Just have some pride and stop pretending that this, between us is one sided, because it's getting fucking exhausting.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I internally groaned. Great move, dumbass.

It's been about two hours since I so shamelessly yelled at that beautiful girl, who was making my insides turn and dance and it was everything - best and worst you could ask for.

As far as I heard, she didn't leave the room either, just like I haven't left the couch. I was basically just staring at the black screen, barely seeing my own reflection. That minute I was super grateful for having a quite bigger apartment. Less possibilities of bumping into each other.

At the time it seemed like a really smart thing to do, you know, just jump at her throat for… Yes, so what exactly did I roar at her for?

I rubbed my eyes and let my head fall comfortably on the headrest. I got mad because she couldn't name feelings for me? Or because she wouldn't admit they were… there?

Lydia Martin was turning me into a psycho man. She made me question everything I've been doing… for a while now. How? Nothing made sense anymore. Every rule I've ever made was getting broken one by one.

I'm a pussy. No… worse. I'm Scott.

Did she fall asleep? Was she still mad? Was she sad? Was she crying?

My hands curled into fists unwillingly, and I shook that thought away. No. Please don't be crying. I replayed our fight again and again and again in my head. I knew I was probably right. I was right about confronting her. But why did I have to fucking yell, dammit.

Ugh. My temper. Jesus. She probably won't put up with me for any longer. And she's going to leave. I swallowed at that though. I didn't want her to leave. I wanted her to stay. Everything was so much better when Bambi was around. And now my Bambi probably hates me. Or does she?

She was so amazing. She was kind. And she wasn't like bimbo-hot-girl. She wasn't that kind of sexy. She was tingly and high in your chest and warm sexy… And she didn't mind staying around an ass like me. I wanted to just… wrap my hands around her small waist and I wanted to tangle my fingers in her hair. For the first time in my life I really wanted that. I needed that.

My head was about to explode with unanswered questions, but just as I was about to close my eyes, Scott appeared on the stairs.

"You okay dude?" He asked, but I just shrugged. I wasn't okay. I was terrified and I was lost. She had brought this weird side of me I didn't know I had.

Scott walked over to me and sat beside. He looked at me intensely, expecting me to talk. My eyes drifted to the stairs.

"I don't know Scott. I don't know if I'm okay, or if she's okay. And I don't know what the fuck is this feeling in my chest or any of it." I murmured with all honesty and looked to my best friend.

Bastard was smiling.

"Is my misery amusing to you?" I slapped his chest playfully.

He chuckled, but then his expression got serious again.

"You really feel this way about her?"

I groaned again and stood up impatiently.

"I just… Feel about her okay?"

He raised his eyebrows, scanning my mien.

"Yeah but. You just yelled at her, like screamed…" I rolled my eyes. "…for not telling you how she feels about you. Right? But you can't even get the words out when talking to me."

"Because I've never felt like this before!" I answered to him in exaggerated sigh.

"Say it."

"Say what?"

"How you feel about her. Do you like her? Does Stiles Stilinski finally like someone?" He wiggled his eyebrows, finding my gloom entertaining.

"Fuck off, Scott."

"Just tell me you like her out loud and it will be better immediately."

"Fine."

"Fine." He laughed, still waiting for my answer. Maybe the reason I found it hard or irritating was because I didn't want to jinx it. I took a breath and put my hands on my hips.

"I like her." I managed, through clenched teeth.

He made a funny face at me. He was such a funny puppy I almost broke a smile.

"Not good enough."

"Okay, I really like her."

"Stiles."

"Scott." I mimicked mockingly.

"Jesus, just spit it out, will you?"

"Fine, I like her, I hate it when she's not around, I can't stand her being mad at me and I think she is the smartest woman I've ever met. Happy?"

My best bro smiled at me again and stood up to leave the room.

"For now, yes."

I rolled my eyes at him but just before he reached the stairs I called his name.

"Hm?" He asked in response.

"I'll be at my dad's." I said, and he raised his eyebrows. I didn't quite know why I just spontaneously thought of going there, but I really wanted to see Papa. I missed him. I missed talking to him. I missed the way he talked sense into me. Maybe he would tell me what the hell I should do about Lydia.

I left, taking the keys of my Jeep and I inhaled the sweet sweet air of the evening. It was such a beautiful day. And all I could think of…

Was her.

I felt infected. I felt like it was a disease, she was simply in me. Ugh, I was screwed. Hence, she was too.

"Stiles?" He answered the door, visible light in his eyes.

"Hi, dad." I smiled. He let me through and I stepped in receiving a firm hug. Wow, it's really been awhile. When we pulled back, he kept his arms on my shoulders, looking at me lovingly.

"Come on."

We walked to the kitchen together and I took a seat near the table. He started talking and rambling about everything he could and I relaxed at his voice. My dad. My dad would know what to do. I rested my chin at my palm and watched him turn around in the kitchen, making coffee and smiling.

"How's Melissa?" I asked, cutting him off.

A little blush crept on his face and he smiled softly, making wrinkles around his cheeks. Somehow pops looked younger than he was. His eyes was sparkly and sides of my mouth turned up. I wondered if I will ever love someone as much as he loves her.

"She's great, actually. She misses you, though. You don't seem to call her very often, huh?" He teased and I knew he was also talking about himself.

My arm dropped from my face and I stood up, walking to the fridge. I pretended to play with magnets, when I heard him go to the living room, and I followed him. He was already sitting in his favorite armchair, examining my face.

"What's up Stiles?" He asked.

"Sorry, I didn't call you." I said justly. "I've been a little busier lately."

"Uhuh," he murmured and took a sip of his coffee. I started walking forwards and backwards, preparing myself for telling him what was bothering me. I remember this day… when I made a note to the man in front of me. I stated that he will never hear me talk about any kind of romance. I told him I only loved one woman in my entire life and that I would never let anyone make me feel vulnerable. He just eyed me funnily and told me to remember that when I do.

"What is it, Stiles? Come on, just tell me."

I scratched the back of my neck, but his deep enduring eyes told me to sit down.

I sighed as he kept watching me, patiently, then I stopped pacing around the room and sat irritably on the couch.

"Oh God…" I murmured under my breath, but I was kinda in this with both feet now. "So there's this girl."

He nodded understandingly, and his soft smile reminded me of mum just a bit.

"Uhm… She kinda hates me?" I continued in a strained voice.

"And you…?" He raised his eyebrows. "What, you're falling for her, kid?"

I rolled my eyes at his words, beginning to question this idea.

"No! No way. I don't… I don't know. I mean." I could see he was biting back a smirk. Little bastard was enjoying it. Why was everyone enjoying this?! "Jesus. How do you know?"

He put his strong hand on my shoulder, before stating the obvious.

"You know you're in deep, when you come to your old man just to talk about her. Because you don't know what else you can do, kiddo."

I looked at him and sighed. Maybe he was right. Maybe I really was too deep. But I had no idea what the hell I was supposed to do about it. I wanted Bambi near me, but at the same time I wanted her to have better.

"So, what do you plan on doing?" He asked my questions aloud.

I shook my head. Hah. Really?

"I have no idea. We just had a fight and I yelled at her. And it was… it wasn't pretty. I don't know, dad. I just want to be around her all the time. And she is such a fantastic girl. You have no idea. She doesn't feel pointless. She's real, and she's beautiful and… Damn it." I finished and only then I realized I've been talking in almost a whisper.

My dad smiled warmly at me and nodded.

"Go get her. And don't stop until you get her. Okay?" He winked playfully and I laughed.

"Okay, this is getting too weird and too drama!" I chuckled.

I stayed at him until about nine p.m. Unfortunately, Melissa was still on her shift, and I was really tired after the day. I wanted to go home, face plant my pillow and just sleep it off… I wanted to see Lydia. I was nervous to meet her rage or sadness or ignorance, or whatever she was feeling about me right now. But I wanted to see her. I wanted. Really really much.

Just before I left, dad stopped me.

"Hey, Stiles, remember Theo?"

I frowned at that name. Of course I remembered him. Not that I wanted to. I seriously hated that guy in high school.

"Yeah, what about him?"

"Well, uhm…" He scratched the back of his neck, sensing my irritation. "He's coming to Berkeley next week. With some program, from his own university. Exchange program. His mother called me."

"Seriously?" I made a disgusted face. Greaaat. That was exactly what I needed.

"I was wondering if he could stay with you for like a week?"

"Nope!"

"Stiles?"

"No, dad, I hate him!" I nodded spastically.

"You hated him in high school," He rolled his eyes, and I made a turn to leave. "Certainly, you've grown up of that."

"Talk to you later dad! Bye!"

I quickly left his place. No way I would let him stay with me. I'd probably throw him away at some point anyway. Jesus Christ, I hated that guy so much! I hated him around Scott, and around me, and I hated his smug smile when he pretended to be an actual good guy. I really didn't need a Theo at my house. I was already living with someone who annoyed me at the same level. The only difference was that as much as the person annoyed me, I felt the same amount of affection, and probably even more. And another difference was that I probably would never want to press my lips against Theo's.

When I drove to the apartment, I noticed that Scott's motorcycle was gone. So either he just took off somewhere, or he was with Allison. Which would mean me and Lydia were alone for the evening. My stupid mind and body were both thinking things that would end more than friendly.

But I had to shake it away. I had a plan. And I wasn't going to waste. I had to.

So I slowly stepped away and calmly walked to the door. When I was inside, I noticed the first floor was empty, but there was a small light coming from downstairs.

I swallowed involuntarily and took a breath. Okay okay okay. Relax dammit.

I made my way upstairs and saw that the light was definitely coming from my room. So, hi Lydia, I guess. Ugh. Calm the fuck down. Before I could reach the door she tore it open, taking me off guard.

She stood there in her cute pajamas, her big eyes wary and confused. Her beautiful wavy hair hung loose on her back, and she crossed her arms at the sight of me. God, she was so adorable, it was really a torture.

"I thought I heard someone walking." She bit her lip.

I nodded at her, mentally thanking for her calm voice tone. I didn't want to fight with her. I stepped closer, hoping she would go back to the room, but she didn't move. Lydia kept staring at me, her full bottom lip still between her teeth. I was so sure it would be just as comfortable between mine.

"Wanna go to the room?" I offered. At that she woke up, and nodded, furrowing her eyebrows.

I followed Lydia to my own room and closed the door. She turned around to me and started talking. I was so damn glad she did.

"Okay, so, hm, that." She started and coughed. Huh, it was just as hard for her as it was for me? I stepped closer to her without second thought. She watched me softly, as I ripped off my jacket and dropped it on my bed.

Her look made me melt and I never wanted to lose the way she made me feel.

"I don't want to fight with you, okay?" She blurted out and I smiled widely.

"Okay." I simply said.

So I walked up to her, not lowering my gaze from her face. I felt so drawn to her, my hands just found their way to her waist.

Lion in side of me roared in victory, when she put her arms on my chest and looked up to me, smirking. My own smile mirrored my mood.

She clung harder to my embrace, and I held her with all the afflictions of a man torn by affection. What a miracle she was... In that moment I did not care why we fought, that we fought, if only it would end and I could be with her. I would accept the whole responsibility of defeat if I had to, if only it meant to have my arms around her at all times.

I just wanted her. Needed her. As simply and clearly as one needs food and oxygen and light, I needed her in my life.

I felt her shiver, as I lowered my head to her neck. I didn't kiss her, I knew better than that. If I really wanted to be with her, I shouldn't push her too hard. I should give her time. And as much as this feeling terrified me, I wanted her with me.

"Stiles…" She whispered my name like a sin, but my mouth stayed near her neck, leaving my every breath on her warm skin.

"I'm not kissing you." I murmured back in a husky voice, brushing the tip of my nose on her jaw now, making her shudder.

She touched my face and brought it to her face level. Feeling of her soft skin made my breath hitch like crazy and I've never wanted to kiss a girl that much in my life.

She licked her lips only making it worse and I strained myself from planting my mouth on hers.

"We should go to sleep." I said, closing my eyes.

"Okay." She said softly and tried to pull away, but my hands were like paralyzed and I grinned.

Putting on her serious voice, Lydia tried to get away from my grip.

"Mr. Stilinski, would you be ever so kind as to release me from your bear hug?"

I responded by pulling her closer, mischief playing in my brown eyes.

She tried to keep a straight face, but it didn't work and she broke into laugh, still trying to get away.

"Okay okay." I said in defeat, letting go of her. My body immediately tightened at the loss of contact and she walked around me, leaving for the bathroom.

Jesus Christ.

My phone started buzzing in my pocket and I unlocked it, only to find a message.

"I'm drunk and I want to "SEE" tyiu " -Malia