; I never saw myself as any better than the rest, but yet I had never bore any ill will against the vampires either. I decided it was time to revolt, and Sonja took my side, ready to fight with me. I escaped with some of the Lycans, and asked her to meet me in the clearing, but Viktor found out. She was intercepted and imprisoned as well."

I continued with my story to the bitter end. I spoke with difficulty of Sonja's death by burning in the sunlight, and the death of our unborn child. I spoke of the war that began between our kind and the vampires, now that there was hostility between them and their former slaves. I recalled the accord I had made with Kraven. I explained about the vampires becoming known as Death Dealers- born and bred to destroy werewolves and Lycans and Hybrids alike. I spoke of Selene discovering the truth about Viktor killing her family. I explained about the Lycans' search for Michael Corvin, the descendant of Alexander Corvinus, and my transforming him into a Lycan as a weapon against the Death Dealers. I mused over Michael's genetic memories of me and Sonja. I accounted Selene and Michael's battle against Viktor, Viktor's fatal blows to Michael, and Selene biting him to turn him into a Hybrid in order to save his life, and them falling in love. I spoke of my supposed death that I faked when Alexander Corvinus came searching for the necklace around my neck, and the events that would surely ensue with Selene and Michael seeking to awake Marcus for help. They would surely find out about his twin brother, William, who was a full-blooded werewolf. I explained the significance of the necklace, besides its meaning between Sonja and me. Surely Selene and Michael would discover that it was the key to William's prison.

"I knew Alexander would come looking for it, so I pretended to be dead in the body bag. The Death Dealers weren't very thorough in checking to be sure I was dead, I suppose, so I escaped once they were sure I was dead. I'm sure by now they've discovered my absence in the mortuary. I escaped to America and got myself the necessary legal documents so that I didn't have to hide out from the law as an illegal immigrant, and I plan to sell the necklace to afford my house; it's worth enough. I've just been hiding out because of the pain. I realize now though that I can't give up on the many lives whose freedom I've fought for over almost a millennium's time now. But I am at an almost insurmountable impasse in my mind now over whether I should go back or not, because-"

"Because of me," she whispered, lowering her head as I held her. "It's my fault." She buried her face in my chest, clutching my body close to hers. I could not fathom her penitence. I did not fault her at all for my hesitation. She was more precious to me than anyone in the world, and I valued her love over anything else, even my own life.

"Maya, my love, I promised not to keep you uninformed. I would be lying to you if I told you there were no mortal dangers in bringing you with me. But I vowed to myself and to you this morning silently that I would give you the choice of whether or not you want to accompany me. I do not want to put you in mortal danger, but if being apart is as dire for you to bear as it is for me, then I will not stop you from joining me. But you will have to fight. It will not be safe for you to simply hide. You will be found, and they will find out if you have any loyalties to me. I am powerless at your feet. You have a choice to make, and I humbly await your decision."

I looked up at her with pleading eyes. I hoped she would wait for me here and keep herself out of harm's, even death's way, knowing I would come back for her. I hoped she had the utmost faith in me that I would return. All I could do now was wait in agonizing silence as she deliberated what she would choose to do. The one fact that I was sure of was that I could not leave my brethren to fight without me any longer. I had an obligation to finish what I had initiated. In this moment, however, my worst fear was realized yet again that I could lose her love forever, either by her not accepting my leaving, or by her accompanying me in mortal combat and succumbing to death.

"Maya, think this through thoroughly before you decide," I pleaded, aspirant that she would choose the reasonable option. Her eyes met mine, and fear glazed them over as she comprehended her certain death if she accompanied me. Her breath, and time, stood still.

A/N: Sorry, if you've already seen "Rise of the Lycans" then a lot of this is repeated information. Also, I realize that this is probably my shortest chapter. Please do me a favor and rate this story so far. I don't want to beg for attention, but I would like to know that I have readers out there, and that I'm doing an adequate enough of a job entertaining you, and if I should keep writing or even prolong this story as much as I can. Thanks a lot! :)