Tonks's POV:
I'm watching the spring breeze sadly, while on duty outside Hogwarts. It's been a long time since I've heard from him and it's beginning to worry me.
"These times are mad!" I hear Diggle shout from behind, but I give him no attention whatsoever. Instead, I get up and walk over to the coffee table. As if in a trance, I start pouring some in a mug, and wish he'd shut up.
"I mean all these horrible rumors!" Diggle continues blabbing on, not noticing my lack of interest.
"Such as?" I ask lazily, lifting the mug.
He gives me a strange look as if he hadn't expected me ask or to notice him at all.
"Such as Greyback attacking and killing someone. You know, they don't usually kill, just bite-"
My grip on that mug loosens and it falls, shattering. It takes me a few moments to fully register those words. I stagger backwards and Diggle steadies me.
"Are you-" he begins concerned. I quickly weasel out of his grasp. I'm not comfortable with other men touching me anymore.
"I need to see Dumbledore! Could you hold my place-won't be long?" I mumble quickly and dash off, before giving him the chance to say anything.
On my way to the castle I try to stay focused, but I'm panicking on the inside. It could have been him! I'm almost certain it was him! He's practically living with them, and from what I've caught from the others, Greyback suspects him. Guilt swells up in me and I tell myself that until confirmed by Dumbledore, it is merely a rumor.
When I reach his office, panting and slightly out of breath, I have a sinking feeling plummeting in my stomach. He's not here. I can't live in this apprehention and worry any longer. I feel I'm going mad. I stumble through the corridors and meet the last person I'd expected to see.
"What are you doing here?" Harry asks.
"I came to see Dumbledore, but he's just not-"
"Hey-you don't know where he goes, do you?"
"No," I say, much too harshly. I hate being reminded that I know less and less of everyone nowadays.
"What did you want to see him about?"
If the situation were different, I would have appreciated and admired his curiosity, but now I just need to get away, to find out what has happened to him.
"Nothing in particular…just heard rumors…people getting hurt…" I mutter, thinking hard to whom I can turn now. I'm vaguely aware of Harry saying something, but I tune it out, not meaning to. Then an idea strikes.
"You haven't heard from anyone in the Order recently, have you?" if Remus has written to someone, it most certainly is Harry. But his answers is a disappointment and I can't help shedding a few tears. I can't lose him; not like this.
Remus's POV:
"Well, um…unless you need me for anything else, I should be going" Tonks mumbles, her face set. There is a collective sound of 'All right' and 'See you later'. She turns, coming face to face with me and there is an awkward heart-warming moment when we stare at one another. Then she pushes past with a small 'Excuse me, Remus'. After she's left my eyes remain glued to the hospital-ward door.
Being back at Hogwarts has brought a lot of memories, both good and bad. And now, in the aftermath of the fight, Dumbledore's death and Snape revealed to be a traitor I'm in a dizzy state as if all this is a dream. I feel I must go after her. Being next to her after such a long time has done me well, even though she's been cold and distant.
"I'll let you to your family reunion." I tell the others, walking towards the exit.
"Go after her, Remus," a voice says, and I turn around, without any comeback prepared and am quite surprised to see that it is neither Molly, nor Arthur who has spoken. It is Bill. "You'll never find anyone like her to support you and love you despite everything, like my Fleur does."
I open my mouth, but he's begun snogging his fiancée so I shrug and walk out, trying hard not to slam the door.
I hear distant footsteps and follow then, a voice in my head telling me I'm doing the wrong thing.
I eventually find her huddled up next to a tree at the entrance to the Forbidden Forest. I slowly make my way to her, apparently unobserved.
"Hey!" I say stupidly, again asking myself why I'm doing this. I've gone looking for after avoiding her for so long.
"I knew you'd come," she says quietly, not looking at me. Another silence passes between us in which she stares into space, looking like she'd give anything to cry but has already spent all her tears. "Dumbledore dead," she eventually says, more to herself, "What are we going to do?"
"I-I…really don't know!" I congratulate myself for continuing to act stupid. I might as well leave, but I find my feet glued to the ground, unable to get away from her.
She finally turns towards me, with a glum expression.
"You reacted pretty nasty." She pauses before adding, "I've never seen you lose control…"
I smile bitterly. "Well, you haven't seen me at full moon either." I regret it the instant it comes out of my mouth.
Her expression hardens and I suddenly realize that in my wish to protect her, I've made her suffer. She isn't the same cheerful witch I met roughly a year ago. Her hair has gone mousy brown and her Patronus is now a werewolf. I wish we'd just remained friends...
"I didn't mean..." I try desperately to repair my mistake, but she cuts in angrily.
"I know perfectly well what you meant. And you know what?" Her angry eyes are boring into mine. There's no way I couldn't have fallen for her. "Unless you stop pushing people away from you, your life is going to more miserable than you already think it is. I love you, Remus!"
My heart bumps in my neck and I silently plead for her to stop, the same time a feeling of glowing taking hold of me. I've never felt so torn in my life...this is killing me.
"I love you unlike I've ever loved any man...and believe me there have been a ton. When that kid was murdered my Greyback my first thought went to you. If something had happened to you, I could have never lived with myself."
I start shaking my head, my eyes brimming with tears. I want her...I need her...and yet we both know the costs. She is willing to pay them but I'm not willing to let her.
She sees me silently crying and unable to speak and she understands. Nodding slowly she gulps and says
"I can't go on like this. I keep pulling out to you and you keep pushing me away. I'll make you a deal."
I look up sharply. Her lower lip is trembling.
"I'll promise that I'll stop trying to reach you, because honestly it's become exhausting if you promise you won't endanger yourself just to get away from me." her voice is cracking and I know this decision is breaking her heart.
"I promise" i say in slightly more than a whisper and she gives a silent sob and a sad smile.
"Goodbye, Remus," she comes closer and plants a soft kiss on my cheek. Then she slowly walks away and i stand there, shivers still tingling my entire body. She grows smaller and smaller and it finally hits me why I've come after her. I've though for so long that if I lose her it'll be best for both of us. But Arthur and Molly were right. That's not what I really want. What I want is her. Her smile, her touch, her kisses, her support. I can't lose her too.
I've been taking long strands to catch up with her without knowing what I was doing. She's driving me mad; she's making me stop thinking properly. I'm soon besides her and without thinking it through, as if someone else is controlling me I grab her hand and turn her roughly towards me. I only get a glance at her surprised face before pressing my lips hard on hers.