Chapter 10: Self-Destruction (Part 1)
When happiness goes away, depression comes to play. Modern AU. Rated T for cursing, and subject matter. If you don't like Ruffnut and Tuffnut being OOC, please don't read this. And, yes, I did do my research about how to help someone who's drowning. Although Christianity is in this, Norse gods are mentioned.
I know that doesn't make any sense.
Also, since Berk is a city in this fanfic and not an island, "in Berk" is grammatically correct. If we were using Berk as an island, it would be "on Berk".
Also, both Ruby and Stoick are alive in all Modern AUs.
Becky sits in her and Eret's apartment alone, as her depression was making it hard for her to do anything.
She sucks in her breath, putting a hand to her back.
"I'm so tired of being in pain every single day. I can't handle it anymore." She whispers to herself. Trying to distract herself, Becky grabs her and Eret's wedding album.
"It's hard to believe it's been almost three years since we got married." She flips through the album, seeing them exchanging vows, rings, and a kiss. She sees herself, in the same white wedding dress her adoptive mother wore on her wedding day.
"Why did I ever agree to wear Mom's dress? She looked so much prettier than I did in it. My hips look huge."
If Eret were here to hear me talk about myself like this...Becky thinks to herself.
She looks at her high school graduation picture on the table next to the couch, her happiness at escaping that horrible place, her closest friends being Ruffnut and Tuffnut (she was 19 when she graduated, as she had to repeat the 7th grade, and the twins were 18 when they graduated, hence them graduating at the same time), the Thorstons adopting her not long before graduation.
Becky resumes looking at the wedding album, seeing the picture of her and Eret during their first dance, Eret and his mom during their dance, Becky and her dad during theirs. She had opted for a shorter dress for the reception, but now she regrets it.
The dress was a short sleeveless mint green lace dress that stopped just above the knees. Same dress she wore for high school graduation.
"My huge freckles were hidden so much better with the white dress, but that one had its flaws, too, making me look fatter than I already am, which isn't much...I'm already huge. How could I have been born so small but then grow up to be so fat?"
She sees how short she looks next to Eret, not even coming up to his shoulder, even in heels, the same heels she wore for senior prom.
Her future adoptive siblings were her escorts to prom.
"I look like a kid next to him. Eret's not even that tall. Everyone I know is taller than me. Even Snotlout is taller than me!" Snotlout Jorgenson is 5'6, while Becky remains at 4'11.
She sees a picture of her and Eret at their reception, talking to people. Becky can see her past self's depression coming, even at such a happy occasion.
Eret should've known what he was getting into, so he could've backed out when he had the chance. Becky thinks to herself.
She puts the wedding album away, thinking that it's doing her more harm than good.
She thinks back to her bachelorette party. All she, Ruffnut, Amalie (Eret's sister), Heather and Astrid did was eat pizza and watch movies. Amalie, a photographer, took pictures of that night.
From what Tuffnut told her, all he, Eret, Snotlout, Fishlegs and Hiccup did at Eret's bachelor party was go to a bar.
Becky remembers picking at her food that night, not paying attention to the movies her and her maids of honor and bridesmaids were watching (Ruffnut and Amalie were the maids of honor).
Tuffnut told her that he remembers telling his soon-to-be brother-in-law the things he would need to know about Becky – her mental illnesses, her physical ailments, her past, her suicide attempt before being adopted by the Thorston family. Tuffnut told her that Eret accepted any and all of Becky's "emotional baggage", as she herself put it.
"That's such a heavy burden for Eret to carry. If I were gone, he wouldn't have to worry about dealing with my mental illnesses or physical problems anymore."
It was a miracle she even had a job at the Bean Scene, Berk's local coffee shop. Ruffnut had practically begged Veronica, the owner, to give her adoptive sister a chance.
"That's the only job I have ever had, in the 25 years I've been alive, and it was only given to me because Ruffnut practically told Veronica to."
She thought of the employment opportunity someone else would have if she was dead. They would be better at it than she would.
Things would go back to the way things were before...when I was practically invisible. Ruff and Tuff had to be told to sit next to me in school during lunch...they only pity me because I'm not worth being loved. I never have been. And I never will be.
It was a complete accident, her and Eret meeting. Her bumping into him after a day of work, spilling coffee on him.
If she and Eret never met, his life would be a whole lot better. He'd have a better wife. A better life. He could replace her with his ex-girlfriend. They had still been together, almost engaged, when Eret and Becky met.
He left someone who is so much better for him than me.
He deserves better than me.
She grabs her laptop, opening up a new document, beginning to type.
Dear Eret,
She backspaces, wanting it to be perfect.
Eret,
You deserve
Backspace again.
Eret,
I know that you said that my burdens are your burdens, and your burdens are my burdens. You don't have to handle me or my burdens anymore. You and Jasmine can resume your happily ever after. You can act like you and I never met, like I don't even exist. Because I don't. I don't exist anymore. Don't feel guilty. There was nothing you could have done to help me. I'm not worthy of help. I was tired of being in pain everyday and there was nothing anyone could do to help me. Forget about me. Burn everything that reminds you of me. Burn every picture I was ever in. As for my funeral arrangements, I was already on the fast track to Hell because I wasn't religious enough when I was alive. Cremate me. Cremate me and get rid of my ashes. Get rid of the urn they were in. As for my things, either donate them or throw them away. Better yet, throw everything away. Have a bonfire and burn all of my things. Eret, I loved you, but I am so sure you never loved me.
Becky
She waits to print the note until she's written Ruffnut and Tuffnut's notes, and her adoptive parents' notes.
Ruffnut,
I know that I was your only sister. I'm sorry that you no longer have a sister. Actually, I'm not. You and Tuffnut and Mom and Dad only took me in because you pitied me. You pitied me because I attempted and failed at suicide. This time I'm not going to fail. I'm going to succeed. I've already told Eret my funeral arrangements, but here I am telling you, too. Cremate me and get rid of my ashes, and the urn they were in. Have a bonfire and burn all of my things. I wasn't religious enough when I was alive, so I'm already on the fast track to Hell. Don't tell my real parents what I did. I was no longer a burden to them the moment my father kicked me out for trying to stop him from drinking.
She pauses, scrolling back up to Eret's note, and backspaces a bit from his to make the body of the note exactly 10 lines in the document.
Eret,
Iknow that you said that my burdens are your burdens, and your burdens are my burdens. You don't have to handle me or my burdens anymore. You and Jasmine can resume your happily ever after. You can act like you and I never met, like I don't even exist. Because I don't exist anymore. Don't feel guilty. There was nothing you could have done to help me. I'm not worthy of help. I was tired of being in pain everyday and there was nothing anyone could do to help me. Forget about me. Burn everything that reminds you of me, including every picture I was in. For my funeral arrangements, I was already on the fast track to Hell because I wasn't religious enough when I was alive. Cremate me and get rid of my ashes; get rid of the urn they were in. As for my things, donate them or throw them away. Better yet, throw it all away. Have a big bonfire and burn all my things. Eret, I loved you, but I'm so very sure you never loved me. Goodbye, my Eret.
Becky
Much better. Becky thinks.
She scrolls back down to Ruffnut's note, resuming her work, making a mental note to make each body of each note 10 lines exactly, one note on each page.
Ruffnut,
I know that I was your only sister. I'm sorry that you no longer have a sister. Actually, I'm really not sorry. You and Tuffnut and Mom and Dad only took me in because you pitied me. You pitied me because I attempted and failed at suicide. This time I'm going to succeed. I'm tired of being in pain every day. Eret knows my funeral arrangements. I'm telling you, too. Cremate me and get rid of my ashes, and the urn they were in. Have a bonfire and burn all of my things. I wasn't religious enough when I was alive, so I'm already on the fast track to Hell. Don't tell my real parents what I did. I was no longer a burden to them the moment my father kicked me out for trying to stop his drinking. Forget about me, and burn every picture I was ever in and everything that's a reminder of me. Burn everything I ever owned. But don't feel guilty, as there was nothing you could've done to save or comfort me. I hope you have a great life, Ruffnut. Goodbye.
Becky
She then gets started on Tuffnut's note.
Tuffnut,
I was your only adoptive sister, but I was not the better sister. I never was. Ruffnut has been a better sister than I ever could be. I know that you and Ruffnut and Mom and Dad only took me in because you pitied me. As I told Ruffnut in her note, you pitied me because I attempted and failed at suicide. But I'm not going to fail this time. I am going to succeed. I was so tired of being in pain every single day of my life, and no one and nothing could ever have helped me. I can't handle it anymore. Don't feel guilty. Forget about me. Cremate me; get rid of my ashes and the urn. Have a bonfire and burn everything I have ever owned. Burn every picture I have ever been in. I couldn't handle the pain I was in and I couldn't handle my real father's alcoholism anymore. Everything I was going through became too too much for me to handle. I wish you the best with everything, Tuffnut. I hope you have a great and successful life, Tuff. Goodbye, Tuffnut.
Becky
She moves on to her Mom's note.
Mom,
You're a doctor, so you must deal with these sorts of things all the time at the hospital. Suicide attempt survivors one day, self-harm treatments the next. I won't be either of those, though, Mom. I'll just be gone, and you won't have to worry about me anymore. You won't have to worry about treating my self-harm scars or making sure I don't get pneumonia from trying to drown myself. All you'll have to worry about is cremating me, then getting rid of the ashes and the urn. Just worry about having a giant bonfire and burning everything I have ever owned, every single picture I have ever been in. I couldn't handle being in pain every single day. There was nothing you, the greatest doctor in the town of Berk, could ever do to get rid of the pain. Don't feel guilty about me or my death. Because I know you and Ruffnut and Tuffnut and Dad pitied me, took me in because I attempted and failed at suicide. I've succeeded, which is rare for me. Goodbye, Lily.
Becky
Becky then moves on to the last note, her Dad's note.
Dad,
I was not your first little girl, nor your only, but now Ruffnut is now both your first, and only, little girl. You don't have to worry about me harming myself, because I will be gone. I'll be gone forever, and I will never come back. As I've told everyone else about my funeral, cremate me. Cremate me; get rid of my ashes and the urn they were in. Have a great big bonfire and burn every single thing I have ever owned, including every single picture I've ever been in. Why am I doing this? Because I couldn't handle being in pain every single day. Even though he's no longer in my life, I could no longer handle my real father's alcoholism anymore. Do not feel guilty about me or my death, or think you could've done something to save me, because there is nothing you or anyone else could have done to save me. I know you and Mom and Ruffnut and Tuffnut only took me in 'cause I was pitied; I tried and failed to commit suicide. Goodbye, Frank.
Becky
Finally satisfied after writing all five notes, Becky prints them, each on their own individual page.
She takes care in folding each one, carefully writing each recipient's name on its respective note. She places them on the dining room table.
She goes into the bathroom and takes a long, hot shower, making sure her hair and body are both clean so her family wouldn't have to worry about preparing her hair for her funeral.
She blow dries her hair one last time, putting it into a braid, using blue hair ties, the same hair ties she used for her wedding. She decided on the mint-green dress as her death dress, which was her graduation/reception dress. Her blanket, which inspired her choosing this dress years ago, lay on her side of the bed in her and Eret's bedroom, waiting for its owner to snuggle up against it.
Becky drags out her old makeup, not caring about its expiration since it wouldn't be the thing to kill her, if it would have helped. She carefully puts it on, making herself as beautiful as Eret thought she was on their wedding day.
She glances down at her engagement ring and wedding band, both on her finger. The engagement ring was an old ring her real mother had given her for a birthday one year, and Becky didn't have the heart to sell it, considering it was purple. Eret had used it to propose to her, and it's been on her finger ever since. It was gold; a mock amethyst in the center with what Becky assumed was mock diamonds around it. The wedding band was the ring Becky's biological maternal grandmother had given her, years before her passing, even before Eret and Becky met, even before Becky got the ring that would be her engagement ring. Before she was brought into the Thorston family. The ring was simple, round, now an oval, conditioned to fit Becky's finger, five miniscule diamonds in a diagonal.
She was a bit nervous to ask Eret if it was okay if that could be her wedding band.
He didn't hesitate to say yes, knowing how much her grandmother meant to her.
I'll never see her again...but that's okay. It's not like I'd be let into heaven, anyway. Becky thinks.
She had planned to become a Christian once she had moved out on her own and found a church of her own, away from her real parents. But since she was adopted by the Thorstons, the thought hadn't crossed her mind in the past seven years. It didn't matter, though. A few years before she got kicked out, she was only religious when she was desperate, when the pain became too much for her during the night and she begged God to heal her, promising that as soon as she had a stable job and moved out and she had enough money for first month's rent, she'd find a church of her own the moment she was settled and get baptized the first Sunday there.
But that promise was never fulfilled.
She was in pain, she begged and promised, and she was healed for the night. The cycle continued, night after night.
Some nights, she even begged for God to kill her, to let her die in her sleep painlessly, and let her into Heaven.
Once she got hired at the Bean Scene at the age of 19, just after graduation, the thought of finally fulfilling her promise to God never crossed her mind. It never crossed her mind until she was 22, on her and Eret's wedding night.
When she and Eret first met, religion never came up.
On their wedding night, Becky's pains of being born premature at 24 weeks and suffering because of it became visible, and Eret asked her if she ever thought of praying; she told him she was only religious when she was desperate enough for the pain to stop, even if only for a little while. She told Eret she made promises she thought she'd never be able to fulfill, because she didn't have any experience, so she was never hired. She also told him that she knew that making promises to and bargaining with God wasn't the right thing to do, but she didn't know what else to do. She never became a Christian as a child; she only went to church because it was how she was brought up. She acted very religious in high school, and was homophobic. Both of those things changed practically the moment she graduated. No longer religious unless she was desperate enough, and was an asexual panromantic, meaning she had no interest in sex, and she was romantically interested in anyone, regardless of gender or lack thereof.
She told Eret of her identity, and he didn't seem bothered by it.
In the past three years, the talk of children never came up between Becky and Eret.
Eret knew she didn't like kids, and didn't ever see herself having any, even by adoption, so he didn't want to bring it up.
She was hesitant in having sex, even on their wedding night, where the both of them would lose their virginities.
She had gotten the talk, of course, but that was in Health in the 8th grade. Neither her biological nor adoptive parents had ever talked to her about it, her biological parents knowing she'd wait until marriage, her adoptive parents knowing the same, and also that she's asexual.
She never told her biological family about her sexual identity. She was brought up religious, and she was brought up to believe homophobia was the way to go.
Becky shakes her head, breaking herself out of her memories.
"Now's not the time to think about all of that. You can't put it off any longer."
Becky goes into her and Eret's room, opening up the small closet they share.
At least he'll have more closet space now. Becky thinks.
She takes out the same dress she wore at graduation, and at her wedding reception. She steps in front of the floor-length mirror after putting it on, slipping on her silver prom/wedding shoes after cleaning and buffing her fingernails and toenails.
She puts on the Kate Middleton's engagement ring-inspired necklace Eret's mother had given her before her and Eret's wedding, as that was the "something blue" on her wedding day. The "something new" was her shoes, the "something old" her wedding band, and the "something borrowed" were the faux diamond clip-on earrings Amalie had lent to her.
Becky smiles to herself, as she's dressed exactly as she was at her and Eret's wedding reception. Same hairstyle, same hair ties. Same everything.
It's kind of ironic. Being dressed as I was at the near beginning of a new chapter of my life, now at the end of the last chapter of my life. Becky thinks. She glances over at the bed, seeing her blanket beckoning to her.
The thing is practically in tatters, but Becky doesn't have the heart to give it up, as she grew up with it ever since she was a baby. Eret understood, as he still carried around a teddy bear he had been given as a baby. Either Becky or Eret always made sure the two objects were together before going to bed at night and together when they left in the morning, as Becky and Eret worked right next door to each other, Becky at the coffee shop and Eret at the book shop he co-owned with his younger sister Amalie.
She holds the mint green blanket in her hands, rubbing its soft fabric.
"You just have to be super soft right now, don't you? You have to be soft when I don't need you, and not super soft when I do." Becky inhales the familiar scent of her blanket, relishing in the nostalgia.
Becky grabs Eret's old, worn and well-loved small brown teddy bear, and wraps it up in her blanket, like she would a baby.
"So he'll have something to remember me by." But it's then she remembers she asked her family members to burn everything she owned, and to forget about her.
Selfishly, being without her blanket almost makes her run to the dining room to rip up all the notes and call Eret to come home and hold her.
She imagines it would go a little something like this:
Holding her blanket in her arms, Becky runs out of her and Eret's room. She then shreds each of the notes.
Grabbing her phone, she dials Eret's cell number, tears threatening to spill. Becky doesn't even attempt to keep her voice steady after Eret answers.
"Becky? Eret, it's me. I figured. Are you all right? You slept in pretty late this morning. Eret...I...I need you. What's wrong, baby? Are you sick?" The way Eret says it makes Becky burst into tears.
"Oh, honey. Becky, baby, what is it? Eret, I...I was...I was planning on killing myself. My blanket is the thing that stopped me. I'll be home soon. Call your mum, honey. Okay."
Becky hangs up and dials her mom's cell.
"Mom? Becky? Sweetheart, what's wrong? Are you sick? No...Mom...I...I need you to get a room ready for me. Sweetheart, you're scaring me. Mom...I was planning on killing myself. Oh, gods. Did you call Eret? Yes. He's on his way home. Good. Get him to bring you here. Okay. I love you, sweetheart. So much. Love you, too, Mom."
Becky hangs up, and she breaks down. She doesn't even notice Eret, Ruffnut and Tuffnut entering the apartment.
The three wrap their arms around her, holding her.
"We're here, love. I promise."
But it's then her back pain decides to flare up again, breaking her out of her imaginary scenario.
She then decides.
She takes the teddy bear and blanket into the bathroom with her, closing the door.
She fills up the bathtub, placing a few dark towels on the toilet seat next to it, her blanket and Eret's bear on the hamper lid next to the tub, across from the toilet.
She quickly runs to the dining room, checking on the notes.
They're there like they always have been since earlier, labeled properly, waiting for their recipients to open them.
Deciding not to waste any more time, Becky heads back to the bathroom, locking the door behind her.
Grateful for waterproof makeup, Becky climbs into the tub, fully clothed. Her right hand grips the blanket and the bear, wanting those two things to be the last thing she feels besides pain before she dies. The two objects are close enough for her to reach, but far enough so neither will fall into the tub when her hand goes limp.
She holds her breath and plunges herself into the water. She closes her eyes, one hand still out of the tub. She can feel her grip loosening as she starts to feel weak. She starts seeing a bright light and she succumbs to it, letting her breath go and letting her lungs fill up with water.
Becky doesn't feel her hand go limp.
~.~
Ruffnut and Tuffnut pop into the Bean Scene, as they do every week, to visit their sister and get coffee.
"Welcome to the Bean Scene. What can I get started for you today?" Rose, one of Becky's co-workers, asks.
"Rose...is...is our sister here today?" Tuffnut asks, getting a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"She called in sick. Something about her having a rough morning. I kind of zoned out after she told me I could take her shift and pay."
"Rose, this is very important. Did she say anything out of the ordinary?" Tuffnut asks.
"Now that you mention it, she did tell me that her shifts were now my responsibility. I don't know how much she's been drinking, but I can't keep covering for her when she gets hangovers." Tuffnut and Ruffnut worriedly glance at each other before rushing out the door, knowing their adoptive sister has never had alcohol. Ever.
They rush to their apartment building, the same building Eret and Becky live in, and head to the fourth floor.
"Ruffnut, call 911." Tuffnut shakily takes out his keys, finding his key to Becky and Eret's apartment.
Ruffnut takes out her phone.
Tuffnut barely manages to unlock the door. He sees the light coming from the bathroom, Ruffnut on his heels, on the phone with 911.
"Sis? Sis, it's us. Open the door." Tuffnut tries to open the door, but it's locked.
"Becky? Please open the door."
No response.
Tuffnut starts trying to break down the door. Ruffnut backs up to give her brother the space he needs to kick it down.
"911, what is your emergency? We need help. My sister Rebekah might be trying to kill herself. Ma'am, what is your name? Ruffnut. Ruffnut Thorston. Ruffnut, do you know what the method of suicide is? N-No. Not yet. My brother is trying to kick the bathroom door down, so she either cut herself or is trying to drown herself. Ma'am, what is the address of the emergency? 2120 Haddock Avenue, Apartment 415, Berk, Missouri. Ruffnut, I'm going to stay on the line with you, okay? Help is on the way. Okay. Please hurry." Tears start falling down Ruffnut's cheeks, scared for her sister.
Tuffnut manages to kick down the door.
"SHIT! She's fully submerged!" Tuffnut runs into the bathroom, Ruffnut following closely behind.
"She-she's fully submerged. Is there any blood? No. All right, get your brother to get her out of the tub, and then I'll tell you what to do next. Okay." Ruffnut turns to her brother.
"Tuffnut, get her out of there." Tuffnut gently lifts his adoptive sister out of the tub.
"Ruffnut, move the hamper and what's on it." Ruffnut puts the phone on the sink and moves the hamper, the blanket and bear into the master bedroom.
"I've got her. Come on, sweetheart. I've got you. You're gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay." Tuffnut says, holding his adoptive sister close to him.
Ruffnut shakily takes the phone, putting it on speaker before putting it back on the shelf near the sink.
"H-he's got her. You're on speaker. She-she's pale and her lips are blue and she's got a bluish tint to her skin. All right, it sounds like oxygen's been cut off to her brain." Tuffnut instinctively places an ear near Becky's mouth and nose.
"She-she's not breathing."
"All right, Tuffnut. I need you to check for a pulse for ten seconds." Tuffnut shakily checks for a pulse.
"There's no pulse." He says after ten seconds.
"I'm going to need you to start CPR. Gently place Rebekah on her back. Place the heel of one hand in between her breasts. Press down at least two inches, but make sure to not press on her ribs or end of the breastbone." Tuffnut places the heel of one of his hands in between Becky's breasts, and presses down two inches.
"Just do chest compressions for now and let her chest rise completely between pushes. There should be 100-120 compressions or more a minute. If she starts breathing, flip her on her side so the water can be expelled. If she doesn't start breathing in a minute or so, start mouth-to-mouth."
A minute passes without change.
"She's still not breathing."
"All right, Tuffnut. I need you to tilt Rebekah's head back and lift her chin. Pinch her nose closed, take a normal breath, put your mouth over hers, and give 2 one-second breaths. Ruffnut, I'll need you to watch for her chest to rise while he's doing that. After the breaths, do 30 chest compressions, then 2 breaths and keep the cycle going until she breathes or help gets there. You got it?"
"We've got it." Ruffnut and Tuffnut say.
"Go." Tuffnut tilts Becky's head back, lifting her chin. He then follows the rest of the steps required to help her breathe.
After the second cycle of breaths, he resumes chest compressions.
"Come on, sis! Don't do this to us! Breathe!" Tuffnut keeps pumping, trying to get his adoptive sister to breathe.
The cycle continues for ten minutes before there's a banging at the front door.
"Ruff, go!" Ruffnut runs to the front door while her brother continues to give CPR, opening it to let the paramedics in. The paramedics rush to the bathroom. Ruffnut grabs her phone and sits at the dining room table, not noticing the notes.
"They're here. Thank you. You're welcome. Stay on the line with me, okay? Are the paramedics with your sister? Y-yes. Oh, gods." Ruffnut starts sobbing.
"Ruffnut, sweetheart? You need to try to stay calm for me, okay? O-okay. I-it's just like before we adopted her into our family seven years ago. She tried to d-drown herself in a lake. Only this time it's worse because she wasn't responsive within five minutes. Ruffnut, sweetheart, the paramedics are going to do all that they can to help your sister. You need to try to stay calm. I know it's hard, sweetie. But you need to try your best to stay calm, okay? Okay."
Meanwhile...
"Come on, sweetheart. Breathe for us." The first paramedic tells Becky. Tuffnut is sitting off to the side, shaking.
"Please...Please, please, please." Tuffnut's eyes well up with tears. He shuts them, letting the tears fall, imagining having to explain this to his parents. To Eret.
"Come on, Rebekah. Breathe. You've got to breathe." The paramedic keeps using the resuscitator.
Minutes pass as Tuffnut resumes staring at his lifeless sister. More minutes pass before the first paramedic turns to the second.
"I...I'm calling it." Tuffnut looks up.
"What?"
"I'm so sorry."
"No...no, there has to be more you can do. Please. Is...is money an issue?"
"Money is not an issue. We've done all we can do."
"Please...we can't lose her. We almost lost her once. We can't lose her. We can't...we can't...Please. There has to be something else you can do. Something else you can try. Please!" Tuffnut kneels on the floor, taking his sister's head in his lap.
"Becky, sis. Please. Please don't do this. We need you. Please. Please." Tuffnut breaks down.
A few minutes pass before Becky suddenly inhales and Tuffnut flips her, rubbing her back, and water is expelled.
"Oh, thank goodness." Becky breaks down and Tuffnut helps her sit up and holds her.
"I'm here, sis. I'm here. It's going to be okay. I've got you."
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry."
"Shhhh. I'm here, sweetheart. I've got you. Your brother's got you. Tuffnut's got you. Let's get you out of here." Becky nods against her brother.
"You can carry her to the ambulance." Tuffnut slowly stands up, holding his adoptive sister close to him. He and the paramedics, whom he silently recognizes as Hiccup and Snotlout, leave the bathroom.
"She's okay." Tuffnut mouths to Ruffnut as he walks by.
"Oh, thank Thor." Ruffnut follows her siblings.
"She's alive. Our sister is alive. I'm so glad, Ruffnut. Thank you for your help, uhhh... Astrid. Astrid? Is this the same Astrid who went to Berk High School and is dating Hiccup? Technically, he's my fiancé now. But, yes, Ruffnut, I am the same Astrid. Well, this makes this extra special. I mean, it's already as special as it can get, considering my sister's alive. You and your brother did amazing. Thank you, Astrid. Goodbye. You're welcome. Goodbye." Ruffnut hangs up as she, Tuffnut, Becky and the paramedics get into the ambulance.
"There we go, sweetheart. Let's get you to the hospital."
"Ruff, can you call Eret?" Tuffnut asks.
"I'm on it." Ruffnut dials Eret's number.
"Hello? Eret, it's me. Ruffnut? Is everything okay? Rose mentioned Becky's not at work, but I left with her this morning. She must've turned around. Ruffnut, what are you not telling me? Eret, our main priority was taking care of Becky, and making sure she was going to be okay. Ruffnut? She...she tried to drown herself. Oh, my gods. Where-where are you? In the ambulance on the way to the hospital. We lost her for a bit, but she's alive. Oh, thank goodness. Amalie and I will be there as soon as we can. Okay. See you there."
The ambulance arrives at the hospital, Snotlout and Hiccup wheeling Becky into the emergency room.
"Put her in trauma room 2." A nurse says before turning to the twins.
"We'll get your mom on this case." The twins nod before sitting in the waiting room.
Tuffnut leans on his twin.
"Gods...we were so close to losing her again. We almost did. I can't believe we almost lost our sister forever." Tuffnut says.
"But we didn't. We saved our sister." Ruffnut replies, leaning on her brother.
"Dr. Lily Thorston to Trauma Room 2. Dr. Lily Thorston to Trauma Room 2." The loudspeaker calls out.
Lily rushes into Trauma Room 2. Hiccup and Snotlout come out of the room, and head out.
They and the twins share nods of thanks.
"Our shift is over so we can stay for a bit. I can't believe that's Becky. Our Becky. Who knew?"
"We did. Well, we should have. We're her siblings. We should've known something was off about her."
"Tuff, Becky's alive. She's going to be okay. Yes, Snotlout and I helped. But you? You were willing to try anything - to pay us anything - to save her. You weren't giving up on her."
"Because we almost lost her once...it almost happened again. We couldn't lose her. She means so much to us. I mean, yeah, we had to be told to sit with her in high school. We knew her story. You and her dated for a couple of years, but then Astrid came into the picture. We wanted her to feel like she wasn't alone." Ruffnut says.
"Ruffnut, Tuffnut, you guys stayed strong, long enough to save your sister. Only when you thought she was gone, or close to being gone, did you break down. You guys may have started out as just two kids of the Thorston family. But you've grown by a person. You welcomed Becky into your family when she needed you most." Snotlout says.
"Becky's a Thorston, Snotlout. We don't give up on Thorstons. No Thorston should ever be allowed to suffer when there is another Thorston around to stop it. We could never give up on our sister. We love her too much." Tuffnut says.
"Yeah. She's far too precious to us." Ruffnut says.
"More precious than anything in this world, if you ask me." Eret says, coming in with Amalie.
"How is she?" Eret asks, collapsing next to his brother-in-law. Hiccup and Snotlout leave to give the family privacy.
"Mom's still checking on her. We don't know anything else. She's alive, and that's the important thing." Tuffnut says.
"All thanks to you, Tuffnut. You kept up the CPR until the paramedics showed up and took over." Ruffnut says.
"It's thanks to both of us, sis." Tuffnut says, looking at his sister.
"Thank you for saving her life. If there's anything I can ever do to repay you..." Eret starts.
"Take care of her." Tuffnut says.
"I will. I'll take the next week or so off of work. Amalie, you okay with watching the shop for me?" Eret asks.
"Not a problem." Amalie says.
Lily Thorston walks out of Trauma Room 2, approaching the group.
"Mom? How is she?" Ruffnut asks.
"She's stable. We're going to drain any excess water from her lungs, and it'll be a painful process, but we'll give her morphine."
"Won't the morphine give her nightmares?" Eret asks.
"It will, but the nightmares will be temporary. And I know that you'll be there for her."
"I will. I won't leave her side the moment I'm with her."
"I know you won't. We'll need to keep her in the hospital for a few days to a week before she can go home."
"Can we see her?" Tuffnut asks.
"Just for a moment. Then we'll need to start treatment." Lily says. The four follow her into Trauma Room 2.
Becky's asleep and Eret sees the dress she wore on the chair next to the bed.
"That's what she was wearing?"
Tuffnut wordlessly nods at his brother-in-law.
Eret steps out of the room and Ruffnut, Tuffnut and Amalie follow him as Lily prepares to start draining Becky's lungs.
"Eret? You okay?" Ruffnut asks.
"I should have known. I should've known something was off about her. I'm her husband, I should know these things. Why didn't I say something?"
"Eret, don't blame yourself. She's alive. Our Becky is alive." Tuffnut says.
"I...I need to go. I need to go home and get a few things. Do you want me to stop by your apartment and get anything?" Eret asks.
"No, thank you."
~.~
Eret and Amalie get into Eret and Becky's apartment, their first sight being the notes on the table.
"Are those...what I think they are?" Amalie asks as her brother cautiously approaches them.
Eret opens the one with his name on it and reads it.
"Oh, my gods. She thinks that Jasmine and I are better for each other than Becky and I are. That's absolutely not true...She wanted us to cremate her, get rid of the ashes, burn everything she ever owned. She wants me to forget about her? Everything I am is because of her. My poor angel." A few minutes pass as Eret rereads the note, puzzled as why his Becky would do this. Then he and Amalie gather the other notes, putting them in a bag to give to their recipients, then grab some of Becky's clothes and her blanket.
The two head back to the hospital.
"Listen, you guys should read these. She wrote one to me, and to you two, and to your parents." Eret says, handing Ruff and Tuff their notes.
They start to read.
"There's no way we adopted you because we pitied you. We adopted you because we care and we want to be there for you. Because we didn't want something like this to happen again." Ruffnut says, reading her note.
"There's no way Ruffnut is the better sister. You both mean the equal amount of importance to me. Oh, gods. She wanted us to forget about her? How can we forget about our sister? We can't...we would never..." Tuffnut says.
Frank Thorston comes into the emergency room.
"How's our girl doing?" Frank asks, sitting down.
"She's doing as well as she can. I'm just glad Ruff and Tuff got to her in time." Eret says.
"Why is she here?"
"Dad...Becky...she tried to drown herself." Tuffnut says.
"No...not my angel baby. Is she going to be okay?"
"As far as we know, she will be. Frank...Becky...she wrote this for you." Eret hands Frank Becky's suicide note to him.
Amalie, meanwhile, is on the phone with Ruby, her and Eret's mom.
"Hey, Mum. It's me. Amalie? Is everything alright, sweetheart? No. Mum...Becky...Becky tried to drown herself. Oh, gods. How's Eret doing? He's doing as well as he can. We're on our way."
Lily comes out of the trauma room, wheeling Becky into the operating room.
The Thorstons and Nordisks can only stare after her, worried.
Half an hour passes as Ruby and Eret, Sr. come into the emergency room. Cynthia, a nurse, soon walks the group into the waiting room.
~.~
Lily comes out of the OR, looking exhausted but hopeful as she approaches her family.
"She'll be okay. We'll keep her here for a few days, so I suggest you take shifts when you stay with her. There are some perks to me being a doctor." Lily says. The group sighs in relief.
That night, Tuffnut, Eret and Ruffnut stay in the room with her, Eret holding Becky close to him.
Becky starts to whimper in her sleep, as a result of the morphine.
"Shhh. It's all right, love. I'm here. It's all right. You're safe. Shhh. It's all right."
Becky starts to settle back down, clinging to Eret. He rubs her shoulder to give her some comfort.
~.~
The next morning, Becky wakes up to voices outside the door, and she sees she's alone.
"I almost lost her. I can't be separated from her again."
"Eret, it's what's best for her. She needs help."
"I know she does. Why can't she be treated at home?"
"Because being at home right now...we can't monitor her the way we need to. I'm sorry, Eret, but you're not qualified to monitor her like she needs to be."
"I hate to say it, Lily...but you're right. All right. We'll admit her into a psychiatric hospital."
"You'll be able to visit her during visiting hours, and you can call her."
"How long do you suppose she'll be in there?"
"That I don't know. It depends on how well she does. We'll tell her the day she's discharged. She'll have a few hours to pack."
A few days later, Becky is discharged from the hospital.
"Eret, you'll need to break the news to her that she can't take her blanket with her."
"Why can't she?"
"Because it could be a danger to her or other patients. I know that she's attached to it, but it's too much of a risk for her to take it. Maybe cut a swatch of it and I'll sew it into something of hers that she'll wear a lot."
"I'm gonna hate doing this to her."
"I know, Eret. But it needs to be done."
Becky comes out of the bathroom, ready to go. Eret and Lily are there waiting for her.
"My darling...we need to talk to you about something."
"Okay." Becky sits on the bed and Eret sits next to her.
"My darling...you need help. Professional help. And the only way for you to get that help...is to go into a psychiatric hospital."
"What?"
"I know that it'll be hard for you to be away from me and the rest of your family...but we feel it's what's best for you."
"When?"
Eret sighs.
"Later...later today."
"Today? And you chose now to tell me as opposed to when you first decided this?"
"I'm sorry, my love. Truly, I am. But we just wanted you to focus on recovering, and not have to worry about all of this until now."
"Right."
"My darling, there's something else you need to know."
"What?"
"You...you can't take your blanket with you."
"No way. There's no way I'm going without my blanket."
"My love, I'm sorry. But if you do, it could be a danger to yourself or to other patients. We just can't take that risk. But with your permission, we can cut a swatch from it and your mum will sew it onto a piece of clothing you'll take with you."
"And when I'm out?"
"We'll sew it right back onto your blanket. I promise. Please, Becky. Let us help you get help."
Becky ponders this for a moment.
"You'll call and visit?"
"As often as I'm allowed. I've also written you some letters, enough for a month. I want you to open one each day that you're there. If you're there less than a month, you can read the rest when you come home."
"What if I'm there for more than a month?"
"I'll be writing more letters, regardless of how long you stay there. Are you ready to go home and get packing?"
Becky reluctantly nods.
"I'll help you pack if you'd like me to."
"You can just supervise. Sorry."
"There's no need to apologize, love. It's okay."
Becky and Eret leave the hospital, Becky leaning on Eret the whole way home as Lily drives them home.
Lily follows her adoptive daughter and son-in-law as they go up to their apartment.
"Here's the list, sweetheart."
"Thanks, Mom."
"You're welcome."
Eret and Becky enter their apartment, Becky goes into her and Eret's bedroom as Eret gets the medium suitcase from the hall closet.
"All right. Let's see. The list says that you will need your health insurance card, your ID, current providers and numbers, list of current medications, along with comfortable clothing such as sweatpants without drawstrings, underwear, socks, shorts and/or skirts of knee-length or longer, hygiene products such as toothpaste, toothbrush, things like that, books, personal journals that are not wire-bound, crosswords, word searches, things like that. I will take care of your health card and all that stuff, so you just focus on packing, okay?"
"Okay." Eret notices the shakiness in his wife's voice and kneels in front of her, taking her hands.
"What's wrong, my love? What is it?"
"I'm scared."
"I know. I know you're scared. I'm scared, too."
Becky breaks down and Eret helps her onto the floor as he holds her, his heart breaking.
"Shhhh. It's going to be all right. I promise. I promise."
Several minutes pass before Becky is calmed down enough.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Becky starts packing after carefully cutting a swatch from her blanket to be sewn into the inside of her gray cardigan.
She finishes packing and Lily comes over with her sewing kit and sews the swatch of Becky's blanket into her cardigan.
"All right. You got everything you need?" Becky solemnly nods as she leans against Eret.
"Let's get going then."
Eret and Becky head to the psychiatric hospital without another word with Lily driving them there. Becky had said her tearful goodbyes to her siblings and dad before they left.
After a tearful goodbye to her mom, Becky and Eret head into the building.
"Rebekah Nordisk checking in?"
"Right this way. I'll show you to your room before we start evaluation and assessing the situation. Your husband can stay with you until visiting hours are over."
Becky nods, Eret squeezing her hand for comfort.
After evaluation and assessment, the nurse takes Becky to her room.
"You have about an hour until visiting hours are over. So take that time to unpack and spend time together. I'll come by when it's time to go."
The nurse leaves as Becky and Eret sit on the bed.
"I'll visit you as often as I can. I promise. Let's get you unpacked and how about for the remainder of the hour, I just hold you?"
Becky nods, so she and Eret get to work unpacking the suitcase, putting things where they belong.
That goes by fairly quickly, so Becky and Eret lay on the bed, Eret holding Becky.
You are my sunshine. You'll never know, dear
My only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are gray.
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.
Becky lay on Eret, listening to his heartbeat and feeling his breathing.
"Eret...this is a stupid question, but will you still love me, even though I'm in here?"
"My love, of course I'll still love you. I love you more and more every day. And I will always love you. I love you because you're amazing and you're getting help. I promise I will always be thinking about you. There's something I need to tell you."
"What?"
"Thank you for saving my life. Now let me return the favor. Or at least help return the favor."
"How did I save your life?"
"You were there for me. You love me, despite my flaws, despite what I've done. Despite everything I've gone through. You've been there for me when I needed you most. When my mum had that heart attack and we weren't sure if she was going to make it? You were my rock."
"I was your rock? Eret, I was a mess that day."
"I know you were. I concentrated on comforting you so I could keep my mind off of my mum's condition for a while. Only when we knew she would be okay was when I broke down. And you were there for me then, too. So thank you."
"You're welcome. I never knew that I was your rock. I just thought you were my rock and I was just your wife."
"My darling, you are so much more than that. You're not only my wife, but you are also my partner, my best friend. You're my everything and I will forever be grateful to you."
"Eret..."
"Yes?"
"I...I love you."
"I love you, too. I truly, truly do."
Soon, Eret has to leave, and Becky cries herself to sleep that night.
Eret does the same.