In word this is fourteen pages long. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter ten: Please accept me

Dave's P.O.V

Its been three says and I think im making an impact on John. Though, I fuck it up ech time and say something that offends him or brings back memories for him in such a way that he doesn't want to talk to me.

Good one Dave, good one, I would always think.

Last time I bought a Rose, and John accepted it. But in turn I caused him so much pain and grief that he hurt himself, I don't want that to happen again. So these past couple of days I've been giving him friend presents to make up for all those times I was never there.

A rose.

A gift certificate to Barns and nobles.

An offer to eat out with me and talk, and I would pay, of course he turned it down.

I realized that these were just material items that he didn't want and or need. I needed something that came from the heart, something deep down within myself that showed how much I was sorry and how much I appreciated him now.

And I had just the thing.

I waited until John's friends left him before I came running up to him, "John!" I said, he turned and sighed as he saw a tiny wrapped box in my hands.

"Another gift?"

"Yes, but this means the most, please, open it."

John rolled his eyes softly like he always does with my gifts and started to unwrap it. My heart was pounding and I already started to regret giving it to him. What if he doesn't like it? What if he refuses it? These crossed my mind as he slid off the top and looked at the beaded bracelet made from Pony beads and stretchy string.

"Is this a joke? What is this?"

"Can I explain?"

"Yeah."

"You wear blue the majority of the time, so I'm guessing it's your favorite color. And blue, is the color of your eyes. This is a friendship bracelet believe it or not, I made it just for you even though you don't consider me your friend. If you accept this I'll be the most happiest man in the world, you can decline it if you want, but only if you really want to."

John looked at it for a long time, I could feel a cold sweat roll down the side of my head and I felt my heart drop of happiness when he put it on.

"I accept it, I can tell you put a lot of hard work into such a simple thing. Thank you."

I wanted to hug him, I really did, but I didn't know what he would do. I wanted to ask if I could, but he was walking away already telling me to c'mon and get my butt to class. I was really wondering if he was starting to consider me his friend.

Am I hoping to high?

I stayed close to him as we walked to class, he was quiet as usual unless I asked something. His flinching became less and less each day around me and that was a good thing, at least I wasn't scary to him anymore.

"John," I asked before we got into class, taking his arm gently.

He took his arm away in an uncomfortable manor and averted his eyes, "Yeah?"

Shit, maybe I shouldn't have touched him, maybe I shouldn't ask- No. Do it. "Can I sit next to you?"

John's eyes met everywhere except mine, "Um."

"It's totally fine if you don't want me to."

"Then why'd you ask?"

"..I don't know."

"Not today, okay?"

"Okay."

We entered class and the professors eyes met my shades and called me over, I raised a brow and went over to her.

"Yes Miss Spence?"

"You only did a paragraph for the first assignment about a week ago, not that it didn't touch me. But I'm glad you told the truth. Most people would only tell lies."

She handed me back my paper with a 37/37 on it.

"Re-read it, make sure you understand it, and," She glanced up at where John was sitting "I'm routing for you."

I'm going to keep this short and simple. For this assignment you wanted to know of sexually abused peoples and or rape and such. Well, yes. I thought about lying, I thought about taking some stories off the internet and using it as examples. But no. I'm going to go from the heart. I, was a player back in high school. And basically I humiliated a bunch of people and personally I don't care for those people. But there's this one guy, yeah, a guy. I humiliated him times tenfold, and now a feel horrible about it. I touched him in a way that he loved, but I only used to take advantage. His name? It's really irrelevant in stuff like this, just take it that he goes to this college now, and is in English 1A with me and Science. And that im going to try and make it up to him in any way possible. But in all glories gold, yeah, I did sexually abuse this poor guy. And I hate myself.

Book recommendations: I don't really read.

I smiled and nodded at her, then went to my seat. All through class I was day dreaming, in between the line of reality and dream. I was here, in a sense, I was day dreaming about John.

It was silly really.

I was day dreaming about having a picnic on the school campus, like they do in those 1950's movies, and John and I would sit and get to know each other in the years that we've been away from each other. Where John has hated me and I have been wanting to make up every second of every day to him. My hand would creep up to his and I would take it within mine and squeeze it softly, he would look into my shades and chuckle and say "Dave, I can't see your eyes."

"Dave."

I picked up my head up and saw John adjusting his bag on his back, "C'mon we'll be late for Science."

He peered over and sighed "You didn't take any notes did you."

I looked at my paper and chuckled "I guess not, "I gathered my stuff and slung my red bag over my shoulder and caught a glimpse of the bracelet John was wearing, it made me smile.

In Science we had an assignment to where we must mix a few chemicals to watch it glow a neon color, then Miss Pavao turned off the lights and it glowed, the particles floating around.

I smiled to see that John was smiling at the experiment. He got eye level with the beaker and poked the beaker with his gloved hand. "This is so cool, don't you think Dave?" he asked.

"Yeah, pretty neat."

The assignment from Miss Pavao was to find a source for technology and write up a report telling whether it is useful or not.

John gathered his stuff and so did I, as I was walking with him I wanted to ask him something. I had to ask him before his friends came, it was really important.

We stopped where we usually stopped and I ran my hand through my hair, "So um John, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, you gotta do it before my friends come though."

"Will you go out to lunch with me."

He was quiet.

"I know you usually go with your friends to lunch, but It would mean the world to me if you came with me to someplace where we could eat."

He was still silent.

"John, okay, I understand that you don't wann-"

"Okay."

"Huh?"

"I said okay, I'll tell them I'm eating with someone else today, where are you parked?"

"Over there," I say pointing to my bike with my thumb.

"Okay, you should get out of here-"

The girls start to walk up and see me, John sighs and I just stand there. Here comes the rants.

"What's he doing here?" Asks the blonde.

"Why is he with you?" Asks the black haired one.

"I told you he's in my two first classes," replies John.

"Well, scoot," says the white haired chick "John needs to come with us so he can eat."

I smirk, time to turn on the asshole-ish Strider charm "I'm sorry ladies, but he's coming with me."

"What? No he's not, right John." The blonde asked.

John was quiet, and kept his hands behind his back.

"John?" The blonde inquired.

"Yeah, I'm going with him," John finally said.

"Why?" Asked the black haired girl.

"Jade, I just can okay?"

"But after what he did? I wouldn't trust him," She said.

My heart hurt, why does everyone always have to bring that up?

John moved his feet around on the ground and it looked like he was curling his toes within his shoes. It looked like he didn't want to answer that question.

"John?" the blonde says bringing her head down to peer down at John's head that was down.

"Look Rose, he wants to take me out somewhere. He's pestering me, okay? He won't do anything in a public place," John says.

Pestering? I clear my throat quietly, is that all he thinks of me? I really hope not.

"How do you know that?" Rose asks.

"Just, trust me okay? I have my phone on me," and with that John left his friends in the direction that I pointed to, I left with him not wanting to be yelled at by the girls. I could hear Rose let out a bull exhale and the other two staring daggers at me.

I take the lead and take John to the red speed bike with the chained up helmet. I unchain it and hand the helmet to him.

"Um, what's this?"

"This is your safety precautions, and your ride. Hop on."

John looked at the bike and then the helmet, making an apprehensive looking face for about five seconds before putting his glasses in his pocket and and putting on the helmet.

"I feel ridiculous."

I smile and help him up, "You'll thank me if you fall off and that helmet saves your head."

He looks at me, "Don't even joke about that Dave, watch you jinx the hell out of me."

"I've had this baby since graduating high school, never once got into a crash."

"Good to know, now get on and drive."

I got on and turned on the bike ignition, backing out and turned to John, "You better hold onto me, you don't want to fall."

I felt John's slender arms wrap around my waist and lock his hands over my stomach. I can't explain it, but my face felt hot and all tingly at that moment. Was it the sun? I don't really know, but I knew that I liked it when John was holding into me.

I put a little speed onto the bike and heard John gasp when we jerked forward and to the stopping position at the turning lane out to the street.

"Relax," I said to John, "Just hold onto me if you get scared."

"I'm not scared."

"Bullshit," I say sarcastically.

"Shut your face, or I'll get off."

"Kay."

John held onto tighter and buried his helmet into my back as I put speed to the throttle, for one I kept within the cars, and not going over the speed limit, only to keep john safe. I was also on the look out for a restaurant for lunch and any cops. I only had one helmet and John was using it, if I got pulled over, I was going to get a ticket.

At a red light I spotted an Olive Garden, not too expensive and yet they have pretty good Italian food. The light turned green and I turned into the plaza, didn't want to turn on red now did I?

Even for lunch on a weekday Olive Garden was pretty packed. I parked on the curb and got off, helping John off next. John took off the helmet and had helmet hair. I smiled, holding back a giggle and he placed the helmet in my hands then fixed his hair. I chained the bike up and turned to him.

"You ready?"

"Yeah, let me just clean my glasses first," John took out his glasses and took the end of his hoodie and wiped his glasses clean from any smudges.

Now that I notice it, I've never seen John, since he's been at college, without a hoodie on, or some type of jacket. We live in Florida, and it almost ninety degrees out here, doesn't he ever get hot?

John put his glasses on and nodded, both of us walking up to the restaurant. I held the door for John which surprised him.

"Um, thanks," he said going inside.

I went up to the hostess and out in a table for two, they said we were lucky because a table just opened up. The hostess led us to the booth in the corner and we took our seats across from each other. She asked us for drinks and we both wanted water with lemon. She left to go fetch our drinks and told us that our server would be with us shortly.

I tucked a strand of blonde hair behind my ear and chuckled "So, I'm glad you accepted my offer."

"Don't get used to it," he said averting his eyes.

Its okay for him to be snarky, I deserve it.

"I know, I'm just glad."

John shifted his eyes from side to side, blushing softly, I couldn't help but smile.

"So, um, you don't actually think I pester you, do you?" I asked.

"Yes, I kinda do."

"…Oh."

"But, you've gotten better at less annoying me over the past week," John shifted uncomfortable in his seat, "I'm less afraid of you."

"Oh John, I'm really glad to hear that!"

A new waiter came by with our drinks, almost spilling it on us, "Sorry," he grumbles.

"It's okay," John says.

"May I take your order? Or do you need a few minutes?: he asks in a grouchy tone, he must not like his job.

"A few minutes please," John asks, the waiter nods and leaves.

John and I open our menus, I decide on the stuffed portabella mushrooms in cream sauce, "So you know what you want?" I ask.

"Hm, I think I'm going to go with a kids meal."

"Oh? What kind?"

"The chicken tenders," he giggles.

"Can never go wrong with a kids meal," I chuckle.

"So, John."

"Hm?"

"If you're less afraid of me, is there any hoping chance of me becoming a friend with you?"

John bit his lip, opening his mouth, closing it, then opening it again, "Maybe, I don't know."

I smiled, "That's all I need to know, I know now that I have a fighting chance."

John averts his eyes and I knew that since his hands weren't up on the table that they were under it, he was probably playing with them. His slender fingers touching each other, rubbing against one another, he was nervous.

The waiter came back, standing his weight on one foot, "May I take your order?"

"I'll have the stuffed portabella mushrooms."

"I'll have the kids meal, chicken tenders with French fries."

The waiter smirked and rose his brow, "Do you want a toy with that?"

"I don't know, do they come with toys?"

I eyes the waiter looking at his name tag, "Look Mr. Karkat, I'd be a shame if that attitude of yours got kicked out of this nice restaurant because your trying to be funny to one of the customers."

"…Sorry, I can't help what I say or the way I am. Really, I am sorry, it just comes out naturally."

"To make fun of people?" I ask.

"Kinda, your order will be out shortly," Karkat the waiter turns to walk away but John calls his name.

"Yes? Do you need something?"

"Just wait a moment," he says. John takes a sugar packet and a pen from his pocket and writes something on it, then hands it to Karkat. Karkat reads it and I could see a bright red blush coming to his face, he thanks John and leaves.

I was now curious.

"What did it say?"

"Oh, It had my name and number on it."

What?

"Why? He just kind of made fun of you, why would you give him your number?" I ask getting a little over protective on the topic.

John shrugged, "He reminds me of me in high school, not the asshole-lish part though. I only had Rose and Jade, I was too apprehensive towards everyone and everything after you humiliated me. So I look at Karkat, our waiter, and I see how he's an asshole and think he probably doesn't have any friends. So I took the initiative by giving a complete strange asshole my number in an attempt to be his friend."

This only showed that John was willing to let a complete stranger into his life as a friend, maybe because in some way he trusted him. But this also showed that I had to step it up another five notches and try to win his friendship.

John took a sip of his water, looking around. I spun my straw in my drink, looking around as well.

Say it you pansy.

"So, John."

"Yeah?"

"How have you been?"

"Fine. Why?"

"No, I mean after you left high school, not seeing me anymore."

"I've been… okay," John said rubbing his arms. I watched him rub his arms and thought, does he know he's doing that? Is he doing it unconsciously? What's up with him and these hoodies? In high school he never wore hoodies or Jackets, so why the change?

"Do you want to talk about some stuff that has happened over the past few years?" I asked.

"Um, not really."

I really wanted to respect his privacy and wishes, but it just slipped out, "Why not?"

John looked like a mixture of generally pissed off and hurt, "Because I don't really want to, is that good enough for you Dave?"

I looked down into my water and nodded, "I'm sorry John, it just slipped out. I'm just really really glad that you came with me and aren't really scared and terrified anymore. I don't like hurting you and or scaring you. That's not what a real friend does, even though you don't consider us real friends."

John was quiet.

"I'm just interested in your life, I'm kinda interested in you."

"Dave."

Shit, my head popped up and I rubbed the back of my neck nervously, "Interested in you in the friend kinda way, ya know?"

"I know," John smiles softly, a pink blush hinting on his cheeks, "I'm not ready for that kind of question yet, but we can ask each other questions like what we like and stuff, and then it leads up to that question. Sound good?"

I nod, taking a sip of my water as John asks the first question, "What are you studying at UF?"

I swallowed my drink and smile, "Well actually," I start, "I'm really experimenting with what I want to be."

"Oh?"

"Yes."

"Explain please?"

"Sure." I fold my hands over the table, "I kind of want to be a musician, but if I don't like it within the first, oh let's say six months, then I'll switch."

"Okay, to what?"

"Maybe something more serious in the music career, like a cello player or something, if not, then a doctor."

"Oh? Cool!"

"Mhm, one of those people who deliver babies or an anesthesiologist."

"Ew, I don't think I would want to see a baby being born."

"I'd just say something like, ma'am you need to calm down."

"In that sate of pain I'd be hitting you."

"Are you having the child Egbert?"

"No."

"Then do not tell me what to say," I chuckle, John chuckles with me.

This conversation goes on for five minutes and I have John in legit tears from laughing too hard. He's lying in the seat and I'm just watching him. His face is tomato red and I can't help but giggle along with him. He sits up and fans himself, wiping his tears away with his fingers.

"And you swear that happened?"

"Yeah, look at this face. Would this face lie to you?"

Shit, wrong, thing to a-

John giggled "Yeah, it would."

Is.. Is he starting to warm up to me?

We suddenly smelled food and saw Karkat, our waiter, with our food. He set down the food, his fingers lingering on John's. "Enjoy," he said and left.

John smiled and took his utensils out and placed the napkin on his lap. He took the chicken and bit into his, smiling.

"So, John. I know you probably don't wanna hear it since your food just got here and you want to enjoy it. But, I really want to know."

John chewed and sighed through his nose.

Am I going to get yelled at?

"Okay, a deals a deal right?"

I smiled, "Yeah."

John took the catsup as he began talking, "Ever since you humiliated me… I've been depressed."

Oh.

"I take anti-depressants. Yet I don't think they help."

Anti-depressants?

"I was transferred out of school then homeschooled until now. I've never told my father, though he pretty much has the right guess, and pieced it all together."

…Ah

"…I'm going something I shouldn't be doing to my body."

Huh?"

"It's wrong in most people's eyes, but it makes me feel good you know?"

No I don't, what is it?

"I did it to forget about you, but instead it brings more pain each and every time I think about it. It's my release."

Please stop.

"It hurts. But it's a stress release too."

Don't let it be what I think it is.

John pulled at his sleeves, playing with his fingers, "I cut myself."

My heart dropped, that's what's with all the jackets and hoodies? That's why he always flinches each time I grab his wrist or arm. Tears welled up in my eyes behind my shades, I placed my hands in my lap to keep from pulling my hair out.

"I've been so depressed and so horrible in all honesty."

"I want to see them."

"Huh?"

"Your cuts. Let me see them."

John looked like something in him broke and he shook his head real fast, covering his fingers and averting his eyes, "No."

"Why not?"

"They are ugly, and gross, and stupid. I don't want anyone to see them."

I hung my head down low, I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't fall ,"I'm sorry."

"…I forgive you."

My head popped up and in took in a sharp intake before It hitched, "You do?"

"Yeah. But I'm not going to stop."

I was confused, "Why?"

John let out a broken innocent smile, "I guess I'm still stuck on the past, huh?"

I broke.

I pushed my food out of the way and got up, mumbling to John that I would be back. I rushed to the bathroom and threw off my shades onto the counter and turned on the faucet. I splashed cold water on my face and felt myself shaking. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw tears rolling down my face with the water droplets. I breathed in and out a couple of time and slapped both of my cheeks.

"Get a hold of yourself Dave, fuck man, you have to strong one."

I grabbed my shades and put them on, going back to the table and regaining my composure.

John looked at me, nibbling on the chicken tender, "You okay?"

No, are you okay John? How can I help you? Let me in. I want to help, please.

"Yeah, totally chill."

I sat down and placed my plate in front of me and began eating. We ate in silence until I broke it, "Will you ever let me see it?"

"No."

"Why not?"

He squirmed uncomfortably in his seat, furrowing his eyebrows and bitting his lip.

"Are you scared?"

He nodded.

"Of what?"

He hesitated for a good five seconds. Opening and closing his mouth a few times before he finally said it, "You."

I cleared my throat, my stuffed mushroom on my fork. I watched him roll up his hoodie sleeve just a tad to reveal the friendship bracelet. But it was enough to reveal two nasty cuts as well. John handed me the bracelet.

"I don't think I'm ready to accept your friendship bracelet just yet."

I set my fork down and took the bracelet, but also took John's hand and opened it placing the bracelet inside of it and closing it into a tight ball.

"When you are ready, then put it on. There is no rush. Please, Please, don't break my heart anymore,"

John blinked, a light pink blush dusting on his cheeks. He nodded and put it in his pocket.

The thing I learned today? I made John's life a living hell the past four years. I'm a terrible person, I shouldn't be alive. But since I am, I need to show John that I'm for real and I'm not going to cause him anxiety or any more depression.

John, please accept me as your friend, I'll show you a great time, and how much I really like you.