I actually feel guilty for giving him HIV. Poor JD. Anyways, sorry for the wait. I didn't have my laptop, so I couldn't write. Sorry...

HAZEL

" JD, i'm so sorry..." Carla stood at the side of his bed, watching her husband's best friend react to the worst news he'd ever received. " We should probably get you started on a steady dosage of Epivir sooner rather than later. "

She glanced up at Elliot, who looked like she might either vomit or cry.

" Bambi, if you ever need to talk, you know i'm here. So are Elliot and Turk. " She leaned over and squeezed his hand. He didn't react, just continued to sit up in his bed and stared sadly at his hands, which he was twiddling nervously. A single teardrop fell onto the white blanket below him. " I have to go take care of some other patients for awhile, but i'll be back. Dr. Cox should stop by soon. Are you going to tell him, or do you want us to just give him the results, let him figure it out on his own? "

JD shook his head and more tears flung onto his blanket. " I'll tell him. "

Carla just nodded and stood still for another moment. Elliot grabbed her arm carefully and pulled her gently to the door.

For awhile, JD just sat in his bed, unmoving. The unfairness of it all stung so badly.

First, he'd been raped, then he was depressed. The puncture wounds, the scars, the hypothermia. Now HIV? It didn't make sense.

He was so angry, but he didn't yell. Just cried and cried until his eyes were swollen, little slits on his scarred face. He sat alone and refused to talk to anybody until Perry came to his room later in the day.

When the older doctor walked in, his expression was unreadable. JD couldn't tell if Perry had heard, or if he was tired, or angry.

" Hey Newbie. " He sat down in a chair next to the bed and grabbed the younger man's hand. " I'm guessing Barbie told you? "

JD swallowed. Maybe they weren't talking about the same thing. " What? "

" The drugs...you know...? "

She hadn't said anything about drugs. "What drugs, Perry? " JD felt panicky.

" I thought she was going to tell you so that I wouldn't have to. " He looked irritated and started playing with his badge, trying to calm his heart so that he could tell JD the truth.

They sat in silence for a few moments, the tension hanging in the air thick enough to slice with a knife.

Each man took a deep breath and prepared to speak.

" I've been slipping you anti-depressants, Newbie. I've been putting them into your food. " his face fell and Perry looked absolutely defeated. " I thought that they would help, but they didn't. I screwed up..."

JD furrowed his brows. " Oh. " He couldn't exactly blame Perry for that. He'd been unbearably needy the past couple of days. Then again, it wasn't safe that Perry'd been altering the chemicals in him, without JD's knowledge.

Oddly, it didn't bother him that much. His boyfriend sneaking pills into his food wasn't nearly as bad as having an incurable virus that would eventually end his life.

" Newbie, I get that you're mad at me. But can you at least say something? "

JD grabbed Perry's hand and squeezed it tighter. " It's okay. "

The older doctor looked at the man quizzically. " Are you serious? You are really just going to forgive me for drugging you?

" It's not that bad. " JD took a deep shaky breath and felt his stomach do flips. " Don't worry about it. " his voice cracked and the reassuring smile he'd plastered on his face broke, revealing the true terror he felt. He drew in air and it caught in his throat, releasing a wounded sob.

Perry leaned forward and wrapped his arms around JD. " I know you're upset. " The guilt he felt was almost too intense for him to handle. " I'm sorry. "

JD shook his head. " It's not you. " he pulled out of the embrace and grabbed Perry's shoulders firmly. The older man could feel the hands on him shaking violently. " I have bad news."

The room was utterly silent as Perry waited for JD to tell him what the news was. A thousand awful scenarios played in his mind and, despite his best efforts, Perry couldn't shake the feeling that it was something terrible.

" I-I..." JD struggled to breath evenly and bit his pinky fingernail before continuing. There was no stopping the tears at that point. " I-I...have... " Perry moved a free hand to the small of JD's back and rubbed small circles on it. They were sitting so close that Perry felt the heat radiating off of JD's being.

" Newbie, you can tell me. Just say it. " Even Perry's calm, soothing voice had a slight tremble in it.

JD nodded slightly and closed his eyes to maintain the composure that he was working so hard to have. He opened his eyes and blinked away burning tears before meeting Perry's worried gaze.

" I have HIV. "

It's hard to try and write so much raw emotion. I was shaking the majority of this short chapter. Anyways, i'm sorry for the long delay. I didn't have my laptop, so I could write. I hope you all are still enjoying and remember, reviews make me want to write even more.

Since I love you all super duper a lot, here is a bunny for you:

(\ /)

c('')('')

XOXOXOXOXXXXX

Kisses are better.

HAZEL