Chapter 10: Lost

Something had changed in Evangeline since her first night at the Potter's home. Her talk with James had burned a guilty hole inside of her. She couldn't help but see James' look of mournful adoration on Harry's face when he looked at her. She replayed every moment they had together, wracking her brains to see if he had left her any clues, had all but said he was in love with her, only to be ignored and unloved. She did love him; more than anyone alive. She just couldn't bring herself to think of him romantically. It was like going against nature for her; and every day she spent in 1977 amplified her misery. She could hardly bear to see James' face, or Lily's eyes. It was agony to see Remus and Sirius so whole, and (for the most part) completely innocent to the terrors they would be experiencing in a few years time. An although she hated herself for it, she wanted nothing more than to go back to 1997.

She wanted to be home, where most of her friends were dead and she could move on. She wanted to be in this house twenty years in the future with Sirius and Remus, swapping fond memories with them, and embracing a life without Voldemort. She had spent most of her life living under the shadow of that mans terror, only to be thrust right back into the beginning of it just when his reign had ended. She couldn't handle being in the past where it would be so easy to change thins, and make it so that James and Lily never died, Voldemort never rose to power again, Sirius never went to prison, and her friends would be alive. It was worse than torture to look into their eyes and know the things that she did. It was too difficult to be in that time, and she wanted out more than anything in the world to be Hermione again.

And so Harmony and herself had thrown themselves into studying, and searching. Looking for anything, spell, potion, artifact, or book that could send them forward in time. Week after week they searched day and night. They hardly ate at all, and when they did they didn't really seem to have much of an appetite. After the third week of diligent searching, Harmony closed the book she was reading and put it on the shelf, left the library, and did not come back.

Evangeline felt more determined than ever to find a way back. She had to do it; not just for herself, but for Harmony as well. With no one in the library to remind her to take breaks for water, or on occasion for a meal, she had no idea how ragged she was running herself. Even when someone did come to check on her, usually James or Harmony, she didn't even notice them there. Her research was getting her nowhere, and a few days after Harmony quit looking for an answer, Sirius tentatively shuffled into the library.

Sirius POV

After his first encounter with Evangeline, the atmosphere in the Potter household was unbearably tense. The two young girls had secluded themselves in the library for hours, even days at a time. Lily frequently expressed her concern for the situation, exclaiming that they shouldn't be allowed to seclude themselves like they were, and that someone should intervene, make them stop.

"No, Lily." James had said wearily. "If we force them to do something against their will it will just fuel their desire to continue doing it, and eventually they'll continue doing it just to spite us."

Lily disagreed loudly, and she and James always ended up bickering until someone else told them to be quiet. Sirius himself wasn't quite sure how he felt about it. On the one hand he quite agreed with James, knowing that if someone continuously tried to force something on him against his will, that it would make him want to do it as spite. A smaller part of him, buried deep within, wanted to go in there and shake Evangeline out of her stupor, and he didn't know why. When it came to other people (with the exception of his three best friends and Lily), he could care less if they wanted to drown in their sorrows. His childhood had given him a lifetime of torturous memories, and he didn't want to pile others' on top of them. Things only became more uncomfortable from there, and soon, three weeks had gone by.

Everyone was sitting in the dining room when they heard the door to the library close. James looked between the group and the doorway, and left to see who it was. Hardly breathing so that he could hear as much as possible, Sirius was able to distinguish James' voice, but nothing more than mumbled conversation. Soon he re-entered the dining room, and everyone sat up stiffly in their seats.

"It was Harmony." he said. "she said she's not feeling well, and wants to lie down." Sirius' face fell in disappointment, then turned to one of shame as me mentally kicked himself for being inconsiderate. For the next few days Harmony remained in her room visited only by Lily (who slept there) and occasionally Remus with something for her to eat.

At the end of the third day after Harmony emerged from the library, Sirius decided he'd had enough. It was torture for him to watch someone starving themselves over research, he didn't care how important it might have been. As quietly as he could so he wouldn't wake his slumbering friends, he crept over to the door and snuck out of the room. The hallway lamps were all still lit, so he didn't have walk blindly. As he approached the hidden doorway to the library, he could see that the lights were on inside as he had already assumed they would be. He opened the door and shuffled awkwardly inside, keeping his eyes on the floor as though she might see right through him if she looked into his eyes like she had on their first introduction.

He could hear that she had stopped shuffling papers, and that her breathing was shallow. He gathered up some courage he didn't realize he had lost, and chanced a glance in what he thought was her direction. She was sitting on the floor not five feet away from him, papers scattered around her in every direction, and teetering piles of books in front of her. He looked over at her, and saw she was looking directly at him, blue eyes piercing his soul once more. He had only seen her a handful of times, each of them only in passing since their first encounter, but he could tell that she was thinner than before. An accomplishment in his mind, seeing as how she was already paper thin when he met her. She looked tired, and desperate, like some tragic Rapunzel trapped inside a tower with no possible chance of rescue. Suddenly for no reason he was nervous again.

"would…how would-" why couldn't he form words? "can I…make you something to eat?" he couldn't describe to himself how he felt, only that it was driving him insane. He needed her to agree, or tell him to get out, or anything to break the piercing look she was giving him. Raising her eyebrow ever so slightly, she sighed and nodded. Relieved, he crossed the room quickly and reached out for her hands to help her off the floor. She offered him one more short piercing look before stretching her arms towards his and grabbing his hands. They were soft, and smooth, and tiny, and as cold as ice. He gripped them tightly, and pulled her up slowly.

She immediately lost her balance and fell against his chest, and without thinking, he had a firm grip on her upper arm and a supportive hand on her waist.

"Hey, are you alright?" he asked. Her face had paled considerably, and she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath to steady herself.

"I-I'm fine." she whispered, eyes still closed. "I think….I stood up too-" she her arms and body fell limp against his chest and he realized that she must've passed out. Balancing her carefully against his body, he moved the hand that was grasping her arm, to her back, the other arm underneath her legs, and picked her up. He felt like he was lifting a basket of laundry she was so light. Using his foot, he managed to open the door wide enough to carry her out of the library, and headed up the stairs to one of the many vacant rooms. Bending his knees slightly so that he could reach the doorknob without dropping Evangeline, he secretly thought that he was glad it was him she had passed out on. It stirred something inside of him to be responsible to caring for something so delicate, something in his soul that gave him an overwhelming sense of pride when he saw her head resting in the crook of his chest and arm. Very carefully he set her down on the full-size bed that was inside one of the empty rooms. She stirred ever so slightly as he wriggled him arms out from underneath her.

"Shhh," he said, gently touching the side of her face, making small, soothing strokes to help her relax into sleep. He knew she needed rest. He reached his other hand into the back pocket of his jeans, withdrew his wand, and conjured up a thick warm quilt, draping it gently over her tiny resting form. Something cold splashed over his hand, and he was pleased to see that Evangeline had grabbed his hand, and put it between her face and the pillow beneath, curling into a ball and sleeping as peacefully as ever.

Sirius, not wishing to disturb her anymore, conjured up a comfortable chair next to her bed, and made himself comfortable. His eyes became gradually heavier with every passing moment, and as he looked over at Evangeline's sleeping form once more, he knew that this moment would be the start of something much greater than had ever happened to him before.

A/N: This chapter wasn't supposed to even happen, lol. I was rewriting the beginning of the next chapter, and this literally formed itself. Haha. I hope that it adds something amazing. I know it's short, but I really felt like it deserved to be on it's own =)