"O, all you in heaven! And earth! What else? Shall I couple hell to that as well?" the onyx hedgehog cried frantically, clutching his chest. "Damn it! Beat, my heart. Beat and send blood to these sinews; keep them young and bearing me stiffly up.

"Remember you! Ay, poor ghost, I shall, as long as the power of memory holds a seat in the distracted senate of my head. Remember you indeed!" he began addressing the heavens above. "Yes, from this senate, I shall wipe clean all things trivial and unnecessary. Thy commandment alone shall be preserved; pure, undiluted and unmixed with baser matters."

Turning now to face the rough direction of Elsinore, he resumed his tirade, "O you pernicious woman! O villain! Villain! Damned smiling villain! My notes! It is best if I set down that one can smile and smile, and still be a villain. At least, it is likely so in Denmark.

"So, uncle, there you are," Hamlet remarked, scribbling away into his notes. "Now, to my word. 'Adieu, adieu. Remember me,' He uttered.

"Worry not, Father," the ebony prince muttered, turning once more to the sky, "I have sworn it."

Cold, afraid and exhausted though they were, Horatio and Marcellus continued to scour the forest even after the prince had shaken them off hours earlier.

"O Heaven, secure him!" Horatio groaned, slumping down against a tree, fatigued and worried.

"Secure? Then so be it," a voice behind them said suddenly, causing both men to jump out of their fur.

"Illo-ho-ho, my lord!" the cobalt hedgehog practically yelled, half-relieved and half-alarmed.

"Hillo-ho-ho, my boy!" Hamlet retorted, oddly bouncy. "Come, bird, come!"

The coyote and blue hedgehog exchanged worried looks before Marcellus inquired nervously, "So, 'ow did it go, my lord?"

"Oh, wonderful! Incredible! Splendid!" the prince replied, still unnervingly jumpy.

"Please, my lord, tell us," the azure hedgehog pleaded.

"No. You'll reveal it," Hamlet shot back, puffing out his bottom lip into a petulant pout.

Horatio, exasperated, replied, "I swear by heaven, I won't, sire."

"Nor I, Prince 'Amlet," crowed Marcellus.

Hesitantly, Hamlet quipped, "Alright. But you'll promise to be secret?"

"Ay, by heaven do we swear," the other men replied.

"There's never a villain in Denmark that isn't going to be, well, a villain," Hamlet began.

"There need be no ghost, my lord, to return from the grave to tell us this," Horatio remarked dryly.

"Why, you're absolutely right!" came the ebony hedgehog, in a slightly manic tone. "So, without much further ado about nothing, I see it fit that we merely shake hands and part ways. You, as your business and desire take you-for nobody lacks business or desire, for whatever they're worth. As for me, I think I shall go and pray."

Increasingly fearful of the prince's strange behavior, Horatio could not help but utter, "You speak such...wild and whirling words, sire."

"I heartily apologize if they offend you."

"Oh no, there is no offense taken, my lord."

"Oh but by Saint Patrick there is, Horatio-and much offense too! As for the ghost, it is an honest-to-God ghost; that I can tell you. However, your desire to know what went down between us must, unfortunately, be left unfullfilled."

Though Hamlet saw Horatio visibly deflate upon hearing news that his curiosity will never be satisfied, the prince continued, "Now, my friends-as you are friends, scholars and soldiers alike-I ask that you grant me one small favor."

"What is it, sire? Of course we will," came the cobalt hedgehog.

"I ask you to never make known to anyone what you have witnessed tonight."

Unwaveringly, the scholar and the sentry replied in unison, "My lord, we will not."

"Nay, you must swear it," Hamlet retorted.

Still unnerved by his jumpy, yet light-hearted attitude, Horatio and Marcellus each swore respectively.

"In faith, my lord, not I."

"Nor I, seigneur, in faith."

"Upon my sword," the ebony prince whined impatiently.

"But, sire we 'ave sworn already," Marcellus crowed.

"Indeed, but this time, upon my sword!" Hamlet cried.

"Swear!" came a deep, guttural voice seemingly from the very earth the three men stood upon, which incidentally made two of the three jump out of their skin.

"Ha ha! Sayst thou so? Are you down there, truepenny?" the onyx hedgehog called out, seemingly replying to the spectral, otherworldly voice.

Turning his attention to the two men who now quaked in their boots before him, he continued impatiently, "Well, come on, you heard what the man in the cellar said; consent to swear!"

"P-propose the oath, my liege," Horatio replied, quickly grabbing hold of the prince's sword, positively frightened.

Unwaveringly, Hamlet declared, "Never speak of what you have seen. Swear it by my sword."

"Swear!" came the ghost, in a voice that reverberated horribly within the men's very skulls.

"*Hic et ubique?" the prince remarked, amused and chuckling slightly, despite the nerve-freezing spectral voice. "Maybe we must shift our ground. Gentlemen, come, and lay your hands upon my sword again. Swear by my sword to never speak of what you have heard."

"Swear by his sword!" the ghost bellowed.

"Well said, old mole! You're quite fast and busy in the dirt, aren't you? What a tunneler!" Hamlet quipped, almost laughing now.

Turning to the now completely frightened and alarmed Marcellus and Horatio, he declared casually, "Let us move once more, my friends."

"O day and night, but this is unbelievably and wondrously strange!" the cobalt hedgehog exclaimed.

"Then, as you would a stranger, give it a nice welcome," Hamlet retorted. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, that not even you can ever dream of. But listen now to me. However strange or mad I bear myself (and methinks that such an antic disposition is called for in the near future), that you must never-not with a gesture of the hand or expression of the face, or with the enunciation of some doubtful, ambiguous phrase-let anyone know what has transpired here tonight. Swear that you won't."

"Swear!" came the ghost, one final time.

With frantic swears (of more than one kind), the scholar and the sentry swore; each by heaven, by the sword, and by screaming expletives.

"Alright, alright, perturbed spirit! You may rest easy now. So, gentlemen," Hamlet said, pausing to bring both Horatio and Marcellus up from their cowering positions before he continued, "I thank you both heartily, and I shall not forget to someday repay you in kind, however I can."

Turning back now towards Elsinore, the onyx hedgehog continued addressing them, "Let us go back to court together, but I do pray that your fingers still be on your lips. Shhhhhhh.

"Oh, these times, they are so out of joint," Hamlet sighed conversationally, walking back to the castle, a very shaken Marcellus and very unnerved Horatio in tow. "O damn cursed spite, that ever I was to be the one to set it right!"

Exeunt

Finem Actu I

A/N: I guess I should put a disclaimer here so I don't get shot at or kidnapped by The Copyright SWAT team or something. I own not a single cell of any of the Sonic characters used in this story; SEGA and/or Archie Comics do. Also, the story of Hamlet is not owned by me either; although no one really knows who owns it and therefore can take credit for being the original author because Shakespeare's scripts of it are but his own stage adaptation of an ancient story/stories whose origins and credibility are still being debated today.

*Latin, lit. "here and everywhere"

Oh my giddy aunt this was only the first act (?!)