Mysterious Familiars

Deaths Aprentis: Oh, for the love of GOD! How many times am I gonna have to do this?

Naruto: Just get it over with, man. The faster the better, right?

Otoha: He's got a point.

Me: Dammit, I won't do it again!

Naruto: Just say it already! I wanna kick more ass soon.

Me: Hey! This is MY story, dammit! I tell YOU what to do!

Otoha: GAH! Fine, I'LL do it since you're a wuss!

Me: I'm perfectly capable of saying that neither you nor Naruto belong to me, thank you… very….. (Eye twitch)

Otoha & Naruto: (smirkingsmugly) Now that wasn't so hard, was it?

Me: …You guys suck.

Naruto: Otoha, you're a genius.

Me: I hate you! (Pin both to the wall with swords)

Naruto: OH GOD! WHAT THE FUCK, MAN! OH GOD, IT HURTS, PULL IT OUT PULL IT OUT PULL IT OUT! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PULL IT OUT!

Otoha: Where the hell did this thing come from?

Me: You guys can just hang there for this chapter. Assholes.

Naruto: GET THIS FUCKING THING OUT OF MY GUT! PLEASE GET IT OUT!

Chapter 10: Merciless Hokage

"Are you sure it's alright for me to-" The blonde haired girl started to ask for the umpteenth time since she'd been admitted to the hospital.

"How many times do I have to say it? It's fine! Just don't tell anyone that you're a Jinchuuriki and you'll be treated just like any other poor soul who's come for refuge from the cruelties of another Village." Naruto replied again. The girl looked around nervously.

"Are you… are you sure?"

"Just relax and rest. The Fifth has absolutely nothing against Jinchuuriki, trust me. The Villagers themselves, well… that's another story."

"How can you be so sure about the Fifth?" The girl insisted. Naruto sighed in exasperation and amusement, raising his shirt with a grin as he channeled chakra to his stomach and making his seal visible, much to the girl's surprise. "You're one too?"

"Yep. And she knows, too. She's like my adoptive grandmother. Which reminds me, I've gotta go see how those blockheads are doing. You let the nurse know if you need something, alright? Hey, Ino!" Ino walked in moments after he called her name.

"Naruto…" Ino said, struggling to not scream at him. "This… is… a hospital. You do realize that, right?"

"Yeah, sorry. But listen, I need a favor. Could you take care of… Uh, what's your name again?" Yugito and Ino looked at each other, Yugito with a look that said, 'Is he for real?' and Ino with an apologetic smile.

"It's… Yugito. Yugito Nii." Naruto smirked. "What?"

"Nii Yugito, huh? It fits. Could you keep her comfortable, Ino?" Ino waved him off.

"Yeah, yeah. Get to wherever it is you need to be, Naruto, and step on it. If I know who you're going to see, she'll be real pissed if you're late." Naruto nodded in gratitude as he jumped out the window. "AND USE THE FUCKING DOOR NEXT TIME!" Ino shouted out the window after him. "Ah, what's the use? He never listens to anyone. My name is Ino Yamanaka, and it's my pleasure to be of assistance to you during your stay in Konoha Central Hospital." Ino said, turning to Yugito with a smile and a bow.

Naruto peeked through Tsunade's door, then immediately snapped his head back out as her chair smashed into the wall less than half a second afterwards.

"Don't you FUCKING start that talk with me!" Tsunade screamed. Naruto quietly slipped into the vents, then crept through them to the vent above the office. "Naruto, if you want to watch then fucking get in here, stay quiet, and stay the fuck out of my way!" Tsunade snapped, looking straight at the vent he was sitting over. A moment later, Naruto appeared leaning against the window, arms crossed and a smirk on his face.

"So how long this time, Shizune?" Naruto asked Tsunade's first apprentice, who was currently cowering behind a potted plant in terror as Tsunade returned to ranting at the four Kumo ninja.

"They didn't even finish getting through the door…" she whimpered. Naruto chuckled as silently as he could.

"We'd better get the body bags ready…" Naruto smirked even more, making Shizune stare at him in wonder.

'How is he not terrified? Tsunade-sama will hit him hard enough to shatter half the bones in- wait, that's why he's not worried. DUH!' Shizune thought, remembering that Naruto was a Jinchuuriki. 'Something like broken bones will heal near instantaneously. He's got absolutely nothing to fear.' Meanwhile, Tsunade was still raging at the four Kumo shinobi.

"… It's bad enough that you were doing this in Konoha territory, but going so far as to RAPE this girl, simply because her body houses a Bijuu? I would be well within my rights as Hokage to kill you myself!" One of the Kumo shinobi, apparently the leader, started to open his mouth to speak, but quickly closed it again. "If you've got something to say, say it before I change my mind!"

"Er, I… don't think you are… permitted by law… to execute the shinobi of another… Village….." the man shrank under her gaze as she pulled an extremely thick book seemingly out of nowhere and flipped through it until she hit a certain page.

"Territorial Law, Article 15; Sub-Section 8; Clause 22; Paragraph 19: "The Lord, Lady and/or Village Leader may, should they so will, have any individual- Shinobi or other warrior, or civilian criminal- Prosecuted to the full extent of the Law should this Individual be caught committing any crime in the Territory of the Lord, Lady and/or Village Leader's Village, regardless of said individual's native Village.' I think that about sums up how you're wrong on that point. Try learning about the laws you think you're breaking before you go off spouting that bullshit." Tsunade snapped. The Kumo Nin looked at each other in terror.

An hour later, Naruto had to create a chakra-infused glass wall to prevent her from killing the poor saps.

"Naruto, what the FUCK! Let me kill the assholes!" Tsunade screamed at him.

"Tsunade, killing them is too easy. You'll still be pissed, and you may not like to admit it, but Shizune and I usually take the brunt of your excess anger. In fact, Jiraiya sensei left mainly because your anger terrifies him." The Kumo men looked at him, hope starting to glimmer in their eyes. "Why don't we torture them for awhile?" The Kumo nin immediately started searching for an exit, and when they found none, they dropped to their knees and started begging for mercy. Naruto simply laughed.

"Sorry, guys, but it was out of my hands the third time you said the wrong thing. You may as well pray that the circle of Hell that you wind up in is extremely gentle, 'cuz if I know our Lady Hokage, you guys are gonna wind up with two mouths, two assholes, and an honest-to Kami pussy. The bad news is….."

'Bad news? What could be worse than that?' the Kumos thought.

"That's just her warm-up exercises." Naruto cackled madly as he hopped out the window, on his way to rejoin Otoha, Yurine, Hinata, and Amefuriko, and the Kumo nin started to whimper.

Hinata looked towards the Hokage tower and took a stance that Amefuriko and Yurine both recognized. In fact, they themselves had taken that stance countless times in the past five decades when they tried to surprise glomp Otoha. Needless to say, he was never caught.

However, when Naruto reappeared, nothing could prepare him for the sight that met him when he stopped- all he saw was Hinata's face as she tackled him to the ground and kissed him simultaneously. Two of the other three beings in the clearing laughed uncontrollably for awhile, and the remaining spirit laughed aloud which, knowing him, was rare.

"Wow, Tenshi-chan! That was surprising." Naruto said, laughing as he helped Hinata to her feet.

"So Naruto-kun, who's Nibi?" said girl asked sweetly, though Naruto could hear the danger tone in her voice and see the hidden steel in her innocent expression.

"Well, I don't really know- I just met the girl today. She said her name was Yugito, and she seems nice enough. Good thing I showed up when I did, or she would've been raped. The four in question are….. busy with Granny Tsunade at the moment, but I highly doubt that anyone but Grandma is enjoying it."

"So what exactly is she doing to them?" Hinata asked. She had a sinking feeling that she probably wouldn't like the answer when Naruto shuddered, then he spoke.

"They're each gonna have two assholes, two mouths, and a pussy when she finishes…" Otoha looked at him with a raised eyebrow when he trailed off. "…And that's just when she finishes warming up. I wouldn't be surprised if they ended up completely unrecognizable when she gets halfway done with them. Poor saps." Hinata and Yurine looked at Naruto with a mixture of disbelief and horror. "Hey, you would've killed them if they'd tried to rape you, wouldn't you? But if you had, they'd be getting off easy. I don't know about you, but I'd make sure they suffered. Bro, let's get back to work."

And back to work they went, until a few hours later, when Neji arrived to see Naruto fighting against Otoha, each of them using a katana, blades flashing as they struck so fast that Neji nearly had to activate his Byakugan to keep up.

"What's up, Neji?" Naruto asked.

Sidestep.

Stab.

Block.

Counter.

"Er, your fight against Kiba…"

Parry.

"It's going to be a week from today."

Horizontal slash.

Block.

Stab, vertical slash, parry, stabstabslashduckblockslash-

THWOCK!

Every non-combatant winced as Otoha whacked Naruto on the side of the head with his sheath.

"FUCKING PRICK!" Naruto screamed, holding his head as he tried to defend himself against the viciousness of Otoha's assault with only his sword hand. "That's great, Neji, I got it. A week from today! See ya then!"

WHACK!

"OW, SONUVA BITCH!"

"Naruto's gonna have one hell of a headache tomorrow morning," Neji muttered to Hinata.

Hinata just giggled.

A/N: WOOT! CHAPTER TEN IS DONE! Naruto's fight with Kiba next chapter, and Yugito's gonna try to put the moves on Big N! How will this sit with Hinata? Read my next chapter to find out! BTW...

DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! Just don't leave me that bullshit hate mail. Is that too much to ask? It better not be, I luckily didn't have to deal with that last chapter…..