A/N: Sorry about the lack of update, I've been switching computers and working A LOT. I have over 20 chapters after this one written out but they haven't been typed yet, so I promise it's not that I have no inspiration, just no time.

Disclaimer: I don't own Nodame, obviously.

Point in time: Opera-Hen

Chapter 10: An Important Realization (Part One of Importance Arc)

Chiaki laid awake, only a week before his first time conducting an opera, and decided that he was absolutely terrified.

But he knew that this terror had nothing to do with the opera, and everything to do with his longtime girlfriend. Or more specifically, the thing she had started mentioning again.

Marriage.

It's not as if he was afraid of committing himself to her, he had admitted to himself during her performance that she was the most important thing in his life. He knew that he needed her, knew he'd do anything for her. If circumstances called for it, he'd even give up music. She was simply that important. He knew without a doubt that there was no one else who came even close to that. And although that in itself was scary, he had begun to settle into that realization.

But still, he found himself hesitating, and he couldn't help but wonder why that could possibly be.

He knew it wasn't because of her. Sure, she was one big ball of crazy all wrapped into one small perverted human being, but he knew that when he started the relationship. Her messes he handled easily, now that they lived together the messes barely existed. Her hygiene had cleared up, although sometimes he still had to force her into the shower, but it wasn't anything to stop him from being with her. It was all part of the Nodame package, and he knew that.

She wasn't the problem, but he had an inkling about what could be.

His entire life, his father had been like a shadow to him. When he was young, his father had barely been a tangible presence to Chiaki. Playing his piano, arguing with mother, disappearing for weeks on end all while hardly paying any mind to the son he had created. Then, the disappearances had turned into him just leaving for good, but the shadow of him stayed. That shadow had followed Chiaki his entire life without him fully realizing it. Without knowing, he had been running from the dark being, afraid to allow it to catch up and show how what he didn't want to see. What he knew he would grasp when he stopped.

But then Chiaki had stopped running when Nodame became important to him, and the shadow caught up, engulfing him.

Now all he could do is lay there as memories assaulted his unwilling mind. His father walking away from him, some unknown woman on his arm. His reappearance after weeks of absence, the feeling of pain as he continued to ignore his son. Seiko, his mother, on the ground as she tried to hold back her tears, only for them to flow as he walks out. Her forced smile directed at Chiaki right after, then one day replaced by blank stares and resignation. The anger that soon followed, the pain that she had tried to so hard to hide but Chiaki could see.

He closed his eyes and rolled over, images continuing to attack him.

Him, Chiaki, being too involved with his music, leaving for months at a time only to realize he hadn't called Nodame in weeks. Her tears falling as she argued with him, her screams as she let out the rage and the pain only for him to start yelling back. A nameless child that looked like her staring at them silently as he finally became fed up and walked out to cool off. Nodame's shattered face as she realized what was happening before gathering her things.

"I'm leaving you," The vision told him, her eyes red and puffy but her voice resolute.

He shot up, eyes opening only to see the beginnings of daylight from his window instead of the darkness he last glanced upon. He held his head in his hands as he found himself fighting back tears. He hardly ever cried, could only recall doing so maybe five times in his life, and yet a dream was driving him to the edge.

"Shinichiiiii, are you awake?" came Nodame's sing song voice, obviously pleased with something, from outside of the room. She had slept with Yuiko the night before, his cousin had missed her apparently and claimed he got to see her all the time.

"Senpai?" came the now worried voice, before she opened the door. Visions assaulted him as she came into his view, taking over him.

Her tears, the anger.

"I'm leaving you"

"Are you okay?" she asked, noticing that not only had he not answered her, but he hadn't called her annoying or a pervert for entering without asking. All he did from the moment she walked in was stare at him with a strange look on his face. She grinned at him suggestively, trying to gain some reaction.

"Does Senpai want to play with Nodame this morning? So early Shinichi! Mukya! But then again…you're family is awake, is Senpai a pervert?"

He knew she was joking, could hear her amused tone through the haze of whatever he was going through, but the phantom voice of his nightmare, her voice, kept repeating itself in his head. It was breaking him down.

'I'm leaving you, I'm leaving you, I'm-' "leave you alone, then" her real voice came through then, and he found himself rushing to her side one second ,and pulling her close in the next.

"Don't leave me," he whispered in her hair, practically begging "Don't"

"I was only going to get dressed, silly senpai." She said, trying to pull back to look at his face, but found it difficult with the way he was clutching her. Deciding that something was very obviously wrong, she wrapped her arms around his waist, giving him all the time he needed. For what, she wasn't sure.

Chiaki held her until the voice in his head ceased, until the panic filled haze had lifted. When he came back to himself, her head was against his chest, arms rubbing up and down his back in a comforting motion. He pushed her away a bit, gaze meeting hers, and felt as if he had been punched when she smiled brightly at him. The same smile she gifted him every morning, no tears, no pain.

"You sure are affectionate this morning, Senpai." her lips pursed then, obviously contemplating something, "But Nodame really does need to get dressed. Tanya and I are going out for lunch and for sightseeing you know."

"Oh," he said, realizing his hands were still gripping her shoulders, his knuckles white, "Sorry." He released her and she gave him a confused glance, understanding that something was wrong with him.

"Are you okay, Shinichi?" she asked, dropping her usual teasing tone, and he could see the rare seriousness in her eyes. He knew he couldn't tell her, he didn't even know where to begin. How could he tell her that he'd seen their lives together, and had watched it end the same way as his parents? How he had watched as his future self abandoned her and their child, watched her finally give up and leave him just as his mother had his own father.

"Nothing's wrong, just a weird morning. "he managed to say as he summoned a smile, before kissing her forehead. A gesture he did when he was trying to be reassuring, one she had grown used to. "You're going to be late if you don't get ready now, Nodame." He gestured to the clock, and Nodame immediately forgot her concern as panic set in. Being late when Tanya was involved was ill advised, she was as mean as Chiaki but without the affection he normally gave.

She left him with a quick goodbye, and he couldn't help but chuckle. However, that was quickly left behind as he thought of how what he had dreamt of could easily become reality. He knew he was more like his father than he was willing to admit. Had realized as such when he found how easily he was caught up in work, how quickly he forgot about the important things when he was busy. He knew without a doubt that he'd never cheat, could never do such a thing, and that was his only saving factor. The one thing that separated his father from himself. But that didn't mean that their relationship couldn't crumble from his lack of attention.

He knew that if their relationship did end in such a horrid way, he wouldn't be able to keep going on like his father did. He simply wasn't built that way, especially when it came to Nodame. Being without her, her being out of his life permanently was unthinkable. An empty endless void he didn't want to contemplate.

'It's so easy to break up', he recalled the words she had said not so long ago, and his heart clenched. It was true, it was. Especially in their position when they were always travelling away from one another, they were on the edge of the end and eternity, and it could go either way. Marriage was the next step if they wanted to keep this relationship going, and it was a terrifying step to take, one that could ruin them.

It could ruin him.

He watched from the window as Nodame left to meet with Tanya, her hair dancing in the wind as she waved at who he assumed was his cousin, and imagined that she was leaving him forever. The thought was enough to have him clenching the window frame in fear.

Could he really risk tying himself to her permanently if it meant that they could turn out just as his parent's had, if not worse?

He wasn't quite so sure he could.

There will be four installments to this particular Arc. I will put the parts in the title to make it easier, this arc is the 'Importance' Arc, so be ready for the next one ;]