Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers apply. I don't own Harry Potter or the Harry Potter universe, of course.
Chapter 9 – Published!
March 2, 1996
It was five minutes after five o'clock, Saturday afternoon.
Harry Potter and Hermione Granger entered the Great Hall, having been asked by Luna to meet her just after the clock struck five. Luna told them to expect delivery of the special issue of The Quibbler that they had been anticipating – the one publishing Harry's interview with Mr. Lovegood from Valentine's Day weekend. So much had happened since then that it seemed like months had passed, when it had only been two weeks.
Harry and Hermione entered to find Luna waiting for them, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Oh good! I was worried you'd be late." She grabbed Harry's hand, as Hermione followed them, and pulled him over to the Gryffindor table where Ron, Lavender and Ginny were already sitting.
"They're about to arrive," Luna said, excited. Seeing looks of confusion on Lavender's and Ginny's faces, she explained. "The new edition of The Quibbler. They're being delivered all across Britain right now."
"But I thought the last issue just came out a week ago," Ginny asked.
"This one's a special edition," said Ron.
"Am I the only one who doesn't know what's going on?" Lavender asked, looking around at the other five.
"No, I'm in the dark, too," Ginny said.
Luna just smiled, and said in a sing-song voice, "Just a minute or two, now..."
It was actually closer to three minutes later that a Great Horned Owl carrying a small package flew over the six of them and unceremoniously dropped a small wrapped package in front of Luna before landing in front of her. She dug a few owl treats out of her robes, gave them to the owl, and gently stroked its head for a few moments before fastening a note to its foot and whispering, "Give my love to Daddy." The owl softly hooted at Luna, and took off.
"Was that Roti?" Harry asked his girlfriend.
Luna nodded. "Mummy got him from America – she fell in love with Great Horned Owls when we went to the States. She thought they were very majestic. Daddy likes that they're large enough to carry large packages." She looked at the package in question, and said "Daddy sent a note." She opened it and read.
Dear Moonbeam,
Here is your copy of the special edition. I've included Harry's with yours, and the four extras you requested. Hopefully we'll have more deliveries to Hogwarts shortly!
I trust Harry will be happy with the interview. You can tell him I got his owl, and his subscription will begin with the April issue. I was very glad to hear you liked his birthday gift to you – I felt bad misleading you about the book, but it was worth it to hear you liked the surprise so much.
You can tell your friend Ginny that her brother Bill says hello. He was by for a few days this week – he's certainly grown up from the young man I remember!
Love always,
Daddy
"You subscribed!" Luna said, giving Harry's hand a squeeze.
"Well, I didn't want to keep borrowing yours," he said a little sheepishly, seeing Ron's grin at him.
"Oh, Ginny, Daddy said Bill says 'Hello'. Apparently he's been by my house this week," Luna said.
"Why'd Bill go to your place?" Ron asked.
"Daddy didn't say. I imagine he was just being neighbourly."
Hermione couldn't contain herself any longer. "Are you going to open them up?"
"Of course," Luna said. "But it's like when you get a gift. Don't you read the card first?"
"Never," Ron said, shaking his head, which caused Lavender to laugh and Hermione to roll her eyes.
Luna opened the package to reveal six copies of The Quibbler. She gave one to Harry, took one for herself, and kept the remaining four folded up. The cover showed a candid picture of Harry that he recognized as having been taken shortly before the start of the Third Task of the Triwizard Tournament, although Harry didn't recall having seen this picture before. Harry was looking back and forth in the picture, looking grimly determined upon the Task ahead of him. Printed on the cover it the magazine's usual screaming block letters was: "EXCLUSIVE! HARRY POTTER IN HIS OWN WORDS: HIS ONE-ON-ONE INTERVIEW!"
"Are you going to give us each one?" Ginny asked.
"I wanted to circulate these among each of the houses, but I suppose you can read them first," Luna said, passing the remaining copies out.
Harry opened his issue, which was much thinner than normal – just eight pages. It appeared to be devoid of advertising, and had only two articles: Harry's interview with Mr. Lovegood, and an editorial at the end. The interior of the special edition was devoid of pictures, but had select quotations from the interview printed in a larger, bolder typeface. A quick perusal of the interview showed that it was basically a verbatim transcript of his discussion with Mr. Lovegood, apart from the "off-the-record" moments, and a number of "ums-and-ahs" that Luna's father had mercifully removed. Mr. Lovegood's questions came off as professional and serious, rather different than the magazine's usual light-hearted tone.
The interview itself looked far more coherent than Harry remembered it to be. He could see where the phrasing or approach he used was suggested by Hermione or Luna, but for the most part, the thoughts were purely his. The interview laid out the background of Voldemort's return, the true story of the Tri-Wizard Tournament, the Ministry's head-in-the-sand approach (or, Harry smiled thinking of Mr. Lovegood's metaphor, their "Russet Marshyoller" approach) since then, and the whitewashing of the recent Azbakan breakout. He was especially proud of the section where he named Death Eaters who were there in the graveyard at Voldemort's beckoning, and how he offered to apologize if anyone he mentioned publicly repudiated Voldemort.
Harry did not expect anyone to take him up on that offer.
Having read quickly through the interview, he turned to Mr. Lovegood's editorial.
WAKE UP!
On October 31st, 1981, an infant's parents were brutally murdered by the most powerful Dark wizard these islands had ever seen. This was sadly a common occurrence during that decade-long conflict, but this murder was different: having slain the parents, the Dark wizard in question attempted to kill the infant, but by some unknown mechanism, was himself slain by the child. The Dark wizard, of course, was He Who Must Not Be Named, and the infant was Harry Potter.
Young Mister Potter was hailed as a brave hero and feted by our nation, its Ministry, its press, and its people. All was well! Harry Potter had saved the day. With the evil one vanquished, we turned our back upon the horrors of the seventies, and blissfully forgot. His minions went unprosecuted, or were hastily pardoned by a nation that didn't want to dwell on the past. Some Death Eaters were in Azkaban, and that was good enough for the Ministry, and good enough for us. No more worries to interrupt our sleep!
So when the same Harry Potter who was lauded as our saviour for a decade and a half returned from the last task of the Tri-Wizard Tournament, telling of the return of He Who Must Not Be Named, it is not surprising that we would rather turn over and go back to bed than deal with the problem. Easier for the Ministry to rush Barty Crouch Jr. to the Dementor's Kiss than to properly interrogate him. Easier for the Ministry's propagandists to cast Harry Potter, our hero of the previous fourteen years, as a delusional liar. Easier for all of us to go on sleepwalking than to wake up.
But He Who Must Not Be Named is no mere nightmare. He is real. He is back. Harry Potter, his greatest enemy, saw him with his own eyes, as you have read in his interview. Albus Dumbledore, the most respected wizard of the century, until this last year's character assassination, agrees. Who do we choose to believe: the victor over Grindelwald and the victor over He Who Must Not Be Named, or Cornelius Fudge, whose greatest victory was being selected as Minister for lack of any other viable candidate?
The Ministry tells us the Azkaban breakout was entirely due to Sirius Black. Leaving aside the fact that it was on this Minister's watch that the alledged Death Eater escaped in 1993, would Black really risk recapture to set the other Death Eater's free, rather than spend his time on some tropical island far from the reach of the British Ministry? And if the Ministry does happen to be correct, and Black has broken out his erstwhile Death Eater comrades, does that not imply they are planning something large? Does is not raise concerns about for Whom they maybe working?
The Minister may try and avoid the pressing questions raised by Mr. Potter, but unlike him, thinking Britons cannot. Cornelius Fudge must show himself worthy of the office he holds and take action about He Who Must Not Be Named's return, and his jackals at the "Daily Prophet" must cease these attacked against a brave and honest young man, or Fudge must be removed by the Wizengamot.
If they do not wake up, the rest of us may find ourselves in a very real nightmare from which waking up make prove impossible for us all.
This was a far more lucid editorial than Harry had expected from The Quibbler. Harry supposed that when dealing with serious news, Mr. Lovegood liked to take a serious tone, while when dealing with The Quibbler's usual subjects of conspiracies, 'fringe' news, and cryptomagizoology, he took a more whimsical and lighthearted tone.
Harry closed the magazine and looked at his friends. Hermione and Luna had already finished. Ginny was intermittently looking at him while reading the interview, while Lavender gasped occasionally.
"What do you think?" Luna asked.
"I'm surprised how sensible I sound. I wonder how much editing your dad had to do to it. I thought the editorial was really good."
"I thought so too," added Hermione. "You came off great in the interview, and the editorial made Harry's point really well."
"Well, Daddy has been doing this for nearly thirty years," Luna pointed out, obviously proud of her father.
Ginny looked at Harry. "I didn't realize..." she began. "I mean, I knew what happened, but... I mean... how do you even cope with all that? Cedric murdered in front of you? Being tied up in front of the man who murdered your parents? It's one thing to know you went through this, but to read it in your own words..."
Lavender said, "I'm so sorry I didn't know whether to believe you or not at the beginning of the year, and that I took Seamus' doubts seriously."
"You weren't the only one, Lavender," Harry said.
"I know, but..." she tapered off.
"This is going to change a lot of minds, mate," Ron said.
"Assuming anyone reads it and takes me seriously," Harry said.
"Oh, they will," Luna said confidently. "That's why I asked Daddy for four extra copies. Ginny, could you circulate one around Gryffindor?" When her red-haired friend nodded, Luna said, "I think I'll give Hannah Abbott one to spread around Hufflepuff. Harry, could you ask Cho to do the same in Ravenclaw? Most of the other Ravenclaws don't listen to me very much, although Morgana is these days, but they do listen to Cho, and she'll listen if you ask her, I think."
Harry frowned at the continued lack of respect Luna's housemates showed her, but he agreed to talk to Cho.
Luna went on, "I don't know who to go to in Slytherin. I'd give it to Millie..."
Ron scoffed. "Bulstrode? She'd likely just rip it up and punch you for your troubles."
"Oh, I don't think Millie would punch me – she's never been particularly mean to me – but you're probably right about ripping it up, Ron. Are there any Slytherins any of you are close to?"
"Why even bother with the bloody snakes? They're never going to believe Harry," Ron said, his voice full of scorn.
Luna shrugged. "You have to give them a chance, Ron. You never know unless you try. Maybe I'll try and talk to Georgina Vector."
"Uh, Luna, love," Harry gently pointed out, not noticing the looks of surprise on the faces of the others at the table at his choice of endearment, "Georgina called me a 'deviant', remember? Is she really going to believe anything about me?"
As Ron laughed at the word "deviant," Luna said, "I suppose, but she's not really mean to me, and I know she doesn't like Lucretia or Jocasta, so she may help. As I said, it's worth a try."
"Unless she goes running to Umbridge," Hermione pointed out.
Harry said, "I think Umbridge will find out soon enough anyway. The Ministry will likely get a hold of her in a few hours, I would think."
Luna shook her head. "They won't contact her until Monday. That's why Daddy waited until just after the end of work on Saturday to have them delivered. No one will be working at the Ministry until Monday, except Aurors and Unspeakables. Certainly not the Minister or the decision-makers. They don't want to give up their weekends, you know."
"That's quite cynical for you," Hermione pointed out. "How can you be sure?"
"Oh, I don't think it's cynical at all. Just realistic," Luna said. "Daddy's been paying attention for years. He's not the only one – You-Know-Who always made his major moves on Saturdays nights or Sundays to keep the Ministry flatfooted, and to gain a day before the Ministry could react. Daddy's simply using the same tactic." She wrapped her arm around Harry's waist, gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, and said quietly, "Hallowe'en in 1981 was a Saturday, you know."
Harry gave her a quick kiss back, and no one said anything for a few minutes.
Colin and Dennis Creevey came into the Great Hall, and Ginny got Colin's attention and waved him over to them. As the brothers approached, Colin caught sight of the cover of The Quibbler. "That's my photo!" he said to Luna. "Your dad printed it! I sent him some of my photos right after you said I should in January. I didn't think he actually would."
"Mr. Lovegood gave you proper credit, too," Hermione pointed out, showing Colin the attribution on page two, which caused the younger boy to blush with sheepish pride.
Colin and Dennis read the article quickly, and Colin said to Harry, "It's great you're getting the word out, Harry. Dennis and I have been telling everyone we know, but now everyone will believe you!"
"Not everyone reads The Quibbler," Harry said.
"When they see your face on the cover they will," Colin disagreed. "You're a hero. Everyone will listen to you."
Bristling slightly at that word, Harry said, "They haven't so far."
"But you haven't gone to the media before. They've just heard the Prophet's lies. Now that you've spoken out, they'll have to pay attention to what you say, and when they do, people will see the truth," Colin said.
"Thanks, Colin."
"Dennis, go owl The Quibbler and order an issue for Mum and Dad. They'll want to read this," Colin said to his brother. As the younger Creevey ran off, Colin said, "We've told them all about you Harry. They'll want to read this."
Harry nodded, and grabbed a copy. "I'm going to go talk to Cho," he said.
"I'll take one to Hannah," Hermione said.
"And I'll try and get to Georgina, but I think I'll do it after supper," said Luna.
"Will you eat with us, Luna?" Ginny asked.
Luna smiled warmly at her oldest friend. "I'd love to, thank you." Turning to her boyfriend, she smiled sweetly and said, "Hurry back, Harry!"
He squeezed her hand in response as he left.
March 3, 1996
Harry and Luna left the Great Hall together after lunch, intending to go for a walk on the castle grounds. They had eaten lunch at their own respective tables today, partly because it was good to connect with their houses, partly because they planned on spending a few hours together in the afternoon, but mostly to gauge the response of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw to the interview.
Gryffindor overwhelmingly believed Harry. He wasn't surprised by this, given the strength of Dumbledore's Army in his house, but he was gratified all the same. Seamus once again apologized for any doubts he had had, although Harry had long since forgiven him. The least positive response was from sixth-year Cormac McLaggen, who simply said it was "interesting, I suppose, but it's in The Quibbler. It's not exactly the Daily Prophet, is it?"
Harry response was simply, "No, it isn't. You can tell, because this interview, unlike anything in the Prophet, is the truth."
McLaggen just scoffed at that.
Luna reported that the reaction in Ravenclaw was more mixed. Many of the children of the oldest families refused to believe it at all. Some others refused to believe it because of how much they disliked Luna – Melanie and Deirdre being foremost among them. There were a few outright positive reactions, mostly from members of the D.A., with Cho Chang and Michael Corner being the most positive. Michael had even come up to her after reading it, and said, "That was a good interview your father did, Loony. Good stuff." Most were somewhere in the middle, although most leaned one way or the other. Zachary Stonetower was sceptical but inclined to believe Harry, for example, while Marietta Edgecombe was far more doubtful. Philip Yell spoke for most of the undecideds, however, when Luna heard him say to his roommate Thomas Fairweather, "Well, it make sense, I suppose, what Harry's saying, but on the other hand, it's Loony's dad's magazine. Who knows what to believe?"
Philip did not say anything directly to Luna, however. "Some people are just slow to change," she said to Harry about Philip.
When Harry asked how Morgana reacted, Luna smiled. "She said she believed every word. We actually talked about it late into the night, until Melanie started throwing her socks at us, yelling for us to shut up." Seeing the look of anger come across Harry's face, she touched his arm gently, and said, "It was nearly one in the morning. We were up quite late. You don't need to have another 'chat' with her. They've both ignored me otherwise, which is better than it used to be." She leaned in close, and said, "I think they've been attracting all the wrackspurts in the room, these days. It would explain a lot. I'd help them, but they never want to listen to me."
Harry gave his girlfriend's hand a gentle squeeze as he smiled at Luna being Luna, something that he loved about her.
Hermione had made Hannah their contact in Hufflepuff. From what the blonde girl had reported, reaction was broadly similar to that of Ravenclaw, although it leaned more towards Harry than against him, with D.A. members once again being the most positive. Apparently Hannah's new boyfriend Henry Hartman had made an impromptu speech in the common room in favour of Harry, saying that all the Hufflepuffs should support Harry, because "You-Know-Who killed Cedric. Cedric was one of us. Cedric would have wanted us to support Harry, and we can't let his death be for nought," which got a very positive response from the other Hufflepuffs.
During lunch, Harry noticed Mr. Lovegood's barn owl, Curry, drop a message in front of Luna. Apparently her father had so many orders for the special edition that The Quibbler had to make a second printing. Harry had noticed a lot more copies floating around Hogwarts than the four Luna had circulated.
"That's the first time Daddy's had to do that since the issue on the rash of Blibbering Humdinger sightings in the Isles of Scilly back in 1984!" she said excitedly. "Apparently there's been so many owls flying around my house that it's starting to attract hungry kneazles."
As they left the Great Hall and headed towards the castle gates, Draco Malfoy and Gregory Goyle marched up to them. "You've got some nerve, Potter," he spat.
"Of course he does, Draco," Luna said, smiling. "He's a Gryffindor. If he didn't have some nerve, the Sorting Hat wouldn't have put him there."
"That's not... I meant... Look, silence your little twit girlfriend, Potter!" Draco said, flustered.
"Watch it, Malfoy," Harry said, reaching for his wand.
"You watch it, Scarhead. How dare you? How dare you call my father a Death Eater, and how dare you get this loony's nutty father to print it?"
"I'm surprised you read the interview, Malfoy."
"I didn't. I wouldn't touch that filthy rag with that oaf gamekeeper's umbrella. Someone told me about it," Draco said smugly.
"Who? We know Goyle here didn't read it for you, as it was a little more advanced than 'See Spot Run'."
None of the three purebloods in the hallway understood the reference, and Draco said, "That doesn't matter."
"You father admitted to being a Death Eater, Malfoy," Harry said.
"He was under..."
"...the Imperius Curse," Harry joined in with Draco.
"He was!"
"Then all he has to do is repudiate Voldemort," Harry emphasized as Draco winced, "publicly, say he doesn't support him, has never supported him, and would never support murderous slime such as him. And I will apologize to your father. In print and in person. I'll even apologize to you, right in the Great Hall at supper, if your father renounces Voldemort and you do too. And seeing as you keep saying he's not back, it shouldn't be a problem for him, or you, should it?"
Draco was fuming. "When my father hears about this..."
"What? He'll suck up further to Voldemort like the lickspittle Death Eater he is? Just like you do?"
"You'll be sorry, Potter. You'll pay for that. You and her."
Harry laughed. "You keep saying that. What, is your father going to slip me another one of Voldemort's cursed diaries? We haven't forgotten what you did to Ginny, and I haven't forgotten that your Death Eater daddy was there in that graveyard, grovelling in front of Voldemort like the worm he his, over Cedric's body!"
"You're lucky we met here Potter, or they'd be mopping you and Loony up with a sponge," Draco said as Goyle cracked his knuckles menacingly.
"You mean when you don't outnumber me? Typical. Where is Crabbe, anyway? Detention for beating up a first-year?" Harry said.
"Oh, no, Harry," Luna said in her dreamy voice. "I heard it was a second-year."
Draco turned to Luna. "At least we know now why Potter's with you. It's obviously not for your looks or brains, not that Potty could do any better than you, but its because your father has a printing press. How does it feel to be used for your father's magazine, Loony? Although I suppose you're happy anyone's using you for anything."
Luna tilted her head and looked wide-eyed at Draco. "I feel sorry for you, Draco. What a childhood you must have had, to be so cynical. Daddy printed Harry's story because it was the truth. He would have done so even if we weren't together."
Draco scoffed. "He's using you, and you're so pathetic you don't even realize it." He smirked. "But I bet that's not all he's using you for, is he, Loony, you slag?" Draco and Goyle both laughed at that.
Harry had heard a lot of terrible things from Draco Malfoy over the years, but this topped them all. Harry felt anger and rage at Draco welling up inside of him. He growled, "Shut your damn mouth, you..." as he furiously advanced toward Draco.
Luna moved quickly, struggling to hold him back. It was a losing battle for her until she said calmly to Harry, "It's okay, Harry. It's okay. Ignore him. We know it's a lie." Shaking her head at Draco, she said, "You really don't understand love, Draco. Poor Pansy."
Ignoring the reference to Pansy, Draco laughed at Luna, and Goyle joined in. "Love?" Draco said derisively. "What could you know about that? Who would ever love the likes of you?"
Harry stepped right up to Draco, and said in a low, calm, threatening voice, "Who wouldn't? Go away, Malfoy. Go whine some more to Daddy."
Fuming, Draco turned around. Harry got in one parting shot as he left, "I see you got over your 'injury' pretty quickly. I'm surprised you're not still faking it in the Hospital Wing." Seeing Draco's response, he commented to Luna, "Huh. I didn't know a Malfoy would be one to use the two-finger salute."
Luna put her arm around his waist. "That was probably unnecessary, Harry. Draco's only going to get angrier."
Harry shook his head. "How could things get worse with him? He dishes this crap out all the time, to me, to my friends, to you, to everyone. He can take some of it back."
"I hope so," she said. "Thank you for defending me." She looked around and gave him a quick kiss.
"Thank you for defending me, love."
"I like it when you call me that," she said, doing her best to look smoulderingly at him.
He smouldered right back at her. "I hoped you would. Now let's get out of here and go for that walk." He tightly wrapped his own arm around her waist and they left the castle.
Dolores Umbridge was not having a good day. She woke that morning to find that that rag The Quibbler had devoted an entire special edition to the scurrilous lies of the Potter brat. Bad enough that Potter had managed to give an interview to Xenophilius Lovegood somehow – she hadn't been aware that the lunatic editor had been anywhere near Hogwarts, and she was certain Potter hadn't gone beyond Hogsmeade since New Year's. Bad enough that the issue was apparently flying off the shelves, making it less likely that any pressure could be successfully brought against newsstands and bookstores for selling the magazine. No, Lovegood had to choose this moment to write a coherent, normal issue! Not a mention of his fake creatures at all!
This would make it even harder to discredit the interview. Oh, she'd make sure it was discredited, but it wouldn't be as easy as in a normal issue of The Quibbler.
The worst part of it all was that the Minister wasn't available. He usually spent weekends either at home, or his beach house near Saint-Tropez in the French Riviera, but she wasn't able to reach him by Floo anywhere, and he hadn't returned her owl. They needed to plan strategy, to deal with this, to get the Prophet onside, but how could they do that when he was unavailable! She was at her post every day and every night, and it irritated her that he didn't show the same dedication. She was suffering through life at this benighted school this for him, after all!
She wanted to punish Potter, and his little girlfriend, Lovegood's daughter, make them pay for the lies Potter told in her father's rag, but the Minister had specifically forbidden her from using her Blood Quill on anyone, or indeed from punishing the two little wretches unless it was for something the other professors would punish them. Her hands were tied at the moment, and she didn't think this qualified as the "crisis" that the Minister had referred to at their last meeting.
In addition to punishing Potter and Lovegood, she wanted to make possession of that bloody rag grounds for expulsion, but while the Minister had given her power to correct the school rules at her desire, this did not extend to expelling the students. Any Educational Decree giving grounds for expulsion had to be approved by the Minister.
But he wasn't available!
Dolores was descending into a spiral of frustration when she heard a knock at the door of her office, and a tentative, "Professor?" from a young girl's voice.
This surprised Dolores, as students didn't usually voluntarily enter her domain, which is how she preferred it. What was the old Latin phrase? Ah yes, oderint dum metuant. "Let them hate, so long as they fear."
There was a reason Latin was part of the "classics."
While the sentiment usually suited Dolores just fine, sometimes conversations with the students could be useful. Just in case, she put on her sweetest voice, and said, "Come in, dear."
Dolores recognized the small black-haired girl who entered as one of the fourth-year Slytherins. Jocasta Drake, that was it. Obedient girl. This should be almost bearable.
"Don't be shy, Miss Drake. Have a seat. Can I get you some tea?" she said sweetly.
"Thank you, Professor. With honey, if you have it," Jocasta said.
Dolores handed the girl a china teacup. "What brings you here, dear? Shouldn't you be studying with your friends?"
"I'm sorry for bothering you, Professor, but I thought you should see this," the girl said, handing Dolores a copy of The Quibbler. "A bunch of the students are reading this. Harry Potter is spreading lies again. He's saying horrible things about the Minister. I thought you should know," she added meekly.
"I already do, dear, but thank you for bringing that to my attention. The Minister and I are aware of this, this fabrication, and we are dealing with it," she lied.
Jocasta seemed relieved. "Thank you, Professor. I didn't think Potter and Loony would get away with spreading such lies." The antipathy she laced Lovegood's nickname with surprised and gladdened Dolores.
"They won't dear, but thank you for bringing it to me. I'm still new here, and it's good to know who one's friends are. And I'm glad the Minister and I have a loyal friend in you, Miss Drake."
"Oh, you do!" the girl said enthusiastically. "There's loads of us, I mean, many of us, in Slytherin house especially, who are loyal, and don't believe a word those two say."
"I'm glad to hear that, Miss Drake. And I'm very glad at the initiative you've shown. There may be some opportunities in the near future for bright, loyal students such as yourself to truly show their support for the Ministry. Would that be something you're interested in?"
Jocasta nodded her head vigorously. "Yes, Professor, it would be!"
"Good. We'll talk again, soon. I dare say you have a bright future ahead of you, dear. Here, have a biscuit, and off you go to your friends. I'd like to know of any other loyal students you know who would be interested in such an opportunity, as well. Do you think you could find out who would want to take advantage of such a chance?"
"I do, Professor. Thank you, Professor!" she said.
"Off you go, dear. I'll see you in class on Tuesday." Dolores smiled as Jocasta left her office. Yes, Miss Drake didn't like Lovegood at all. This could be useful.
Dolores' resulting smile was wide and genuine. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad after all.
March 4, 1996.
At noon, a new notice appeared in the Great Hall, and all over the castle.
EDUCATIONAL DECREE No. 27
Any student found possessing, reading, or listening to any banned media (see Schedule) will be expelled.
Below it was attached another sheet.
SCHEDULE TO E.D.27
List of banned media:
The Quibbler
"Damn Umbridge," muttered Ron, seeing this.
"Ronald!" Hermione said.
"I can't believe she'd do this," he said.
Harry shook his head. "I was expecting this – it's typical for her. Banning The Quibbler – I bet she's wanted to do this all along."
"It's worse than that, Harry," Hermione said. "I think it's only the beginning – otherwise she wouldn't have added the Schedule to it." Seeing the expressions on her friends' faces, she explained, "Now she can just add to the list. At will."
Ron groaned. "Great. Goodbye Quidditch papers!"
"Imagine how Seamus and Dean feel. She'll probably ban all their lad's mags !" Harry added with a smirk.
"Or their other mags," Ron said, but upon seeing Hermione's expression, added, "that they've talked about but have never, ever shown Harry or me."
"You're a prefect!" Hermione exclaimed, throwing up her hands.
"So? I know for a fact Luna's Dad has sent you Quibblers. Should I turn you in?"
"That's different and you know it, Ron. Umbridge is stifling freedom of the press. Those other publications shouldn't be in a school dorm. They're offensive," she pointed out.
"Uh-huh. And I suppose your roommates never had magazines showing a bunch of handsome muscly guys posing shirtless?" Ron asked.
"Not that they ever showed me, they didn't."
"Probably worried you'd just get them taken away," Ron said.
"Uh, Ron, it doesn't bother you that Lavender might have some magazines like that?" Harry asked.
"Nah. She had to make do with something before she had the real thing," he said with a jaunty grin.
"Ronald!" Hermione looked scandalized.
"Anyway, I've already stopped by my dorm to transfigure the cover of my Quibbler to something else," Harry said.
"Yeah, I was wondering why you had a copy of Herbology Today on your bed," Ron said.
"I transfigured mine, too," Hermione added. "I imagine lots of people will."
"Luna will have a lot of transfiguration to do. I bet we'll see a bunch of people's copies in the rubbish, though," Harry said.
"Maybe, but they'll still have read them," Ron pointed out. "I'll meet you for lunch in a moment. I'm just going to warn, er, talk to Dean and Seamus."
Hermione rolled her eyes at her retreating friend.
There were times Cornelius Fudge thought it would have been better to leave Dolores Umbridge in London. By and large, she had done sterling work up in Scotland. Dumbledore was on the defensive. The Ministry was having more of a say in the school curriculum. One useless teacher was gone, and more were likely on the way, including that oaf Hagrid, who Cornelius was still convinced had something to do with that dreadful Chamber of Secrets business three years ago. He was getting regular reports on what was going on at Hogwarts without having to rely on Lucius Malfoy who, while always a reliable supporter of the Ministry, still had a certain taint about his reputation, even after fifteen years.
His eyes flicked to the magazine on his desk.
But this was the second fire in a just over a week that was directly linked to Dolores' actions. First the business with the Blood Quill – he still honestly didn't know what Dolores was thinking! – and now this hassle.
The women in question was cooling her heels in the atrium to his office. Even his most reliable supporters still needed to be shown who was in charge every now and then, especially in times like this.
He tapped a small box on his desk with his wand. "Send her in, Trudy," he spoke into the box.
"Yes, Minister," came the voice of his secretary.
Moments later, Dolores strode into his office, not showing an ounce of contrition on her face.
"How was your weekend, Dolores?" he asked. As she began to answer, he cut her off. "Mine was lovely. Euphemia and I went to the beach house, had some lovely mussels we bought in the village. The mayor of Petite-Genais-en-Draguignan, that's the local magical village, brought his wife over along with a lovely bottle of wine, and we played bridge all Sunday. Then what do I come back to? This." Cornelius pointed to the special edition of The Quibbler which lay on his desk.
"Lovegood has finally given us the reason we need to shut his treasonous hate machine down, Minister!" she said happily. "If this isn't sedition, I don't know what is. We should have shut it down years ago, Minister."
Cornelius covered his eyes with his hand. "Have you ever heard of a safety valve, Dolores? The Quibbler gives our opponents a place to voice their opinion. It conveniently does this in a forum that is extremely barmy and has no reputation for truth. It's quite handy for us to have all of our opponents associated with Lovegood's quackery – it concentrates them and discredits them, all at once. Why on earth would I want to shut it down?"
"But what he prints, Minister! Insulting, treacherous lunacy!" she sputtered.
"Exactly. Lunacy. If the people who oppose the Ministry's agenda are associated with a publication that says I bake goblins into pies, well, they're hardly credible, now, are they?"
"But what Potter said, Minister..."
"Yes. What Potter said. Do you still think using a Blood Quill on him was a good idea? Do you still think using it on his girlfriend, Miss Lovegood," he said, tapping the magazine, "as punishment to Potter, was a good idea?"
"We have no proof this is related to that, Minister," Dolores began.
"Oh, come now. A week ago, you're in my office telling me how it was a good idea to use that damned Quill on Potter and Lovegood, and now I'm reading about him practically calling me a shortsighted weakling, and you think they're unrelated?"
"He could have spoken to Xenophilius Lovegood before that incident," she said.
"But not likely before you started giving her detention."
"He didn't accuse me of anything in the article," she said in her defence.
"Because he was too busy talking about me! Spreading rumours! Panicking the public!"
Dolores didn't answer that.
"So now I have to do damage control. Again."
"It's still only The Quibbler, Minister."
"Yes, but have you actually read this issue? There's not one mention of bizarre conspiracies or imaginary animals. It sounds credible. It sounds plausible, even though we know it's complete rubbish. The editorial practically calls for a non-confidence vote. It comes across like something in the Prophet," he said.
"The Prophet would never print an interview with Potter," Dolores pointed out.
"The editor of the Prophet would have given his wand for an interview with him just nine months ago."
"You did allow me to ban that rag at Hogwarts, Minister. I still say we should ban The Quibbler throughout Britain, or cut off newsprint supplies, or something similar. That might drive Lovegood out of Britain, or at least back to the Muggles, and we wouldn't have to deal with him again," she said, hopefully.
"Safety valve. Remember?" Cornelius responded.
"You could sue him personally for libel," she said. "Send him to Azkaban."
"You're assuming we would win in court, Dolores, which is not guaranteed. Remember Potter's trial? In any event, I do not want to make a martyr of Xenophilius Lovegood, which is what sending him to Azkaban for criminal libel would do. And I do not want to sue him civilly, because I don't want to drive his magazine underground where it would be harder to monitor. Again, that's even if we won. If we sued him and didn't win, we'd just look like idiots."
"Can I at least expel Potter for talking to a reporter?"
"After we begged him to do so last year? I don't think so. I said don't want a martyr. If he gets expelled, it needs to be for something legitimate, not some ex post facto nonsense."
"We should at least ban speaking to reporters or being quoted in the media, so we don't have to worry about it again."
Cornelius thought about this. "That's not a bad idea. We'll make a new Educational Decree. But I'll promulgate it on Wednesday afternoon, I think."
"Minister?"
"Lucius Malfoy was in to see me earlier. As you can imagine, he's quite livid about being called a supporter of Lord Thingy by Potter. His son had an interesting idea. Make sure you make young Mr. Malfoy as available as he needs to be for the next few days, will you?"
"Yes, Minister."
Dolores Umbridge was livid. That was practically a dressing down! The nerve of that man.
She might have to consider distancing herself from Fudge, finding another high flyer to support.
She still thought driving the Lovegoods out of Britain, or out of the Wizarding world entirely, was a good idea, but Fudge didn't want a martyr, much less two.
Wait.
She smiled. There was one way to skin a kneazle. She'd contact Fudge in a few days – she'd need his approval for this. She rather thought he would give it.
[A/N: "Oderint dum metuant" is attributed to Caligula, although I first encountered it in the classic Harry Turtledove story "The Last Article"."Petite-Genais-en-Draguignan" means, roughly, "the people of Draguignan, who aren't bothered very much." Or so I think (and so my beta reader, the inestimable MandibleBones, confirms). Grade 13 French was a long time ago!
Edited on June 3, 2012, to fix some typos and incorporate a suggestion from JJ Rust, whose works you should be checking out it you haven't already.]