"Commander, you've received a new message at your private Terminal."

.

"Thank you Kelly, I-" Shepard stopped as she scrolled through the message.

"Is something wrong, Commander?" Kelly turned away from her terminal, looking concerned.

Shepard shook her head and quickly closed the terminal, heading for the elevator.

"Joker, set course for Illium," she ordered over her shoulder before she disappeared.

Miranda's hand clenched into a fist as she read the message the Illusive Man had just sent Shepard.

Illium. Dr. Liara T'Soni. This isn't good... The last time she was there I had to... Not that I would take advantage of that again... Miranda shook her head before she adressed the ship's AI.

"EDI, can you tell me where Commander Shepard is right now?"

The blue avatar appeared and the AI's voice answered right away, "Commander Shepard is currently in her private quarters, Ms. Lawson."

"Is she cloth-... nevermind. That's all for now, thank you, EDI."

"Logging you out, Ms. Lawson."

Miranda quickly found herself in front of Shepard's cabin again. The door wasn't locked, Shepard obviously didn't expect any visitors, and so Miranda touched the green lock and the door opened with the all too familiar hiss.

"Shepard?"

Miranda cautiously stepped into the cabin. Shepard was standing by her desk, clearing her throat before she turned around. She forced a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Is there something I can help you with?", she asked, the shaking in her voice almost inaudible.

Miranda smiled sadly. "That's what I'm here to ask you."

Shepard laughed bitterly and leaned against her desk, crossing her arms in defense like she'd done so many times before. Miranda knew that behaviour by now.

"What makes you think I need help?" Shepard asked dismissively.

Don't be so bloody stubborn!

Miranda raised an eyebrow and placed a hand on her hip. Shepard looked at her a while longer and then finally sighed and nodded.

"You should have seen the look on her face..." she sighed, averting her eyes.

"I was there," Miranda replied in a soft voice.

"She shook her head after... Like she immediately regretted her actions or... she was disappointed..." Shepard leaned heavily against the desk behind her.

Miranda stepped over to her and leaned against the bathroom wall opposite of Shepard, waiting for the commander to continue.

"I recognised her voice. It was the same soft voice from two years ago, but her eyes weren't..." Shepard gave a short laugh. "The whole time I felt like she wanted me to leave. That she didn't even want me there... I didn't want to think about it anymore. I thought I could avoid another confrontation, a conclusion. That if I just avoided her long enough, I could move on like she obviously had, like everyone else had, in fact... Hell, it was a lot easier with Garrus and Tali and they'd both changed too... But now I have to face her again... and I don't know how... Everything has changed, everything's different..."

"You don't have to face her, Shepard. If you don't feel up to it, I'll tell the Illusive Man we won't need her help on our mission. She'll hunt down the Shadow Broker herself, we could simply send her our intel," Miranda offered hopefully.

"No." Shepard shook her head. "She's my friend, always has been. I need to help her! It's just... I don't know how she feels about me... about us..."

There is my answer to so many questions... Miranda thought sadly after a short glance at the hurt expression on Shepard's face.

"She refused to talk to me. I didn't expect everything to be the way it was before but she didn't even want to talk to me, tell me what was going through her mind... Like there was absolutely nothing to talk about... Sometimes I wonder if the feelings I had for her are still there or if I just want them to still be there, to remind me of how it was before my... well... death..." She lifted her head and Miranda could see the commander clenching her teeth in an attempt to remain her composure. She couldn't bare to see her hurt like that, so Miranda softly grabbed Shepard's arm and pulled her over. Shepard didn't object and leaned against Miranda's side, relaxing as her XO put an arm around her shoulder and started stroking Shepard's upper arm.

"Hell, I thought coming back to life would be less complicated and more..." A smile spread across her face as she continued, "Glorious... More heroic statues, some buildings named after me and certainly more groupies than just Conrad Verner..."

Their laughter seemed to relax both of them. It also helped dispelling the awkwardness of their sudden closeness...

"Well, that was..." the man started as he stretched his arm, trying to embrace Miranda, who quickly hurried out of the bed.

"What's wrong?" he asked confused but Miranda shook her head.

"Nothing's wrong."

It didn't help. Why can't I stop thinking about her?

"I simply have places to be," she explained as she collected her clothes and headed for the bathroom, closing the door behind her and ignoring the muffled "But I brought wine..." from outside.

As soon as she was alone, she leaned heavily against the bathroom sink and sighed.

It shouldn't be like that! It should be easy like it used to be... What's wrong with me? Why do I want more? This whole thing got way too complicated, I can't let it go on any longer. Damnit, why did I have to take on this bloody assignment? She'll find someone else, maybe she even already has. I need to finish this mission and get as far away from her as fast as I can. That's right, I'll simply do my job and don't let personal feelings interfere anymore...

As Shepard opened her eyes, she immediately realised that the soft surface she'd rested her head on belonged to another body. She quickly moved away from Miranda's sleeping form, not wanting to infuriate her XO again with her inappropriate behaviour but Miranda opened her eyes and smiled at her.

Shepard exhaled relieved. "I... thank you, Miranda."

A warm feeling spread through Miranda's stomach as Shepard said her name and her smile widened even more. Incapable of vocalising a proper answer due to her sudden nervousness, she simply nodded.

"Joker said to inform you that we'll reach Illium within the next hours, Commander."

"Well, I'll go and take a shower, then," Shepard announced as she crawled to her feet.

She turned to face Miranda again, who herself was getting up as gracefully as possible while ignoring the pain shooting through her whole body from sleeping on the hard floor. "Thanks again, Ms. Lawson. It seems like there's one more shrink aboard the Normandy apart from Kelly. Maybe that way I don't have to take off my clothes anymore if I want to talk about my feelings..."

Miranda rolled her eyes as she turned towards the door, hoping she wouldn't run into a certain yeoman on her way back to her office.

She was joking... right?